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simplistic , silly and tedious . 
it's so laddish and juvenile , only teenage boys could possibly find it funny . 
exploitative and largely devoid of the depth or sophistication that would make watching such a graphic treatment of the crimes bearable . 
[garbus] discards the potential for pathological study , exhuming instead , the skewed melodrama of the circumstantial situation . 
a visually flashy but narratively opaque and emotionally vapid exercise in style and mystification . 
the story is also as unoriginal as they come , already having been recycled more times than i'd care to count . 
about the only thing to give the movie points for is bravado -- to take an entirely stale concept and push it through the audience's meat grinder one more time . 
not so much farcical as sour . 
unfortunately the story and the actors are served with a hack script . 
all the more disquieting for its relatively gore-free allusions to the serial murders , but it falls down in its attempts to humanize its subject . 
a sentimental mess that never rings true . 
while the performances are often engaging , this loose collection of largely improvised numbers would probably have worked better as a one-hour tv documentary . 
interesting , but not compelling . 
on a cutting room floor somewhere lies . . . footage that might have made no such thing a trenchant , ironic cultural satire instead of a frustrating misfire . 
while the ensemble player who gained notice in guy ritchie's lock , stock and two smoking barrels and snatch has the bod , he's unlikely to become a household name on the basis of his first starring vehicle . 
there is a difference between movies with the courage to go over the top and movies that don't care about being stupid
nothing here seems as funny as it did in analyze this , not even joe viterelli as de niro's right-hand goombah . 
such master screenwriting comes courtesy of john pogue , the yale grad who previously gave us " the skulls " and last year's " rollerball . " enough said , except : film overboard ! 
here , common sense flies out the window , along with the hail of bullets , none of which ever seem to hit sascha . 
this 100-minute movie only has about 25 minutes of decent material . 
the execution is so pedestrian that the most positive comment we can make is that rob schneider actually turns in a pretty convincing performance as a prissy teenage girl . 
on its own , it's not very interesting . as a remake , it's a pale imitation . 
it shows that some studios firmly believe that people have lost the ability to think and will forgive any shoddy product as long as there's a little girl-on-girl action . 
a farce of a parody of a comedy of a premise , it isn't a comparison to reality so much as it is a commentary about our knowledge of films . 
as exciting as all this exoticism might sound to the typical pax viewer , the rest of us will be lulled into a coma . 
the party scenes deliver some tawdry kicks . the rest of the film . . . is dudsville . 
our culture is headed down the toilet with the ferocity of a frozen burrito after an all-night tequila bender — and i know this because i've seen 'jackass : the movie . '
the criticism never rises above easy , cynical potshots at morally bankrupt characters . . . 
the movie's something-borrowed construction feels less the product of loving , well integrated homage and more like a mere excuse for the wan , thinly sketched story . killing time , that's all that's going on here . 
stupid , infantile , redundant , sloppy , over-the-top , and amateurish . yep , it's " waking up in reno . " go back to sleep . 
somewhere in the middle , the film compels , as demme experiments he harvests a few movie moment gems , but the field of roughage dominates . 
the action clichés just pile up . 
payami tries to raise some serious issues about iran's electoral process , but the result is a film that's about as subtle as a party political broadcast . 
the only surprise is that heavyweights joel silver and robert zemeckis agreed to produce this ; i assume the director has pictures of them cavorting in ladies' underwear . 
another useless recycling of a brutal mid-'70s american sports movie . 
i didn't laugh . i didn't smile . i survived . 
please , someone , stop eric schaeffer before he makes another film . 
most of the problems with the film don't derive from the screenplay , but rather the mediocre performances by most of the actors involved
 . . . if you're just in the mood for a fun -- but bad -- movie , you might want to catch freaks as a matinee . 
curling may be a unique sport but men with brooms is distinctly ordinary . 
though the opera itself takes place mostly indoors , jacquot seems unsure of how to evoke any sort of naturalism on the set . 
there's no getting around the fact that this is revenge of the nerds revisited -- again . 
the effort is sincere and the results are honest , but the film is so bleak that it's hardly watchable . 
analyze that regurgitates and waters down many of the previous film's successes , with a few new swings thrown in . 
with flashbulb editing as cover for the absence of narrative continuity , undisputed is nearly incoherent , an excuse to get to the closing bout . . . by which time it's impossible to care who wins . 
stinks from start to finish , like a wet burlap sack of gloom . 
to the civilized mind , a movie like ballistic : ecks vs . sever is more of an ordeal than an amusement . 
equlibrium could pass for a thirteen-year-old's book report on the totalitarian themes of 1984 and farenheit 451 . 
the lack of naturalness makes everything seem self-consciously poetic and forced . . . it's a pity that [nelson's] achievement doesn't match his ambition . 
everything is off . 
when seagal appeared in an orange prison jumpsuit , i wanted to stand up in the theater and shout , 'hey , kool-aid ! '
an easy watch , except for the annoying demeanour of its lead character . 
imagine the cleanflicks version of 'love story , ' with ali macgraw's profanities replaced by romance-novel platitudes . 
pc stability notwithstanding , the film suffers from a simplistic narrative and a pat , fairy-tale conclusion . 
forget the misleading title , what's with the unexplained baboon cameo ? 
an odd , haphazard , and inconsequential romantic comedy . 
though her fans will assuredly have their funny bones tickled , others will find their humor-seeking dollars best spent elsewhere . 
pascale bailly's rom-com provides amélie's audrey tautou with another fabuleux destin -- i . e . , a banal spiritual quest . 
a static and sugary little half-hour , after-school special about interfaith understanding , stretched out to 90 minutes . 
watching the chemistry between freeman and judd , however , almost makes this movie worth seeing . almost . 
 . . . a pretentious and ultimately empty examination of a sick and evil woman . 
the country bears has no scenes that will upset or frighten young viewers . unfortunately , there is almost nothing in this flat effort that will amuse or entertain them , either . 
the cumulative effect of watching this 65-minute trifle is rather like being trapped while some weird relative trots out the video he took of the family vacation to stonehenge . before long , you're desperate for the evening to end . 
the characters are never more than sketches . . . which leaves any true emotional connection or identification frustratingly out of reach . 
mattei's underdeveloped effort here is nothing but a convenient conveyor belt of brooding personalities that parade about as if they were coming back from stock character camp -- a drowsy drama infatuated by its own pretentious self-examination . 
only in its final surprising shots does rabbit-proof fence find the authority it's looking for . 
isn't as sharp as the original . . . despite some visual virtues , 'blade ii' just doesn't cut it . 
 . . . plays like a badly edited , 91-minute trailer ( and ) the director can't seem to get a coherent rhythm going . in fact , it doesn't even seem like she tried . 
maybe leblanc thought , " hey , the movie about the baseball-playing monkey was worse . " 
what you expect is just what you get . . . assuming the bar of expectations hasn't been raised above sixth-grade height . 
barry sonnenfeld owes frank the pug big time
the biggest problem with roger avary's uproar against the mpaa is that , even in all its director's cut glory , he's made a film that's barely shocking , barely interesting and most of all , barely anything . 
so riddled with unanswered questions that it requires gargantuan leaps of faith just to watch it plod along . 
i approached the usher and said that if she had to sit through it again , she should ask for a raise . 
earnest but heavy-handed . 
if sinise's character had a brain his ordeal would be over in five minutes but instead the plot goes out of its way to introduce obstacles for him to stumble over . 
too slow for a younger crowd , too shallow for an older one . 
there's a reason the studio didn't offer an advance screening . " the adventures of pluto nash " is a big time stinker . 
a punch line without a premise , a joke built entirely from musty memories of half-dimensional characters . 
takes one character we don't like and another we don't believe , and puts them into a battle of wills that is impossible to care about and isn't very funny . 
the things this movie tries to get the audience to buy just won't fly with most intelligent viewers . 
even if the enticing prospect of a lot of nubile young actors in a film about campus depravity didn't fade amid the deliberate , tiresome ugliness , it would be rendered tedious by avary's failure to construct a story with even a trace of dramatic interest . 
sitting through the last reel ( spoiler alert ! ) is significantly less charming than listening to a four-year-old with a taste for exaggeration recount his halloween trip to the haunted house . 
confuses its message with an ultimate desire to please , and contorting itself into an idea of expectation is the last thing any of these three actresses , nor their characters , deserve . 
deadly dull , pointless meditation on losers in a gone-to-seed hotel . 
with this new rollerball , sense and sensibility have been overrun by what can only be characterized as robotic sentiment . 
one can only assume that the jury who bestowed star hoffman's brother gordy with the waldo salt screenwriting award at 2002's sundance festival were honoring an attempt to do something different over actually pulling it off
a movie more to be prescribed than recommended -- as visually bland as a dentist's waiting room , complete with soothing muzak and a cushion of predictable narrative rhythms . 
sex ironically has little to do with the story , which becomes something about how lame it is to try and evade your responsibilities and that you should never , ever , leave a large dog alone with a toddler . but never mind all that ; the boobs are fantasti
the script covers huge , heavy topics in a bland , surfacey way that doesn't offer any insight into why , for instance , good things happen to bad people . 
a portrait of alienation so perfect , it will certainly succeed in alienating most viewers . 
the code talkers deserved better than a hollow tribute . 
skip the film and buy the philip glass soundtrack cd . 
feels like a cold old man going through the motions . 
dignified ceo's meet at a rustic retreat and pee against a tree . can you bear the laughter ? 
dull and mechanical , kinda like a very goofy museum exhibit
there's no point of view , no contemporary interpretation of joan's prefeminist plight , so we're left thinking the only reason to make the movie is because present standards allow for plenty of nudity . 
beware the quirky brit-com . they can and will turn on a dime from oddly humorous to tediously sentimental . 
has its moments -- and almost as many subplots . 
the gags , and the script , are a mixed bag . 
completely awful iranian drama . . . as much fun as a grouchy ayatollah in a cold mosque . 
narratively , trouble every day is a plodding mess . 
there's no point in extracting the bare bones of byatt's plot for purposes of bland hollywood romance . 
directors john musker and ron clements , the team behind the little mermaid , have produced sparkling retina candy , but they aren't able to muster a lot of emotional resonance in the cold vacuum of space . 
adam sandler's heart may be in the right place , but he needs to pull his head out of his butt
there's no doubting that this is a highly ambitious and personal project for egoyan , but it's also one that , next to his best work , feels clumsy and convoluted . 
despite engaging offbeat touches , knockaround guys rarely seems interested in kicking around a raison d'etre that's as fresh-faced as its young-guns cast . 
it's all pretty tame . the most offensive thing about the movie is that hollywood expects people to pay to see it . 
the movie is a mess from start to finish . 
the trouble with making this queen a thoroughly modern maiden is that it also makes her appear foolish and shallow rather than , as was more likely , a victim of mental illness . 
i'm not saying that ice age doesn't have some fairly pretty pictures , but there's not enough substance in the story to actually give them life . 
in the telling of a story largely untold , bui chooses to produce something that is ultimately suspiciously familiar . 
the plot is nothing but boilerplate clichés from start to finish , and the script assumes that not only would subtlety be lost on the target audience , but that it's also too stupid to realize that they've already seen this exact same movie a hundred times
terminally brain dead production . 
some episodes work , some don't . 
beautifully filmed and well acted . . . but admittedly problematic in its narrative specifics . 
j . lo will earn her share of the holiday box office pie , although this movie makes one thing perfectly clear : she's a pretty woman , but she's no working girl . 
rymer doesn't trust laughs -- and doesn't conjure proper respect for followers of the whole dead-undead genre , who deserve more from a vampire pic than a few shrieky special effects . 
not only are the film's sopranos gags incredibly dated and unfunny , they also demonstrate how desperate the makers of this 'we're -doing-it-for -the-cash' sequel were . 
wow . i have not been this disappointed by a movie in a long time . 
off the hook is overlong and not well-acted , but credit writer-producer-director adam watstein with finishing it at all . 
it's a drag how nettelbeck sees working women -- or at least this working woman -- for whom she shows little understanding . 
watching harris ham it up while physically and emotionally disintegrating over the course of the movie has a certain poignancy in light of his recent death , but boyd's film offers little else of consequence . 
it's also curious to note that this film , like the similarly ill-timed antitrust , is easily as bad at a fraction the budget . 
'ejemplo de una cinta en que no importa el talento de su reparto o lo interesante que pudo haber resultado su premisa , pues el resultado es francamente aburrido y , por momentos , deplorable . '
will probably be one of those movies barely registering a blip on the radar screen of 2002 . 
the problem is not that it's all derivative , because plenty of funny movies recycle old tropes . the problem is that van wilder does little that is actually funny with the material . 
there's nothing interesting in unfaithful whatsoever . 
none of this is half as moving as the filmmakers seem to think . 
a processed comedy chop suey . 
as spent screen series go , star trek : nemesis is even more suggestive of a 65th class reunion mixer where only eight surviving members show up -- and there's nothing to drink . 
fails as a dystopian movie , as a retooling of fahrenheit 451 , and even as a rip-off of the matrix . 
full of the kind of obnoxious chitchat that only self-aware neurotics engage in . 
an erotic thriller that's neither too erotic nor very thrilling , either . 
the movie , like bartleby , is something of a stiff -- an extra-dry office comedy that seems twice as long as its 83 minutes . 
with its parade of almost perpetually wasted characters . . . margarita feels like a hazy high that takes too long to shake . 
if you value your time and money , find an escape clause and avoid seeing this trite , predictable rehash . 
the director and her capable cast appear to be caught in a heady whirl of new age-inspired good intentions , but the spell they cast isn't the least bit mesmerizing . 
everything is pegged into the groove of a new york dating comedy with 'issues' to simplify . 
a dramatic comedy as pleasantly dishonest and pat as any hollywood fluff . 
the cameo-packed , m : i-2-spoofing title sequence is the funniest 5 minutes to date in this spy comedy franchise . . . then mike myers shows up and ruins everything . 
it comes off as so silly that you wouldn't be surprised if ba , murdock and rest of the a-team were seen giving chase in a black and red van . 
the 50-something lovebirds are too immature and unappealing to care about . 
so genial is the conceit , this is one of those rare pictures that you root for throughout , dearly hoping that the rich promise of the script will be realized on the screen . it never is , not fully . 
even in the summertime , the most restless young audience deserves the dignity of an action hero motivated by something more than franchise possibilities . 
what with all the blanket statements and dime-store ruminations on vanity , the worries of the rich and sudden wisdom , the film becomes a sermon for most of its running time . 
one lousy movie . 
as gamely as the movie tries to make sense of its title character , there remains a huge gap between the film's creepy , clean-cut dahmer ( jeremy renner ) and fiendish acts that no amount of earnest textbook psychologizing can bridge . 
plodding , peevish and gimmicky . 
the four feathers is definitely horse feathers , but if you go in knowing that , you might have fun in this cinematic sandbox . 
oozes condescension from every pore . 
solaris " is a shapeless inconsequential move relying on the viewer to do most of the work . 
the direction , by george hickenlooper , has no snap to it , no wiseacre crackle or hard-bitten cynicism . 
 . . . hypnotically dull . 
though this saga would be terrific to read about , it is dicey screen material that only a genius should touch . 
it has plenty of laughs . it just doesn't have much else . . . especially in a moral sense . 
an awful lot like one of [spears'] music videos in content -- except that it goes on for at least 90 more minutes and , worse , that you have to pay if you want to see it . 
confusion is one of my least favourite emotions , especially when i have to put up with 146 minutes of it . 
[h]ad i suffered and bled on the hard ground of ia drang , i'd want something a bit more complex than we were soldiers to be remembered by . 
occasionally loud and offensive , but more often , it simply lulls you into a gentle waking coma . 
it may play well as a double feature with mainstream foreign mush like my big fat greek wedding
by the time you reach the finale , you're likely wondering why you've been watching all this strutting and posturing . 
journalistically dubious , inept and often lethally dull . 
putting the primitive murderer inside a high-tech space station unleashes a pandora's box of special effects that run the gamut from cheesy to cheesier to cheesiest . 
 at its best , it's black hawk down with more heart . at its worst , it's rambo- meets-john ford . 
exactly what you'd expect from a guy named kaos . 
calculated swill . 
this movie . . . doesn't deserve the energy it takes to describe how bad it is . 
with or without ballast tanks , k-19 sinks to a harrison ford low . 
director oliver parker labors so hard to whip life into the importance of being earnest that he probably pulled a muscle or two . 
you might be shocked to discover that seinfeld's real life is boring . 
it's not nearly as fresh or enjoyable as its predecessor , but there are enough high points to keep this from being a complete waste of time . 
walsh can't quite negotiate the many inconsistencies in janice's behavior or compensate for them by sheer force of charm . 
this 10th film in the series looks and feels tired . 
it leers , offering next to little insight into its intriguing subject . 
i found myself growing more and more frustrated and detached as vincent became more and more abhorrent . 
one of the oddest and most inexplicable sequels in movie history . 
there's nothing to gain from watching they . it isn't scary . it hates its characters . it finds no way to entertain or inspire its viewers . 
fear permeates the whole of stortelling , todd solondz' oftentimes funny , yet ultimately cowardly autocritique . 
the skirmishes for power waged among victims and predators settle into an undistinguished rhythm of artificial suspense . 
thoroughly awful . 
 . . . ice age treads predictably along familiar territory , making it a passable family film that won't win many fans over the age of 12 . 
though the film is well-intentioned , one could rent the original and get the same love story and parable . 
just too silly and sophomoric to ensnare its target audience . 
the video work is so grainy and rough , so dependent on being 'naturalistic' rather than carefully lit and set up , that it's exhausting to watch . 
truly terrible . 
a cleverly crafted but ultimately hollow mockumentary . 
it gets bogged down by hit-and-miss topical humour before getting to the truly good stuff . 
an achingly enthralling premise , the film is hindered by uneven dialogue and plot lapses . 
it's tommy's job to clean the peep booths surrounding her , and after viewing this one , you'll feel like mopping up , too . 
rifkin no doubt fancies himself something of a hubert selby jr . , but there isn't an ounce of honest poetry in his entire script ; it's simply crude and unrelentingly exploitative . 
fluffy and disposible . 
such a bad movie that its luckiest viewers will be seated next to one of those ignorant pinheads who talk throughout the show . 
if you go into the theater expecting a scary , action-packed chiller , you might soon be looking for a sign . an exit sign , that is . 
holds limited appeal to those who like explosions , sadism and seeing people beat each other to a pulp . 
the dialogue is very choppy and monosyllabic despite the fact that it is being dubbed . 
a feature-length , r-rated , road-trip version of mama's family . 
what you end up getting is the vertical limit of surfing movies - memorable stunts with lots of downtime in between . 
stealing harvard doesn't care about cleverness , wit or any other kind of intelligent humor . 
bigelow handles the nuclear crisis sequences evenly but milks drama when she should be building suspense , and drags out too many scenes toward the end that should move quickly . 
there's undeniable enjoyment to be had from films crammed with movie references , but the fun wears thin -- then out -- when there's nothing else happening . 
imagine kevin smith , the blasphemous bad boy of suburban jersey , if he were stripped of most of his budget and all of his sense of humor . the result might look like vulgar . 
suffers from a lack of clarity and audacity that a subject as monstrous and pathetic as dahmer demands . 
what soured me on the santa clause 2 was that santa bumps up against 21st century reality so hard , it's icky . 
it's an 88-minute highlight reel that's 86 minutes too long . 
the film favors the scientific over the spectacular ( visually speaking ) . 
such an incomprehensible mess that it feels less like bad cinema than like being stuck in a dark pit having a nightmare about bad cinema . 
with the exception of mccoist , the players don't have a clue on the park . the acting isn't much better . 
the whole affair is as predictable as can be . 
a not-so-divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood with a hefty helping of re-fried green tomatoes . 
this cloying , voices-from-the-other-side story is hell . 
a suffocating rape-payback horror show that hinges on the subgenre's most enabling victim . . . and an ebullient affection for industrial-model meat freezers . 
star trek was kind of terrific once , but now it is a copy of a copy of a copy . 
[n]o matter how much good will the actors generate , showtime eventually folds under its own thinness . 
every potential twist is telegraphed well in advance , every performance respectably muted ; the movie itself seems to have been made under the influence of rohypnol . 
puts on airs of a hal hartley wannabe film -- without the vital comic ingredient of the hilarious writer-director himself . 
ver wiel's desperate attempt at wit is lost , leaving the character of critical jim two-dimensional and pointless . 
despite a performance of sustained intelligence from stanford and another of subtle humour from bebe neuwirth , as an older woman who seduces oscar , the film founders on its lack of empathy for the social milieu - rich new york intelligentsia - and its off
although disney follows its standard formula in this animated adventure , it feels more forced than usual . 
gaghan . . . has thrown every suspenseful cliché in the book at this nonsensical story . 
a sham construct based on theory , sleight-of-hand , and ill-wrought hypothesis . 
[p]artnering murphy with robert de niro for the tv-cops comedy showtime would seem to be surefire casting . the catch is that they're stuck with a script that prevents them from firing on all cylinders . 
'you'll laugh for not quite and hour and a half , but come out feeling strangely unsatisfied . you'll feel like you ate a reeses without the peanut butter . . . '
gooding offers a desperately ingratiating performance . 
parker should be commended for taking a fresh approach to familiar material , but his determination to remain true to the original text leads him to adopt a somewhat mannered tone . . . that ultimately dulls the human tragedy at the story's core . 
the director has injected self-consciousness into the proceedings at every turn . the results are far more alienating than involving . 
bogdanich is unashamedly pro-serbian and makes little attempt to give voice to the other side . 
a lack of thesis makes maryam , in the end , play out with the intellectual and emotional impact of an after-school special . 
the worst film of the year . 
by-the-numbers yarn . 
without shakespeare's eloquent language , the update is dreary and sluggish . 
if h . g . wells had a time machine and could take a look at his kin's reworked version , what would he say ? 'it looks good , sonny , but you missed the point . '
during the tuxedo's 90 minutes of screen time , there isn't one true 'chan moment' . 
bisset delivers a game performance , but she is unable to save the movie . 
watching austin powers in goldmember is like binging on cotton candy . it's sweet and fluffy at the time , but it may leave you feeling a little sticky and unsatisfied . 
the most anti-human big studio picture since 3000 miles to graceland . 
the film can depress you about life itself . 
i'm sure the filmmakers found this a remarkable and novel concept , but anybody who has ever seen an independent film can report that it is instead a cheap cliché . 
the acting is fine but the script is about as interesting as a recording of conversations at the wal-mart checkout line . 
its weighty themes are too grave for youngsters , but the story is too steeped in fairy tales and other childish things to appeal much to teenagers . 
the plot plummets into a comedy graveyard before janice comes racing to the rescue in the final reel . 
sometimes there are very , very good reasons for certain movies to be sealed in a jar and left on a remote shelf indefinitely . 
at 90 minutes this movie is short , but it feels much longer . 
here's my advice , kev . start reading your scripts before signing that dotted line . 
an alternately raucous and sappy ethnic sitcom . . . you'd be wise to send your regrets . 
an ugly-duckling tale so hideously and clumsily told it feels accidental . 
unfortunately , it's also not very good . especially compared with the television series that inspired the movie . 
it wraps up a classic mother/daughter struggle in recycled paper with a shiny new bow and while the audience can tell it's not all new , at least it looks pretty . 
glazed with a tawdry b-movie scum . 
this is the kind of movie during which you want to bang your head on the seat in front of you , at its cluelessness , at its idiocy , at its utterly misplaced earnestness . 
it winds up moving in many directions as it searches ( vainly , i think ) for something fresh to say . 
all in all , road to perdition is more in love with strangeness than excellence . 
a big fat pain . 
a mimetic approximation of better films like contempt and 8 1/2 . 
unintelligible , poorly acted , brain-slappingly bad , harvard man is ludicrous enough that it could become a cult classic . 
watching the powerpuff girls movie , my mind kept returning to one anecdote for comparison : the cartoon in japan that gave people seizures . 
aan opportunity wasted . 
an inelegant combination of two unrelated shorts that falls far short of the director's previous work in terms of both thematic content and narrative strength . 
to build a feel-good fantasy around a vain dictator-madman is off-putting , to say the least , not to mention inappropriate and wildly undeserved . 
with the cheesiest monsters this side of a horror spoof , which they isn't , it is more likely to induce sleep than fright . 
mild , meandering teen flick . 
though its atmosphere is intriguing . . . the drama is finally too predictable to leave much of an impression . 
though this rude and crude film does deliver a few gut-busting laughs , its digs at modern society are all things we've seen before . 
although it tries to be much more , it's really just another major league . 
astonishing isn't the word -- neither is incompetent , incoherent or just plain crap . indeed , none of these words really gets at the very special type of badness that is deuces wild . 
one thing is for sure : this movie does not tell you a whole lot about lily chou-chou . 
with a tone as variable as the cinematography , schaeffer's film never settles into the light-footed enchantment the material needs , and the characters' quirks and foibles never jell into charm . 
to better understand why this didn't connect with me would require another viewing , and i won't be sitting through this one again . . . that in itself is commentary enough . 
cuba gooding jr . valiantly mugs his way through snow dogs , but even his boisterous energy fails to spark this leaden comedy . 
diane lane's sophisticated performance can't rescue adrian lyne's unfaithful from its sleazy moralizing . 
not at all clear what it's trying to say and even if it were – i doubt it would be all that interesting . 
storytelling feels slight . 
[swimfan] falls victim to sloppy plotting , an insultingly unbelievable final act and a villainess who is too crazy to be interesting . 
this remake of lina wertmuller's 1975 eroti-comedy might just be the biggest husband-and-wife disaster since john and bo derek made the ridiculous bolero . 
silly , loud and goofy . 
why spend $9 on the same stuff you can get for a buck or so in that greasy little vidgame pit in the theater lobby ? 
the french director has turned out nearly 21/2 hours of unfocused , excruciatingly tedious cinema that , half an hour in , starts making water torture seem appealing . 
the basic premise is intriguing but quickly becomes distasteful and downright creepy . 
the pool drowned me in boredom . 
it's like an all-star salute to disney's cheesy commercialism . 
it's hard to imagine any recent film , independent or otherwise , that makes as much of a mess as this one . 
some of the computer animation is handsome , and various amusing sidekicks add much-needed levity to the otherwise bleak tale , but overall the film never rises above mediocrity . 
there's an excellent 90-minute film here ; unfortunately , it runs for 170 . 
as saccharine movies go , this is likely to cause massive cardiac arrest if taken in large doses . 
die another day is only intermittently entertaining but it's hard not to be a sucker for its charms , or perhaps it's just impossible not to feel nostalgia for movies you grew up with . 
as is often the case with ambitious , eager first-time filmmakers , mr . murray , a prolific director of music videos , stuffs his debut with more plot than it can comfortably hold . 
the mystery of enigma is how a rich historical subject , combined with so much first-rate talent . . . could have yielded such a flat , plodding picture . 
it throws quirky characters , odd situations , and off-kilter dialogue at us , all as if to say , " look at this ! this is an interesting movie ! " but the film itself is ultimately quite unengaging . 
the inherent limitations of using a video game as the source material movie are once again made all too clear in this schlocky horror/action hybrid . 
bad company . bad movie . just plain bad . 
it's not only dull because we've seen [eddie] murphy do the genial-rogue shtick to death , but because the plot is equally hackneyed . 
avary's film never quite emerges from the shadow of ellis' book . 
a poorly scripted , preachy fable that forgets about unfolding a coherent , believable story in its zeal to spread propaganda . 
while it is interesting to witness the conflict from the palestinian side , longley's film lacks balance . . . and fails to put the struggle into meaningful historical context . 
woo has as much right to make a huge action sequence as any director , but how long will filmmakers copy the " saving private ryan " battle scenes before realizing steven spielberg got it right the first time ? 
it's sincere to a fault , but , unfortunately , not very compelling or much fun . 
 . . . jones , despite a definitely distinctive screen presence , just isn't able to muster for a movie that , its title notwithstanding , should have been a lot nastier if it wanted to fully capitalize on its lead's specific gifts . 
this follow-up seems so similar to the 1953 disney classic that it makes one long for a geriatric peter . 
why , you may ask , why should you buy the movie milk when the tv cow is free ? there's no good answer to that one . 
this slow-moving swedish film offers not even a hint of joy , preferring to focus on the humiliation of martin as he defecates in bed and urinates on the plants at his own birthday party . 
a muddled limp biscuit of a movie , a vampire soap opera that doesn't make much sense even on its own terms . 
there's the plot , and a maddeningly insistent and repetitive piano score that made me want to scream . 
this is a movie so insecure about its capacity to excite that it churns up not one but two flagrantly fake thunderstorms to underscore the action . 
this is amusing for about three minutes . 
klein , charming in comedies like american pie and dead-on in election , delivers one of the saddest action hero performances ever witnessed . 
it's rare to see a movie that takes such a speedy swan dive from " promising " to " interesting " to " familiar " before landing squarely on " stupid " . 
this is the sort of low-grade dreck that usually goes straight to video --with a lousy script , inept direction , pathetic acting , poorly dubbed dialogue and murky cinematography , complete with visible boom mikes . 
the direction occasionally rises to the level of marginal competence , but for most of the film it is hard to tell who is chasing who or why . 
there are few things more frustrating to a film buff than seeing an otherwise good movie marred beyond redemption by a disastrous ending . 
it won't harm anyone , but neither can i think of a very good reason to rush right out and see it . after all , it'll probably be in video stores by christmas , and it might just be better suited to a night in the living room than a night at the movies . 
looks more like a travel-agency video targeted at people who like to ride bikes topless and roll in the mud than a worthwhile glimpse of independent-community guiding lights . 
given too much time to consider the looseness of the piece , the picture begins to resemble the shapeless , grasping actors' workshop that it is . 
they kept much of the plot but jettisoned the stuff that would make this a moving experience for people who haven't read the book . 
just because a walk to remember is shrewd enough to activate girlish tear ducts doesn't mean it's good enough for our girls . 
[carvey's] characters are both overplayed and exaggerated , but then again , subtlety has never been his trademark . 
it's mildly interesting to ponder the peculiar american style of justice that plays out here , but it's so muddled and derivative that few will bother thinking it all through . 
this dreadfully earnest inversion of the concubine love triangle eschews the previous film's historical panorama and roiling pathos for bug-eyed mugging and gay-niche condescension . 
brown's saga , like many before his , makes for snappy prose but a stumblebum of a movie . 
the boys' sparring , like the succession of blows dumped on guei , wears down the story's more cerebral , and likable , plot elements . 
the script by vincent r . nebrida . . . tries to cram too many ingredients into one small pot . 
the story is so light and sugary that were it a macy's thanksgiving day parade balloon , extra heavy-duty ropes would be needed to keep it from floating away . 
oedekerk mugs mercilessly , and the genuinely funny jokes are few and far between . 
since dahmer resorts to standard slasher flick thrills when it should be most in the mind of the killer , it misses a major opportunity to be truly revelatory about his psyche . 
only those most addicted to film violence in all its forms will find anything here to appreciate . 
cold and scattered , minority report commands interest almost solely as an exercise in gorgeous visuals . that's not vintage spielberg and that , finally , is minimally satisfying . 
every now and again , a movie comes along to remind us of how very bad a motion picture can truly be . frank mcklusky c . i . is that movie ! 
it's not difficult to spot the culprit early-on in this predictable thriller . 
[a] soulless , stupid sequel . . . 
 . . . a mostly boring affair with a confusing sudden finale that's likely to irk viewers . 
the trappings of i spy are so familiar you might as well be watching a rerun . 
what starts off as a potentially incredibly twisting mystery becomes simply a monster chase film . 
in the wake of saving private ryan , black hawk down and we were soldiers , you are likely to be as heartily sick of mayhem as cage's war-weary marine . 
it is messy , uncouth , incomprehensible , vicious and absurd . 
really does feel like a short stretched out to feature length . 
hampered -- no , paralyzed -- by a self-indulgent script . . . that aims for poetry and ends up sounding like satire . 
cheap , vulgar dialogue and a plot that crawls along at a snail's pace . 
and if you appreciate the one-sided theme to lawrence's over-indulgent tirade , then knock yourself out and enjoy the big screen postcard that is a self-glorified martin lawrence lovefest . if you are willing to do this , then you so crazy ! 
directed without the expected flair or imagination by hong kong master john woo , windtalkers airs just about every cliche in the war movie compendium across its indulgent two-hour-and-fifteen-minute length . 
it's a very tasteful rock and roll movie . you could put it on a coffee table anywhere . 
the movie is loaded with good intentions , but in his zeal to squeeze the action and our emotions into the all-too-familiar dramatic arc of the holocaust escape story , minac drains his movie of all individuality . 
an infuriating film . just when you think you are making sense of it , something happens that tells you there is no sense . 
the entire movie is so formulaic and forgettable that it's hardly over before it begins to fade from memory . 
the setting turns out to be more interesting than any of the character dramas , which never reach satisfying conclusions . 
as an entertainment destination for the general public , kung pow sets a new benchmark for lameness . 
this misty-eyed southern nostalgia piece , in treading the line between sappy and sanguine , winds up mired in tear-drenched quicksand . 
as pure over-the-top trash , any john waters movie has it beat by a country mile . 
wendigo wants to be a monster movie for the art-house crowd , but it falls into the trap of pretention almost every time . 
bigelow offers some flashy twists and turns that occasionally fortify this turgid fable . but for the most part , the weight of water comes off as a two-way time-switching myopic mystery that stalls in its lackluster gear of emotional blandness . 
this film biggest problem ? no laughs . 
less-than-compelling documentary of a yiddish theater clan . 
that the chuck norris " grenade gag " occurs about 7 times during windtalkers is a good indication of how serious-minded the film is . 
viewers are asked so often to suspend belief that were it not for holm's performance , the film would be a total washout . 
it's not exactly worth the bucks to expend the full price for a date , but when it comes out on video , it's well worth a rental . 
i can't begin to tell you how tedious , how resolutely unamusing , how thoroughly unrewarding all of this is , and what a reckless squandering of four fine acting talents . . . 
everybody loves a david and goliath story , and this one is told almost entirely from david's point of view . 
throw smoochy from the train ! 
eventually , they will have a showdown , but , by then , your senses are as mushy as peas and you don't care who fires the winning shot . 
irwin and his director never come up with an adequate reason why we should pay money for what we can get on television for free . 
a light , engaging comedy that fumbles away almost all of its accumulated enjoyment with a crucial third act miscalculation . 
cedar somewhat defuses this provocative theme by submerging it in a hoary love triangle . 
to paraphrase a line from another dickens' novel , nicholas nickleby is too much like a fragment of an underdone potato . 
the actresses may have worked up a back story for the women they portray so convincingly , but viewers don't get enough of that background for the characters to be involving as individuals rather than types . 
the result , however well-intentioned , is ironically just the sort of disposable , kitchen-sink homage that illustrates why the whole is so often less than the sum of its parts in today's hollywood . 
an extremely unpleasant film . 
a movie just for friday fans , critics be damned . if you already like this sort of thing , this is that sort of thing all over again . 
a sincere but dramatically conflicted gay coming-of-age tale . 
wait for it to hit cable . 
ultimately feels like just one more in the long line of films this year about the business of making movies . 
a high-minded snoozer . 
nothing but one relentlessly depressing situation after another for its entire running time , something that you could easily be dealing with right now in your lives . 
77 minutes of pokemon may not last 4ever , it just seems like it does . my only wish is that celebi could take me back to a time before i saw this movie and i could just skip it . 
the one not-so-small problem with expecting is that the entire exercise has no real point . 
a movie you observe , rather than one you enter into . 
[at least] moore is a real charmer . 
john carlen's script is full of unhappy , two-dimensional characters who are anything but compelling . 
labute can't avoid a fatal mistake in the modern era : he's changed the male academic from a lower-class brit to an american , a choice that upsets the novel's exquisite balance and shreds the fabric of the film . 
the notion of deleting emotion from people , even in an advanced prozac nation , is so insanely dysfunctional that the rampantly designed equilibrium becomes a concept doofus . 
stale first act , scrooge story , blatant product placement , some very good comedic songs , strong finish , dumb fart jokes . 
unsurprisingly , the way this all works out makes the women look more like stereotypical caretakers and moral teachers , instead of serious athletes . 
a film that loses sight of its own story . 
adam sandler's eight crazy nights grows on you -- like a rash . 
the big-screen scooby makes the silly original cartoon seem smart and well-crafted in comparison . 
few of the increasingly far-fetched events that first-time writer-director neil burger follows up with are terribly convincing , which is a pity , considering barry's terrific performance . 
gets better after foster leaves that little room . 
the movie is as padded as allen's jelly belly . 
resident evil isn't a product of its cinematic predecessors so much as an mtv , sugar hysteria , and playstation cocktail . 
a rather average action film that benefits from several funny moments supplied by epps . 
 . . . unspeakably , unbearably dull , featuring reams of flatly delivered dialogue and a heroine who comes across as both shallow and dim-witted . 
resembles a soft porn brian de palma pastiche . 
bluto blutarsky , we miss you . 
innocuous enough to make even jean-claude van damme look good . 
it's a glorified sitcom , and a long , unfunny one at that . 
woody allen can write and deliver a one liner as well as anybody . but i had a lot of problems with this movie . 
execrable . 
devoid of any of the qualities that made the first film so special . 
all movie long , city by the sea swings from one approach to the other , but in the end , it stays in formula -- which is a waste of de niro , mcdormand and the other good actors in the cast . 
plotless collection of moronic stunts is by far the worst movie of the year . 
however sincere it may be , the rising place never quite justifies its own existence . 
parker updates the setting in an attempt to make the film relevant today , without fully understanding what it was that made the story relevant in the first place . 
it's sort of a 21st century morality play with a latino hip hop beat . but the second half of the movie really goes downhill . 
paxton's uneven directorial debut fails to unlock the full potential of what is in many ways a fresh and dramatically substantial spin on the genre . 
the script becomes lifeless and falls apart like a cheap lawn chair . 
the script falls back on too many tried-and-true shenanigans that hardly distinguish it from the next teen comedy . 
the film starts promisingly , but the ending is all too predictable and far too cliched to really work . 
let's issue a moratorium , effective immediately , on treacly films about inspirational prep-school professors and the children they so heartwarmingly motivate . 
it's the element of condescension , as the filmmakers look down on their working-class subjects from their lofty perch , that finally makes sex with strangers , which opens today in the new york metropolitan area , so distasteful . 
alternately frustrating and rewarding . 
it's impossible to even categorize this as a smutty guilty pleasure . 
despite suffering a sense-of-humour failure , the man who wrote rocky does not deserve to go down with a ship as leaky as this . 
swinging , the film makes it seem , is not a hobby that attracts the young and fit . or intelligent . 
the most memorable moment was when green threw medical equipment at a window ; not because it was particularly funny , but because i had a serious urge to grab the old lady at the end of my aisle's walker and toss it at the screen in frustration . 
see clockstoppers if you have nothing better to do with 94 minutes . but be warned , you too may feel time has decided to stand still . or that the battery on your watch has died . 
suffers from over-familiarity since hit-hungry british filmmakers have strip-mined the monty formula mercilessly since 1997 . 
there are enough throwaway references to faith and rainbows to plant smile-button faces on that segment of the populace that made a walk to remember a niche hit . 
yes , i have given this movie a rating of zero . but fans of the show should not consider this a diss . consider it 'perfection . '
the cumulative effect of the movie is repulsive and depressing . 
children and adults enamored of all things pokemon won't be disappointed . 
i don't even care that there's no plot in this antonio banderas-lucy liu faceoff . it's still terrible ! 
children of the century , though well dressed and well made , ultimately falls prey to the contradiction that afflicts so many movies about writers . 
it's not so much a movie as a joint promotion for the national basketball association and teenaged rap and adolescent poster-boy lil' bow wow . 
peralta's mythmaking could have used some informed , adult hindsight . 
amazingly dopey . 
a close-to-solid espionage thriller with the misfortune of being released a few decades too late . 
cloaks a familiar anti-feminist equation ( career - kids = misery ) in tiresome romantic-comedy duds . 
the good girl is a film in which the talent is undeniable but the results are underwhelming . 
just a collection of this and that -- whatever fills time -- with no unified whole . 
the animation and game phenomenon that peaked about three years ago is actually dying a slow death , if the poor quality of pokemon 4 ever is any indication . 
only about as sexy and dangerous as an actress in a role that reminds at every turn of elizabeth berkley's flopping dolphin-gasm . 
kids who are into this thornberry stuff will probably be in wedgie heaven . anyone else who may , for whatever reason , be thinking about going to see this movie is hereby given fair warning . 
mr . soderbergh's direction and visual style struck me as unusually and unimpressively fussy and pretentious . 
do you say " hi " to your lover when you wake up in the morning ? 
it makes me feel weird / thinking about all the bad things in the world / like puppies with broken legs / and butterflies that die / and movies starring pop queens
director tom dey demonstrated a knack for mixing action and idiosyncratic humor in his charming 2000 debut shanghai noon , but showtime's uninspired send-up of tv cop show cliches mostly leaves him shooting blanks . 
banal and predictable . 
'yes , that's right : it's forrest gump , angel of death . '
a wildly erratic drama with sequences that make you wince in embarrassment and others , thanks to the actors , that are quite touching . 
while easier to sit through than most of jaglom's self-conscious and gratingly irritating films , it's still tainted by cliches , painful improbability and murky points . 
about as enjoyable , i would imagine , as searching for a quarter in a giant pile of elephant feces . . . positively dreadful . 
a generic international version of a typical american horror film . 
 . . . while certainly clever in spots , this too-long , spoofy update of shakespeare's macbeth doesn't sustain a high enough level of invention . 
crikey indeed . 
lucas has in fact come closer than anyone could desire to the cheap , graceless , hackneyed sci-fi serials of the '30s and '40s . 
there's a lot of good material here , but there's also a lot of redundancy and unsuccessful crudeness accompanying it . 
absurdities and clichés accumulate like lint in a fat man's navel . 
if you think it's a riot to see rob schneider in a young woman's clothes , then you'll enjoy the hot chick . 
the sheer dumbness of the plot ( other than its one good idea ) and the movie's inescapable air of sleaziness get you down . 
strangely comes off as a kingdom more mild than wild . 
the next big thing's not-so-big ( and not-so-hot ) directorial debut . 
yet another iteration of what's become one of the movies' creepiest conventions , in which the developmentally disabled are portrayed with almost supernatural powers to humble , teach and ultimately redeem their mentally " superior " friends , family . . . 
bond-inspired ? certainly . likely to have decades of life as a classic movie franchise ? let's hope not . 
this flat run at a hip-hop tootsie is so poorly paced you could fit all of pootie tang in between its punchlines . 
davis has energy , but she doesn't bother to make her heroine's book sound convincing , the gender-war ideas original , or the comic scenes fly . 
surprisingly , considering that baird is a former film editor , the movie is rather choppy . 
none of this is very original , and it isn't particularly funny . 
 . . . a bland murder-on-campus yawner . 
a humorless journey into a philosophical void . 
these two are generating about as much chemistry as an iraqi factory poised to receive a un inspector . 
responsável direto pelo fracasso 'artístico' de doce lar , o roteirista c . jay cox não consegue sequer aproveitar os pouquíssimos momentos em que escapa da mediocridade . 
just as the lousy tarantino imitations have subsided , here comes the first lousy guy ritchie imitation . 
a passable romantic comedy , in need of another couple of passes through the word processor . 
the movie attempts to mine laughs from a genre -- the gangster/crime comedy -- that wore out its welcome with audiences several years ago , and its cutesy reliance on movie-specific cliches isn't exactly endearing . 
shows holmes has the screen presence to become a major-league leading lady , ( but ) the movie itself is an underachiever , a psychological mystery that takes its sweet time building to a climax that's scarcely a surprise by the time it arrives . 
in the book-on-tape market , the film of " the kid stays in the picture " would be an abridged edition
ultimately . . . the movie is too heady for children , and too preachy for adults . 
it's just a little too self-satisfied . 
clever but not especially compelling . 
mckay seems embarrassed by his own invention and tries to rush through the intermediary passages , apparently hoping that the audience will not notice the glaring triteness of the plot device he has put in service . 
a piece of mildly entertaining , inoffensive fluff that drifts aimlessly for 90 minutes before lodging in the cracks of that ever-growing category : unembarrassing but unmemorable . 
labute was more fun when his characters were torturing each other psychologically and talking about their genitals in public . 
the movie weighs no more than a glass of flat champagne . 
brisk hack job . 
the problem with antwone fisher is that it has a screenplay written by antwone fisher based on the book by antwone fisher . 
alarms for duvall's throbbing sincerity and his elderly propensity for patting people while he talks . 
…the maudlin way its story unfolds suggests a director fighting against the urge to sensationalize his material . 
what little grace [rifkin's] tale of precarious skid-row dignity achieves is pushed into the margins by predictable plotting and tiresome histrionics . 
tries to work in the same vein as the brilliance of animal house but instead comes closer to the failure of the third revenge of the nerds sequel . 
unfortunately , kapur modernizes a . e . w . mason's story to suit the sensibilities of a young american , a decision that plucks " the four feathers " bare . 
 . . . what a banal bore the preachy circuit turns out to be
falsehoods pile up , undermining the movie's reality and stifling its creator's comic voice . 
a mechanical action-comedy whose seeming purpose is to market the charismatic jackie chan to even younger audiences . 
one of the most incoherent features in recent memory . 
low rent from frame one . 
eight legged freaks ? no big hairy deal . 
the issues are presented in such a lousy way , complete with some of the year's ( unintentionally ) funniest moments , that it's impossible to care . 
laggard drama wending its way to an uninspired philosophical epiphany . 
the respective charms of sandra bullock and hugh grant have worn threadbare . 
'this movie sucks . '
none of this so-called satire has any sting to it , as if woody is afraid of biting the hand that has finally , to some extent , warmed up to him . 
 . . . bibbidy-bobbidi-bland . 
a few nonbelievers may rethink their attitudes when they see the joy the characters take in this creed , but skeptics aren't likely to enter the theater . 
bad in such a bizarre way that it's almost worth seeing , if only to witness the crazy confluence of purpose and taste . 
there's more repetition than creativity throughout the movie . 
hugh grant's act is so consuming that sometimes it's difficult to tell who the other actors in the movie are . 
although the sequel has all the outward elements of the original , the first film's lovely flakiness is gone , replaced by the forced funniness found in the dullest kiddie flicks . 
i've had more interesting -- and , dare i say , thematically complex -- bowel movements than this long-on-the-shelf , point-and-shoot exercise in gimmicky crime drama . 
what we get . . . is caddyshack crossed with the loyal order of raccoons . 
the jokes are flat , and the action looks fake . 
when a movie asks you to feel sorry for mick jagger's sex life , it already has one strike against it . 
there are now two signs that m . night shyamalan's debut feature sucked up all he has to give to the mystic genres of cinema : unbreakable and signs . 
 . . . hokey art house pretension . 
 . . . a weak and ineffective ghost story without a conclusion or pay off . 
gussied up with so many distracting special effects and visual party tricks that it's not clear whether we're supposed to shriek or laugh . 
plodding , poorly written , murky and weakly acted , the picture feels as if everyone making it lost their movie mojo . 
this is a fudged opportunity of gigantic proportions -- a lunar mission with no signs of life . 
a baffling subplot involving smuggling drugs inside danish cows falls flat , and if you're going to alter the bard's ending , you'd better have a good alternative . 
soderbergh seems capable only of delivering artfully lighted , earnest inquiries that lack the kind of genuine depth that would make them redeemable . 
the only thing that distinguishes a randall wallace film from any other is the fact that there is nothing distinguishing in a randall wallace film . 
silly stuff , all mixed up together like a term paper from a kid who can't quite distinguish one sci-fi work from another . 
there is so much plodding sensitivity . 
the town has kind of an authentic feel , but each one of these people stand out and everybody else is in the background and it just seems manufactured to me and artificial . 
 . . . too sappy for its own good . 
circuit queens won't learn a thing , they'll be too busy cursing the film's strategically placed white sheets . 
as an actress , madonna is one helluva singer . as the mediterranean sparkles , 'swept away' sinks . 
every so often a film comes along that is so insanely stupid , so awful in so many ways that watching it leaves you giddy . half past dead is just such an achievement . 
expanded to 65 minutes for theatrical release , it still feels somewhat unfinished . 
it all looks and plays like a $40 million version of a game you're more likely to enjoy on a computer . 
[javier bardem is] one of the few reasons to watch the film , which director gerardo vera has drenched in swoony music and fever-pitched melodrama . 
feels shrill , simple and soapy . 
adults , other than the parents . . . will be hard pressed to succumb to the call of the wild . 
brady achieves the remarkable feat of squandering a topnotch foursome of actors . . . by shoving them into every clichéd white-trash situation imaginable . 
in the name of an allegedly inspiring and easily marketable flick , the emperor's club turns a blind eye to the very history it pretends to teach . 
no amount of blood and disintegrating vampire cadavers can obscure this movie's lack of ideas . 
a direct-to-void release , heading nowhere . 
typical animé , with cheapo animation ( like saturday morning tv in the '60s ) , a complex sword-and-sorcery plot and characters who all have big round eyes and japanese names . 
below is well below expectations . 
at no point during k-19 : the widowmaker did this viewer feel enveloped in a story that , though meant to be universal in its themes of loyalty , courage and dedication to a common goal , never seems to leave the lot . 
 . . . standard guns versus martial arts cliche with little new added . 
empire can't make up its mind whether it wants to be a gangster flick or an art film . it doesn't work as either . 
given the fact that virtually no one is bound to show up at theatres for it , the project should have been made for the tube . 
possession is in the end an honorable , interesting failure . it falls far short of poetry , but it's not bad prose . 
jonathan parker's bartleby should have been the be-all-end-all of the modern-office anomie films . 
there may have been a good film in " trouble every day , " but it is not what is on the screen . 
unfortunately , carvey's rubber-face routine is no match for the insipid script he has crafted with harris goldberg . 
viewed as a comedy , a romance , a fairy tale , or a drama , there's nothing remotely triumphant about this motion picture . 
there's something unintentionally comic in the film's drumbeat about authenticity , given the stale plot and pornographic way the film revels in swank apartments , clothes and parties . 
the master of disguise is funny--not " ha ha " funny , " dead circus performer " funny . and for all the wrong reasons besides . 
a zippy 96 minutes of mediocre special effects , hoary dialogue , fluxing accents , and -- worst of all -- silly-looking morlocks . 
a 75-minute sample of puerile rubbish that is listless , witless , and devoid of anything resembling humor . 
you leave feeling like you've endured a long workout without your pulse ever racing . 
the waterlogged script plumbs uncharted depths of stupidity , incoherence and sub-sophomoric sexual banter . 
with mcconaughey in an entirely irony-free zone and bale reduced mainly to batting his sensitive eyelids , there's not enough intelligence , wit or innovation on the screen to attract and sustain an older crowd . 
it's the type of stunt the academy loves : a powerful political message stuffed into an otherwise mediocre film . 
in theory , a middle-aged romance pairing clayburgh and tambor sounds promising , but in practice it's something else altogether -- clownish and offensive and nothing at all like real life . 
so mind-numbingly awful that you hope britney won't do it one more time , as far as movies are concerned . 
the images are usually abbreviated in favor of mushy obviousness and telegraphed pathos , particularly where whitaker's misfit artist is concerned . 
if welles was unhappy at the prospect of the human race splitting in two , he probably wouldn't be too crazy with his great-grandson's movie splitting up in pretty much the same way . 
sets animation back 30 years , musicals back 40 years and judaism back at least 50 . 
weirdly , broomfield has compelling new material but he doesn't unveil it until the end , after endless scenes of him wheedling reluctant witnesses and pointing his camera through the smeared windshield of his rental car . 
might best be enjoyed as a daytime soaper . 
eventually arrives at its heart , as simple self-reflection meditation . 
a showcase for both the scenic splendor of the mountains and for legendary actor michel serrault , the film is less successful on other levels . 
boy oh boy , it's a howler . 
a few pieces of the film buzz and whir ; very little of it actually clicks . the thing just never gets off the ground . 
 . . . contains very few laughs and even less surprises . 
the actors must indeed be good to recite some of this laughable dialogue with a straight face . 
most of the storylines feel like time fillers between surf shots . the movie isn't horrible , but you can see mediocre cresting on the next wave . 
however stale the material , lawrence's delivery remains perfect ; his great gift is that he can actually trick you into thinking some of this worn-out , pandering palaver is actually funny . 
there's nothing remotely topical or sexy here . 
the tuxedo wasn't just bad ; it was , as my friend david cross would call it , 'hungry-man portions of bad' . 
blue crush is so prolonged and boring it isn't even close to being the barn-burningly bad movie it promised it would be . 
the sequel plays out like a flimsy excuse to give blade fans another look at wesley snipes' iconic hero doing battle with dozens of bad guys -- at once . 
while van wilder may not be the worst national lampoon film , it's far from being this generation's animal house . 
so devoid of pleasure or sensuality that it cannot even be dubbed hedonistic . 
reeks of rot and hack work from start to finish . 
an exhausting family drama about a porcelain empire and just as hard a flick as its subject matter . 
woody allen has really found his groove these days . the problem is that it is one that allows him to churn out one mediocre movie after another . 
the bland outweighs the nifty , and cletis tout never becomes the clever crime comedy it thinks it is . 
it's such a mechanical endeavor [that] it never bothers to question why somebody might devote time to see it . 
the art direction is often exquisite , and the anthropomorphic animal characters are beautifully realized through clever makeup design , leaving one to hope that the eventual dvd release will offer subtitles and the original italian-language soundtrack . 
 if the predictability of bland comfort food appeals to you , then the film is a pleasant enough dish . 
ultimately , in the history of the academy , people may be wondering what all that jazz was about " chicago " in 2002 . zellweger's whiny pouty-lipped poof faced and spindly attempt at playing an ingenue makes her nomination as best actress even more of a an a
a seriously bad film with seriously warped logic by writer-director kurt wimmer at the screenplay level . 
a pleasant and engaging enough sit , but in trying to have the best of both worlds it ends up falling short as a whole . 
its plot and animation offer daytime tv serviceability , but little more . 
a tired , unimaginative and derivative variation of that already-shallow genre . 
human nature , in short , isn't nearly as funny as it thinks it is ; neither is it as smart . 
a film with a great premise but only a great premise . 
instead of building to a laugh riot we are left with a handful of disparate funny moments of no real consequence . 
kirshner and monroe seem to be in a contest to see who can out-bad-act the other . ( kirshner wins , but it's close . ) 
a lame romantic comedy about an unsympathetic character and someone who would not likely be so stupid as to get involved with her . 
what started out as a taut contest of wills between bacon and theron , deteriorates into a protracted and borderline silly chase sequence . 
[sam's] self-flagellation is more depressing than entertaining . 
an ugly , pointless , stupid movie . 
simply put , there should have been a more compelling excuse to pair susan sarandon and goldie hawn . 
the master of disguise represents adam sandler's latest attempt to dumb down the universe . 
this is an ungainly movie , ill-fitting , with its elbows sticking out where the knees should be . 
too silly to take seriously . 
obvious
the inevitable double- and triple-crosses arise , but the only drama is in waiting to hear how john malkovich's reedy consigliere will pronounce his next line . 
everything's serious , poetic , earnest and -- sadly -- dull . 
i like it . no , i hate it . no , i love it . . . hell , i dunno . 
this mess of a movie is nothing short of a travesty of a transvestite comedy . 
it's clotted with heavy-handed symbolism , dime-store psychology and endless scenic shots that make 105 minutes seem twice as long . 
a fifty car pileup of cliches . 
it's a stale , overused cocktail using the same olives since 1962 as garnish . not only is entry number twenty the worst of the brosnan bunch , it's one of the worst of the entire franchise . 
what ultimately makes windtalkers a disappointment is the superficial way it deals with its story . 
as an actor's showcase , hart's war has much to recommend it , even if the top-billed willis is not the most impressive player . as a story of dramatic enlightenment , the screenplay by billy ray and terry george leaves something to be desired . 
a non-britney person might survive a screening with little harm done , except maybe for the last 15 minutes , which are as maudlin as any after-school special you can imagine . 
it's not hateful . it's simply stupid , irrelevant and deeply , truly , bottomlessly cynical . 
possibly not since grumpy old men have i heard a film so solidly connect with one demographic while striking out with another . 
the drama was so uninspiring that even a story immersed in love , lust , and sin couldn't keep my attention . 
a rather tired exercise in nostalgia . 
the misery of these people becomes just another voyeuristic spectacle , to be consumed and forgotten . 
some body often looks like an episode of the tv show blind date , only less technically proficient and without the pop-up comments . 
bad company has one of the most moronic screenplays of the year , full of holes that will be obvious even to those who aren't looking for them . 
predecessors the mummy and the mummy returns stand as intellectual masterpieces next to the scorpion king . 
a markedly inactive film , city is conversational bordering on confessional . 
while kids will probably eat the whole thing up , most adults will be way ahead of the plot . 
its one-sidedness . . . flirts with propaganda . 
despite an impressive roster of stars and direction from kathryn bigelow , the weight of water is oppressively heavy . 
we've liked klein's other work but rollerball left us cold . 
they were afraid to show this movie to reviewers before its opening , afraid of the bad reviews they thought they'd earn . they were right . 
it would be churlish to begrudge anyone for receiving whatever consolation that can be found in dragonfly , yet it is impossible to find the film anything but appalling , shamelessly manipulative and contrived , and totally lacking in conviction . 
offers no new insight on the matter , nor do its characters exactly spring to life . 
nohe has made a decent 'intro' documentary , but he feels like a spectator and not a participant . 
apparently designed as a reverie about memory and regret , but the only thing you'll regret is remembering the experience of sitting through it . 
a 94-minute travesty of unparalleled proportions , writer-director parker seems to go out of his way to turn the legendary wit's classic mistaken identity farce into brutally labored and unfunny hokum . 
guy gets girl , guy loses girl , audience falls asleep . 
too ordinary to restore [harmon] to prominence , despite some creepy scenes that evoke childish night terrors , and a praiseworthy attempt to generate suspense rather than gross out the audience . 
stirs potentially enticing ingredients into an uneasy blend of ghost and close encounters of the third kind . 
the weird thing about the santa clause 2 , purportedly a children's movie , is that there is nothing in it to engage children emotionally . 
it's pretentious in a way that verges on the amateurish . 
contains the humor , characterization , poignancy , and intelligence of a bad sitcom . 
it doesn't matter that the film is less than 90 minutes . it still feels like a prison stretch . 
partly a schmaltzy , by-the-numbers romantic comedy , partly a shallow rumination on the emptiness of success -- and entirely soulless . 
ong chooses to present ah na's life as a slight , weightless fairy tale , whose most unpleasant details seem to melt away in the face of the character's blank-faced optimism . 
the overall feel is not unlike watching a glorified episode of " 7th heaven . " 
just a kiss is a just a waste . 
 . . . this isn't even a movie we can enjoy as mild escapism ; it is one in which fear and frustration are provoked to intolerable levels . 
frankly , it's kind of insulting , both to men and women . and it's not that funny -- which is just generally insulting . 
as if drop dead gorgeous wasn't enough , this equally derisive clunker is fixated on the spectacle of small-town competition . 
a wretched movie that reduces the second world war to one man's quest to find an old flame . 
this is a remake by the numbers , linking a halfwit plot to a series of standup routines in which wilson and murphy show how funny they could have been in a more ambitious movie . 
it's better than mid-range steven seagal , but not as sharp as jet li on rollerblades . 
no dia em que aceitou dirigir esta continuação , harold ramis deve ter saído da cama com o pé esquerdo . e aqueles que decidiram assistir a este filme também . 
there's a reason why halftime is only fifteen minutes long . 
the talk-heavy film plays like one of robert altman's lesser works . 
as happily glib and vicious as its characters . 
one of those films that started with a great premise and then just fell apart . 
 . . . a pretentious mess . . . 
no better or worse than 'truth or consequences , n . m . ' or any other interchangeable actioner with imbecilic mafia toolbags botching a routine assignment in a western backwater . 
a sour attempt at making a farrelly brothers-style , down-and-dirty laugher for the female set . 
[macdowell] ventures beyond her abilities several times here and reveals how bad an actress she is . 
i can imagine this movie as a b&w british comedy , circa 1960 , with peter sellers , kenneth williams , et al . , but at this time , with this cast , this movie is hopeless . 
talky , artificial and opaque . . . an interesting technical exercise , but a tedious picture . 
kurys never shows why , of all the period's volatile romantic lives , sand and musset are worth particular attention . 
almost nothing else -- raunchy and graphic as it may be in presentation -- is one-sided , outwardly sexist or mean-spirited . and in a sense , that's a liability . 
it's easy to love robin tunney -- she's pretty and she can act -- but it gets harder and harder to understand her choices . 
if you've got a house full of tots -- don't worry , this will be on video long before they grow up and you can wait till then . 
the new film of anton chekhov's the cherry orchard puts the 'ick' in 'classic . '
has an uppity musical beat that you can dance to , but its energy can't compare to the wit , humor and snappy dialogue of the original . if i want music , i'll buy the soundtrack . if i want a real movie , i'll buy the criterion dvd . 
an unremarkable , modern action/comedy buddy movie whose only nod to nostalgia is in the title . 
has all the right elements but completely fails to gel together . 
writer-director stephen gaghan has made the near-fatal mistake of being what the english call 'too clever by half . '
seagal ran out of movies years ago , and this is just the proof . 
the movie is so contrived , nonsensical and formulaic that , come to think of it , the day-old shelf would be a more appropriate location to store it . 
an awkwardly garish showcase that diverges from anything remotely probing or penetrating . 
the name says it all . jackass is a vulgar and cheap-looking version of candid camera staged for the marquis de sade set . 
children , christian or otherwise , deserve to hear the full story of jonah's despair -- in all its agonizing , catch-22 glory -- even if they spend years trying to comprehend it . 
pleasant but not more than recycled jock piffle . 
 . . . the kind of movie you see because the theater has air conditioning . 
with zoe clarke-williams's lackluster thriller " new best friend " , who needs enemies ? just another generic drama that has nothing going for it other than its exploitive array of obligatory cheap thrills . 
hip-hop prison thriller of stupefying absurdity . 
an uneven mix of dark satire and childhood awakening . 
aside from showing us in explicit detail how difficult it is to win over the two-drink-minimum crowd , there's little to be learned from watching 'comedian'
a perfectly acceptable , perfectly bland , competently acted but by no means scary horror movie . 
the film would have been more enjoyable had the balance shifted in favor of water-bound action over the land-based 'drama , ' but the emphasis on the latter leaves blue crush waterlogged . 
the problem is the needlessly poor quality of its archival prints and film footage . the images lack contrast , are murky and are frequently too dark to be decipherable . 
like a soft drink that's been sitting open too long : it's too much syrup and not enough fizz . 
as the movie dragged on , i thought i heard a mysterious voice , and felt myself powerfully drawn toward the light -- the light of the exit sign . i have returned from the beyond to warn you : this movie is 90 minutes long , and life is too short . 
there are some fairly unsettling scenes , but they never succeed in really rattling the viewer . 
the emperor's club is one of those films that possesses all the good intentions in the world , but . . . 
in the end , the weight of water comes to resemble the kind of soft-core twaddle you'd expect to see on showtime's 'red shoe diaries . '
a straight-ahead thriller that never rises above superficiality . 
glizty but formulaic and silly . . . cagney's 'top of the world' has been replaced by the bottom of the barrel . 
the re- enactments , however fascinating they may be as history , are too crude to serve the work especially well . 
eisenstein lacks considerable brio for a film about one of cinema's directorial giants . 
is anyone else out there getting tired of the whole slo-mo , double-pistoled , ballistic-pyrotechnic hong kong action aesthetic ? 
once again , director chris columbus takes a hat-in-hand approach to rowling that stifles creativity and allows the film to drag on for nearly three hours . 
serving sara is little more than a mall movie designed to kill time . 
too smart to ignore but a little too smugly superior to like , this could be a movie that ends up slapping its target audience in the face by shooting itself in the foot . 
a well-made but emotionally scattered film whose hero gives his heart only to the dog . 
the most repugnant adaptation of a classic text since roland joffé and demi moore's the scarlet letter . 
the isolated moments of creative insanity finally are lost in the thin soup of canned humor . 
as a movie , it never seems fresh and vital . it never plays as dramatic even when dramatic things happen to people . it labours as storytelling . 
the adventures of pluto nash is a whole lot of nada . 
a really good premise is frittered away in middle-of-the-road blandness . 
lawrence should stick to his day job . he's a better actor than a standup comedian . 
despite the fact that this film wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be , it's still not a good movie
a well made indieflick in need of some trims and a more chemistry between its stars . 
i never thought i'd say this , but i'd much rather watch teens poking their genitals into fruit pies ! 
a film neither bitter nor sweet , neither romantic nor comedic , neither warm nor fuzzy . 
tiresomely derivative and hammily acted . 
we never truly come to care about the main characters and whether or not they'll wind up together , and michele's spiritual quest is neither amusing nor dramatic enough to sustain interest . 
the plot grows thin soon , and you find yourself praying for a quick resolution . 
too bad maggio couldn't come up with a better script . 
much of the cast is stiff or just plain bad . 
rice is too pedestrian a filmmaker to bring any edge or personality to the rising place that would set it apart from other deep south stories . 
at best , cletis tout might inspire a trip to the video store -- in search of a better movie experience . 
witless , pointless , tasteless and idiotic . 
not really a thriller so much as a movie for teens to laugh , groan and hiss at . 
as plain and pedestrian as catsup--
an improvement on the feeble examples of big-screen poke-mania that have preceded it . 
i know we're not supposed to take it seriously , but i can't shake the thought that undercover brother missed an opportunity to strongly present some profound social commentary . 
your stomach for heaven depends largely on your appetite for canned corn . 
a picture as erratic as its central character . 
whatever satire lucky break was aiming for , it certainly got lost in the " soon-to-be-forgettable " section of the quirky rip-off prison romp pile . it's petty thievery like this that puts flimsy flicks like this behind bars
the package in which this fascinating -- and timely -- content comes wrapped is disappointingly generic . 
guys say mean things and shoot a lot of bullets . some of the characters die and others don't , and the film pretends that those living have learned some sort of lesson , and , really , nobody in the viewing audience cares . 
wildly incompetent but brilliantly named half past dead -- or for seagal pessimists : totally past his prime . 
just another combination of bad animation and mindless violence . . . lacking the slightest bit of wit or charm . 
all the movie's narrative gymnastics can't disguise the fact that it's inauthentic at its core and that its story just isn't worth telling . 
much like its easily dismissive take on the upscale lifestyle , there isn't much there here . 
the film ultimately offers nothing more than people in an urban jungle needing other people to survive . . . 
for all its shoot-outs , fistfights , and car chases , this movie is a phlegmatic bore , so tedious it makes the silly spy vs . spy film the sum of all fears , starring ben affleck , seem downright hitchcockian . 
this mild-mannered farce , directed by one of its writers , john c . walsh , is corny in a way that bespeaks an expiration date passed a long time ago . 
[a] rather thinly-conceived movie . 
a bit too eager to please . 
you'd be hard put to find a movie character more unattractive or odorous [than leon] . 
kapur's contradictory feelings about his material result in a movie that works against itself . 
 " the road paved with good intentions leads to the video store " 
animated drivel meant to enhance the self-image of drooling idiots . 
so-so entertainment . 
one scene after another in this supposedly funny movie falls to the floor with a sickening thud . 
'the château is never quite able to overcome the cultural moat surrounding its ludicrous and contrived plot . '
meyjes focuses too much on max when he should be filling the screen with this tortured , dull artist and monster-in-the- making . 
jacobi , the most fluent of actors , is given relatively dry material from nijinsky's writings to perform , and the visuals , even erotically frank ones , become dullingly repetitive . 
crudup's screen presence is the one thing that holds interest in the midst of a mushy , existential exploration of why men leave their families . 
there is one surefire way to get a nomination for a best-foreign-film oscar : make a movie about whimsical folk who learn a nonchallenging , life-affirming lesson while walking around a foreign city with stunning architecture . 
despite terrific special effects and funnier gags , harry potter and the chamber of secrets finds a way to make j . k . rowling's marvelous series into a deadly bore . 
an incredibly narrow in-joke targeted to the tiniest segment of an already obscure demographic . 
the only thing i laughed at were the people who paid to see it . 
all of the elements are in place for a great film noir , but director george hickenlooper's approach to the material is too upbeat . 
the hackneyed story about an affluent damsel in distress who decides to fight her bully of a husband is simply too overdone . 
the phone rings and a voice tells you you've got seven days left to live . then you get another phone call warning you that if the video isn't back at blockbuster before midnight , you're going to face frightening late fees . o . k . , not really . 
possibly the most irresponsible picture ever released by a major film studio . 
the film's overall mood and focus is interesting but constantly unfulfilling . 
 . . . a cheap , ludicrous attempt at serious horror . 
those of you who are not an eighth grade girl will most likely doze off during this one . 
punitively affirmational parable . 
befuddled in its characterizations as it begins to seem as long as the two year affair which is its subject
from beginning to end , this overheated melodrama plays like a student film . 
the movie would seem less of a trifle if ms . sugarman followed through on her defiance of the saccharine . 
it's just not very smart . 
like the excruciating end of days , collateral damage presents schwarzenegger as a tragic figure , but sympathy really belongs with any viewer forced to watch him try out so many complicated facial expressions . 
imagine ( if possible ) a pasolini film without passion or politics , or an almodovar movie without beauty or humor , and you have some idea of the glum , numb experience of watching o fantasma . 
in trying to be daring and original , it comes off as only occasionally satirical and never fresh . 
90 punitive minutes of eardrum-dicing gunplay , screeching-metal smashups , and flaccid odd-couple sniping . 
sadly , though many of the actors throw off a spark or two when they first appear , they can't generate enough heat in this cold vacuum of a comedy to start a reaction . 
never capitalizes on this concept and opts for the breezy and amateurish feel of an after school special on the subject of tolerance . 
after a while , hoffman's quirks and mannerisms , particularly his penchant for tearing up on cue -- things that seem so real in small doses -- become annoying and artificial . 
this wretchedly unfunny wannabe comedy is inane and awful - no doubt , it's the worst movie i've seen this summer . 
it's drab . it's uninteresting . it squanders chan's uniqueness ; it could even be said to squander jennifer love hewitt ! 
the movie keeps coming back to the achingly unfunny phonce and his several silly subplots . 
this tale has been told and retold ; the races and rackets change , but the song remains the same . 
a surprisingly flat retread , hobbled by half-baked setups and sluggish pacing . 
forget the psychology 101 study of romantic obsession and just watch the procession of costumes in castles and this won't seem like such a bore . 
a film that should be relegated to a dark video store corner is somehow making its way instead to theaters . it's hard to imagine acting that could be any flatter . 
new ways of describing badness need to be invented to describe exactly how bad it is . 
lots of effort and intelligence are on display but in execution it is all awkward , static , and lifeless rumblings . 
when cowering and begging at the feet a scruffy giannini , madonna gives her best performance since abel ferrara had her beaten to a pulp in his dangerous game . 
i suspect that there are more interesting ways of dealing with the subject . 
decent but dull . 
the film itself is about something very interesting and odd that would probably work better as a real documentary without the insinuation of mediocre acting or a fairly trite narrative . 
an unintentional parody of every teen movie made in the last five years . 
only for young children , if them . their parents would do well to cram earplugs in their ears and put pillowcases over their heads for 87 minutes . 
for all its violence , the movie is remarkably dull with only caine making much of an impression . 
no matter how firmly director john stainton has his tongue in his cheek , the fact remains that a wacky concept does not a movie make . 
a sub-formulaic slap in the face to seasonal cheer . 
the action is reasonably well-done . . . yet story , character and comedy bits are too ragged to ever fit smoothly together . 
several uninteresting , unlikeable people do bad things to and with each other in " unfaithful . " why anyone who is not a character in this movie should care is beyond me . 
thin period piece . 
hill looks to be going through the motions , beginning with the pale script . 
howard conjures the past via surrealist flourishes so overwrought you'd swear he just stepped out of a buñuel retrospective . 
the best thing that can be said of the picture is that it does have a few cute moments . 
it's not a bad premise , just a bad movie . 
an already thin story boils down to surviving invaders seeking an existent anti-virus . if only there were one for this kind of movie . 
by the time the surprise ending is revealed , interest cannot be revived . 
the heedless impetuousness of youth is on full , irritating display in [this] meandering and pointless french coming-of-age import from writer-director anne-sophie birot . 
a peculiar misfire that even tunney can't save . 
watching queen of the damned is like reading a research paper , with special effects tossed in . 
i can't remember the last time i saw worse stunt editing or cheaper action movie production values than in extreme ops . 
too much of nemesis has a tired , talky feel . 
i felt trapped and with no obvious escape for the entire 100 minutes . 
when mr . hundert tells us in his narration that 'this is a story without surprises , ' we nod in agreement . 
leaves us wondering less about its ideas and more about its characterization of hitler and the contrived nature of its provocative conclusion . 
it is that rare combination of bad writing , bad direction and bad acting -- the trifecta of badness . 
each scene wreaks of routine ; the film never manages to generate a single threat of suspense . 
a soulless jumble of ineptly assembled cliches and pabulum that plays like a 95-minute commercial for nba properties . 
borstal boy represents the worst kind of filmmaking , the kind that pretends to be passionate and truthful but is really frustratingly timid and soggy . 
the film's lack of personality permeates all its aspects — from the tv movie-esque , affected child acting to the dullest irish pub scenes ever filmed . 
works on the whodunit level as its larger themes get lost in the murk of its own making
crush could be the worst film a man has made about women since valley of the dolls . 
4ever has the same sledgehammer appeal as pokemon videos , but it breathes more on the big screen and induces headaches more slowly . 
feels like the work of someone who may indeed have finally aged past his prime . . . and , perhaps more than he realizes , just wants to be liked by the people who can still give him work . 
trailer park magnolia : too long , too cutesy , too sure of its own importance , and possessed of that peculiar tension of being too dense & about nothing at all . 
[a] stuporously solemn film . 
viewers of barney's crushingly self-indulgent spectacle will see nothing in it to match the ordeal of sitting through it . 
 . . . its stupidities wind up sticking in one's mind a lot more than the cool bits . 
sayles . . . once again strands his superb performers in the same old story . 
the piano teacher , like its title character , is repellantly out of control . 
i have to admit i walked out of runteldat . i did go back and check out the last 10 minutes , but these were more repulsive than the first 30 or 40 minutes . 
the filmmakers lack the nerve . . . to fully exploit the script's potential for sick humor . 
the film wasn't preachy , but it was feminism by the book . 
 . . . the same tired old gags , modernized for the extreme sports generation . there's already been too many of these films . . . 
several of steven soderbergh's earlier films were hailed as the works of an artist . sadly , full frontal plays like the work of a dilettante . 
clockstoppers is one of those crazy , mixed-up films that doesn't know what it wants to be when it grows up . 
although bright , well-acted and thought-provoking , tuck everlasting suffers from a laconic pace and a lack of traditional action . 
'the war of the roses , ' trailer-trash style . entertaining but like shooting fish in a barrel . 
supposedly , pokemon can't be killed , but pokemon 4ever practically assures that the pocket monster movie franchise is nearly ready to keel over . 
white hasn't developed characters so much as caricatures , one-dimensional buffoons that get him a few laughs but nothing else . 
when you resurrect a dead man , hard copy should come a-knocking , no ? 
cattaneo should have followed the runaway success of his first film , the full monty , with something different . 
the film feels formulaic , its plot and pacing typical hollywood war-movie stuff , while the performances elicit more of a sense of deja vu than awe . 
this overproduced piece of dreck is shockingly bad and absolutely unnecessary . hmmm…might i suggest that the wayward wooden one end it all by stuffing himself into an electric pencil sharpener ? 
the makers of mothman prophecies succeed in producing that most frightening of all movies -- a mediocre horror film too bad to be good and too good to be bad . 
mr . deeds is not really a film as much as it is a loose collection of not-so-funny gags , scattered moments of lazy humor . 
how this one escaped the lifetime network i'll never know . 
couldn't someone take rob schneider and have him switch bodies with a funny person ? 
one of these days hollywood will come up with an original idea for a teen movie , but until then there's always these rehashes to feed to the younger generations . 
for all its brilliant touches , dragon loses its fire midway , nearly flickering out by its perfunctory conclusion . 
i have to admit that i am baffled by jason x . 
a mean-spirited film made by someone who surely read the catcher in the rye but clearly suffers from dyslexia
instead of a witty expose on the banality and hypocrisy of too much kid-vid , we get an ugly , mean-spirited lashing out by an adult who's apparently been forced by his kids to watch too many barney videos . 
this is a film living far too much in its own head . 
the umpteenth summer skinny dip in jerry bruckheimer's putrid pond of retread action twaddle . 
national lampoon's van wilder may aim to be the next animal house , but it more closely resembles this year's version of tomcats . 
the film thrusts the inchoate but already eldritch christian right propaganda machine into national media circles . 
dogtown is hollow , self-indulgent , and - worst of all - boring . 
a movie so bad that it quickly enters the pantheon of wreckage that includes battlefield earth and showgirls . 
more of a career curio than a major work . 
it's just too bad the screenwriters eventually shoot themselves in the feet with cop flick cliches like an oily arms dealer , squad car pile-ups and the requisite screaming captain . 
cox is far more concerned with aggrandizing madness , not the man , and the results might drive you crazy . 
to be influenced chiefly by humanity's greatest shame , reality shows -- reality shows for god's sake ! -- is a crime that should be punishable by chainsaw . 
taken as a whole , the tuxedo doesn't add up to a whole lot . 
as we have come to learn -- as many times as we have fingers to count on -- jason is a killer who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit . ' the filmmakers might want to look it up . 
a frustrating 'tweener' -- too slick , contrived and exploitative for the art houses and too cynical , small and decadent for the malls . 
what's surprising about this traditional thriller , moderately successful but not completely satisfying , is exactly how genteel and unsurprising the execution turns out to be . 
drowning's too good for this sucker . 
an instantly forgettable snow-and-stuntwork extravaganza that likely will be upstaged by an avalanche of more appealing holiday-season product . 
frankly , it's pretty stupid . i had more fun with ben stiller's zoolander , which i thought was rather clever . but there's plenty to offend everyone . . . 
love liza is a festival film that would have been better off staying on the festival circuit . 
there are things to like about murder by numbers -- but , in the end , the disparate elements don't gel . 
 . . . tackling a low-budget movie in which inexperienced children play the two main characters might not be the best way to cut your teeth in the film industry . 
quite frankly , i can't see why any actor of talent would ever work in a mcculloch production again if they looked at how this movie turned out . 
my precious new star wars movie is a lumbering , wheezy drag . . . 
the innocence of holiday cheer ain't what it used to be . 
too campy to work as straight drama and too violent and sordid to function as comedy , vulgar is , truly and thankfully , a one-of-a-kind work . 
horrid little propaganda film with fascinating connections not only to the serbs themselves but also to a network of american right-wing extremists . 
should have gone straight to video . it looks like an action movie , but it's so poorly made , on all levels , that it doesn't even qualify as a spoof of such . 
it is supremely unfunny and unentertaining to watch middle-age and older men drink to excess , piss on trees , b . s . one another and put on a show in drag . 
consider the film a celluloid litmus test for the intellectual and emotional pedigree of your date and a giant step backward for a director i admire . 
a boring , pretentious muddle that uses a sensational , real-life 19th-century crime as a metaphor for -- well , i'm not exactly sure what -- and has all the dramatic weight of a raindrop . 
sheridan had a wonderful account to work from , but , curiously , he waters it down , turning grit and vulnerability into light reading . 
heavy with flabby rolls of typical toback machinations . 
it is very difficult to care about the character , and that is the central flaw of the film . 
snow dogs finds its humour in a black man getting humiliated by a pack of dogs who are smarter than him
whole stretches of the film may be incomprehensible to moviegoers not already clad in basic black . 
reggio and glass so rhapsodize cynicism , with repetition and languorous slo-mo sequences , that glass's dirgelike score becomes a fang-baring lullaby . 
es triste tener que decirles que lo único grato de la cinta es el cuerpo desnudo de la heather . . . 
ends up offering nothing more than the latest schwarzenegger or stallone flick would . 
the film makes strong arguments regarding the social status of america's indigenous people , but really only exists to try to eke out an emotional tug of the heart , one which it fails to get . 
charlize chases kevin with a gun . courtney chases stuart with a cell phone . the sound of gunfire and cell phones ringing . 
if the tuxedo actually were a suit , it would fit chan like a $99 bargain-basement special . 
parents beware ; this is downright movie penance . 
 . . . a complete shambles of a movie so sloppy , so uneven , so damn unpleasant that i can't believe any viewer , young or old , would have a good time here . 
has nothing good to speak about other than the fact that it is relatively short , tries its best to hide the fact that seagal's overweight and out of shape . 
a pathetically inane and unimaginative cross between xxx and vertical limit . 
impeccably filmed , sexually charged , but ultimately lacking in substance , not to mention dragged down by a leaden closing act . 
feels at times like a giant commercial for universal studios , where much of the action takes place . 
while the mystery unravels , the characters respond by hitting on each other . 
britney spears' phoniness is nothing compared to the movie's contrived , lame screenplay and listless direction . 
every sequel you skip will be two hours gained . consider this review life-affirming . 
if the movie were all comedy , it might work better . but it has an ambition to say something about its subjects , but not a willingness . 
the movie , while beautiful , feels labored , with a hint of the writing exercise about it . 
twenty-three movies into a mostly magnificent directorial career , clint eastwood's efficiently minimalist style finally has failed him . big time . 
this heist flick about young brooklyn hoods is off the shelf after two years to capitalize on the popularity of vin diesel , seth green and barry pepper . it should have stayed there . 
the film has a childlike quality about it . but the feelings evoked in the film are lukewarm and quick to pass . 
the most opaque , self-indulgent and just plain goofy an excuse for a movie as you can imagine . 
it's not a film to be taken literally on any level , but its focus always appears questionable . 
big fat liar is little more than home alone raised to a new , self-deprecating level . 
the movie is gorgeously made , but it is also somewhat shallow and art-conscious . 
the only time 8 crazy nights comes close to hitting a comedic or satirical target is during the offbeat musical numbers . 
loses its sense of humor in a vat of failed jokes , twitchy acting , and general boorishness . 
there's a delightfully quirky movie to be made from curling , but brooms isn't it . 
the story suffers a severe case of oversimplification , superficiality and silliness . 
chamber of secrets will find millions of eager fans . but if the essence of magic is its make-believe promise of life that soars above the material realm , this is the opposite of a truly magical movie . 
too clever by about nine-tenths . 
has all the hallmarks of a movie designed strictly for children's home video , a market so insatiable it absorbs all manner of lame entertainment , as long as 3-year-olds find it diverting . 
well-meant but unoriginal . 
bears about as much resemblance to the experiences of most battered women as spider-man does to the experiences of most teenagers . 
toward the end sum of all fears morphs into a mundane '70s disaster flick . 
director carl franklin , so crisp and economical in one false move , bogs down in genre cliches here . 
mendes still doesn't quite know how to fill a frame . like the hanks character , he's a slow study : the action is stilted and the tabloid energy embalmed . 
this thing is just garbage . 
as crimes go , writer-director michael kalesniko's how to kill your neighbor's dog is slight but unendurable . 
there must be an audience that enjoys the friday series , but i wouldn't be interested in knowing any of them personally . 
a bold ( and lovely ) experiment that will almost certainly bore most audiences into their own brightly colored dreams . 
an uplifting , largely bogus story . 
an empty exercise , a florid but ultimately vapid crime melodrama with lots of surface flash but little emotional resonance . 
if you are curious to see the darker side of what's going on with young tv actors ( dawson leery did what ? ! ? ) , or see some interesting storytelling devices , you might want to check it out , but there's nothing very attractive about this movie . 
my own minority report is that it stinks . 
trying to make head or tail of the story in the hip-hop indie snipes is enough to give you brain strain -- and the pay-off is negligible . 
the script is high on squaddie banter , low on shocks . 
 . . . if you , like me , think an action film disguised as a war tribute is disgusting to begin with , then you're in for a painful ride . 
while solondz tries and tries hard , storytelling fails to provide much more insight than the inside column of a torn book jacket . 
with very little to add beyond the dark visions already relayed by superb recent predecessors like swimming with sharks and the player , this latest skewering . . . may put off insiders and outsiders alike . 
[davis] wants to cause his audience an epiphany , yet he refuses to give us real situations and characters . 
without a fresh infusion of creativity , 4ever is neither a promise nor a threat so much as wishful thinking . 
 . . . unlike [scorsese's mean streets] , ash wednesday is essentially devoid of interesting characters or even a halfway intriguing plot . 
being unique doesn't necessarily equate to being good , no matter how admirably the filmmakers have gone for broke . 
a few hours after you've seen it , you forget you've been to the movies . 
odd and weird . 
waydowntown may not be an important movie , or even a good one , but it provides a nice change of mindless pace in collision with the hot oscar season currently underway . 
yes , i suppose it's lovely that cal works out his issues with his dad and comes to terms with his picture-perfect life -- but world traveler gave me no reason to care , so i didn't . 
shadyac , who belongs with the damned for perpetrating patch adams , trots out every ghost trick from the sixth sense to the mothman prophecies . 
the photographer's show-don't-tell stance is admirable , but it can make him a problematic documentary subject . 
it is not the first time that director sara sugarman stoops to having characters drop their pants for laughs and not the last time she fails to provoke them . 
i'd be hard pressed to think of a film more cloyingly sappy than evelyn this year . 
nothing more than an amiable but unfocused bagatelle that plays like a loosely-connected string of acting-workshop exercises . 
meanders between its powerful moments . 
what remains is a variant of the nincompoop benigni persona , here a more annoying , though less angry version of the irresponsible sandlerian manchild , undercut by the voice of the star of road trip . 
a backhanded ode to female camaraderie penned by a man who has little clue about either the nature of women or of friendship . 
pure of intention and passably diverting , his secret life is light , innocuous and unremarkable . 
 . . . delivers few moments of inspiration amid the bland animation and simplistic story . 
take away the controversy , and it's not much more watchable than a mexican soap opera . 
it's got the brawn , but not the brains . 
mindless and boring martial arts and gunplay with too little excitement and zero compelling storyline . 
a lot of talent is wasted in this crass , low-wattage endeavor . 
to show these characters in the act and give them no feelings of remorse -- and to cut repeatedly to the flashback of the original rape -- is overkill to the highest degree . 
[t]oo many of these gross out scenes . . . 
about one in three gags in white's intermittently wise script hits its mark ; the rest are padding unashamedly appropriated from the teen-exploitation playbook . 
little is done to support the premise other than fling gags at it to see which ones shtick . 
reno does what he can in a thankless situation , the film ricochets from humor to violence and back again , and ryoko hirosue makes us wonder if she is always like that . 
if jews were catholics , this would be catechism
one of those films that seems tailor made to air on pay cable to offer some modest amusements when one has nothing else to watch . 
the big ending surprise almost saves the movie . it's too bad that the rest isn't more compelling . 
charming , if overly complicated . . . 
schneider's mugging is relentless and his constant need to suddenly transpose himself into another character undermines the story's continuity and progression . 
all very stylish and beautifully photographed , but far more trouble than it's worth , with fantasy mixing with reality and actors playing more than one role just to add to the confusion . 
it's probably not easy to make such a worthless film . . . 
hope keeps arising that the movie will live up to the apparent skills of its makers and the talents of its actors , but it doesn't . 
has no reason to exist , other than to employ hollywood kids and people who owe favors to their famous parents . 
for a guy who has waited three years with breathless anticipation for a new hal hartley movie to pore over , no such thing is a big letdown . 
constantly slips from the grasp of its maker . 
smothered by its own solemnity . 
'christian bale's quinn [is] a leather clad grunge-pirate with a hairdo like gandalf in a wind-tunnel and a simply astounding cor-blimey-luv-a-duck cockney accent . '
might be one of those vanity projects in which a renowned filmmaker attempts to show off his talent by surrounding himself with untalented people . 
after you laugh once ( maybe twice ) , you will have completely forgotten the movie by the time you get back to your car in the parking lot . 
not one moment in the enterprise didn't make me want to lie down in a dark room with something cool to my brow . 
in the era of the sopranos , it feels painfully redundant and inauthentic . 
the overall vibe is druggy and self-indulgent , like a spring-break orgy for pretentious arts majors . 
breen's script is sketchy with actorish notations on the margin of acting . 
there's no question that epps scores once or twice , but it's telling that his funniest moment comes when he falls about ten feet onto his head . 
if only merchant paid more attention the story . 
at the one-hour mark , herzog simply runs out of ideas and the pace turns positively leaden as the movie sputters to its inevitable tragic conclusion . 
 . . . too contrived to be as naturally charming as it needs to be . 
a simpler , leaner treatment would have been preferable ; after all , being about nothing is sometimes funnier than being about something . 
the characters are based on stock clichés , and the attempt to complicate the story only defies credibility . 
everything about it from the bland songs to the colorful but flat drawings is completely serviceable and quickly forgettable . 
not the great american comedy , but if you liked the previous movies in the series , you'll have a good time with this one too . 
a domestic melodrama with weak dialogue and biopic cliches . 
mr . goyer's loose , unaccountable direction is technically sophisticated in the worst way . 
the movie is so thoughtlessly assembled . 
benigni presents himself as the boy puppet pinocchio , complete with receding hairline , weathered countenance and american breckin meyer's ridiculously inappropriate valley boy voice . 
plays like some corny television production from a bygone era
the end result is like cold porridge with only the odd enjoyably chewy lump . 
for all the charm of kevin kline and a story that puts old-fashioned values under the microscope , there's something creepy about this movie . 
i was feeling this movie until it veered off too far into the exxon zone , and left me behind at the station looking for a return ticket to realism . 
producer john penotti surveyed high school students . . . and came back with the astonishing revelation that " they wanted to see something that didn't talk down to them . " ignoring that , he made swimfan anyway
naipaul fans may be disappointed . those who are not acquainted with the author's work , on the other hand , may fall fast asleep . 
hoffman waits too long to turn his movie in an unexpected direction , and even then his tone retains a genteel , prep-school quality that feels dusty and leatherbound . 
if you're a crocodile hunter fan , you'll enjoy at least the " real " portions of the film . if you're looking for a story , don't bother . 
full frontal had no effect and elicited no sympathies for any of the characters . by that measure , it is a failure . 
a baffling mixed platter of gritty realism and magic realism with a hard-to-swallow premise . 
an affable but undernourished romantic comedy that fails to match the freshness of the actress-producer and writer's previous collaboration , miss congeniality . 
sometimes this modest little number clicks , and sometimes it doesn't . 
like a pack of dynamite sticks , built for controversy . the film is explosive , but a few of those sticks are wet . 
has its charming quirks and its dull spots . 
an admitted egomaniac , evans is no hollywood villain , and yet this grating showcase almost makes you wish he'd gone the way of don simpson . 
the audience when i saw this one was chuckling at all the wrong times , and that's a bad sign when they're supposed to be having a collective heart attack . 
everyone's to blame here . 
you get the impression that writer and director burr steers knows the territory . . . but his sense of humor has yet to lose the smug self-satisfaction usually associated with the better private schools . 
less a study in madness or love than a study in schoolgirl obsession . 
rice never clearly defines his characters or gives us a reason to care about them . 
it's a bizarre curiosity memorable mainly for the way it fritters away its potentially interesting subject matter via a banal script , unimpressive acting and indifferent direction . 
a slight and obvious effort , even for one whose target demographic is likely still in the single digits , age-wise . 
sex with strangers will shock many with its unblinking frankness . but what is missing from it all is a moral . what is the filmmakers' point ? why did they deem it necessary to document all this emotional misery ? 
you see robin williams and psycho killer , and you think , hmmmmm . you see the movie and you think , zzzzzzzzz . 
downright transparent is the script's endless assault of embarrassingly ham-fisted sex jokes that reek of a script rewrite designed to garner the film a " cooler " pg-13 rating . 
the movie slides downhill as soon as macho action conventions assert themselves . 
formulaic to the 51st power , more like . 
draggin' about dragons
howard and his co-stars all give committed performances , but they're often undone by howard's self-conscious attempts to find a 'literary' filmmaking style to match his subject . 
a respectable but uninspired thriller that's intelligent and considered in its details , but ultimately weak in its impact . 
jones helps breathe some life into the insubstantial plot , but even he is overwhelmed by predictability . 
the movie just has too much on its plate to really stay afloat for its just under ninety minute running time . 
comes off more like a misdemeanor , a flat , unconvincing drama that never catches fire . 
cinematic poo . 
offers absolutely nothing i hadn't already seen . 
 " analyze that " is one of those crass , contrived sequels that not only fails on its own , but makes you second-guess your affection for the original . 
you might say tykwer has done all that heaven allows , if you wanted to make as anti-kieslowski a pun as possible . suffice to say its total promise is left slightly unfulfilled . 
complex , sinuously plotted and , somehow , off-puttingly cold . 
first-time writer-director dylan kidd also has a good ear for dialogue , and the characters sound like real people . 
 . . . an airless , prepackaged julia roberts wannabe that stinks so badly of hard-sell image-mongering you'll wonder if lopez's publicist should share screenwriting credit . 
goldmember has none of the visual wit of the previous pictures , and it looks as though jay roach directed the film from the back of a taxicab . 
could as easily have been called 'under siege 3 : in alcatraz' . . . a cinematic corpse that never springs to life . 
in comparison to his earlier films it seems a disappointingly thin slice of lower-class london life ; despite the title . . . amounts to surprisingly little . 
lame sweet home leaves no southern stereotype unturned . 
slow , dry , poorly cast , but beautifully shot . 
the jokes are sophomoric , stereotypes are sprinkled everywhere and the acting ranges from bad to bodacious . 
will give many ministers and bible-study groups hours of material to discuss . but mainstream audiences will find little of interest in this film , which is often preachy and poorly acted . 
in its chicken heart , crush goes to absurd lengths to duck the very issues it raises . 
this long and relentlessly saccharine film is a clear case of preaching to the converted . 
the film is flat . 
the movie is a lumbering load of hokum but . . . it's at least watchable . 
it's a boom-box of a movie that might have been titled 'the loud and the ludicrous' . . . the pandering to a moviegoing audience dominated by young males is all too calculated . 
an unbelievably stupid film , though occasionally fun enough to make you forget its absurdity . 
the first fatal attraction was vile enough . do we really need the tiger beat version ? 
this bond film goes off the beaten path , not necessarily for the better . 
the problem is that the movie has no idea of it is serious or not . 
when the fire burns out , we've only come face-to-face with a couple dragons and that's where the film ultimately fails . 
it would work much better as a one-hour tv documentary . 
the elements were all there but lack of a pyschological center knocks it flat . 
anemic chronicle of money grubbing new yorkers and their serial loveless hook ups . 
simply doesn't have sufficient heft to justify its two-hour running time . 
an unsuccessful attempt at a movie of ideas . 
queen of the damned as you might have guessed , makes sorry use of aaliyah in her one and only starring role -- she does little here but point at things that explode into flame . 
this toothless dog , already on cable , loses all bite on the big screen . 
it made me feel unclean , and i'm the guy who liked there's something about mary and both american pie movies . oh , and booty call . 
not only is it hokey , manipulative and as bland as wonder bread dipped in milk , but it also does the absolute last thing we need hollywood doing to us : it preaches . 
it's so crammed with scenes and vistas and pretty moments that it's left a few crucial things out , like character development and coherence . 
serving sara should be served an eviction notice at every theater stuck with it . 
director roger michell does so many of the little things right that it's difficult not to cuss him out severely for bungling the big stuff . 
a loud , low-budget and tired formula film that arrives cloaked in the euphemism 'urban drama . '
the movie has a script ( by paul pender ) made of wood , and it's relentlessly folksy , a procession of stagy set pieces stacked with binary oppositions . 
a pathetic exploitation film that tries to seem sincere , and just seems worse for the effort . 
at some point , all this visual trickery stops being clever and devolves into flashy , vaguely silly overkill . 
despite some charm and heart , this quirky soccer import is forgettable
meyjes's movie , like max rothman's future , does not work . 
what's needed so badly but what is virtually absent here is either a saving dark humor or the feel of poetic tragedy . 
schneidermeister . . . makin' a fool of himself . . . losin' his fan base . . . 
an ambitious , serious film that manages to do virtually everything wrong ; sitting through it is something akin to an act of cinematic penance . 
not once does it come close to being exciting . 
a frankenstein mishmash that careens from dark satire to cartoonish slapstick , bartleby performs neither one very well . 
it plays like a big-budget , after-school special with a generous cast , who at times lift the material from its well-meaning clunkiness . 
there's something not entirely convincing about the quiet american . and that holds true for both the movie and the title character played by brendan fraser . 
one of those strained caper movies that's hardly any fun to watch and begins to vaporize from your memory minutes after it ends . 
needed a little less bling-bling and a lot more romance . 
the ending doesn't work . . . but most of the movie works so well i'm almost recommending it , anyway -- maybe not to everybody , but certainly to people with a curiosity about how a movie can go very right , and then step wrong . 
it's hard to believe these jokers are supposed to have pulled off four similar kidnappings before . 
i'm not exactly sure what this movie thinks it is about . 
cal is an unpleasantly shallow and immature character with whom to spend 110 claustrophobic minutes . 
so brisk is wang's pacing that none of the excellent cast are given air to breathe . 
the bottom line , at least in my opinion , is imposter makes a better short story than it does a film . 
some elements of it really blow the big one , but other parts are decent . 
it is just too bad the film's story does not live up to its style . 
unless you're a fanatic , the best advice is : 'scooby' don't . 
a cautionary tale about the folly of superficiality that is itself endlessly superficial . 
for single digits kidlets stuart little 2 is still a no brainer . if you're looking to rekindle the magic of the first film , you'll need a stronger stomach than us . 
shreve's graceful dual narrative gets clunky on the screen , and we keep getting torn away from the compelling historical tale to a less-compelling soap opera . 
contains a few big laughs but many more that graze the funny bone or miss it altogether , in part because the consciously dumbed-down approach wears thin . 
nothing more than a widget cranked out on an assembly line to see if stupid americans will get a kick out of goofy brits with cute accents performing ages-old slapstick and unfunny tricks . 
this is a film tailor-made for those who when they were in high school would choose the cliff-notes over reading a full-length classic . 
the movie is undone by a filmmaking methodology that's just experimental enough to alienate the mainstream audience while ringing cliched to hardened indie-heads . 
a jumbled fantasy comedy that did not figure out a coherent game plan at scripting , shooting or post-production stages . 
a sad and rote exercise in milking a played-out idea -- a straight guy has to dress up in drag -- that shockingly manages to be even worse than its title would imply . 
personal velocity ought to be exploring these women's inner lives , but it never moves beyond their surfaces . 
we hate [madonna] within the film's first five minutes , and she lacks the skill or presence to regain any ground . 
sounding like arnold schwarzenegger , with a physique to match , [ahola] has a wooden delivery and encounters a substantial arc of change that doesn't produce any real transformation . 
two big things are missing -- anything approaching a visceral kick , and anything approaching even a vague reason to sit through it all . 
a fascinating but choppy documentary . 
scarcely worth a mention apart from reporting on the number of tumbleweeds blowing through the empty theatres graced with its company . 
the doofus-on- the-loose banter of welcome to collinwood has a cocky , after-hours loopiness to it . and as with most late-night bull sessions , eventually the content isn't nearly as captivating as the rowdy participants think it is . 
too stagey , talky -- and long -- for its own good . 
apparently reassembled from the cutting-room floor of any given daytime soap . 
the sinister inspiration that fuelled devito's early work is confused in death to smoochy into something both ugly and mindless . 
despite auteuil's performance , it's a rather listless amble down the middle of the road , where the thematic ironies are too obvious and the sexual politics too smug . 
director boris von sychowski instead opts for a routine slasher film that was probably more fun to make than it is to sit through . 
 . . . little more than a well-acted television melodrama shot for the big screen . 
never comes together as a coherent whole . 
an unintentionally surreal kid's picture . . . in which actors in bad bear suits enact a sort of inter-species parody of a vh1 behind the music episode . 
first , for a movie that tries to be smart , it's kinda dumb . and second , what's with all the shooting ? 
don't even bother to rent this on video . 
there is something in full frontal , i guess , about artifice and acting and how it distorts reality for people who make movies and watch them , but like most movie riddles , it works only if you have an interest in the characters you see . 
this is the kind of movie that gets a quick release before real contenders arrive in september . 
not counting a few gross-out comedies i've been trying to forget , this is the first film in a long time that made me want to bolt the theater in the first 10 minutes . 
plays like one long , meandering sketch inspired by the works of john waters and todd solondz , rather than a fully developed story . 
the film doesn't have enough innovation or pizazz to attract teenagers , and it lacks the novel charm that made spy kids a surprising winner with both adults and younger audiences . 
a mawkish self-parody that plays like some weird masterpiece theater sketch with neither a point of view nor a compelling reason for being . 
an average b-movie with no aspirations to be anything more . 
bartlett's hero remains a reactive cipher , when opening the man's head and heart is the only imaginable reason for the film to be made . 
gibney and jarecki just want to string the bastard up . 
the plot is plastered with one hollywood cliche after another , most of which involve precocious kids getting the better of obnoxious adults . 
less worrying about covering all the drama in frida's life and more time spent exploring her process of turning pain into art would have made this a superior movie . 
a film that suffers because of its many excesses . 
too bland and fustily tasteful to be truly prurient . 
in any case , i would recommend big bad love only to winger fans who have missed her since 1995's forget paris . but even then , i'd recommend waiting for dvd and just skipping straight to her scenes . 
depicts the sorriest and most sordid of human behavior on the screen , then laughs at how clever it's being . 
nijinsky says , 'i know how to suffer' and if you see this film you'll know too . 
'cq may one day be fondly remembered as roman coppola's brief pretentious period before going on to other films that actually tell a story worth caring about
the only thing scary about feardotcom is that the filmmakers and studio are brazen enough to attempt to pass this stinker off as a scary movie . 
 . . . stale and uninspired . 
a dreary movie . 
 . . . the story simply putters along looking for astute observations and coming up blank . 
instead of contriving a climactic hero's death for the beloved-major- character-who-shall- remain-nameless , why not invite some genuine spontaneity into the film by having the evil aliens' laser guns actually hit something for once ? 
it just didn't mean much to me and played too skewed to ever get a hold on ( or be entertained by ) . 
this action-thriller/dark comedy is one of the most repellent things to pop up in a cinematic year already littered with celluloid garbage . 
mib ii is a movie that makes it possible for the viewer to doze off for a few minutes or make several runs to the concession stand and/or restroom and not feel as if he or she has missed anything . that's because relatively nothing happens . 
no amount of arty theorizing -- the special effects are 'german-expressionist , ' according to the press notes -- can render it anything but laughable . 
blue crush follows the formula , but throws in too many conflicts to keep the story compelling . 
boyd's screenplay ( co-written with guardian hack nick davies ) has a florid turn of phrase that owes more to guy ritchie than the bard of avon . 
there's not a spark of new inspiration in it , just more of the same , done with noticeably less energy and imagination . 
jackson shamefully strolls through this mess with a smug grin , inexplicably wearing a kilt and carrying a bag of golf clubs over one shoulder . 
a moving picture that does not move . 
ruh-roh ! romething's really wrong with this ricture ! 
its salient points are simultaneously buried , drowned and smothered in the excesses of writer-director roger avary . 
i'm not sure these words have ever been together in the same sentence : this erotic cannibal movie is boring . 
'god help us , but capra and cooper are rolling over in their graves . '
 . . . an hour-and-a-half of inoffensive , unmemorable filler . 
is it a comedy ? a drama ? a romance ? a cartoon ? 
ze movie starts out so funny , then she is nothing . 
did the film inform and educate me ? yes . did it move me to care about what happened in 1915 armenia ? no . and that is where ararat went astray . 
it's a bad sign in a thriller when you instantly know whodunit . 
has a customarily jovial air but a deficit of flim-flam inventiveness . 
eight legged freaks won't join the pantheon of great monster/science fiction flicks that we have come to love . . . 
it gets the details of its time frame right but it completely misses its emotions . 
who , exactly , is fighting whom here ? ah , yes , that would be me : fighting off the urge to doze . 
a kilted jackson is an unsettling sight , and indicative of his , if you will , out-of-kilter character , who rambles aimlessly through ill-conceived action pieces . 
contrived , awkward and filled with unintended laughs , the film shows signs that someone other than the director got into the editing room and tried to improve things by making the movie go faster . 
starts out with tremendous promise , introducing an intriguing and alluring premise , only to fall prey to a boatload of screenwriting cliches that sink it faster than a leaky freighter . 
the film lapses too often into sugary sentiment and withholds delivery on the pell-mell pyrotechnics its punchy style promises . 
the only question . . . is to determine how well the schmaltz is manufactured -- to assess the quality of the manipulative engineering . average , at best , i'm afraid . 
this movie is so bad , that it's almost worth seeing because it's so bad . 
a crisply made movie that is no more than mildly amusing . 
this movie feel more like a non-stop cry for attention , than an attempt at any kind of satisfying entertainment . 
overall , it's a pretty mediocre family film . 
love may have been in the air onscreen , but i certainly wasn't feeling any of it . 
in addition to the overcooked , ham-fisted direction , which has all the actors reaching for the back row , the dialogue sounds like horrible poetry . 
the very definition of what critics have come to term an " ambitious failure . " 
it's as if de palma spent an hour setting a fancy table and then served up kraft macaroni and cheese . 
the movie ends with outtakes in which most of the characters forget their lines and just utter 'uhhh , ' which is better than most of the writing in the movie . 
worthy of the gong . 
while certainly more naturalistic than its australian counterpart , amari's film falls short in building the drama of lilia's journey . 
i found the movie as divided against itself as the dysfunctional family it portrays . 
the soul-searching deliberateness of the film , although leavened nicely with dry absurdist wit , eventually becomes too heavy for the plot . 
the movie doesn't add anything fresh to the myth . 
as inept as big-screen remakes of the avengers and the wild wild west . 
comes across as a relic from a bygone era , and its convolutions . . . feel silly rather than plausible . 
moves in such odd plot directions and descends into such message-mongering moralism that its good qualities are obscured . 
it's a very sincere work , but it would be better as a diary or documentary . 
once one experiences mr . haneke's own sadistic tendencies toward his audience , one is left with a sour taste in one's mouth , and little else . 
oops , she's really done it this time . that chirpy songbird britney spears has popped up with more mindless drivel . 
it's a loathsome movie , it really is and it makes absolutely no sense . 
a chiller resolutely without chills . 
for those of us who respond more strongly to storytelling than computer-generated effects , the new star wars installment hasn't escaped the rut dug by the last one . 
the director mostly plays it straight , turning leys' fable into a listless climb down the social ladder . 
 " bad " is the operative word for " bad company , " and i don't mean that in a good way . 
though frida is easier to swallow than julie taymor's preposterous titus , the eye candy here lacks considerable brio . 
drumline is -- the mere suggestion , albeit a visually compelling one , of a fully realized story . 
the whole movie is simply a lazy exercise in bad filmmaking that asks you to not only suspend your disbelief but your intelligence as well . 
the film affords us intriguing glimpses of the insights gleaned from a lifetime of spiritual inquiry , but ram dass : fierce grace doesn't organize it with any particular insight . 
pompous and garbled . 
billy crystal and robert de niro sleepwalk through vulgarities in a sequel you can refuse . 
it's loud and boring ; watching it is like being trapped at a bad rock concert . 
merely ( and literally ) tosses around sex toys and offers half-hearted paeans to empowerment that are repeatedly undercut by the brutality of the jokes , most at women's expense . 
if you want a movie time trip , the 1960 version is a far smoother ride . 
traffics in the kind of prechewed racial clichés that have already been through the corporate stand-up-comedy mill . 
the story is -- forgive me -- a little thin , and the filmmaking clumsy and rushed . 
 . . . grows decidedly flimsier with its many out-sized , out of character and logically porous action set pieces . 
i wish windtalkers had had more faith in the dramatic potential of this true story . this would have been better than the fiction it has concocted , and there still could have been room for the war scenes . 
aggressive self-glorification and a manipulative whitewash . stay for the credits and see a devastating comic impersonation by dustin hoffman that is revelatory . 
none of the characters or plot-lines are fleshed-out enough to build any interest . 
as social exposé , skins has its heart in the right place , but that's not much to hang a soap opera on . 
the whole film has this sneaky feel to it – as if the director is trying to dupe the viewer into taking it all as very important simply because the movie is ugly to look at and not a hollywood product . 
there's a bit of thematic meat on the bones of queen of the damned , as its origins in an anne rice novel dictate , but generally , it's a movie that emphasizes style over character and substance . 
the only way to tolerate this insipid , brutally clueless film might be with a large dose of painkillers . 
this one is certainly well-meaning , but it's also simple-minded and contrived . 
coppola has made a film of intoxicating atmosphere and little else . 
bad and baffling from the get-go . 
a series of immaculately composed shots of patch adams quietly freaking out does not make for much of a movie . 
at a time when we've learned the hard way just how complex international terrorism is , collateral damage paints an absurdly simplistic picture . 
the impulses that produced this project . . . are commendable , but the results are uneven . 
a well-acted movie that simply doesn't gel . 
like a can of 2-day old coke . you can taste it , but there's no fizz . 
there's no excuse for following up a delightful , well-crafted family film with a computer-generated cold fish . 
both the crime story and the love story are unusual . but they don't fit well together and neither is well told . 
it's both sitcomishly predictable and cloying in its attempts to be poignant . 
other than a mildly engaging central romance , hospital is sickly entertainment at best and mind-destroying cinematic pollution at worst . 
jaglom offers the none-too-original premise that everyone involved with moviemaking is a con artist and a liar . 
outside of burger's desire to make some kind of film , it's really unclear why this project was undertaken
was i scared ? only at the prospect of beck's next project . let's see , a haunted house , a haunted ship , what's next . . . ghost blimp ? 
a fragile framework upon which to hang broad , mildly fleshed-out characters that seem to have been conjured up only 10 minutes prior to filming . 
by the time the plot grinds itself out in increasingly incoherent fashion , you might be wishing for a watch that makes time go faster rather than the other way around . 
since lee is a sentimentalist , the film is more worshipful than your random e ! true hollywood story . 
wes craven's presence is felt ; not the craven of 'a nightmare on elm street' or 'the hills have eyes , ' but the sad schlock merchant of 'deadly friend . '
sunshine state surveys the landscape and assesses the issues with a clear passion for sociology . but the cinematography is cloudy , the picture making becalmed . 
it's one long bore . 
it gets old quickly . watch barbershop again if you're in need of a cube fix--this isn't worth sitting through . 
it's leaden and predictable , and laughs are lacking . 
 . . . a cinematic disaster so inadvertently sidesplitting it's worth the price of admission for the ridicule factor alone . 
skip this dreck , rent animal house and go back to the source . 
the movie is a desperate miscalculation . it gives poor dana carvey nothing to do that is really funny , and then expects us to laugh because he acts so goofy all the time . 
we just don't really care too much about this love story . in that setting , their struggle is simply too ludicrous and borderline insulting . 
the transporter bombards the viewer with so many explosions and side snap kicks that it ends up being surprisingly dull . 
uzumaki's interesting social parallel and defiant aesthetic seems a prostituted muse . . . 
'men in black ii creates a new threat for the mib , but recycles the same premise . 
large budget notwithstanding , the movie is such a blip on the year's radar screen that it's tempting just to go with it for the ride . but this time , the old mib label stands for milder isn't better . 
feels familiar and tired . 
a retread of material already thoroughly plumbed by martin scorsese . 
instead of making his own style , director marcus adams just copies from various sources – good sources , bad mixture
criminal conspiracies and true romances move so easily across racial and cultural lines in the film that it makes my big fat greek wedding look like an apartheid drama . 
a bore that tends to hammer home every one of its points . 
a story which fails to rise above its disgusting source material . 
it's fitting that a movie as artificial and soulless as the country bears owes its genesis to an animatronic display at disneyland . 
starts as an intense political and psychological thriller but is sabotaged by ticking time bombs and other hollywood-action cliches . 
completely creatively stillborn and executed in a manner that i'm not sure could be a single iota worse . . . a soulless hunk of exploitative garbage . 
an uneven look into a grim future that doesn't come close to the level of intelligence and visual splendour that can be seen in other films based on philip k . dick stories . 
horrible
the disjointed mess flows as naturally as jolie's hideous yellow 'do . 
bolstered by an astonishing voice cast ( excepting love hewitt ) , an interesting racial tension , and a storyline that i haven't encountered since at least pete's dragon . 
an authentically vague , but ultimately purposeless , study in total pandemonium . 
makes a joke out of car chases for an hour and then gives us half an hour of car chases . 
as the sulking , moody male hustler in the title role , [franco] has all of dean's mannerisms and self-indulgence , but none of his sweetness and vulnerability . 
the only thing to fear about " fear dot com " is hitting your head on the theater seat in front of you when you doze off thirty minutes into the film . 
it's too interested in jerking off in all its byzantine incarnations to bother pleasuring its audience . 
'synthetic' is the best description of this well-meaning , beautifully produced film that sacrifices its promise for a high-powered star pedigree . 
it concentrates far too much on the awkward interplay and utter lack of chemistry between chan and hewitt . 
impostor can't think of a thing to do with these characters except have them run through dark tunnels , fight off various anonymous attackers , and evade elaborate surveillance technologies . 
judd's characters ought to pick up the durable best seller smart women , foolish choices for advice . 
the script has less spice than a rat burger and the rock's fighting skills are more in line with steven seagal . 
this ill-conceived and expensive project winds up looking like a bunch of talented thesps slumming it . 
 . . . there's a choppy , surface-effect feeling to the whole enterprise . 
doesn't get the job done , running off the limited chemistry created by ralph fiennes and jennifer lopez . 
a particularly joyless , and exceedingly dull , period coming-of-age tale . 
it's impossible to indulge the fanciful daydreams of janice beard ( eileen walsh ) when her real-life persona is so charmless and vacant . 
…it wasn't the subject matter that ultimately defeated the film…it was the unfulfilling , incongruous , " wait a second , did i miss something ? " ending . 
this is a movie where the most notable observation is how long you've been sitting still . 
poor editing , bad bluescreen , and ultra-cheesy dialogue highlight the radical action . 
it's super- violent , super-serious and super-stupid . 
so earnest and well-meaning , and so stocked with talent , that you almost forget the sheer , ponderous awfulness of its script . 
just a string of stale gags , with no good inside dope , and no particular bite . 
it's splash without the jokes . 
the château would have been benefited from a sharper , cleaner script before it went in front of the camera . not to mention a sharper , cleaner camera lens . 
shallow , noisy and pretentious . 
morrissette has performed a difficult task indeed - he's taken one of the world's most fascinating stories and made it dull , lifeless , and irritating . 
granddad of le nouvelle vague , jean-luc godard continues to baffle the faithful with his games of hide-and-seek . 
this loud and thoroughly obnoxious comedy about a pair of squabbling working-class spouses is a deeply unpleasant experience . 
it's better than the phantom menace . but unless you're an absolute raving star wars junkie , it isn't much fun . 
philosophically , intellectually and logistically a mess . 
a standard police-oriented drama that , were it not for de niro's participation , would have likely wound up a tnt original . 
coupling disgracefully written dialogue with flailing bodily movements that substitute for acting , circuit is the awkwardly paced soap opera-ish story . 
hollywood ending just isn't very funny . 
though clearly well-intentioned , this cross-cultural soap opera is painfully formulaic and stilted . 
a technical triumph and an extraordinary bore . 
i can easily imagine benigni's pinocchio becoming a christmas perennial . coal isn't as easy to come by as it used to be and this would be a worthy substitute for naughty children's stockings . 
two hours of junk . 
ends up being mostly about ravishing costumes , eye-filling , wide-screen production design and joan's wacky decision to stand by her man , no matter how many times he demonstrates that he's a disloyal satyr . 
self-congratulatory , misguided , and ill-informed , if nonetheless compulsively watchable . 
a clumsily manufactured exploitation flick , a style-free exercise in manipulation and mayhem . 
the whole affair , true story or not , feels incredibly hokey . . . [it] comes off like a hallmark commercial . 
what's missing is what we call the 'wow' factor . 
the nicest thing that can be said about stealing harvard ( which might have been called freddy gets molested by a dog ) is that it's not as obnoxious as tom green's freddie got fingered . 
 . . . tara reid plays a college journalist , but she looks like the six-time winner of the miss hawaiian tropic pageant , so i don't know what she's doing in here . . . 
the young stars are too cute ; the story and ensuing complications are too manipulative ; the message is too blatant ; the resolutions are too convenient . 
normally , rohmer's talky films fascinate me , but when he moves his setting to the past , and relies on a historical text , he loses the richness of characterization that makes his films so memorable . 
i highly recommend irwin , but not in the way this film showcases him . 
it's been 13 months and 295 preview screenings since i last walked out on a movie , but resident evil really earned my indignant , preemptive departure . 
this picture is mostly a lump of run-of-the-mill profanity sprinkled with a few remarks so geared toward engendering audience sympathy that you might think he was running for office -- or trying to win over a probation officer . 
malone does have a gift for generating nightmarish images that will be hard to burn out of your brain . but the movie's narrative hook is way too muddled to be an effectively chilling guilty pleasure . 
though it goes further than both , anyone who has seen the hunger or cat people will find little new here , but a tasty performance from vincent gallo lifts this tale of cannibal lust above the ordinary . 
a blair witch- style adventure that plays like a bad soap opera , with passable performances from everyone in the cast . 
diaz wears out her welcome in her most charmless performance
it is too bad that this likable movie isn't more accomplished . the actors try hard but come off too amateurish and awkward . 
the plot has a number of holes , and at times it's simply baffling . 
an ill-conceived jumble that's not scary , not smart and not engaging . 
brainless , but enjoyably over-the-top , the retro gang melodrama , deuces wild represents fifties teen-gang machismo in a way that borders on rough-trade homo-eroticism . 
gets bogged down by an overly sillified plot and stop-and-start pacing . 
utter mush . . . conceited pap . 
 " what john does is heroic , but we don't condone it , " one of the film's stars recently said , a tortuous comment that perfectly illustrates the picture's moral schizophrenia . 
like coming into a long-running , well-written television series where you've missed the first half-dozen episodes and probably won't see the next six . 
this is no " waterboy ! " 
its generic villains lack any intrigue ( other than their funny accents ) and the action scenes are poorly delivered . 
dripping with cliche and bypassing no opportunity to trivialize the material . 
hard-core slasher aficionados will find things to like . . . but overall the halloween series has lost its edge . 
stiff and schmaltzy and clumsily directed . 
the story the movie tells is of brian de palma's addiction to the junk-calorie suspense tropes that have all but ruined his career . 
too many improbabilities and rose-colored situations temper what could've been an impacting film . 
generic slasher-movie nonsense , but it's not without style . 
with tiny little jokes and nary an original idea , this sappy ethnic sleeper proves that not only blockbusters pollute the summer movie pool . 
it sticks rigidly to the paradigm , rarely permitting its characters more than two obvious dimensions and repeatedly placing them in contrived , well-worn situations . 
ever see one of those comedies that just seem like a bad idea from frame one ? 
once ice-t sticks his mug in the window of the couple's bmw and begins haranguing the wife in bad stage dialogue , all credibility flies out the window . 
the best drug addition movies are usually depressing but rewarding . quitting , however , manages just to be depressing , as the lead actor phones in his autobiographical performance . 
it would be great to see this turd squashed under a truck , preferably a semi . 
in the end , all you can do is admire the ensemble players and wonder what the point of it is . 
for most movies , 84 minutes is short , but this one feels like a life sentence . 
while glover , the irrepressible eccentric of river's edge , dead man and back to the future , is perfect casting for the role , he represents bartleby's main overall flaw . 
something has been lost in the translation . . . another routine hollywood frightfest in which the slack execution italicizes the absurdity of the premise . 
shatner is probably the funniest person in the film , which gives you an idea just how bad it was . 
tries so hard to be quirky and funny that the strain is all too evident . 
as immaculate as stuart little 2 is , it could be a lot better if it were , well , more adventurous . 
simply a re-hash of the other seven films . 
with jump cuts , fast editing and lots of pyrotechnics , yu clearly hopes to camouflage how bad his movie is . he fails . 
i found myself more appreciative of what the director was trying to do than of what he had actually done . 
a very depressing movie of many missed opportunities . 
goes on and on to the point of nausea . 
by turns numbingly dull-witted and disquietingly creepy . 
boy , has this franchise ever run out of gas . 
one problem with the movie , directed by joel schumacher , is that it jams too many prefabricated story elements into the running time . 
the comedy is nonexistent . 
 . . . a bland , pretentious mess . 
it's a pedestrian , flat drama that screams out 'amateur' in almost every frame . 
a bland animated sequel that hardly seems worth the effort . 
it's not just the vampires that are damned in queen of the damned -- the viewers will feel they suffer the same fate . 
if religious films aren't your bailiwick , stay away . otherwise , this could be a passable date film . 
this is the case of a pregnant premise being wasted by a script that takes few chances and manages to insult the intelligence of everyone in the audience . 
the pace and the visuals are so hyped up that a curious sense of menace informs everything . 
stuffy , full of itself , morally ambiguous and nothing to shout about . 
it is most of the things costner movies are known for ; it's sanctimonious , self-righteous and so eager to earn our love that you want to slap it . 
don't let the subtitles fool you ; the movie only proves that hollywood no longer has a monopoly on mindless action . 
chai's structure and pacing are disconcertingly slack . 
to be oblivious to the existence of this film would be very sweet indeed . 
the director , with his fake backdrops and stately pacing , never settles on a consistent tone . 
one just waits grimly for the next shock without developing much attachment to the characters . 
instead of panoramic sweep , kapur gives us episodic choppiness , undermining the story's emotional thrust . 
the director seems to take an unseemly pleasure in [the characters'] misery and at the same time to congratulate himself for having the guts to confront it . 
this dubious product of a college-spawned ( colgate u . ) comedy ensemble known as broken lizard plays like a mix of cheech and chong and chips . 
the movie doesn't think much of its characters , its protagonist , or of us . 
super troopers is an odd amalgam of comedy genres , existing somewhere between the often literal riffs of early zucker brothers/abrahams films , and the decidedly foul stylings of their post-modern contemporaries , the farrelly brothers . 
 . . . will always be remembered for the 9-11 terrorist attacks . after seeing the film , i can tell you that there's no other reason why anyone should bother remembering it . 
made me feel uneasy , even queasy , because [solondz's] cool compassion is on the border of bemused contempt . 
as a kind of colorful , dramatized pbs program , frida gets the job done . but , for that , why not watch a documentary ? 
with minimal imagination , you could restage the whole thing in your bathtub . 
nights feels more like a quickie tv special than a feature film . . . it's not even a tv special you'd bother watching past the second commercial break . 
although . . . visually striking and slickly staged , it's also cold , grey , antiseptic and emotionally desiccated . 
you can see where big bad love is trying to go , but it never quite gets there . 
friday after next is the kind of film that could only be made by african-americans because of its broad racial insensitivity towards african-americans . 
it's not as awful as some of the recent hollywood trip tripe . . . but it's far from a groundbreaking endeavor . 
the only thing " swept away " is the one hour and thirty-three minutes spent watching this waste of time . 
one-sided documentary offers simplistic explanations to a very complex situation . . . . stylistically , the movie is a disaster . 
the corpse count ultimately overrides what little we learn along the way about vicarious redemption . 
as violent , profane and exploitative as the most offensive action flick you've ever seen . 
egoyan's work often elegantly considers various levels of reality and uses shifting points of view , but here he has constructed a film so labyrinthine that it defeats his larger purpose . 
life or something like it has its share of high points , but it misses too many opportunities . 
this is a truly , truly bad movie . 
despite bearing the paramount imprint , it's a bargain-basement european pickup . what's hard to understand is why anybody picked it up . wiser souls would have tactfully pretended not to see it and left it lying there
believability wasn't one of the film's virtues . 
sewer rats could watch this movie and be so skeeved out that they'd need a shower . 
the santa clause 2's plot may sound like it was co-written by mattel executives and lobbyists for the tinsel industry . 
his best film remains his shortest , the hole , which makes many of the points that this film does but feels less repetitive . 
just another disjointed , fairly predictable psychological thriller . 
 . . . stumbles over every cheap trick in the book trying to make the outrage come even easier . 
even the hastily and amateurishly drawn animation cannot engage . 
kung pow is oedekerk's realization of his childhood dream to be in a martial-arts flick , and proves that sometimes the dreams of youth should remain just that . 
busy urban comedy is clearly not zhang's forte , his directorial touch is neither light nor magical enough to bring off this kind of whimsy . 
well-meaning but inert . 
not completely loveable -- but what underdog movie since the bad news bears has been ? -- but certainly hard to hate . 
a movie that can't get sufficient distance from leroy's delusions to escape their maudlin influence . 
it's young guns meets goodfellas in this easily skippable hayseeds-vs . -greaseballs mob action-comedy . 
louiso lets the movie dawdle in classic disaffected-indie-film mode , and brother hoffman's script stumbles over a late-inning twist that just doesn't make sense . 
the movie straddles the fence between escapism and social commentary , and on both sides it falls short . 
the film is old-fashioned , occasionally charming and as subtle as boldface . 
can't get enough of libidinous young city dwellers ? try this obscenely bad dark comedy , so crass that it makes edward burns' sidewalks of new york look like oscar wilde . 
in the new guy , even the bull gets recycled . 
 . . . overly melodramatic . . . 
largely , this is a movie that also does it by the numbers . 
on top of a foundering performance , [madonna's] denied her own athleticism by lighting that emphasizes every line and sag . 
the result is an 'action film' mired in stasis . 
this is the first full scale wwii flick from hong kong's john woo . he's not good with people . 
patchy combination of soap opera , low-tech magic realism and , at times , ploddingly sociological commentary . 
[stevens is] so stoked to make an important film about human infidelity and happenstance that he tosses a kitchen sink onto a story already overladen with plot conceits . 
so boring that even its target audience talked all the way through it . 
one of the more glaring signs of this movie's servitude to its superstar is the way it skirts around any scenes that might have required genuine acting from ms . spears . 
hollywood ending is the most disappointing woody allen movie ever . he has a great cast and a great idea . but the execution is a flop with the exception of about six gags that really work . 
 . . . generically , forgettably pleasant from start to finish . 
it's just hard to believe that a life like this can sound so dull . 
when not wallowing in its characters' frustrations , the movie is busy contriving false , sitcom-worthy solutions to their problems . 
an overstylized , puréed mélange of sex , psychology , drugs and philosophy . sometimes entertaining , sometimes indulgent -- but never less than pure wankery . 
'lovely and amazing , ' unhappily , is neither . . . excessively strained and contrived . 
ringu is a disaster of a story , full of holes and completely lacking in chills . ignore the reputation , and ignore the film . 
this one is a few bits funnier than malle's dud , if only because the cast is so engagingly messing around like slob city reductions of damon runyon crooks . 
'it's painful to watch witherspoon's talents wasting away inside unnecessary films like legally blonde and sweet home abomination , i mean , alabama . '
a plodding teen remake that's so mechanical you can smell the grease on the plot twists . 
trying to figure out the rules of the country bear universe -- when are bears bears and when are they like humans , only hairier -- would tax einstein's brain . 
even in terms of the low-grade cheese standards on which it operates , it never quite makes the grade as tawdry trash . 
amidst the action , the script carries arnold ( and the viewers ) into the forbidden zone of sympathizing with terrorist motivations by presenting the " other side of the story . " 
rife with nutty cliches and far too much dialogue . 
it's a 100-year old mystery that is constantly being interrupted by elizabeth hurley in a bathing suit . 
 . . . one big laugh , three or four mild giggles , and a whole lot of not much else . 
too intensely focused on the travails of being hal hartley to function as pastiche , no such thing is hartley's least accessible screed yet . 
kenneth branagh's energetic sweet-and-sour performance as a curmudgeonly british playwright grounds this overstuffed , erratic dramedy in which he and his improbably forbearing wife contend with craziness and child-rearing in los angeles . 
director uwe boll and writer robert dean klein fail to generate any interest in an unsympathetic hero caught up in an intricate plot that while cleverly worked out , cannot overcome blah characters . 
ms . phoenix is completely lacking in charm and charisma , and is unable to project either esther's initial anomie or her eventual awakening . 
the movie fails to portray its literarily talented and notorious subject as anything much more than a dirty old man . 
extremely bad . 
a clichéd and shallow cautionary tale about the hard-partying lives of gay men . 
the fetid underbelly of fame has never looked uglier . 
a little weak -- and it isn't that funny . 
while it is welcome to see a chinese film depict a homosexual relationship in a mature and frank fashion , lan yu never catches dramatic fire . 
the script boasts some tart tv-insider humor , but the film has not a trace of humanity or empathy . 
despite the pyrotechnics , narc is strictly by the book . 
in both the writing and cutting , it does not achieve the kind of dramatic unity that transports you . you end up simply admiring this bit or that , this performance or that . 
cacoyannis is perhaps too effective in creating an atmosphere of dust-caked stagnation and labored gentility . 
worth seeing once , but its charm quickly fades . 
the original wasn't a good movie but this remake makes it look like a masterpiece ! 
one suspects that craven endorses they simply because this movie makes his own look much better by comparison . 
gere gives a good performance in a film that doesn't merit it . 
your appreciation of it will depend on what experiences you bring to it and what associations you choose to make . 
includes too much obvious padding . 
there's no palpable chemistry between lopez and male lead ralph fiennes , plus the script by working girl scribe kevin wade is workmanlike in the extreme . 
i'm not sure which half of dragonfly is worse : the part where nothing's happening , or the part where something's happening , but it's stupid . 
don't expect any subtlety from this latest entry in the increasingly threadbare gross-out comedy cycle . 
the only camouflage carvey should now be considering is a paper bag to wear over his head when he goes out into public , to avoid being recognized as the man who bilked unsuspecting moviegoers . 
shot like a postcard and overacted with all the boozy self-indulgence that brings out the worst in otherwise talented actors . . . 
spain's greatest star wattage doesn't overcome the tumult of maudlin tragedy . 
 . . . a movie that , quite simply , shouldn't have been made . 
conforms itself with creating a game of 'who's who' . . . where the characters' moves are often more predictable than their consequences . 
looks and feels like a low-budget hybrid of scarface or carlito's way . 
the script is a tired one , with few moments of joy rising above the stale material . 
suffers from all the excesses of the genre . 
the verdict : two bodies and hardly a laugh between them . 
the latest adam sandler assault and possibly the worst film of the year . 
downbeat , period-perfect biopic hammers home a heavy-handed moralistic message . 
while the film is competent , it's also uninspired , lacking the real talent and wit to elevate it beyond its formula to the level of classic romantic comedy to which it aspires . 
they ought to be a whole lot scarier than they are in this tepid genre offering . 
it's harmless , diverting fluff . but it's hard to imagine a more generic effort in the genre . 
it's just plain lurid when it isn't downright silly . 
comedy troupe broken lizard's first movie is very funny but too concerned with giving us a plot . 
pap invested in undergraduate doubling subtexts and ridiculous stabs at existentialism reminding of the discovery of the wizard of god in the fifth trek flick . 
a horror movie with seriously dumb characters , which somewhat dilutes the pleasure of watching them stalked by creepy-crawly bug things that live only in the darkness . 
it's a film with an idea buried somewhere inside its fabric , but never clearly seen or felt . 
'all in all , reign of fire will be a good ( successful ) rental . '
occasionally funny , sometimes inspiring , often boring . 
a movie in which two not very absorbing characters are engaged in a romance you can't wait to see end . 
the predominantly amateur cast is painful to watch , so stilted and unconvincing are the performances . 
who are 'they' ? well , they're 'they' . they're the unnamed , easily substitutable forces that serve as whatever terror the heroes of horror movies try to avoid . they exist for hushed lines like " they're back ! " , " they're out there ! " and " they're coming ! " 
elegantly crafted but emotionally cold , a puzzle whose intricate construction one can admire but is difficult to connect with on any deeper level . 
were dylan thomas alive to witness first-time director ethan hawke's strained chelsea walls , he might have been tempted to change his landmark poem to , 'do not go gentle into that good theatre . '
the story has its redundancies , and the young actors , not very experienced , are sometimes inexpressive . 
i'm sure the filmmaker would disagree , but , honestly , i don't see the point . it's a visual rorschach test and i must have failed . 
the film is really closer to porn than a serious critique of what's wrong with this increasingly pervasive aspect of gay culture . 
murder by numbers just doesn't add up . 
clare peploe's airless movie adaptation could use a little american pie-like irreverence . 
video games are more involving than this mess . 
clayburgh and tambor are charming performers ; neither of them deserves eric schaeffer . 
a pale xerox of other , better crime movies . 
 . . . a hokey piece of nonsense that tries too hard to be emotional . 
illiterate , often inert sci-fi action thriller . 
a perfect example of rancid , well-intentioned , but shamelessly manipulative movie making . 
the adventure doesn't contain half the excitement of balto , or quarter the fun of toy story 2 . 
essentially a collection of bits -- and they're all naughty . 
a mess . the screenplay does too much meandering , norton has to recite bland police procedural details , fiennes wanders around in an attempt to seem weird and distanced , hopkins looks like a drag queen . 
the screenplay by james eric , james horton and director peter o'fallon . . . is so pat it makes your teeth hurt . 
before it takes a sudden turn and devolves into a bizarre sort of romantic comedy , steven shainberg's adaptation of mary gaitskill's harrowing short story . . . is a brilliantly played , deeply unsettling experience . 
solaris is rigid and evasive in ways that soderbergh's best films , " erin brockovich , " " out of sight " and " ocean's eleven , " never were . 
seems like something american and european gay movies were doing 20 years ago . 
in the process of trimming the movie to an expeditious 84 minutes , director roger kumble seems to have dumped a whole lot of plot in favor of . . . outrageous gags . 
you can see the would-be surprises coming a mile away , and the execution of these twists is delivered with a hammer . thumbs down . 
the characters are paper thin and the plot is so cliched and contrived that it makes your least favorite james bond movie seem as cleverly plotted as the usual suspects . 
 . . . del toro maintains a dark mood that makes the film seem like something to endure instead of enjoy . 
the movie eventually snaps under the strain of its plot contrivances and its need to reassure . 
the real question this movie poses is not 'who ? ' but 'why ? '
now here's a sadistic bike flick that would have made vittorio de sica proud . 
a movie that's about as overbearing and over-the-top as the family it depicts . 
a movie in which laughter and self-exploitation merge into jolly soft-porn 'empowerment . '
occasionally interesting but essentially unpersuasive , a footnote to a still evolving story . 
if we're to slap protagonist genevieve leplouff because she's french , do we have that same option to slap her creators because they're clueless and inept ? 
moretti plays giovanni , a psychiatrist who predictably finds it difficult to sustain interest in his profession after the family tragedy . too predictably , in fact . 
alternative medicine obviously has its merits . . . but ayurveda does the field no favors . 
this thing works on no level whatsoever for me . 
it follows the basic plot trajectory of nearly every schwarzenegger film : someone crosses arnie . arnie blows things up . 
ice age posits a heretofore unfathomable question : is it possible for computer-generated characters to go through the motions ? 
an incoherent jumble of a film that's rarely as entertaining as it could have been . 
 . . . they missed the boat . 
more dutiful than enchanting . . . terribly episodic and lacking the spark of imagination that might have made it an exhilarating treat . 
laconic and very stilted in its dialogue , this indie flick never found its audience , probably because it's extremely hard to relate to any of the characters . 
the comedy death to smoochy is a rancorous curiosity : a movie without an apparent audience . 
barney's ideas about creation and identity don't really seem all that profound , at least by way of what can be gleaned from this three-hour endurance test built around an hour's worth of actual material . 
affleck merely creates an outline for a role he still needs to grow into , a role that ford effortlessly filled with authority . 
cinematic pyrotechnics aside , the only thing avary seems to care about are mean giggles and pulchritude . it makes sense that he went back to school to check out the girls -- his film is a frat boy's idea of a good time . 
the narrative is so consistently unimaginative that probably the only way to have saved the film is with the aid of those wisecracking mystery science theater 3000 guys . 
nothing more or less than an outright bodice-ripper -- it should have ditched the artsy pretensions and revelled in the entertaining shallows . 
a living testament to the power of the eccentric and the strange . the fact that it isn't very good is almost beside the point . 
feels less like a cousin to blade runner than like a bottom-feeder sequel in the escape from new york series . 
what might have been acceptable on the printed page of iles' book does not translate well to the screen . 
if oscar had a category called best bad film you thought was going to be really awful but wasn't , guys would probably be duking it out with the queen of the damned for the honor . 
a poky and pseudo-serious exercise in sham actor workshops and an affected malaise . 
mediocre fable from burkina faso . 
fessenden has nurtured his metaphors at the expense of his narrative , but he does display an original talent . 
since the movie is based on a nicholas sparks best seller , you know death is lurking around the corner , just waiting to spoil things . 
bottom-rung new jack city wannabe . 
fincher takes no apparent joy in making movies , and he gives none to the audience . 
it's mildly amusing , but i certainly can't recommend it . 
nicholas nickleby celebrates the human spirit with such unrelenting dickensian decency that it turned me ( horrors ! ) into scrooge . 
fear dot com is more frustrating than a modem that disconnects every 10 seconds . 
full of flatulence jokes and mild sexual references , kung pow ! is the kind of movie that's critic-proof , simply because it aims so low . 
may cause you to bite your tongue to keep from laughing at the ridiculous dialog or the oh-so convenient plot twists . 
there are just too many characters saying too many clever things and getting into too many pointless situations . where's the movie here ? 
a dark , dull thriller with a parting shot that misfires . 
lacking substance and soul , crossroads comes up shorter than britney's cutoffs . 
cassavetes thinks he's making dog day afternoon with a cause , but all he's done is to reduce everything he touches to a shrill , didactic cartoon . 
buries an interesting storyline about morality and the choices we make underneath such a mountain of clichés and borrowed images that it might more accurately be titled mr . chips off the old block . 
although sensitive to a fault , it's often overwritten , with a surfeit of weighty revelations , flowery dialogue , and nostalgia for the past and roads not taken . 
it's so badly made on every level that i'm actually having a hard time believing people were paid to make it . 
without non-stop techno or the existential overtones of a kieslowski morality tale , maelström is just another winter sleepers . 
nicks , seemingly uncertain what's going to make people laugh , runs the gamut from stale parody to raunchy sex gags to formula romantic comedy . 
'a' for creativity but comes across more as a sketch for a full-length comedy . 
if there's one thing this world needs less of , it's movies about college that are written and directed by people who couldn't pass an entrance exam . 
the script kicks in , and mr . hartley's distended pace and foot-dragging rhythms follow . 
[e]ventually , every idea in this film is flushed down the latrine of heroism . 
i am sorry that i was unable to get the full brunt of the comedy . 
no telegraphing is too obvious or simplistic for this movie . 
looks and feels like a project better suited for the small screen . 
in its best moments , resembles a bad high school production of grease , without benefit of song . 
indifferently implausible popcorn programmer of a movie . 
it's inoffensive , cheerful , built to inspire the young people , set to an unending soundtrack of beach party pop numbers and aside from its remarkable camerawork and awesome scenery , it's about as exciting as a sunburn . 
his comedy premises are often hackneyed or just plain crude , calculated to provoke shocked laughter , without following up on a deeper level . 
christina ricci comedy about sympathy , hypocrisy and love is a misfire . 
at times , the suspense is palpable , but by the end there's a sense that the crux of the mystery hinges on a technicality that strains credulity and leaves the viewer haunted by the waste of potential . 
they should have called it gutterball . 
thekids will probably stay amused at the kaleidoscope of big , colorful characters . mom and dad can catch some quality naptime along the way . 
it's too self-important and plodding to be funny , and too clipped and abbreviated to be an epic . 
the best that can be said about the work here of scottish director ritchie . . . is that he obviously doesn't have his heart in it . 
less dizzying than just dizzy , the jaunt is practically over before it begins . 
slick piece of cross-promotion . 
taylor appears to have blown his entire budget on soundtrack rights and had nothing left over for jokes . 
it believes it's revealing some great human truths , when , in reality , it's churning ground that has long passed the point of being fertile . 
by turns pretentious , fascinating , ludicrous , provocative and vainglorious . 
it all drags on so interminably it's like watching a miserable relationship unfold in real time . 
villeneuve spends too much time wallowing in bibi's generic angst ( there are a lot of shots of her gazing out windows ) . 
[t]here's only so much anyone can do with a florid , overplotted , anne rice rock 'n' roll vampire novel before the built-in silliness of the whole affair defeats them . 
it's another video movie photographed like a film , with the bad lighting that's often written off as indie film naturalism . 
the techno tux is good for a few laughs , as are chan and hewitt , but when such a good design turns out to be a cheap knockoff , we can't recommend anything but a rental for the tuxedo . 
i got a headache watching this meaningless downer . 
apart from dazzling cinematography , we've seen just about everything in blue crush in one form or the other . 
too much of the humor falls flat . 
detox is ultimately a pointless endeavor . 
van wilder doesn't bring anything new to the proverbial table , but it does possess a coherence absent in recent crass-a-thons like tomcats , freddy got fingered , and slackers . 
the piquant story needs more dramatic meat on its bones . 
very special effects , brilliantly bold colors and heightened reality can't hide the giant achilles' heel in " stuart little 2 " : there's just no story , folks . 
the plot combines the blues brothers and almost famous ( but with bears , and a g rating ) , with an excruciating dollop of disney sentimentality mixed in for good measure . 
no way i can believe this load of junk . 
 " roger michell ( " notting hill " ) directs a morality thriller . " 
it's dumb , but more importantly , it's just not scary . 
there is no pleasure in watching a child suffer . just embarrassment and a vague sense of shame . 
the movie's accumulated force still feels like an ugly knot tightening in your stomach . but is that knot from dramatic tension or a symptom of artistic malnutrition ? 
even with a green mohawk and a sheet of fire-red flame tattoos covering his shoulder , however , kilmer seems to be posing , rather than acting . and that leaves a hole in the center of the salton sea . 
there's just no currency in deriding james bond for being a clichéd , doddering , misogynistic boy's club . 
when the film ended , i felt tired and drained and wanted to lie on my own deathbed for a while . 
full of witless jokes , dealing in broad stereotypes and outrageously unbelievable scenarios , and saddled with a general air of misogyny
the film's hackneyed message is not helped by the thin characterizations , nonexistent plot and pretentious visual style . 
the iditarod lasts for days - this just felt like it did . 
 it feels like an after-school special gussied up with some fancy special effects , and watching its rote plot points connect is about as exciting as gazing at an egg timer for 93 minutes . 
this movie is maddening . it conveys a simple message in a visual style that is willfully overwrought . 
should have been someone else-
the film is based on truth and yet there is something about it that feels incomplete , as if the real story starts just around the corner . 
why make a documentary about these marginal historical figures ? wouldn't one about their famous dad , author of death in venice , etc . , be more valuable ? 
the lower your expectations , the more you'll enjoy it . 
rarely has leukemia looked so shimmering and benign . 
… is an arthritic attempt at directing by callie khouri . i had to look away - this was god awful . 
even in this less-than-magic kingdom , reese rules . 
velocity represents everything wrong with ''independent film'' as a commodified , sold-out concept on the american filmmaking scene . 
just one bad idea after another . 
because of an unnecessary and clumsy last scene , 'swimfan' left me with a very bad feeling . 
though moonlight mile is replete with acclaimed actors and actresses and tackles a subject that's potentially moving , the movie is too predictable and too self-conscious to reach a level of high drama . 
a movie that hovers somewhere between an acute character study and a trite power struggle . 
i can't recommend it . but it's surprisingly harmless . 
corpus collosum -- while undeniably interesting -- wore out its welcome well before the end credits rolled about 45 minutes in . 
the last 20 minutes are somewhat redeeming , but most of the movie is the same teenage american road-trip drek we've seen before - only this time you have to read the fart jokes
it's hard to like a film about a guy who is utterly unlikeable , and shiner , starring michael caine as an aging british boxing promoter desperate for a taste of fame and fortune , is certainly that . 
a by-the-numbers effort that won't do much to enhance the franchise . 
involves two mysteries -- one it gives away and the other featuring such badly drawn characters that its outcome hardly matters . 
overall the film feels like a low-budget tv pilot that could not find a buyer to play it on the tube . 
it's of the quality of a lesser harrison ford movie - six days , seven nights , maybe , or that dreadful sabrina remake . 
it appears that something has been lost in the translation to the screen . 
despite all evidence to the contrary , this clunker has somehow managed to pose as an actual feature movie , the kind that charges full admission and gets hyped on tv and purports to amuse small children and ostensible adults . 
shrewd but pointless . 
an unclassifiably awful study in self- and audience-abuse . 
sluggish , tonally uneven . 
this movie is something of an impostor itself , stretching and padding its material in a blur of dead ends and distracting camera work . 
hey arnold ! the movie could have been made 40 years ago , and parents' appreciation of it may depend on whether they consider that a good thing . 
this one is definitely one to skip , even for horror movie fanatics . 
excessive , profane , packed with cartoonish violence and comic-strip characters . 
once the 50 year old benigni appears as the title character , we find ourselves longing for the block of wood to come back . 
a working class " us vs . them " opera that leaves no heartstring untugged and no liberal cause unplundered . 
if the movie succeeds in instilling a wary sense of 'there but for the grace of god , ' it is far too self-conscious to draw you deeply into its world . 
there are simply too many ideas floating around -- part farce , part sliding doors , part pop video -- and yet failing to exploit them . 
it takes a strange kind of laziness to waste the talents of robert forster , anne meara , eugene levy , and reginald veljohnson all in the same movie . 
we haven't seen such hilarity since say it isn't so ! 
expect the same-old , lame-old slasher nonsense , just with different scenery . 
the cold turkey would've been a far better title . 
the idea of 49-year-old roberto benigni playing the wooden boy pinocchio is scary enough . the reality of the new live-action pinocchio he directed , cowrote and starred in borders on the grotesque . 
the ga-zillionth airhead movie about a wife in distress who resorts to desperate measures . 
zaidan's script has barely enough plot to string the stunts together and not quite enough characterization to keep the faces straight . 
try as i may , i can't think of a single good reason to see this movie , even though everyone in my group extemporaneously shouted , 'thank you ! ' when leguizamo finally plugged an irritating character late in the movie . 
while it's nice to watch a movie that hasn't been focus-grouped into tedium , yu's cinematic alchemy produces nearly as much lead as gold . 
it treats women like idiots . 
though catch me if you can isn't badly made , the fun slowly leaks out of the movie . 
just an average comedic dateflick but not a waste of time . 
a valueless kiddie paean to pro basketball underwritten by the nba . 
impostor has a handful of thrilling moments and a couple of good performances , but the movie doesn't quite fly . for starters , the story is just too slim . 
so much facile technique , such cute ideas , so little movie . 
the experience of going to a film festival is a rewarding one ; the experiencing of sampling one through this movie is not . 
the film takes the materials of human tragedy and dresses them in lovely costumes , southern california locations and star power . 
it has its moments of swaggering camaraderie , but more often just feels generic , derivative and done to death . 
almost gags on its own gore . 
how do you spell cliché ? 
it's sweet , harmless , dumb , occasionally funny and about as compelling as a fishing show . 
the moviegoing equivalent of going to a dinner party and being forced to watch the host and hostess's home video of their baby's birth . 
while [hill] has learned new tricks , the tricks alone are not enough to salvage this lifeless boxing film . 
in the real world , an actor this uncharismatically beautiful would have a résumé loaded with credits like " girl in bar #3 . " 
too much of it feels unfocused and underdeveloped . 
under 15 ? a giggle a minute . over age 15 ? big fat waste of time . 
hey arnold ! the movie is what happens when you blow up small potatoes to 10 times their natural size , and it ain't pretty . 
sometimes seems less like storytelling than something the otherwise compelling director needed to get off his chest . 
this is not the undisputed worst boxing movie ever , but it's certainly not a champion - the big loser is the audience . 
you really have to wonder how on earth anyone , anywhere could have thought they'd make audiences guffaw with a script as utterly diabolical as this . 
in the end , we are left with something like two ships passing in the night rather than any insights into gay love , chinese society or the price one pays for being dishonest . 
chokes on its own depiction of upper-crust decorum . 
well-nigh unendurable . . . though the picture strains to become cinematic poetry , it remains depressingly prosaic and dull . 
i thought my own watch had stopped keeping time as i slogged my way through clockstoppers . 
while much of the cast has charm -- especially allodi and nolden -- the performers are sunk by the film's primitive approach to the mechanics of comedy . 
this directorial debut from music video show-off higuchinsky is all flash . 
yes , ballistic is silly . unfortunately , it's not silly fun unless you enjoy really bad movies . 
the twist that ends the movie is the one with the most emotional resonance , but twists are getting irritating , and this is the kind of material where the filmmakers should be very careful about raising eyebrows . 
the longer the movie goes , the worse it gets , but it's actually pretty good in the first few minutes . 
while it's genuinely cool to hear characters talk about early rap records ( sugar hill gang , etc . ) , the constant referencing of hip-hop arcana can alienate even the savviest audiences . 
not only unfunny , but downright repellent . 
care deftly captures the wonder and menace of growing up , but he never really embraces the joy of fuhrman's destructive escapism or the grace-in-rebellion found by his characters . 
forced , familiar and thoroughly condescending . 
does little more than play an innocuous game of fill-in- the-blanks with a tragic past . 
k-19 exploits our substantial collective fear of nuclear holocaust to generate cheap hollywood tension . 
has a long and clunky ending . . . which forces the audience to fidget through ten pseudo-serious minutes while waiting for the ending credits and the deleted scenes montage to break the audience's awkward silence
a ragbag of promising ideas and failed narrative , of good acting and plain old bad filmmaking . 
whaley's determination to immerse you in sheer , unrelenting wretchedness is exhausting . 
uncommonly stylish but equally silly . . . the picture fails to generate much suspense , nor does it ask searching enough questions to justify its pretensions . 
the entire movie is about a boring , sad man being boring and sad . 
the plot convolutions ultimately add up to nothing more than jerking the audience's chain . 
confirms the nagging suspicion that ethan hawke would be even worse behind the camera than he is in front of it . 
made with no discernible craft and monstrously sanctimonious in dealing with childhood loss . 
it's a trifle of a movie , with a few laughs surrounding an unremarkable soft center . 
holden caulfield did it better . 
a synthesis of cliches and absurdities that seems positively decadent in its cinematic flash and emptiness . 
oh come on . like you couldn't smell this turkey rotting from miles away . 
if it's seldom boring , well , it's also rarely coherent . 
simplistic fluff-ball of whimsy . 
not exactly the bees knees
it does nothing new with the old story , except to show fisticuffs in this sort of stop-go slow motion that makes the gang rumbles look like they're being streamed over a 28k modem . 
the kind of spectacularly misconceived enterprise that only a sophisticated cinephile could have perpetrated . 
makes for some truly odd , at times confusing , kids entertainment . . . but at least this time there's some centered storytelling to go along with all the weird stuff . 
the film contains no good jokes , no good scenes , barely a moment when carvey's saturday night live-honed mimicry rises above the level of embarrassment . 
jacquot's rendering of puccini's tale of devotion and double-cross is more than just a filmed opera . in his first stab at the form , jacquot takes a slightly anarchic approach that works only sporadically . 
chabrol has taken promising material for a black comedy and turned it instead into a somber chamber drama . 
it's as if you're watching a movie that was made in 1978 but not released then because it was so weak , and it has been unearthed and released now , when it has become even weaker . 
this is nothing but familiar territory . 
in execution , this clever idea is far less funny than the original , killers from space . 
one of the more irritating cartoons you will see this , or any , year . 
a broad , melodramatic estrogen opera that's pretty toxic in its own right . 
too slow , too long and too little happens . 
the film's few ideas are stretched to the point of evaporation ; the whole central section is one big chase that seems to have no goal and no urgency . it's just filler . 
sacrifices the value of its wealth of archival foot-age with its less-than-objective stance . 
utterly lacking in charm , wit and invention , roberto benigni's pinocchio is an astonishingly bad film . 
a hamfisted romantic comedy that makes our girl the hapless facilitator of an extended cheap shot across the mason-dixon line . 
scores no points for originality , wit , or intelligence . it's a cookie-cutter movie , a cut-and-paste job . 
they takes a long time to get to its gasp-inducing ending . 
barely gets off the ground . 
even on those rare occasions when the narrator stops yammering , miller's hand often feels unsure . 
pumpkin means to be an outrageous dark satire on fraternity life , but its ambitions far exceed the abilities of writer adam larson broder and his co-director , tony r . abrams , in their feature debut . 
at its best , queen is campy fun like the vincent price horror classics of the '60s . at its worst , it implodes in a series of very bad special effects . 
from the opening scenes , it's clear that all about the benjamins is a totally formulaic movie . 
it takes a certain kind of horror movie to qualify as 'worse than expected , ' but ghost ship somehow manages to do exactly that . 
on the bright side , it contains jesse ventura's best work since the xfl . 
despite impeccable acting . . . and a script that takes some rather unexpected ( even , at times , preposterous ) turns , love is just too , too precious in the end . 
a tv style murder mystery with a few big screen moments ( including one that seems to be made for a different film altogether ) . 
by getting myself wrapped up in the visuals and eccentricities of many of the characters , i found myself confused when it came time to get to the heart of the movie . 
too often , the viewer isn't reacting to humor so much as they are wincing back in repugnance . 
what's next ? the porky's revenge : ultimate edition ? 
dilbert without the right-on satiric humor . 
manages to show life in all of its banality when the intention is quite the opposite . 
do not see this film . 
minority report is exactly what the title indicates , a report . 
delivers the same old same old , tarted up with latin flava and turned out by hollywood playas . 
if you believe any of this , i can make you a real deal on leftover enron stock that will double in value a week from friday . 
to call the other side of heaven " appalling " would be to underestimate just how dangerous entertainments like it can be . 
in exactly 89 minutes , most of which passed as slowly as if i'd been sitting naked on an igloo , formula 51 sank from quirky to jerky to utter turkey . 
if only the story about a multi-million dollar con bothered to include the con . 
i'd have to say the star and director are the big problems here . 
without the dark spookiness of crystal lake camp , the horror concept completely loses its creepy menace . 
it's like every bad idea that's ever gone into an after-school special compiled in one place , minus those daytime programs' slickness and sophistication ( and who knew they even had any ? ) . 
while the resident evil games may have set new standards for thrills , suspense , and gore for video games , the movie really only succeeds in the third of these . 
for close to two hours the audience is forced to endure three terminally depressed , mostly inarticulate , hyper dysfunctional families for the price of one . 
to my taste , the film's comic characters come perilously close to being amoses and andys for a new generation . 
what the director can&#8217 ; t do is make either of val kilmer&#8217 ; s two personas interesting or worth caring about . 
in an effort , i suspect , not to offend by appearing either too serious or too lighthearted , it offends by just being wishy-washy . 
it's difficult to imagine the process that produced such a script , but here's guessing that spray cheese and underarm noises played a crucial role . 
harland williams is so funny in drag he should consider permanent sex-reassignment . 
 . . . nothing scary here except for some awful acting and lame special effects . 
it's not that kung pow isn't funny some of the time -- it just isn't any funnier than bad martial arts movies are all by themselves , without all oedekerk's impish augmentation . 
a very long movie , dull in stretches , with entirely too much focus on meal preparation and igloo construction . 
not an objectionable or dull film ; it merely lacks everything except good intentions . 
a science-fiction pastiche so lacking in originality that if you stripped away its inspirations there would be precious little left . 
once [kim] begins to overplay the shock tactics and bait-and-tackle metaphors , you may decide it's too high a price to pay for a shimmering picture postcard . 
the words , 'frankly , my dear , i don't give a damn , ' have never been more appropriate . 
what's next : " my mother the car ? " 
all the amped-up tony hawk-style stunts and thrashing rap-metal can't disguise the fact that , really , we've been here , done that . 
a sequel that's much too big for its britches . 
so unremittingly awful that labeling it a dog probably constitutes cruelty to canines . 
what was once original has been co-opted so frequently that it now seems pedestrian . 
a perplexing example of promise unfulfilled , despite many charming moments . 
for all the writhing and wailing , tears , rage and opium overdoses , there's no sense of actual passion being washed away in love's dissolution . 
a coarse and stupid gross-out . 
a nightmare date with a half-formed wit done a great disservice by a lack of critical distance and a sad trust in liberal arts college bumper sticker platitudes . 
doesn't offer much besides glib soullessness , raunchy language and a series of brutal set pieces . . . that raise the bar on stylized screen violence . 
there's something with potential here , but the movie decides , like lavinia , to go the conservative route . 
it's one pussy-ass world when even killer-thrillers revolve around group therapy sessions . 
the stripped-down approach does give the film a certain timeless quality , but the measured pace and lack of dramatic inflection can also seem tedious . 
but the power of these [subjects] is obscured by the majority of the film that shows a stationary camera on a subject that could be mistaken for giving a public oration , rather than contributing to a film's narrative . 
rarely has so much money delivered so little entertainment . 
tries to add some spice to its quirky sentiments but the taste is all too familiar . 
paid in full is so stale , in fact , that its most vibrant scene is one that uses clips from brian de palma's scarface . that's a cheat . 
harrison's flowers puts its heart in the right place , but its brains are in no particular place at all . 
this re-do is so dumb and so exploitative in its violence that , ironically , it becomes everything that the rather clumsy original was railing against . 
a string of rehashed sight gags based in insipid vulgarity . 
the movie is dawn of the dead crossed with john carpenter's ghosts of mars , with zombies not as ghoulish as the first and trains not as big as the second . 
basically a static series of semi-improvised ( and semi-coherent ) raps between the stars . 
too restrained to be a freak show , too mercenary and obvious to be cerebral , too dull and pretentious to be engaging . . . the isle defies an easy categorization . 
an unpredictable blend of gal-pal smart talk , romantic comedy and dark tragedy that bites off considerably more than writer/director john mckay can swallow . 
it's one of those baseball pictures where the hero is stoic , the wife is patient , the kids are as cute as all get-out and the odds against success are long enough to intimidate , but short enough to make a dream seem possible . 
 " the time machine " is a movie that has no interest in itself . it doesn't believe in itself , it has no sense of humor…it's just plain bored . 
 . . . a hollow joke told by a cinematic gymnast having too much fun embellishing the misanthropic tale to actually engage it . 
a morose little soap opera about three vapid , insensitive people who take turns hurting each other . it's a feature-length adaptation of one of those " can this marriage be saved ? " columns from ladies home journal . . . 
the film's essentially over by the meet-cute . 
i'm sure if you're a hartley fan , you might enjoy yourself . . . me , i didn't care for it . 
it's about following your dreams , no matter what your parents think . socrates motions for hemlock . 
the script isn't very good ; not even someone as gifted as hoffman ( the actor ) can make it work . 
walter hill's pulpy , stylized boxing melodrama undisputed nearly overcomes its questionable in-the-ring match-up with solid fight choreography and gritty prison authenticity . 
it has all the excitement of eating oatmeal . 
it's hard to know whether or not to recommend this film because for every thing it does right there's at least one and occasionally two things it gets ever so wrong . 
although there are several truly jolting scares , there's also an abundance of hackneyed dialogue and more silly satanic business than you can shake a severed limb at . 
i'll bet the video game is a lot more fun than the film . 
star trek : nemesis meekly goes where nearly every star trek movie has gone before . wince-inducing dialogue , thrift-shop costumes , prosthetic makeup by silly putty and kmart blue-light-special effects all conspire to test trekkie loyalty . 
like all abstract art , the film does not make this statement in an easily accessible way , and -- unless prewarned -- it would be very possible for a reasonably intelligent person to sit through its tidal wave of imagery and not get this vision at all . 
i don't mind having my heartstrings pulled , but don't treat me like a fool . 
 . . . although this idea is " new " the results are tired . 
i'm guessing the director is a magician . after all , he took three minutes of dialogue , 30 seconds of plot and turned them into a 90-minute movie that feels five hours long . 
an unencouraging threefold expansion on the former mtv series , accompanying the stunt-hungry dimwits in a random series of collected gags , pranks , pratfalls , dares , injuries , etc . 
the script is a dim-witted pairing of teen-speak and animal gibberish . 
its well of thorn and vinegar ( and simple humanity ) has long been plundered by similar works featuring the insight and punch this picture so conspicuously lacks . 
for all its impressive craftsmanship , and despite an overbearing series of third-act crescendos , lily chou-chou never really builds up a head of emotional steam . 
don't be fooled by the impressive cast list - eye see you is pure junk . 
not since freddy got fingered has a major release been so painful to sit through . 
the documentary does little , apart from raising the topic , to further stoke the conversation . 
plays like a volatile and overlong w magazine fashion spread . 
a better title , for all concerned , might be swept under the rug . 
this movie seems to have been written using mad-libs . there can be no other explanation . hilariously inept and ridiculous . 
vera's technical prowess ends up selling his film short ; he smoothes over hard truths even as he uncovers them . 
[a] shapeless blob of desperate entertainment . 
feels too formulaic and too familiar to produce the transgressive thrills of early underground work . 
generic thriller junk . teens only . 
given how heavy-handed and portent-heavy it is , this could be the worst thing soderbergh has ever done . 
a by-the-numbers patient/doctor pic that covers all the usual ground
a dumb movie with dumb characters doing dumb things and you have to be really dumb not to see where this is going . 
stealing harvard aspires to comedic grand larceny but stands convicted of nothing more than petty theft of your time . 
pretension , in its own way , is a form of bravery . for this reason and this reason only -- the power of its own steadfast , hoity-toity convictions -- chelsea walls deserves a medal . 
with the exception of some fleetingly amusing improvisations by cedric the entertainer as perry's boss , there isn't a redeeming moment here . 
it's a grab bag of genres that don't add up to a whole lot of sense . 
movie fans , get ready to take off . . . the other direction . 
[director] o'fallon manages to put some lovely pictures up on the big screen , but his skill at telling a story -- he also contributed to the screenplay -- falls short . 
the intent is almost exactly the same [as the full monty] . all that's missing is the spontaneity , originality and delight . 
no one but a convict guilty of some truly heinous crime should have to sit through the master of disguise . 
even the finest chef can't make a hotdog into anything more than a hotdog , and robert de niro can't make this movie anything more than a trashy cop buddy comedy . 
there's too much falseness to the second half , and what began as an intriguing look at youth fizzles into a dull , ridiculous attempt at heart-tugging . 
it's not without its pleasures , but i'll stick with the tune . 
miller is playing so free with emotions , and the fact that children are hostages to fortune , that he makes the audience hostage to his swaggering affectation of seriousness . 
despite the evocative aesthetics evincing the hollow state of modern love life , the film never percolates beyond a monotonous whine . 
more maudlin than sharp . 
this is an egotistical endeavor from the daughter of horror director dario argento ( a producer here ) , but her raw performance and utter fearlessness make it strangely magnetic . 
it's slow -- very , very slow . it's not the ultimate depression-era gangster movie . that's pure pr hype . 
characters still need to function according to some set of believable and comprehensible impulses , no matter how many drugs they do or how much artistic license avary employs . 
comes . . . uncomfortably close to coasting in the treads of the bicycle thief . 
visually rather stunning , but ultimately a handsome-looking bore , the true creativity would have been to hide treasure planet entirely and completely reimagine it . 
stealing harvard is evidence that the farrelly bros . -- peter and bobby -- and their brand of screen comedy are wheezing to an end , along with green's half-hearted movie career . 
there seems to be no clear path as to where the story's going , or how long it's going to take to get there . 
if you're a wwf fan , or you related to the people who watched the robots getting butchered in a . i . , you'll probably like rollerball . 
i don't think i laughed out loud once . and when you're talking about a slapstick comedy , that's a pretty big problem . 
it's so mediocre , despite the dynamic duo on the marquee , that we just can't get no satisfaction . 
slapstick buffoonery can tickle many a preschooler's fancy , but when it costs a family of four about $40 to see a film in theaters , why spend money on a dog like this when you can rent a pedigree instead ? 
 . . . turns so unforgivably trite in its last 10 minutes that anyone without a fortified sweet tooth will likely go into sugar shock . 
the notion that bombing buildings is the funniest thing in the world goes entirely unexamined in this startlingly unfunny comedy . 
my reaction in a word : disappointment . his last movie was poetically romantic and full of indelible images , but his latest has nothing going for it . 
it kinda works and qualifies as cool at times , but is just too lame to work or be cool at others . 
sustains its dreamlike glide through a succession of cheesy coincidences and voluptuous cheap effects , not the least of which is rebecca romijn-stamos . 
intriguing documentary which is emotionally diluted by focusing on the story's least interesting subject . 
a non-mystery mystery . 
feels haphazard , as if the writers mistakenly thought they could achieve an air of frantic spontaneity by simply tossing in lots of characters doing silly stuff and stirring the pot . 
what an embarrassment . 
for each chuckle there are at least 10 complete misses , many coming from the amazingly lifelike tara reid , whose acting skills are comparable to a cardboard cutout . 
in its own way , joshua is as blasphemous and nonsensical as a luis buñuel film without the latter's attendant intelligence , poetry , passion , and genius . 
i've always dreamed of attending cannes , but after seeing this film , it's not that big a deal . 
the vintage is pure '87 , with a halfhearted twist on its cautionary message : fatal attraction = don't have an affair with a nutjob ; unfaithful = don't if you're married to one . 
a workshop mentality prevails . 
it cannot be enjoyed , even on the level that one enjoys a bad slasher flick , primarily because it is dull . yes , dull . 
pumpkin wants to have it both ways . 
director uwe boll and the actors provide scant reason to care in this crude '70s throwback . 
[w]hile long on amiable monkeys and worthy environmentalism , jane goodall's wild chimpanzees is short on the thrills the oversize medium demands . 
outer-space buffs might love this film , but others will find its pleasures intermittent . 
this piece of channel 5 grade trash is , quite frankly , an insult to the intelligence of the true genre enthusiast . 
an occasionally funny , but overall limp , fish-out-of-water story . 
a bloated gasbag thesis grotesquely impressed by its own gargantuan aura of self-importance . . . 
it's mighty tedious for the viewer who has to contend with unpleasant characters , hit-and-miss performances and awkwardly staged scenes . 
as a rumor of angels reveals itself to be a sudsy tub of supernatural hokum , not even ms . redgrave's noblest efforts can redeem it from hopeless sentimentality . 
new best friend's playboy-mansion presentation of college life is laugh-out-loud ludicrous . 
an appalling 'ace ventura' rip-off that somehow manages to bring together kevin pollak , former wrestler chyna and dolly parton . if any of them list this 'credit' on their resumes in the future , that'll be much funnier than anything in the film . . . 
the humor is forced and heavy-handed , and occasionally simply unpleasant . 
scorsese at his best makes gangster films that are equally lovely but also relentlessly brutal and brutally intelligent ; perdition , meanwhile , reads more like driving miss daisy than goodfellas . 
while the script starts promisingly , it loses steam towards the middle and never really develops beyond attacking obvious target . 
as the latest bid in the tv-to-movie franchise game , i spy makes its big-screen entry with little of the nervy originality of its groundbreaking small-screen progenitor . 
this isn't even madonna's swept away . this is her blue lagoon . 
the director knows how to apply textural gloss , but his portrait of sex-as-war is strictly sitcom . 
 . . . the film suffers from a lack of humor ( something needed to balance out the violence ) . . . 
burns never really harnesses to full effect the energetic cast . 
an overemphatic , would-be wacky , ultimately tedious sex farce . 
has all the depth of a wading pool . 
this is the sort of burly action flick where one coincidence pummels another , narrative necessity is a drunken roundhouse , and whatever passes for logic is a factor of the last plot device left standing . 
the so-inept- it's-surreal dubbing ( featuring the voices of glenn close , regis philbin and breckin meyer ) brings back memories of cheesy old godzilla flicks . 
 . . . the movie is just a plain old monster . 
if this disposable tissue has one wild card , it's john turturro , who's simply fab as a spanish butler with a foot fetish . 
one long string of cliches . 
a noble failure . 
fancy a real downer ? [leigh] lays it on so thick this time that it feels like a suicide race . 
professionally speaking , it's tempting to jump ship in january to avoid ridiculous schlock like this shoddy suspense thriller . 
nelson's brutally unsentimental approach . . . sucks the humanity from the film , leaving behind an horrific but weirdly unemotional spectacle . 
weaves a spell over you , with its disturbingly close-up look at damaged psyches and its subtle undercurrents of danger . but its awkward structure keeps breaking the spell . 
at once half-baked and overheated . 
there's a solid woman- finding-herself story somewhere in here , but you'd have to dig pretty deep to uncover it . 
i still can't relate to stuart : he's a mouse , for cryin' out loud , and all he does is milk it with despondent eyes and whine that nobody treats him human enough . 
[serry] wants to blend politics and drama , an admirable ambition . it's too bad that the helping hand he uses to stir his ingredients is also a heavy one . 
by the miserable standards to which the slasher genre has sunk , . . . actually pretty good . of course , by more objective measurements it's still quite bad . 
the only entertainment you'll derive from this choppy and sloppy affair will be from unintentional giggles – several of them . 
sam mendes has become valedictorian at the school for soft landings and easy ways out . 
lástima por schwarzenegger , pero es hora de que deje la estafeta a las nuevas generaciones . 
exactly what it claims to be -- a simple diversion for the kids . 
its story may be a thousand years old , but why did it have to seem like it took another thousand to tell it to us ? 
woefully pretentious . 
the problem with this film is that it lacks focus . i sympathize with the plight of these families , but the movie doesn't do a very good job conveying the issue at hand . 
a momentary escape from the summer heat and the sedentary doldrums that set in at this time of year . 
 . . . think of it as american pie on valium . 
dull , lifeless , and amateurishly assembled . 
puportedly " based on true events , " a convolution of language that suggests it's impossible to claim that it is " based on a true story " with a straight face . 
 . . . a plotline that's as lumpy as two-day old porridge . . . the filmmakers' paws , sad to say , were all over this " un-bear-able " project ! 
 . . . irritating soul-searching garbage . 
it's a bad thing when a movie has about as much substance as its end credits blooper reel . 
with its dogged hollywood naturalism and the inexorable passage of its characters toward sainthood , windtalkers is nothing but a sticky-sweet soap . 
some of it is clever , but it is never melodic/
a relative letdown . 
better to just call it abc kiarostami . for aids and africa are nothing more than part of the scenery . 
no aspirations to social import inform the movie version . this is a shameless sham , calculated to cash in on the popularity of its stars . 
manages to be somewhat well-acted , not badly art-directed and utterly unengaging no matter how hard it tries to be thrilling , touching or , yikes , uproarious . 
warmed-over hash . 
this rather superficial arthouse middle-brow film knows how to please a crowd , and that's about all it does well . 
it's clear the filmmakers weren't sure where they wanted their story to go , and even more clear that they lack the skills to get us to this undetermined destination . 
as vulgar as it is banal . 
a puzzling experience . 
you wonder why enough wasn't just a music video rather than a full-length movie . 
the film's tone and pacing are off almost from the get-go . 
the talented and clever robert rodriguez perhaps put a little too much heart into his first film and didn't reserve enough for his second . 
more whiny downer than corruscating commentary . 
tambor and clayburgh make an appealing couple — he's understated and sardonic , she's appealingly manic and energetic . both deserve better . 
suffocated by its fussy script and uptight characters , this musty adaptation is all the more annoying since it's been packaged and sold back to us by hollywood . 
coughs and sputters on its own postmodern conceit . 
a wildly inconsistent emotional experience . 
sit through this one , and you won't need a magic watch to stop time ; your dvd player will do it for you . 
a sometimes tedious film . 
teen movies have really hit the skids . 
there are plot holes big enough for shamu the killer whale to swim through . 
 . . . plays like somebody spliced random moments of a chris rock routine into what is otherwise a cliche-riddled but self-serious spy thriller . 
nasty , ugly , pointless and depressing , even if you hate clowns . 
what is 100% missing here is a script of even the most elemental literacy , an inkling of genuine wit , and anything resembling acting . 
does paint some memorable images . . . , but makhmalbaf keeps her distance from the characters
it uses the pain and violence of war as background material for color . 
just not campy enough
the movie , directed by mick jackson , leaves no cliche unturned , from the predictable plot to the characters straight out of central casting . 
it's everything you don't go to the movies for . 
like watching a dress rehearsal the week before the show goes up : everything's in place but something's just a little off-kilter . 
the affectionate loopiness that once seemed congenital to demme's perspective has a tough time emerging from between the badly dated cutesy-pie mystery scenario and the newfangled hollywood post-production effects . 
for all its technical virtuosity , the film is so mired in juvenile and near-xenophobic pedagogy that it's enough to make one pine for the day when godard can no longer handle the rigors of filmmaking . 
american chai encourages rueful laughter at stereotypes only an indian-american would recognize . and the lesson , in the end , is nothing new . 
it made me want to wrench my eyes out of my head and toss them at the screen . 
due to some script weaknesses and the casting of the director's brother , the film trails off into inconsequentiality . 
 . . . plot holes so large and obvious a marching band might as well be stomping through them in clown clothes , playing a college football fight song on untuned instruments . 
so devoid of any kind of intelligible story that it makes films like xxx and collateral damage seem like thoughtful treatises
combining quick-cut editing and a blaring heavy metal much of the time , beck seems to be under the illusion that he's shooting the latest system of a down video . 
dragonfly has no atmosphere , no tension -- nothing but costner , flailing away . it's a buggy drag . 
works hard to establish rounded characters , but then has nothing fresh or particularly interesting to say about them . 
the action switches between past and present , but the material link is too tenuous to anchor the emotional connections that purport to span a 125-year divide . 
nonsensical , dull " cyber-horror " flick is a grim , hollow exercise in flat scares and bad acting . 
instead of hiding pinocchio from critics , miramax should have hidden it from everyone . 
manages to be both repulsively sadistic and mundane . 
a great ensemble cast can't lift this heartfelt enterprise out of the familiar . 
there ought to be a directing license , so that ed burns can have his revoked . 
the structure the film takes may find matt damon and ben affleck once again looking for residuals as this officially completes a good will hunting trilogy that was never planned . 
whereas last year's exemplary sexy beast seemed to revitalize the british gangster movie , this equally brutal outing merely sustains it . 
 . . . a boring parade of talking heads and technical gibberish that will do little to advance the linux cause . 
green might want to hang onto that ski mask , as robbery may be the only way to pay for his next project . 
i can take infantile humor . . . but this is the sort of infantile that makes you wonder about changing the director and writer's diapers . 
there isn't nearly enough fun here , despite the presence of some appealing ingredients . 
the tale of tok ( andy lau ) , a sleek sociopath on the trail of o ( takashi sorimachi ) , the most legendary of asian hitmen , is too scattershot to take hold . 
directed in a paint-by-numbers manner . 
a cheerful enough but imminently forgettable rip-off of [besson's] earlier work . 
a lackluster , unessential sequel to the classic disney adaptation of j . m . barrie's peter pan . 
samira makhmalbaf's new film blackboards is much like the ethos of a stream of consciousness , although , it's unfortunate for the viewer that the thoughts and reflections coming through are torpid and banal
 . . . routine , harmless diversion and little else . 
late marriage's stiffness is unlikely to demonstrate the emotional clout to sweep u . s . viewers off their feet . 
this time mr . burns is trying something in the martin scorsese street-realist mode , but his self-regarding sentimentality trips him up again . 
while there's something intrinsically funny about sir anthony hopkins saying 'get in the car , bitch , ' this jerry bruckheimer production has little else to offer
it's hampered by a lifetime-channel kind of plot and a lead actress who is out of her depth . 
let's hope -- shall we ? -- that the 'true story' by which all the queen's men is allegedly " inspired " was a lot funnier and more deftly enacted than what's been cobbled together onscreen . 
is there a group of more self-absorbed women than the mother and daughters featured in this film ? i don't think so . nothing wrong with performances here , but the whiney characters bugged me . 
there is very little dread or apprehension , and though i like the creepy ideas , they are not executed with anything more than perfunctory skill . 
if you've ever entertained the notion of doing what the title of this film implies , what sex with strangers actually shows may put you off the idea forever . 
in the end , the movie collapses on its shaky foundation despite the best efforts of director joe carnahan . 
adults will wish the movie were less simplistic , obvious , clumsily plotted and shallowly characterized . but what are adults doing in the theater at all ? 
sticky sweet sentimentality , clumsy plotting and a rosily myopic view of life in the wwii-era mississippi delta undermine this adaptation . 
it's another stale , kill-by-numbers flick , complete with blade-thin characters and terrible , pun-laden dialogue . 
every time you look , sweet home alabama is taking another bummer of a wrong turn . 
partway through watching this saccharine , easter-egg-colored concoction , you realize that it is made up of three episodes of a rejected tv show . 
the overall effect is less like a children's movie than a recruitment film for future hollywood sellouts . 
portentous and pretentious , the weight of water is appropriately titled , given the heavy-handedness of it drama . 
a fitfully amusing romp that , if nothing else , will appeal to fans of malcolm in the middle and its pubescent star , frankie muniz . 
jason x is positively anti-darwinian : nine sequels and 400 years later , the teens are none the wiser and jason still kills on auto-pilot . 
to say this was done better in wilder's some like it hot is like saying the sun rises in the east . 
at the very least , if you don't know anything about derrida when you walk into the theater , you won't know much more when you leave . 
the actors are appealing , but elysian fields is idiotic and absurdly sentimental . 
as 'chick flicks' go , this one is pretty miserable , resorting to string-pulling rather than legitimate character development and intelligent plotting . 
the only excitement comes when the credits finally roll and you get to leave the theater . 
there's no emotional pulse to solaris . with an emotional sterility to match its outer space setting , soderbergh's spectacular swing for the fence yields only a spectacular whiff . 
it can't decide if it wants to be a mystery/thriller , a romance or a comedy . 
denis o'neill's script avoids the prime sports cliche , a last-second goal to win the championship , but it neglects few others . 
the character of zigzag is not sufficiently developed to support a film constructed around him . 
one of those pictures whose promising , if rather precious , premise is undercut by amateurish execution . 
serving sara doesn't serve up a whole lot of laughs . 
the most hopelessly monotonous film of the year , noteworthy only for the gimmick of being filmed as a single unbroken 87-minute take . 
with virtually no interesting elements for an audience to focus on , chelsea walls is a triple-espresso endurance challenge . 
stale , futile scenario . 
deadeningly dull , mired in convoluted melodrama , nonsensical jargon and stiff-upper-lip laboriousness . 
a misogynistic piece of filth that attempts to pass itself off as hip , young adult entertainment . 
like the chelsea's denizens . . . burdette's collage-form scenario tends to over-romanticize the spiritual desolation of the struggling artiste . 
it's basically an overlong episode of tales from the crypt . 
the film makes a fatal mistake : it asks us to care about a young man whose only apparent virtue is that he is not quite as unpleasant as some of the people in his life . 
another in-your-face wallow in the lower depths made by people who have never sung those blues . 
shaky close-ups of turkey-on-rolls , stubbly chins , liver spots , red noses and the filmmakers new bobbed do draw easy chuckles but lead nowhere . 
i can't quite recommend it -- it's too patched together -- but i almost can ; it's the kind of movie that makes you want to like it . 
complete lack of originality , cleverness or even visible effort
though perry and hurley make inspiring efforts to breathe life into the disjointed , haphazard script by jay scherick and david ronn , neither the actors nor director reginald hudlin can make it more than fitfully entertaining . 
something akin to a japanese alice through the looking glass , except that it seems to take itself far more seriously . 
it takes talent to make a lifeless movie about the most heinous man who ever lived . 
on the whole , the movie lacks wit , feeling and believability to compensate for its incessant coarseness and banality . 
the story and the friendship proceeds in such a way that you're watching a soap opera rather than a chronicle of the ups and downs that accompany lifelong friendships . 
offers very little genuine romance and even fewer laughs . . . a sad sitcom of a movie , largely devoid of charm . 
makes for a pretty unpleasant viewing experience . 
the movie fails to live up to the sum of its parts . 
although huppert's intensity and focus has a raw exhilaration about it , the piano teacher is anything but fun . 
it showcases carvey's talent for voices , but not nearly enough and not without taxing every drop of one's patience to get to the good stuff . 
bad . very bad . stultifyingly , dumbfoundingly , mind-numbingly bad . 
may reawaken discussion of the kennedy assassination but this fictional film looks made for cable rather than for the big screen . 
if looking for a thrilling sci-fi cinematic ride , don't settle for this imposter . 
not really bad so much as distasteful : we need kidnapping suspense dramas right now like we need doomsday thrillers . 
the result is a gaudy bag of stale candy , something from a halloween that died . 
davis . . . is so enamored of her own creation that she can't see how insufferable the character is . 
the man from elysian fields is a cold , bliss-less work that groans along thinking itself some important comment on how life throws us some beguiling curves . 
the messages of compassion and mercy are clearly , squarely and specifically expounded via computer animated old testament tale of jonah and the whale . determined to be fun , and bouncy , with energetic musicals , the humor didn't quite engage this adult . 
historical dramas fused with love triangle is a well worn conceit . but this films lacks the passion required to sell the material . 
long time dead ? not nearly long enough . 
nothing more substantial than a fitfully clever doodle . 
a solid film . . . but more conscientious than it is truly stirring . 
there's not enough here to justify the almost two hours . 
the x potion gives the quickly named blossom , bubbles and buttercup supernatural powers that include extraordinary strength and laser-beam eyes , which unfortunately don't enable them to discern flimsy screenplays . 
perceptive in its vision of nascent industrialized world politics as a new art form , but far too clunky , didactic and saddled with scenes that seem simply an ill fit for this movie . 
verbinski implements every hack-artist trick to give us the ooky-spookies . 
mcconaughey's fun to watch , the dragons are okay , not much fire in the script . 
an unwise amalgam of broadcast news and vibes . 
skins has a right to yawp , and we have a right to our grains of salt . 
who needs love like this ? 
hit and miss as far as the comedy goes and a big ole' miss in the way of story . 
returning aggressively to his formula of dimwitted comedy and even dimmer characters , sandler , who also executive produces , has made a film that makes previous vehicles look smart and sassy . 
exists then as an occasionally insightful acting exercise . 
trite , banal , cliched , mostly inoffensive . 
mattei is tiresomely grave and long-winded , as if circularity itself indicated profundity . 
it's not original , and , robbed of the element of surprise , it doesn't have any huge laughs in its story of irresponsible cops who love to play pranks . 
whenever its story isn't bogged down by idiocy involving the cia and a lost u . s . satellite , hunter -- starring irwin and his american wife/colleague , terri -- is a movie children should enjoy . 
it offers little beyond the momentary joys of pretty and weightless intellectual entertainment . 
a sequence of ridiculous shoot-'em-up scenes . 
nothing in waking up in reno ever inspired me to think of its inhabitants as anything more than markers in a screenplay . 
i'm just too bored to care . 
irwin is a man with enough charisma and audacity to carry a dozen films , but this particular result is ultimately held back from being something greater . 
not a stereotype is omitted nor a cliché left unsaid . 
as befits its title , this pg-13-rated piffle is ultimately as threatening as the snuggle fabric softener bear . 
attempts by this ensemble film to impart a message are so heavy-handed that they instead pummel the audience . 
it all feels like a monty python sketch gone horribly wrong . 
nervous breakdowns are not entertaining . 
scorsese doesn't give us a character worth giving a damn about . 
a beautifully made piece of unwatchable drivel . 
like being trapped at a perpetual frat party . . . how can something so gross be so boring ? 
this is so bad . 
even film silliness needs a little gravity , beyond good hair and humping . 
i felt sad for lise not so much because of what happens as because she was captured by this movie when she obviously belongs in something lighter and sunnier , by rohmer , for example . 
prurient playthings aside , there's little to love about this english trifle . 
this is a train wreck of an action film -- a stupefying attempt by the filmmakers to force-feed james bond into the mindless xxx mold and throw 40 years of cinematic history down the toilet in favor of bright flashes and loud bangs . 
the film flat lines when it should peak and is more missed opportunity and trifle than dark , decadent truffle . 
it's played in the most straight-faced fashion , with little humor to lighten things up . the heavy-handed film is almost laughable as a consequence . 
van wilder brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'comedy gag . ' at least one scene is so disgusting that viewers may be hard pressed to retain their lunch . 
a disappointment for those who love alternate versions of the bard , particularly ones that involve deep fryers and hamburgers . 
the film tries too hard to be funny and tries too hard to be hip . the end result is a film that's neither . 
every nanosecond of the the new guy reminds you that you could be doing something else far more pleasurable . something like scrubbing the toilet . or emptying rat traps . or doing last year's taxes with your ex-wife . 
scooby dooby doo / and shaggy too / you both look and sound great . / but daphne , you're too buff / fred thinks he's tough / and velma - wow , you've lost weight ! 
is the time really ripe for a warmed-over james bond adventure , with a village idiot as the 007 clone ? 
there's enough melodrama in this magnolia primavera to make pta proud yet director muccino's characters are less worthy of puccini than they are of daytime television . 
however it may please those who love movies that blare with pop songs , young science fiction fans will stomp away in disgust . 
the humor isn't as sharp , the effects not as innovative , nor the story as imaginative as in the original . but it could have been worse . 
some of their jokes work , but most fail miserably and in the end , pumpkin is far more offensive than it is funny . 
even horror fans will most likely not find what they're seeking with trouble every day ; the movie lacks both thrills and humor . 
comes off like a rejected abc afterschool special , freshened up by the dunce of a screenwriting 101 class . . . . designed to provide a mix of smiles and tears , " crossroads " instead provokes a handful of unintentional howlers and numerous yawns . 
it seems to me the film is about the art of ripping people off without ever letting them consciously know you have done so
it's just disappointingly superficial -- a movie that has all the elements necessary to be a fascinating , involving character study , but never does more than scratch the surface . 
the title not only describes its main characters , but the lazy people behind the camera as well . 
sometimes it feels as if it might have been made in the '70s or '80s , and starred chevy chase and goldie hawn . 
schaeffer has to find some hook on which to hang his persistently useless movies , and it might as well be the resuscitation of the middle-aged character . 
demands too much of most viewers . 
the story drifts so inexorably into cliches about tortured ( and torturing ) artists and consuming but impossible love that you can't help but become more disappointed as each overwrought new sequence plods on . 
it should be mentioned that the set design and interiors of the haunted vessel are more than effectively creepy and moodily lit . so i just did . 
shamelessly sappy and , worse , runs away from its own provocative theme . 
aggravating and tedious . 
the ring just left me cold and wet like i was out in the seattle drizzle without rainwear . 
the film seems a dead weight . the lack of pace kills it , although , in a movie about cancer , this might be apt . 
for anyone who grew up on disney's 1950 treasure island , or remembers the 1934 victor fleming classic , this one feels like an impostor . 
a clutchy , indulgent and pretentious travelogue and diatribe against . . . well , just stuff . watching scarlet diva , one is poised for titillation , raw insight or both . instead , we just get messy anger , a movie as personal therapy . 
meandering , sub-aquatic mess : it's so bad it's good , but only if you slide in on a freebie . 
the ending is a cop-out . what happens to john q ? i don't have an i am sam clue . 
has the feel of an unedited personal journal . 
remember when bond had more glamour than clamor ? no more . 
cry havoc and let slip the dogs of cheese , indeed . 
this charmless nonsense ensues amid clanging film references that make jay and silent bob's excellent adventure seem understated . 
it doesn't quite deserve the gong , but there are more fascinating acts than " confessions of a dangerous mind . " 
the subject of swinging still seems ripe for a documentary -- just not this one . 
 . . . hudlin is stuck trying to light a fire with soggy leaves . 
unlike his directorial efforts , la femme nikita and the professional , the transporter lacks besson's perspective as a storyteller . 
the overall effect is so completely inane that one would have to be mighty bored to even think of staying with this for more than , say , ten . . . make that three minutes . 
lacks depth . 
most of the supporting characters in eastwood films are weak , as are most of the subplots . this one's weaker than most . 
there's no real reason to see it , and no real reason not to . 
audiences will find no mention of political prisoners or persecutions that might paint the castro regime in less than saintly tones . 
under-rehearsed and lifeless
the film takes too long getting to the good stuff , then takes too long figuring out what to do next . 
you can practically smell the patchouli oil . 
to say analyze that is de niro's best film since meet the parents sums up the sad state of his recent career . 
the actors don't inhabit their roles -- they're trapped by them , forced to change behavior in bizarre unjustified fashion and spout dialog that consists mostly of platitudes . 
an often-deadly boring , strange reading of a classic whose witty dialogue is treated with a baffling casual approach
this film was made to get laughs from the slowest person in the audience -- just pure slapstick with lots of inane , inoffensive screaming and exaggerated facial expressions . 
consists of a plot and jokes done too often by people far more talented than ali g
another week , another gross-out college comedy--ugh . 
laughably , irredeemably awful . 
moderately involving despite bargain-basement photography and hackneyed romance . 
there is no insight into the anguish of heidi's life -- only a depiction of pain , today's version of greek tragedy , the talk-show guest decrying her fate . 
the editing is chaotic , the photography grainy and badly focused , the writing unintentionally hilarious , the direction unfocused , the performances as wooden . 
when [de palma's] bad , he's really bad , and femme fatale ranks with the worst he has done . 
tadpole is emblematic of the witless ageism afflicting films : young is cool , and too young is too cool . 
i doubt anyone will remember the picture by the time christmas really rolls around , but maybe it'll be on video by then . 
uncertain in tone . . . a garbled exercise in sexual politics , a junior varsity short cuts by way of very bad things . 
all's well that ends well , and rest assured , the consciousness-raising lessons are cloaked in gross-out gags . 
the only thing worse than your substandard , run-of-the-mill hollywood picture is an angst-ridden attempt to be profound . 
if you think that jennifer lopez has shown poor judgment in planning to marry ben affleck , wait till you see maid in manhattan . 
stars matthew perry and elizabeth hurley illicit more than a chuckle , and more jokes land than crash , but ultimately serving sara doesn't distinguish itself from the herd . 
it's best to avoid imprisonment with the dull , nerdy folks that inhabit cherish . 
culkin exudes none of the charm or charisma that might keep a more general audience even vaguely interested in his bratty character . 
in the end , ted bundy's only justification is the director's common but unexplored fascination with the frustrated maniac ; there's no larger point , and little social context . 
 . . . ( like ) channel surfing between the discovery channel and a late-night made-for-cable action movie . 
a movie that , rather than skip along the seine , more or less slogs its way through soggy paris , tongue uncomfortably in cheek . 
shot perhaps 'artistically' with handheld cameras and apparently no movie lights by joaquin baca-asay , the low-budget production swings annoyingly between vertigo and opacity . 
imagine a really bad community theater production of west side story without the songs . 
soul is what's lacking in every character in this movie and , subsequently , the movie itself . 
a one-trick pony whose few t&a bits still can't save itself from being unoriginal , unfunny and unrecommendable . 
the worst kind of independent ; the one where actors play dress down hicks and ponderously mope around trying to strike lightning as captured by their 1970s predecessors
it may be a prize winner , but teacher is a bomb . 
the production values are up there . the use of cgi and digital ink-and-paint make the thing look really slick . the voices are fine as well . the problem , it is with most of these things , is the script . 
it's got its heart in the right place , but it also wilts after awhile . 
proves that a movie about goodness is not the same thing as a good movie . 
well , it does go on forever . 
this overproduced and generally disappointing effort isn't likely to rouse the rush hour crowd . 
topkapi this is not . 
if shayamalan wanted to tell a story about a man who loses his faith , why didn't he just do it , instead of using bad sci-fi as window dressing ? 
ethan hawke has always fancied himself the bastard child of the beatnik generation and it's all over his chelsea walls . 
equal parts bodice-ripper and plodding costume drama . 
i'm not suggesting that you actually see it , unless you're the kind of person who has seen every wim wenders film of the '70s . 
while the film misfires at every level , the biggest downside is the paucity of laughter in what's supposed to be a comedy . 
if you liked the 1982 film then , you'll still like it now . 
a 93-minute condensation of a 26-episode tv series , with all of the pitfalls of such you'd expect . 
guillen rarely gets beneath the surface of things . she lists ingredients , but never mixes and stirs . 
audiences can be expected to suspend their disbelief only so far -- and that does not include the 5 o'clock shadow on the tall wooden kid as he skips off to school . 
to imagine the life of harry potter as a martial arts adventure told by a lobotomized woody allen is to have some idea of the fate that lies in store for moviegoers lured to the mediocrity that is kung pow : enter the fist . 
it delivers some chills and sustained unease , but flounders in its quest for deeper meaning . 
credibility levels are low and character development a non-starter . 
i would have preferred a transfer down the hall to mr . holland's class for the music , or to robin williams's lecture so i could listen to a teacher with humor , passion , and verve . 
for the most part , the ingredients are there . but an unwillingness to explore beyond the surfaces of her characters prevents nettelbeck's film from coming together . 
an earnest , heartrending look at the divide between religious fundamentalists and their gay relatives . it's also heavy-handed and devotes too much time to bigoted views . 
a mawkish , implausible platonic romance that makes chaplin's city lights seem dispassionate by comparison . 
yes , one enjoys seeing joan grow from awkward young woman to strong , determined monarch , but her love for the philandering philip only diminishes her stature . 
it's a film that hinges on its casting , and glover really doesn't fit the part . 
this is a throwaway , junk-food movie whose rap soundtrack was better tended to than the film itself . 
 . . . with the candy-like taste of it fading faster than 25-cent bubble gum , i realized this is a throwaway movie that won't stand the test of time . it's a trifle . 
literally nothing in the pool is new , but if you grew up on the stalker flicks of the 1980's this one should appease you for 90 minutes . 
arguably the year's silliest and most incoherent movie . 
anyway , for one reason or another , crush turns into a dire drama partway through . after that , it just gets stupid and maudlin . too bad , but thanks to some lovely comedic moments and several fine performances , it's not a total loss . 
chao was chen kaige's assistant for years in china . he has not learnt that storytelling is what the movies are about . 
a mixed bag of a comedy that can't really be described as out of this world . 
unwieldy contraption . 
the film is a travesty of the genre and even as spoof takes itself too seriously . 
marries the amateurishness of the blair witch project with the illogic of series 7 : the contenders to create a completely crass and forgettable movie . 
the piano teacher is the sort of movie that discourages american audiences from ever wanting to see another foreign film . 
if it's another regurgitated action movie you're after , there's no better film than half past dead . 
so what is the point ? lovingly choreographed bloodshed taking place in a pristine movie neverland , basically . 
this is junk food cinema at its greasiest . 
when it's all wet , blue crush is highly enjoyable . when it's on dry land , though , this surfer-girl melodrama starts gasping like a beached grouper . 
most new movies have a bright sheen . some , like ballistic , arrive stillborn . . . looking like the beaten , well-worn video box cover of seven years into the future . 
the story is naturally poignant , but first-time screenwriter paul pender overloads it with sugary bits of business . 
you see robert de niro singing - and dancing to - west side story show tunes . choose your reaction : a . ) that sure is funny ! b . ) that sure is pathetic ! 
a sermonizing and lifeless paean to teenage dullards . 
this dramatically shaky contest of wills only reiterates the old hollywood saw : evil is interesting and good is boring . 
before long , the film starts playing like general hospital crossed with a saturday night live spoof of dog day afternoon . 
the charms of willful eccentricity , at least as evidenced by this latest cinematic essay , are beginning to wear a bit thin . 
instead of accurately accounting a terrible true story , the film's more determined to become the next texas chainsaw massacre . but what about the countless other people who'd merely like to watch a solid tale about a universally interesting soul ? 
a silly , self-indulgent film about a silly , self-indulgent filmmaker . 
scarlet diva has a voyeuristic tug , but all in all it's a lot less sensational than it wants to be . 
the character is too forced and overwritten to be funny or believable much of the time , and clayburgh doesn't always improve the over-the-top mix . 
flashy , pretentious and as impenetrable as morvern's thick , working-class scottish accent . 
a battle between bug-eye theatre and dead-eye matinee . 
the movie is virtually without context -- journalistic or historical . what's worse is that pelosi knows it . 
 . . . instead go rent " shakes the clown " , a much funnier film with a similar theme and an equally great robin williams performance . 
lame , haphazard teen comedy . 
it's the kind of movie that ends up festooning u . s . art house screens for no reason other than the fact that it's in french ( well , mostly ) with english subtitles and is magically 'significant' because of that . 
this miserable excuse of a movie runs on empty , believing flatbush machismo will get it through . 
expect to be reminded of other , better films , especially seven , which director william malone slavishly copies . 
nair stuffs the film with dancing , henna , ornamentation , and group song , but her narrative clichés and telegraphed episodes smell of old soap opera . 
it's getting harder and harder to ignore the fact that hollywood isn't laughing with us , folks . it's laughing at us . 
might have been better off as a documentary , with less of mr . eyre's uninspired dramatics and more of his sense of observation and outrage . 
every good actor needs to do his or her own hamlet . for benigni it wasn't shakespeare whom he wanted to define his career with but pinocchio . it might as well have been problem child iv . 
arnold's jump from little screen to big will leave frowns on more than a few faces . 
both awful and appealing . 
the lack of opposing viewpoints soon grows tiresome -- the film feels more like a series of toasts at a testimonial dinner than a documentary . 
nothing plot-wise is worth e-mailing home about . 
we are left with a superficial snapshot that , however engaging , is insufficiently enlightening and inviting . 
helmer devito . . . attempts to do too many things in this story about ethics , payola , vice , murder , kids' tv and revenge . 
it wouldn't be my preferred way of spending 100 minutes or $7 . 00 . 
i hated every minute of it . 
[t]hose same extremes prevent us from taking its message seriously , and the stepford wives mentality doesn't work in a modern context . 
obvious politics and rudimentary animation reduce the chances that the appeal of hey arnold ! the movie will reach far beyond its core demographic . 
there's no mistaking the fact that this hybrid misses the impact of the disney classic , and even that of the excellent 1934 mgm version . 
a simple , sometimes maddeningly slow film that has just enough charm and good acting to make it interesting , but is ultimately pulled under by the pacing and lack of creativity within . 
roger michell , who did an appealing job directing persuasion and notting hill in england , gets too artsy in his american debut . 
there is an almost poignant dimension to the way that every major stunt seagal's character . . . performs is shot from behind , as if it could fool us into thinking that we're not watching a double . 
anthony hopkins ? big deal ! we've already seen the prequel to the silence of the lambs and hannibal -- and it was better the first time . 
ostensibly celebrates middle-aged girl power , even as it presents friendship between women as pathetic , dysfunctional and destructive . 
if this is an example of the type of project that robert redford's lab is willing to lend its imprimatur to , then perhaps it's time to rethink independent films . 
pumpkin sits in a patch somewhere between mirthless todd solondzian satire and callow student film . 
not so much funny as aggressively sitcom-cute , it's full of throwaway one-liners , not-quite jokes , and a determined tv amiability that allen personifies . 
it's not that waiting for happiness is a bad film , because it isn't . it's just incredibly dull . 
the sad thing about knockaround guys is its lame aspiration for grasping the coolness vibes when in fact the film isn't as flippant or slick as it thinks it is . 
a cumbersome and cliche-ridden movie greased with every emotional device known to man . 
director ferzan ozpetek creates an interesting dynamic with the members of this group , who live in the same apartment building . but he loses his focus when he concentrates on any single person . 
egoyan's movie is too complicated to sustain involvement , and , if you'll excuse a little critical heresy , too intellectually ambitious . 
it wants to be thought of as a subversive little indie film , but it has all the qualities of a modern situation comedy . 
despite apparent motives to the contrary , it ends up being , like [seinfeld's] revered tv show , about pretty much nothing . 
shadyac shoots his film like an m . night shyamalan movie , and he frequently maintains the same snail's pace ; he just forgot to add any genuine tension . 
plays less like a coming-of-age romance than an infomercial . 
there are a few laughs and clever sight gags scattered about , but not enough to make this anything more than another big-budget bust . 
the story's so preposterous that i didn't believe it for a second , despite the best efforts of everyone involved . 
i've heard that the fans of the first men in black have come away hating the second one . i wonder why . they felt like the same movie to me . 
despite her relentless vim and winsome facial symmetry , witherspoon is just too dialed-up to be america's sweetheart . 
an ultra-low-budget indie debut that smacks more of good intentions than talent . 
birot is a competent enough filmmaker , but her story has nothing fresh or very exciting about it . 
de niro and mcdormand give solid performances , but their screen time is sabotaged by the story's inability to create interest . 
even those of a single digit age will be able to recognize that this story is too goofy . . . even for disney . 
that is essentially what's missing from blackboards -- the sense of something bigger , some ultimate point . 
a compendium of solondz's own worst instincts in under 90 minutes . 
if the title is a jeopardy question , then the answer might be " how does steven seagal come across these days ? " or maybe " how will you feel after an 88-minute rip-off of the rock with action confined to slo-mo gun firing and random glass-shattering ? 
it is a comedy that's not very funny and an action movie that is not very thrilling ( and an uneasy alliance , at that ) . 
the story is familiar from its many predecessors ; like them , it eventually culminates in the not-exactly -stunning insight that crime doesn't pay . 
you'll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot . you'll be more entertained getting hit by a bus . 
dissing a bond movie is quite like calling a dog stupid , but when it has the temerity to run over two hours , you feel like winding up with a kick . 
ritchie's treatment of the class reversal is majorly ham-fisted , from the repetitive manifestos that keep getting thrown in people's faces to the fact amber is such a joke . 
flat , but with a revelatory performance by michelle williams . 
little more than a frothy vanity project . 
the film goes from being an unusual sci-fi character study to a chase flick that detracts from its ending . 
verbinski substitutes atmosphere for action , tedium for thrills . 
for all its surface frenzy , high crimes should be charged with loitering -- so much on view , so little to offer . 
the sum of all fears is almost impossible to follow -- and there's something cringe-inducing about seeing an american football stadium nuked as pop entertainment . 
alex nohe's documentary plays like a travelogue for what mostly resembles a real-life , big-budget nc-17 version of tank girl . 
the title trapped turns out to be a pretty fair description of how you feel while you're watching this ultra-manipulative thriller . 
the appeal of the vulgar , sexist , racist humour went over my head or -- considering just how low brow it is -- perhaps it snuck under my feet . 
the story really has no place to go since simone is not real—she can't provide any conflict . 
ihops don't pile on this much syrup . 
for the most part , i spy was an amusing lark that will probably rank as one of murphy's better performances in one of his lesser-praised movies . 
focuses on joan's raging hormones and sledgehammers the audience with spanish inquisitions about her " madness " so much that i became mad that i wasted 123 minutes and $9 . 50 on this 21st century torture device . 
this series should have died long ago , but they keep bringing it back another day as punishment for paying money to see the last james bond movie . 
a bit of an unwieldy mess . 
with a story as bizarre and mysterious as this , you don't want to be worrying about whether the ineffectual broomfield is going to have the courage to knock on that door . 
the filmmakers juggle and juxtapose three story lines but fail to come up with one cogent point , unless it's that life stinks , especially for sensitive married women who really love other women . 
the movie feels like it's going to be great , and it carries on feeling that way for a long time , but takeoff just never happens . 
a gimmick in search of a movie : how to get carvey into as many silly costumes and deliver as many silly voices as possible , plot mechanics be damned . 
 . . . the last time i saw a theater full of people constantly checking their watches was during my sats . 
 . . . fifty minutes of tedious adolescent melodramatics followed by thirty-five minutes of inflated nonsense . 
 . . . lacks the punch and verve needed to make this genre soar . 
it's often faintly amusing , but the problems of the characters never become important to us , and the story never takes hold . 
it's tough , astringent , darkly funny and . . . well , it's also generic , untidy , condescending and mild of impact rather than stunning . 
largely a for-fans artifact . 
there's no denying the elaborateness of the artist's conceptions , nor his ability to depict them with outrageous elan , but really the whole series is so much pretentious nonsense , lavishly praised by those who equate obscurity with profundity . 
characters wander into predictably treacherous situations even though they should know better . 
there's plenty of style in guillermo del toro's sequel to the 1998 hit but why do we need 117 minutes to tell a tale that simply can't sustain more than 90 minutes . 
[i]f you've been to more than one indie flick in your life , chances are you've already seen this kind of thing . 
first-time director joão pedro rodrigues' unwillingness to define his hero's background or motivations becomes more and more frustrating as the film goes on . 
no reason for anyone to invest their hard-earned bucks into a movie which obviously didn't invest much into itself either . 
a strong first quarter , slightly less so second quarter , and average second half . 
a boring , wincingly cute and nauseatingly politically correct cartoon guaranteed to drive anyone much over age 4 screaming from the theater . 
the vampire thriller blade ii starts off as a wild hoot and then sucks the blood out of its fun – toward the end , you can feel your veins cringing from the workout . 
when the first few villians are introduced as " spider " and " snake " you know you're in for a real winner , creativity at its peak . 
an afterschool special without the courage of its convictions . 
the final result makes for adequate entertainment , i suppose , but anyone who has seen chicago on stage will leave the theater feeling they've watched nothing but a pale imitation of the real deal . 
[director] byler may yet have a great movie in him , but charlotte sometimes is only half of one . 
so few movies explore religion that it's disappointing to see one reduce it to an idea that fits in a sampler . 
it's also clear from the start that the transporter is running purely on adrenaline , and once the initial high wears off , the film's shortcomings start to shine through . 
watching it is rather like viewing a long soap opera in which only the first episode was any good . 
it's fun , but a psychological mess , with austin powers bumping his head on the way out of the closet . 
there are touching moments in etoiles , but for the most part this is a dull , dour documentary on what ought to be a joyful or at least fascinating subject . 
overwrought , melodramatic bodice-ripper . 
could the whole plan here have been to produce something that makes fatal attraction look like a classic by comparison ? that's the only sane rationale i can think of for swimfan's existence . 
i didn't laugh at the ongoing efforts of cube , and his skinny buddy mike epps , to make like laurel and hardy 'n the hood . 
the only way this supernatural snore-fest could give anyone a case of the frights is if they were put to sleep by the movie and had a nightmare . 
i wonder what the reaction of israelis will be to this supposedly evenhanded presentation . 
the film would work much better as a video installation in a museum , where viewers would be free to leave . immediately . 
human nature initially succeeds by allowing itself to go crazy , but ultimately fails by spinning out of control . 
[it's] a prison soccer movie starring charismatic tough guy vinnie jones , but it had too much spitting for me to enjoy . 
not even the hanson brothers can save it
the thriller side of this movie is falling flat , as the stalker doesn't do much stalking , and no cop or lawyer grasps the concept of actually investigating the case . 
 . . . [a] strained comedy that jettisons all opportunities for rock to make his mark by serving up the usual chaotic nonsense . 
a sour , nasty offering . 
feels like one of those contrived , only-in -hollywood productions where name actors deliver big performances created for the sole purpose of generating oscar talk . 
obstacles are too easily overcome and there isn't much in the way of character development in the script . 
it tells more than it shows . 
earnest falls short of its ideal predecessor largely due to parker's ill-advised meddling with the timeless source material . 
the film might have been more satisfying if it had , in fact , been fleshed out a little more instead of going for easy smiles . 
pretentious editing ruins a potentially terrific flick . 
not every animated film from disney will become a classic , but forgive me if i've come to expect more from this studio than some 79-minute after-school " cartoon " . 
do not , under any circumstances , consider taking a child younger than middle school age to this wallow in crude humor . 
nothing debases a concept comedy quite like the grinding of bad ideas , and showtime is crammed full of them . 
much-anticipated and ultimately lackluster movie . 
this is really just another genre picture . 
each story on its own could have been expanded and worked into a compelling single feature , but in its current incarnation , storytelling never quite gets over its rather lopsided conception . 
william shatner , as a pompous professor , is the sole bright spot . . . 
a trite psychological thriller designed to keep the audience guessing and guessing -- which is not to be confused with suspecting -- until it comes time to wrap things up and send the viewers home . 
neither funny nor suspenseful nor particularly well-drawn . 
'carente de imaginación , mal dirigida , peor actuada y sin un ápice de romance , es una verdadera pérdida de tiempo y dinero'
acting , particularly by tambor , almost makes " never again " worthwhile , but [writer/director] schaeffer should follow his titular advice
both stars manage to be funny , but , like the recent i spy , the star chemistry begs the question of whether random gags add up to a movie . 
 " collateral damage " goes by the numbers and reps decent action entertainment – until the silly showdown ending that forces the viewer to totally suspend disbelief
'enigma' is a good name for a movie this delibrately obtuse and unapproachable . a waste of good performances . 
a dreary , incoherent , self-indulgent mess of a movie in which a bunch of pompous windbags drone on inanely for two hours . . . a cacophony of pretentious , meaningless prattle . 
i kept thinking over and over again , 'i should be enjoying this . ' but i wasn't . 
as conceived by mr . schaeffer , christopher and grace are little more than collections of quirky traits lifted from a screenwriter's outline and thrown at actors charged with the impossible task of making them jell . 
like so many other allegedly scary movies , it gets so tangled up in the twist that it chokes the energy right out of the very audience it seeks to frighten . 
the essential problem in orange county is that , having created an unusually vivid set of characters worthy of its strong cast , the film flounders when it comes to giving them something to do . 
just like hearst's enormous yacht , it's slow and unwieldy and takes a long time to reach its destination . 
there is not a character in the movie with a shred of plausibility , not an event that is believable , not a confrontation that is not staged , not a moment that is not false . 
where last time jokes flowed out of cho's life story , which provided an engrossing dramatic through line , here the comedian hides behind obviously constructed routines . 
why come up with something even quasi-original , when you can pillage from shirley jackson , richard matheson . . . and puke up something like rose red ? 
a broadly played , lowbrow comedy in which the cast delivers mildly amusing performances and no farm animals were injured by any of the gags . 
 . . . too gory to be a comedy and too silly to be an effective horror film . 
lacks heart , depth and , most of all , purpose . 
though a bit of a patchwork in script and production , a glossy , rich green , environment almost makes the picture work . 
perfectly enjoyable , instantly forgettable , nothing to write home about . 
wasabi is slight fare indeed , with the entire project having the feel of something tossed off quickly ( like one of hubert's punches ) , but it should go down smoothly enough with popcorn . 
somehow both wildly implausible and strangely conventional . 
this ill-fitting tuxedo is strictly off-the-rack . 
is " ballistic " worth the price of admission ? absolutely not . it sucked . would i see it again ? please see previous answer . 
the premise is in extremely bad taste , and the film's supposed insights are so poorly thought-out and substance-free that even a high school senior taking his or her first psychology class could dismiss them . 
sets up a nice concept for its fiftysomething leading ladies , but fails loudly in execution . 
kidman is really the only thing that's worth watching in birthday girl , a film by the stage-trained jez butterworth ( mojo ) that serves as yet another example of the sad decline of british comedies in the post-full monty world . 
imagine the james woods character from videodrome making a home movie of audrey rose and showing it to the kid from the sixth sense and you've imagined the ring . 
this time kaufman's imagination has failed him . 
an intermittently pleasing but mostly routine effort . 
it becomes gimmicky instead of compelling . " interview " loses its overall sense of mystery and becomes a tv episode rather than a documentary that you actually buy into . 
'unfaithful' cheats on itself and retreats to comfortable territory . too bad . 
frenetic but not really funny . 
taken individually or collectively , the stories never add up to as much as they promise . 
if you're not a prepubescent girl , you'll be laughing at britney spears' movie-starring debut whenever it doesn't have you impatiently squinting at your watch . 
a didactic and dull documentary glorifying software anarchy . 
an awful snooze . 
sluggishly directed by episodic tv veteran joe zwick , it's a sitcom without the snap-crackle . 
you could nap for an hour and not miss a thing . 
director clare kilner's debut is never as daft as it should have been . 
new best friend shouldn't have gone straight to video ; it should have gone straight to a mystery science theater 3000 video . 
wallace seems less like he's been burning to tell a war story than he's been itching to somehow tack one together
the thrill is ( long ) gone . 
just plain silly . 
began life as a computer game , then morphed into a movie -- a bad one , of course . 
part comedy , part drama , the movie winds up accomplishing neither in full , and leaves us feeling touched and amused by several moments and ideas , but nevertheless dissatisfied with the movie as a whole . 
godawful boring slug of a movie . 
dull , if not devoid of wit , this shaggy dog longs to frisk through the back alleys of history , but scarcely manages more than a modest , snoozy charm . 
scene-by-scene , things happen , but you'd be hard-pressed to say what or why . 
 . . . an unimaginative , nasty , glibly cynical piece of work . 
it is , by conventional standards , a fairly terrible movie . . . but it is also weirdly fascinating , a ready-made eurotrash cult object . it is also , at times , curiously moving . 
the tug-of-war at the core of beijing bicycle becomes weighed down with agonizing contrivances , overheated pathos and long , wistful gazes . 
vile and tacky are the two best adjectives to describe ghost ship . 
some decent actors inflict big damage upon their reputations . 
being author wells' great-grandson , you'd think filmmaker simon wells would have more reverence for the material . but this costly dud is a far cry from either the book or the beloved film . 
offensive in the way it exploits the hot-button issue of domestic abuse for cheap thrills and disgusting in the manner it repeatedly puts a small child in jeopardy , treating her as little more than a prop to be cruelly tormented . 
mark me down as a non-believer in werewolf films that are not serious and rely on stupidity as a substitute for humor . 
thoughtless , random , superficial humour and a lot of very bad scouse accents
aspires for the piquant but only really achieves a sort of ridiculous sourness . 
accuracy and realism are terrific , but if your film becomes boring , and your dialogue isn't smart , then you need to use more poetic license . 
for all its highfalutin title and corkscrew narrative , the movie turns out to be not much more than a shaggy human tale . 
a soggy , cliche-bound epic-horror yarn that ends up being even dumber than its title . 
one groan-inducing familiarity begets another . 
although based on a real-life person , john , in the movie , is a rather dull person to be stuck with for two hours . 
feeble comedy . 
great story , bad idea for a movie . 
with spy kids 2 : the island of lost dreams writer/director/producer robert rodriguez has cobbled together a film that feels like a sugar high gone awry . 
there is no entry portal in the rules of attraction , and i spent most of the movie feeling depressed by the shallow , selfish , greedy characters . 
it's hard to tell with all the crashing and banging where the salesmanship ends and the movie begins . 
 " my god , i'm behaving like an idiot ! " yes , you are , ben kingsley . 
a dreadful live-action movie . 
divertingly ridiculous , headbangingly noisy . 
an earnest racial-issues picture that might have gotten respectful critical praise in a different era -- say , the '60s . 
a hideous , confusing spectacle , one that may well put the nail in the coffin of any future rice adaptations . 
all i can say is fuhgeddaboutit . 
between bedroom scenes , viewers may find themselves wishing they could roll over and take a nap . 
if you collected all the moments of coherent dialogue , they still wouldn't add up to the time required to boil a four- minute egg . 
despite all the talking , by the time the bloody climax arrives we still don't feel enough of an attachment to these guys to care one way or another . 
every bit as bogus as most disney live action family movies are -- no real plot , no real conflict , no real point . 
a sensual performance from abbass buoys the flimsy story , but her inner journey is largely unexplored and we're left wondering about this exotic-looking woman whose emotional depths are only hinted at . 
never engaging , utterly predictable and completely void of anything remotely interesting or suspenseful . 
spousal abuse is a major problem in contemporary society , but the film reduces this domestic tragedy to florid melodrama . 
oedekerk wrote patch adams , for which he should not be forgiven . why he was given free reign over this project -- he wrote , directed , starred and produced -- is beyond me . 
the creaking , rusty ship makes a fine backdrop , but the ghosts' haunting is routine . 
whatever eyre's failings as a dramatist , he deserves credit for bringing audiences into this hard and bitter place . 
scotland , pa . blurs the line between black comedy and black hole . 
it tries too hard , and overreaches the logic of its own world . 
the whole damn thing is ripe for the jerry springer crowd . it's all pretty cynical and condescending , too . 
i cry for i spy -- or i would if this latest and laziest imaginable of all vintage-tv spinoffs were capable of engendering an emotional response of any kind . 
a boring , formulaic mix of serial killers and stalk'n'slash . 
what you would end up with if you took orwell , bradbury , kafka , george lucas and the wachowski brothers and threw them into a blender . but that's just the problem with it - the director hasn't added enough of his own ingredients . 
with recent tensions rekindled by the kathleen soliah trial and the upcoming trial of sla members emily and william harris , not to mention sept . 11 , its difficult these days to appreciate fire's bright side . 
flaunts its quirky excesses like a new year's eve drunk sporting a paper party hat . 
writhing under dialogue like 'you're from two different worlds' and 'tonight the maid is a lie and this , this is who you are , ' this schlock-filled fairy tale hits new depths of unoriginality and predictability . 
 . . . too slow , too boring , and occasionally annoying . 
is there enough material to merit a documentary on the making of wilco's last album ? 
faultlessly professional but finally slight . 
schmaltzy and unfunny , adam sandler's cartoon about hanukkah is numbingly bad , little nicky bad , 10 worst list bad . 
it's really yet another anemic and formulaic lethal weapon-derived buddy-cop movie , trying to pass off its lack of imagination as hip knowingness . 
scotland , pa . is a strangely drab romp . some studio pizazz might have helped . 
when perry fists a bull at the moore farm , it's only a matter of time before he gets the upper hand in matters of the heart . 
there's more scatological action in 8 crazy nights than a proctologist is apt to encounter in an entire career . 
too loud , too long and too frantic by half , die another day suggests that the bond franchise has run into a creative wall that 007 cannot fly over , tunnel under or barrel through . 
the cartoon is about as true to the spirit of the festival of lights as mr . deeds was to that of frank capra . 
 . . . the sum of the parts equals largely a confused mediocrity . 
the tone shifts abruptly from tense to celebratory to soppy . 
if we don't demand a standard of quality for the art that we choose , we deserve the trash that we get . 
a modest and messy metaphysical thriller offering more questions than answers . 
julia is played with exasperating blandness by laura regan . 
morrissette's script and direction show a fair amount of intelligence and wit -- but it doesn't signify a whole lot either . 
there's suspension of disbelief and then there's bad screenwriting . . . this film packs a wallop of the latter . 
all ms . jovovich , as the sanctified heroine , has to do is look radiant , grimly purposeful and mildly alarmed while forcing open doors , wielding wrenches and fleeing monsters . 
mocking kung fu pictures when they were a staple of exploitation theater programming was witty . mocking them now is an exercise in pointlessness . 
this is a particularly toxic little bonbon , palatable to only a chosen and very jaundiced few . 
this isn't just the cliffsnotes version of nicholas nickleby , it's the cliffsnotes with pages missing . 
considering the harsh locations and demanding stunts , this must have been a difficult shoot , but the movie proves rough going for the audience as well . 
better at putting you to sleep than a sound machine . 
so clichéd that , at one point , they literally upset an apple cart . 
it's a decent glimpse into a time period , and an outcast , that is no longer accessible , but it doesn't necessarily shed more light on its subject than the popular predecessor . 
it might be the first sci-fi comedy that could benefit from a three's company-style laugh track . 
when the plot kicks in , the film loses credibility . 
credibility sinks into a mire of sentiment . 
the movie takes itself too seriously and , as a result , it makes for only intermittent fun . 
[davis] has a bright , chipper style that keeps things moving , while never quite managing to connect her wish-fulfilling characters to the human race . 
doesn't amount to much of anything . 
bullock's complete lack of focus and ability quickly derails the film
so stupid , so ill-conceived , so badly drawn , it created whole new levels of ugly . 
the truth is that the truth about charlie gets increasingly tiresome . 
enduring love but exhausting cinema . 
some of seagal's action pictures are guilty pleasures , but this one is so formulaic that it seems to be on auto-pilot . 
a ponderous meditation on love that feels significantly longer than its relatively scant 97 minutes . 
a long-winded and stagy session of romantic contrivances that never really gels like the shrewd feminist fairy tale it could have been . 
a little too pat for its own good . 
there are films that try the patience of even the most cinema-besotted critic -- and this was one of them . 
watching trouble every day , at least if you don't know what's coming , is like biting into what looks like a juicy , delicious plum on a hot summer day and coming away with your mouth full of rotten pulp and living worms . 
well-intentioned though it may be , its soap-opera morality tales have the antiseptic , preprogrammed feel of an after-school special . 
what would jesus do if he was a film director ? he'd create a movie better than this . 
when a set of pre-shooting guidelines a director came up with for his actors turns out to be cleverer , better written and of considerable more interest than the finished film , that's a bad sign . a very bad sign . 
it's a deeply serious movie that cares passionately about its subject , but too often becomes ponderous in its teaching of history , or lost in the intricate connections and multiple timelines of its story . 
can't kick about the assembled talent and the russos show genuine promise as comic filmmakers . still , this thing feels flimsy and ephemeral . 
diane lane shines in unfaithful . almost everything else is wan . 
i'm afraid you won't get through this frankly fantastical by-the-numbers b-flick with just a suspension of disbelief . rather , you'll have to wrestle disbelief to the ground and then apply the chloroform-soaked handkerchief . 
so relentlessly wholesome it made me want to swipe something . 
the title helpfully offers the most succinct review of it you'll read anywhere . 
the makers of divine secrets of the ya-ya sisterhood should offer a free ticket ( second prize , of course , two free tickets ) to anyone who can locate a genuinely honest moment in their movie . 
god help the poor woman if attal is this insecure in real life : his fictional yvan's neuroses are aggravating enough to exhaust the patience of even the most understanding spouse . 
let's cut to the consumer-advice bottom line : stay home . 
undercover brother doesn't go far enough . it's just a silly black genre spoof . 
the film's implicit premise is that the faith of the tonga people is in every way inferior to that of john . 
rates an 'e' for effort -- and a 'b' for boring . 
you've already seen heartbreak if you've watched the far superior nurse betty or sunset boulevard . even the unwatchable soapdish is more original . 
plays like one of those conversations that comic book guy on " the simpsons " has . 
a journey that's too random and inconclusive to be compelling , but which hoffman's brilliance almost makes worth taking . 
the movie bounces all over the map . 
but buying into sham truths and routine " indie " filmmaking , freundlich has made just another safe movie . it's not horrible , just horribly mediocre . 
not always too whimsical for its own good ( but enough to do harm ) , this strange hybrid of crime thriller , quirky character study , third-rate romance and female empowerment fantasy never really finds the tonal or thematic glue it needs . 
 " juwanna mann ? " no thanks . wewannour money back , actually . 
it's a sometimes interesting remake that doesn't compare to the brilliant original . 
you're too conscious of the effort it takes to be this spontaneous . 
 . . . salaciously simplistic . 
feel bad for king , who's honestly trying , and schwartzman , who's shot himself in the foot . 
some actors steal scenes . tom green just gives them a bad odor . this self-infatuated goofball is far from the only thing wrong with the clumsy comedy stealing harvard , but he's the most obvious one . 
sometimes , fond memories should stay in the past : a lesson this film teaches all too well . 
the enormous comic potential of an oafish idiot impersonating an aristocrat remains sadly unrealized . 
shallow . 
begins as a promising meditation on one of america's most durable obsessions but winds up as a slender cinematic stunt . 
a monster combat thriller as impersonal in its relentlessness as the videogame series that inspired it . 
proof that a thriller can be sleekly shot , expertly cast , paced with crisp professionalism . . . and still be a letdown if its twists and turns hold no more surprise than yesterday's weather report . 
the reason we keep seeing the same movie with roughly the same people every year is because so many of us keep going and then , out of embarrassment or stupidity , not warning anyone . 
there's not much going on in this movie unless you simply decide to buy into the notion that something inexplicably strange once happened in point pleasant . 
in the second half of the film , frei's control loosens in direct proportion to the amount of screen time he gives nachtwey for self-analysis . 
director barry skolnick and his screenwriters glibly tick off every point of " the longest yard " playbook like a checklist . 
the furious coherence that [deniro] brings to this part only underscores the fuzzy sentimentality of the movie itself , which feels , as it plods toward the end , less like a movie than like the filmed reading of a script in need of polishing . 
oh , it's extreme , all right . extremely dumb . extremely confusing . extremely boring . 
we never really feel involved with the story , as all of its ideas remain just that : abstract ideas . 
for a shoot-'em-up , ballistic is oddly lifeless . 
one minute , you think you're watching a serious actioner ; the next , it's as though clips from the pink panther strikes again and/or sailor moon have been spliced in . 
what happened with pluto nash ? how did it ever get made ? 
we may never think of band camp as a geeky or nerdy thing again . 
opens as promising as any war/adventure film you'll ever see and dissolves into a routine courtroom drama , better suited for a movie titled " glory : a soldier's story . " 
the result is solemn and horrifying , yet strangely detached . 
these spiders can outrun a motorcycle and wrap a person in a sticky cocoon in seconds , but they fall short of being interesting or entertaining . 
a less-than-thrilling thriller . 
a long slog for anyone but the most committed pokemon fan . 
matthew mcconaughey tries , and fails , to control the screen with swaggering machismo and over-the-top lunacy . 
how on earth , or anywhere else , did director ron underwood manage to blow $100 million on this ? 
everyone connected to this movie seems to be part of an insider clique , which tends to breed formulaic films rather than fresh ones . 
with a story inspired by the tumultuous surroundings of los angeles , where feelings of marginalization loom for every dreamer with a burst bubble , the dogwalker has a few characters and ideas , but it never manages to put them on the same path . 
its lack of quality earns it a place alongside those other two recent dumas botch-jobs , the man in the iron mask and the musketeer . 
a benign but forgettable sci-fi diversion . 
the plot grinds on with yawn-provoking dullness . 
it's never a good sign when a film's star spends the entirety of the film in a coma . it's a worse sign when you begin to envy her condition . 
it doesn't help that the director and cinematographer stephen kazmierski shoot on grungy video , giving the whole thing a dirty , tasteless feel . 
desperately unfunny when it tries to makes us laugh and desperately unsuspenseful when it tries to make us jump out of our seats . 
this film's relationship to actual tension is the same as what christmas-tree flocking in a spray can is to actual snow : a poor -- if durable -- imitation . 
john mctiernan's botched remake may be subtler than norman jewison's 1975 ultraviolent futuristic corporate-sports saga . it's also stupider . 
director dirk shafer and co-writer greg hinton ride the dubious divide where gay porn reaches for serious drama . 
borrows from so many literary and cinematic sources that this future world feels absolutely deja vu . 
as [the characters] get more depressed , the story gets more tiresome , especially as it continues to mount a conspicuous effort to be profound . 
the acting by the over-25s lacks spark , with csokas particularly unconnected . 
though howard demonstrates a great eye as a director , this southern gothic drama is sadly a tough sit , with an undeveloped narrative and enough flashbacks and heavy-handed metaphors to choke a horse -- or at least slow him down to a canter . 
falters when it takes itself too seriously and when it depends too heavily on its otherwise talented cast to clown in situations that aren't funny . 
the fight scenes are fun , but it grows tedious . 
anyone who can count to five ( the film's target market ? ) can see where this dumbed-down concoction is going . 
all this turns out to be neither funny nor provocative - only dull . 
demme's loose approach kills the suspense . 
this idea has lost its originality . . . and neither star appears very excited at rehashing what was basically a one-joke picture . 
[plays] in broad outline as pandering middle-age buddy-comedy . 
the film is itself a sort of cinematic high crime , one that brings military courtroom dramas down very , very low . 
nothing more than a mediocre trifle . 
a turgid little history lesson , humourless and dull . 
too silly to be frightening , too stolid to be funny , it projects the same lazy affability as its nominal star , david arquette . 
if kaufman kept cameron diaz a prisoner in a cage with her ape , in his latest , he'd have them mate . 
trivial where it should be profound , and hyper-cliched where it should be sincere . 
it would be hard to think of a recent movie that has worked this hard to achieve this little fun . 
theology aside , why put someone who ultimately doesn't learn at the center of a kids' story ? 
all that ( powerpuff girls ) charm is present in the movie , but it's spread too thin . 
sometimes smart but more often sophomoric . 
the ill-conceived modern-day ending falls flat where it should deliver a moral punch . 
collateral damage is , despite its alleged provocation post-9/11 , an antique , in the end . as are its star , its attitude and its obliviousness . 
dawdles and drags when it should pop ; it doesn't even have the virtue of enough mindless violence to break up the tedium of all its generational bonding . 
its save-the-planet message clashes with its crass marketing . 
a great idea becomes a not-great movie . 
 . . . watching this film nearly provoked me to take my own life . and if the hours wins 'best picture' i just might . 
by the end , i was looking for something hard with which to bludgeon myself unconscious . 
not a movie but a live-action agitprop cartoon so shameless and coarse , it's almost funny . 
feels like six different movies fighting each other for attention . 
life is a crock -- or something like it . 
made by jackasses for jackasses . 
despite a powerful portrayal by binoche , it's a period romance that suffers from an overly deliberate pace and uneven narrative momentum . 
the picture is a primer on what happens when lack of know-how mixes with lack of give-a-damn . 
bartleby is a one-joke movie , and a bad joke at that . 
disjointed parody . 
given that both movies expect us to root for convicted violent felons over those assigned to protect us from same , we need every bit of sympathy the cons can muster ; this time , there isn't much . 
a bravura exercise in emptiness . 
philip k . dick must be turning in his grave , along with my stomach . 
despite the premise of a good story . . . it wastes all its star power on cliched or meaningless roles . 
all prints of this film should be sent to and buried on pluto . 
not only does the movie fail to make us part of its reality , it fails the most basic relevancy test as well . 
first good , then bothersome . excellent acting and direction . 
this goofy gangster yarn never really elevates itself from being yet another earnestly generic crime-busting comic vehicle -- a well-intentioned remake that shows some spunk and promise but fails to register as anything distinctive or daring
it's difficult to say whether the tuxedo is more boring or embarrassing--i'm prepared to call it a draw . 
even as lame horror flicks go , this is lame . 
so routine , familiar and predictable , it raises the possibility that it wrote itself as a newly automated final draft computer program . 
sunshine state lacks the kind of dynamic that limbo offers , and in some ways is a rather indulgent piece . 
even legends like alfred hitchcock and john huston occasionally directed trifles . . . so it's no surprise to see a world-class filmmaker like zhang yimou behind the camera for a yarn that's ultimately rather inconsequential . 
a long-winded , predictable scenario . 
too close to phantom menace for comfort . 
 . . . silly humbuggery . . . 
although trying to balance self-referential humor and a normal ol' slasher plot seemed like a decent endeavor , the result doesn't fully satisfy either the die-hard jason fans or those who can take a good joke . 
too clunky and too busy ribbing itself to be truly entertaining . 
this movie is about lying , cheating , but loving the friends you betray . 
it smacks of purely commercial motivation , with no great love for the original . 
melanie eventually slugs the yankee . too bad the former murphy brown doesn't pop reese back . 
at the bottom rung of the series' entries . 
a real clunker . a well-made , thoughtful , well-acted clunker , but a clunker nonetheless . 
a dreary rip-off of goodfellas that serves as a muddled and offensive cautionary tale for hispanic americans . 
the picture , scored by a perversely cheerful marcus miller accordion/harmonica/banjo abomination , is a monument to bad in all its florid variety . 
good for a few unintentional laughs , " extreme ops " was obviously made for the " xxx " crowd , people who enjoy mindless action without the benefit of decent acting , writing , and direction . 
…a big , baggy , sprawling carnival of a movie , stretching out before us with little rhyme or reason . 
a frustrating combination of strained humor and heavy-handed sentimentality . 
lawrence preaches strictly to the converted . 
as written by michael berg and michael j . wilson from a story by wilson , this relentless , all-wise-guys-all-the-time approach tries way too hard and gets tiring in no time at all . 
will probably stay in the shadow of its two older , more accessible qatsi siblings . 
just when the movie seems confident enough to handle subtlety , it dives into soapy bathos . 
choppy editing and too many repetitive scenes spoil what could have been an important documentary about stand-up comedy . 
 . . . the film falls back on the same old formula of teen sex , outrageous pranks and scenes designed to push the envelope of bad taste for laughs . 
the only thing in pauline and paulette that you haven't seen before is a scene featuring a football field-sized oriental rug crafted out of millions of vibrant flowers . 
if you're looking for comedy to be served up , better look elsewhere . 
it virtually defines a comedy that's strongly mediocre , with funny bits surfacing every once in a while . 
an instant candidate for worst movie of the year . 
despite its title , amy's orgasm is not a porno , though it is as tedious as one . 
like a tone-deaf singer at a benefit concert , john q . is a bad movie appearing on behalf of a good cause . 
adam sandler is to gary cooper what a gnat is to a racehorse . 
what kids will discover is a new collectible . what parents will suspect is that they're watching a 76-minute commercial . 
beers , who , when she's given the right lines , can charm the paint off the wall . . . [but] the script goes wrong at several key junctures . 
without september 11 , collateral damage would have been just another bad movie . now it's a bad , embarrassing movie . 
drags along in a dazed and enervated , drenched-in-the- past numbness . 
there's a disturbing 'great white hope' undertone to the other side of heaven that subtly undermines its message of christian love and compassion . 
unless you are in dire need of a diesel fix , there is no real reason to see it . wait for video -- and then don't rent it . 
the attempt is courageous , even if the result is wildly uneven . 
there's something fundamental missing from this story : something or someone to care about . 
too much of this well-acted but dangerously slow thriller feels like a preamble to a bigger , more complicated story , one that never materializes . 
when a film is created solely because it's a marketable product , soulless and ugly movies like this are the result . let your silly childhood nostalgia slumber unmolested . 
unfortunately , heartbreak hospital wants to convey the same kind of haughtiness in its own sketchy material but this territory has already been explored previously with better aplomb and sardonic wit . 
the more kevin costner rests on his pretty-boy laurels , the public is , regrettably , going to have tepid films like dragonfly tossed at them . 
[it's] difficult to get beyond the overall blandness of american chai , despite its likable performances and refreshingly naive point of view . 
the latest installment in the pokemon canon , pokemon 4ever is surprising less moldy and trite than the last two , likely because much of the japanese anime is set in a scenic forest where pokemon graze in peace . 
taken purely as an exercise in style , this oppressively gloomy techno-horror clambake is impossible to ignore . but as a movie , it's a humorless , disjointed mess . 
if myers decides to make another austin powers movie , maybe he should just stick with austin and dr evil . 
the backyard battles you staged with your green plastic army men were more exciting and almost certainly made more sense . 
too stupid to be satire , too obviously hateful to be classified otherwise , frank novak's irritating slice of lumpen life is as reliably soul-killing as its title is nearly meaningless . 
overly stylized with lots of flash black-&-white freeze frames reminiscent of a pseudo-hip luxury car commercial , ( it's ) at its worst when it's actually inside the ring . 
what is captured during the conceptual process doesn't add up to a sufficient explanation of what the final dance work , the selection , became in its final form . 
if this is satire , it's the smug and self-congratulatory kind that lets the audience completely off the hook . 
had the film boasted a clearer , more memorable , the creepiness would have gotten under the skin . 
these people wouldn't know subtle characterization if it put on a giant furry monster costume and then gave them a lapdance . 
imagine if you will a tony hawk skating video interspliced with footage from behind enemy lines and set to jersey shore techno . 
it doesn't quite work , but there's enough here to make us look forward to the russos' next offering . 
any film featuring young children threatened by a terrorist bomb can no longer pass as mere entertainment . 
the director's twitchy sketchbook style and adroit perspective shifts grow wearisome amid leaden pacing and indifferent craftsmanship ( most notably wretched sound design ) . 
about as satisfying and predictable as the fare at your local drive through . 
apparently kissing leads to suicide attempts and tragic deaths . marisa tomei is good , but just a kiss is just a mess . 
opens at a funeral , ends on the protagonist's death bed and doesn't get much livelier in the three hours in between . 
the noble tradition of men in drag hits an all-time low in sorority boys , whose makers apparently believe that women's clothing can cover up any deficiency in acting , writing or direction . 
to portray modern women the way director davis has done is just unthinkable . 
too simple for its own good . 
flaccid drama and exasperatingly slow journey . 
a chaotic panorama that's too busy flying a lot of metaphoric flags . 
suffers from rambling , repetitive dialogue and the visual drabness endemic to digital video . 
the screenplay sabotages the movie's strengths at almost every juncture . all the characters are stereotypes , and their interaction is numbingly predictable . 
a trashy , exploitative , thoroughly unpleasant experience . 
newcomer helmer kevin donovan is hamstrung by a badly handled screenplay of what is really an amusing concept – a high-tech tux that transforms its wearer into a superman . 
shouldn't have been allowed to use the word " new " in its title , because there's not an original character , siuation or joke in the entire movie . 
often silly – and gross – but it's rarely as moronic as some campus gross-out films . 
the advantage of a postapocalyptic setting is that it can be made on the cheap . any rock pile will do for a set . reign of fire has the disadvantage of also looking cheap . 
it's exactly what you'd expect . 
the performances are so leaden , michael rymer's direction is so bloodless and the dialogue is so corny that the audience laughs out loud . 
a subtle variation on i spit on your grave in which our purported heroine pathologically avenges a hatred for men . 
reggio's trippy , ambitious downer can also sometimes come across like nothing more than a glorified nike ad . 
as tweedy talks about canning his stockbroker and repairing his pool , you yearn for a few airborne tv sets or nude groupies on the nod to liven things up . 
if somebody was bored and . . . decided to make a dull , pretentious version of jesus' son , they'd come up with something like bart freundlich's world traveler . 
the best you can say about it is it's so uninspired , it barely gives one pause when considering some of the other dreck out there right now . 
a tough go , but leigh's depth and rigor , and his skill at inspiring accomplished portrayals that are all the more impressive for their lack of showiness , offsets to a notable degree the film's often-mined and despairing milieu . 
an overstuffed compendium of teen-catholic-movie dogma . 
too leisurely paced and visually drab for its own good , it succeeds in being only sporadically amusing . 
ben affleck as jack ryan , tom clancy's intrepid hero ? ridiculous . what's next ? d . j . qualls as indiana jones ? or tom green as han solo ? 
eh . 
the movie's biggest offense is its complete and utter lack of tension . 
the film is directed by wally wolodarsky from a script by joe jarvis and greg coolidge . these are names to remember , in order to avoid them in the future . 
if this is the resurrection of the halloween franchise , it would have been better off dead . 
this formulaic chiller will do little to boost stallone's career . 
i saw knockaround guys yesterday , and already the details have faded like photographs from the spanish-american war . . . it's so unmemorable that it turned my ballpoint notes to invisible ink . 
though avary has done his best to make something out of ellis' nothing novel , in the end , his rules is barely worth following . 
the average local news columnist has a bigger rant on the war between modern landscape architecture and small-town america . 
no worse than a lot of the crap we've been offered this summer , and slightly better than men in black 2 as far as slapdash extraterrestrial comedies go . 
the plot is so predictable and sentimental that viewers are likely to lose interest before sandrine and her goats walk off into the sunset . 
at first , the sight of a blind man directing a film is hilarious , but as the film goes on , the joke wears thin . 
never again swings between false sentiment and unfunny madcap comedy and , along the way , expects the audience to invest in the central relationship as some kind of marriage of true minds . 
the story itself is uninteresting , and the songs are painfully undistinguished : they might be giants' so to be one of us may be the most tuneless tune ever composed . 
este é apenas mais um ( longo ) episódio do programa da mtv . a única diferença é que , desta vez , a paramount teve o mau gosto de exibi-lo nos cinemas . 
technically , the film is about as interesting as an insurance commercial . 
the title's lameness should clue you in on how bad the movie is . 
the parts are better than the whole ( bizarre , funny , tragic - like love in new york ) . 
while the film shuns the glamour or glitz that an american movie might demand , scherfig tosses us a romantic scenario that is just as simplistic as a hollywood production . 
the humor is hinged on the belief that knees in the crotch , elbows in the face and spit in the eye are inherently funny . 
it's a movie forged in the fires of chick flick hell . 
its characters are thinner than cardboard -- or even comic-book paper . 
any one episode of the sopranos would send this ill-conceived folly to sleep with the fishes . 
feels like the grittiest movie that was ever made for the lifetime cable television network . 
lanie's professional success means she must be a failure at life , because she's driven by ambition and doesn't know how to have fun . 
credit must be given to harland williams , michael rosenbaum and barry watson , who inject far more good-natured spirit and talent into this project than it deserves
denzel washington's efforts are sunk by all the sanctimony . 
if this holiday movie is supposed to be a gift , somebody unwrapped it early , took out all the good stuff , and left behind the crap ( literally ) . 
so faithful to the doldrums of the not-quite-urban , not-quite-suburban milieu as to have viewers recoiling from the reality check . 
rambles on in a disjointed , substandard fashion from one poorly executed action sequence to the next . 
there's an audience for it , but it could have been funnier and more innocent . 
i can only imagine one thing worse than kevin spacey trying on an irish accent , and that's sultry linda fiorentino doing the same thing . 
an awkward and indigestible movie . 
the movie has very little to offer besides unintentional laughs . 
haneke keeps us at arm's length . guided more by intellect than heart , his story flattens instead of sharpens . 
all the well-meaningness in the world can't erase the fact that the believer feels like a 12-step program for the jewish nazi . 
like most sequels , it takes what worked last time , repeats it and adds more characters , more stunts , more stuff in attempt to camouflage its sameness . 
there's no way to sort out the mess in our heads and deconstruct where it all went wrong . this is an hour and a half of daydreaming . 
message movie or an action-packed submarine spectacular ? alas , it's neither . 
no movement , no yuks , not much of anything . 
'dragonfly' is a movie about a bus wreck that turns into a film wreck . 
thirty years ago , it would have been groundbreaking . now it's just tired . 
heavy-handed exercise in time-vaulting literary pretension . 
the movie is too cute to take itself too seriously , but it still feels like it was made by some very stoned college students . 
a thinly veiled excuse for wilson to play his self-deprecating act against murphy's well-honed prima donna shtick . 
a minor picture with a major identity crisis -- it's sort of true and it's sort of bogus and it's ho-hum all the way through . 
the movie succumbs to being nothing more than a formulaic chase in the dark . 
plays as hollow catharsis , with lots of tears but very little in the way of insights . 
it will come as no surprise that the movie isn't scary . but here's the real damn : it isn't funny , either . 
quick : who wants to see a comedy about shoddy airport security ? 
the reason i found myself finally unmoved by this film , which is immaculately produced and has serious things to say , is that it comes across rather too plainly as allegory . 
what you get with empire is a movie you've seen many times before , repackaged as new material because there is a latino in the lead . 
cho's fans are sure to be entertained ; it's only fair in the interest of full disclosure to say that -- on the basis of this film alone -- i'm not one of them . 
looks awfully like one long tourist spot for a mississippi that may never have existed outside of a scriptwriter's imagination . 
the period -- swinging london in the time of the mods and the rockers -- gets the once-over once again in gangster no . 1 , but falls apart long before the end . 
high crimes miscasts nearly every leading character . 
the overall feel of the film is pretty cheesy , but there's still a real sense that the star trek tradition has been honored as best it can , given the embarrassing script and weak direction . 
de niro looks bored , murphy recycles murphy , and you mentally add showtime to the pile of hollywood dreck that represents nothing more than the art of the deal . 
i didn't believe for a moment in these villains or their plot . 
another rent installment for the ian fleming estate . 
with danilo donati's witty designs and dante spinotti's luscious cinematography , this might have made a decent children's movie -- if only benigni hadn't insisted on casting himself in the title role . 
so lazy and slipshod it confuses the mere flashing of kinky soft-core imagery with naughty fun . 
though it draws several decent laughs , it's low-cal woody at best . 
has little on its mind aside from scoring points with drag gags . 
britney's performance cannot be faulted . lucy's a dull girl , that's all . 
 " the kid stays in the picture " is a great story , terrifically told by the man who wrote it but this cliff notes edition is a cheat . 
well-shot but badly written tale set in a future ravaged by dragons . 
sadly , hewitt's forte is leaning forward while wearing low-cut gowns , not making snappy comebacks . 
if melville is creatively a great whale , this film is canned tuna . 
this film is so slick , superficial and trend-hoppy , that it's easy to imagine that a new software program spit out the screenplay . 
just one more collection of penis , breast and flatulence gags in search of a story . or a profit . or some damn thing . 
the acting is stiff , the story lacks all trace of wit , the sets look like they were borrowed from gilligan's island -- and the cgi scooby might well be the worst special-effects creation of the year . 
enough trivializes an important crisis , reduces it to an almost comic embarrassment . 
the makers have forsaken the entertaining elements of the original and , instead , rehash old jokes and leave any life at the doorstep . i like frank the pug , though . 
a restrained ribisi convinces as an italian , though if ever a movie needed one of the actor's whiny jags to pump it up , this has to be among the rare ones . 
gee , a second assassin shot kennedy ? moot point . 
a hysterical yet humorless disquisition on the thin line between sucking face and literally sucking face . 
needless to say , the dramatics that follow are utter hooey . 
the problem is that rather than dramatizing this premise , mr . desplechin is content to state it . 
madonna still can't act a lick . 
even the imaginative gore can't hide the musty scent of todd farmer's screenplay , which is a simple retread of the 1979 alien , with a plucky heroine battling a monster loose in a spaceship . 
if you pitch your expectations at an all time low , you could do worse than this oddly cheerful -- but not particularly funny -- body-switching farce . 
the episodic film makes valid points about the depersonalization of modern life . but the characters tend to be cliches whose lives are never fully explored . 
serry does a fine job of capturing the climate of the times and , perhaps unwittingly , relating it to what is happening in america in 2002 . but hard-to-believe plot twists force the movie off track in its final half hour . 
don't let your festive spirit go this far . 
though the book runs only about 300 pages , it is so densely packed . . . that even an ambitious adaptation and elaborate production like mr . schepisi's seems skimpy and unclear . 
hey , at least the title of this film lets you know exactly where it's heading . 
intended to be a comedy about relationships , this wretched work falls flat in just about every conceivable area . 
sensitive though not quite revelatory documentary . 
director brian levant , who never strays far from his sitcom roots , skates blithely from one implausible situation to another , pausing only to tie up loose ends with more bows than you'll find on a french poodle . 
 . . . perhaps the heaviest , most joyless movie ever made about giant dragons taking over the world . 
suggests puns about ingredients and soup and somebody being off their noodle , but let's just say the ingredients don't quite add up to a meal . 
i'd give real money to see the perpetrators of chicago torn apart by dingoes . 
movies like this are selling the old european candor , the old wink of 'bold' revelation . but in 2002 , such revelations wilt . 
the timing in nearly every scene seems a half beat off . 
i admire it and yet cannot recommend it , because it overstays its natural running time . 
a fairly by-the-books blend of action and romance with sprinklings of intentional and unintentional comedy . 
flounders due to the general sense that no two people working on the production had exactly the same thing in mind . 
even if you feel like you've seen this movie a thousand times before , it is kind of enjoyable thanks mainly to belushi's easy-going likableness . 
the story bogs down in a mess of purposeless violence . 
despite some gulps the film is a fuzzy huggy . 
mckay deflates his piece of puffery with a sour cliche and heavy doses of mean-spiritedness
a recipe for cinematic disaster . . . part quentin tarantino , part guy ritchie , and part 1960s spy spoof , it's all bad . 
the cumulative effect of the relentless horror on parade numbs the movie's power as a work of drama . 
another big , dumb action movie in the vein of xxx , the transporter is riddled with plot holes big enough for its titular hero to drive his sleek black bmw through . 
aaliyah rarely dampens her diva persona enough to spark genuine chemistry with townsend . when she speaks , her creepy egyptian demigod voice is as computer processed and overproduced as it was in her music . 
outrageousness is all plympton seemed to be going for this time . we miss the quirky amazement that used to come along for an integral part of the ride . 
much of what is meant to be 'inspirational' and 'uplifting' is simply distasteful to audiences not already sharing [the movie's] mindset . 
well before it's over , beijing bicycle begins spinning its wheels . 
home alone goes hollywood , a funny premise until the kids start pulling off stunts not even steven spielberg would know how to do . besides , real movie producers aren't this nice . 
[nelson's] movie about morally compromised figures leaves viewers feeling compromised , unable to find their way out of the fog and the ashes . 
passion , lip-synching , tragedy , and lots of really really high notes . for me , this opera isn't a favorite , so it's a long time before the fat lady sings . 
looks like a high school film project completed the day before it was due . 
truth to tell , if you've seen more than half-a-dozen horror films , there's nothing here you haven't seen before . 
abandons all pretense of creating historical context and waltzes off into a hectic soap about the ups and downs of the heavy breathing between the two artists . 
even die-hard fans of japanese animation . . . will find this one a challenge . 
filmmakers have to dig deep to sink this low . fortunately for all involved , this movie is likely to disappear as quickly as an ice cube thrown into a pot of boiling water . 
the movie gets muted and routine . 
the issue of faith is not explored very deeply
it's a bad sign when you're rooting for the film to hurry up and get to its subjects' deaths just so the documentary will be over , but it's indicative of how uncompelling the movie is unless it happens to cover your particular area of interest . 
the situations and jokes are as predictable and as lowbrow as the endless pratfalls the boys take in their high heels . 
it's frustrating to see these guys -- who are obviously pretty clever -- waste their talent on parodies of things they probably thought were funniest when they were high . 
i was perplexed to watch it unfold with an astonishing lack of passion or uniqueness . 
k-19 may not hold a lot of water as a submarine epic , but it holds even less when it turns into an elegiacally soggy saving private ryanovich . 
a very stylish but ultimately extremely silly tale . . . a slick piece of nonsense but nothing more . 
automatically pegs itself for the straight-to-video sci-fi rental shelf . 
black-and-white and unrealistic . 
the film is like a series of beginnings and middles that never take off . 
feels less like it's about teenagers , than it was written by teenagers . 
ja rule and kurupt should have gotten to rap . it would have benefitted the dialogue . 
a standard haunted house tale transplanted to the high seas . 
elicits more groans from the audience than jar jar binks , scrappy doo and scooby dumb , all wrapped up into one . 
it's badly acted , blandly directed , and could have been scripted by someone who just graduated from elementary school . 
 in the end , white oleander isn't an adaptation of a novel . it's a flashy , star-splashed reduction . 
this film , starring anthony hopkins and chris rock , is your typical 'fish out of water' story . you've seen them a million times . just one problem : fish out of water usually die . this one does . 
the angst-ridden , affluent slacker characters are more grating than engaging . 
a soggy , shapeless mess . . . just a dumb excuse for a waterlogged equivalent of a haunted-house movie . 
men in black ii has sequel-itis something fierce . an ungainly , comedy-deficient , b-movie rush job . . . 
a combination of standard , stiff tv-style animation and snazzy-looking digital effects that do little to disguise the fact that the characters barely move . 
an unsatisfying hybrid of blair witch and typical stalk-and-slash fare , where the most conservative protagonist is always the last one living . 
say this for the soundtrack , it drowns out the lousy dialogue . 
after seeing swept away , i feel sorry for madonna . 
instead of kicking off the intrigue and suspense and mystery of the whole thing , hart's war , like the st . louis rams in the super bowl , waits until after halftime to get started . 
two-bit potboiler . 
a gob of drivel so sickly sweet , even the eager consumers of moore's pasteurized ditties will retch it up like rancid crème brûlée . 
maudlin and melodramatic we expected . boring we didn't . 
never quite transcends jokester status . . . and the punchline doesn't live up to barry's dead-eyed , perfectly chilled delivery . 
the film's bathos often overwhelms what could have been a more multifaceted look at this interesting time and place . 
it almost plays like solaris , but with guns and jokes . 
a baffling misfire , and possibly the weakest movie [woody allen] has made in the last twenty years . 
it won't be long before you'll spy i spy at a video store near you . 
this film looks like it was produced in 1954 , shelved for 48 years , and repackaged for a 2002 audience . 
propelled not by characters but by caricatures . 
there is not an ounce of honesty in the entire production . 
this extremely unfunny film clocks in at 80 minutes , but feels twice as long . 
earnest but earthbound . . . a slow , soggy , soporific , visually dank crime melodrama/character study that would be more at home on the small screen but for its stellar cast . 
the pivotal narrative point is so ripe the film can't help but go soft and stinky . 
for all its alleged youthful fire , xxx is no less subservient to bond's tired formula of guns , girls and gadgets while brandishing a new action hero . 
a predictable and stereotypical little b-movie . 
if i spy were funny ( enough ) or exciting ( enough ) then it would be fairly simple to forgive the financial extortion it's trying to reap from the moviegoing public . 
frustratingly , dridi tells us nothing about el gallo other than what emerges through his music . 
places a slightly believable love triangle in a difficult-to-swallow setting , and then disappointingly moves the story into the realm of an improbable thriller . 
stephen earnhart's documentary is a decomposition of healthy eccentric inspiration and ambition – wearing a cloak of unsentimental , straightforward text – when it's really an exercise in gross romanticization of the delusional personality type . 
a very average science fiction film . 
undone by its overly complicated and derivative screenplay , the glacier-paced direction and the stereotypical characters . 
how anyone over the age of 2 can stomach the touchy-feely message this preachy produce promotes is beyond us . 
the sort of movie that gives tastelessness a bad rap . 
the cold and dreary weather is a perfect metaphor for the movie itself , which contains few laughs and not much drama . 
the plot is straight off the shelf , the performances are television- caliber and the message of providing solace through deception is a little creepy . 
ordinary melodrama that is heavy on religious symbols but wafer-thin on dramatic substance
a whimsical if predictable time-travel fable marred by a willful single-mindedness . 
those who managed to avoid the deconstructionist theorizing of french philosopher jacques derrida in college can now take an 85-minute brush-up course with the documentary derrida . or , you can do something fun tonight . 
jolie's performance vanishes somewhere between her hair and her lips . 
as with too many studio pics , plot mechanics get in the way of what should be the lighter-than-air adventure . 
static , repetitive , muddy and blurry , hey arnold ! would seem to have a lock on the title of ugliest movie of the year . 
for all of the contemporary post-colonialist consciousness that kapur tries to bring to the four feathers , the oddest thing about the movie is how it winds up affirming the same damn moldy values the material has always held dear . 
un thriller manqué qui tombe sur les nerfs presque dès la première image . 
when it comes to entertainment , children deserve better than pokemon 4ever . 
what the four feathers lacks is genuine sweep or feeling or even a character worth caring about . 
while benigni ( who stars and co-wrote ) seems to be having a wonderful time , he might be alone in that . 
yes , 4ever is harmless in the extreme and it'll mute your kids for nearly 80 minutes , but why not just treat the little yard apes to the real deal and take them to spirited away ? 
preposterous and tedious , sonny is spiked with unintentional laughter that , unfortunately , occurs too infrequently to make the film even a guilty pleasure . 
calling this movie brainless would be paying it a compliment : it's more like entertainment for trolls . 
none of these characters resembles anyone you've ever met in real life , unless you happen to know annoyingly self-involved people who speak in glib sentences that could have only come from the pen of a screenwriter . 
 . . . just a big mess of a movie , full of images and events , but no tension or surprise . 
as elegantly crafted as it often is , anderson's movie is essentially a one-trick pony that , hampered by an undeveloped script , ultimately pulls up lame . 
splashes its drama all over the screen , subjecting its audience and characters to action that feels not only manufactured , but also so false you can see the filmmakers' puppet strings . 
 . . . has virtually no script at all . . . 
will only satisfy those who can't tell the difference between the good , the bad and the ugly . 
this kind of dark comedy requires a delicate , surgical touch . but director danny devito and screenwriter adam resnick ( remember cabin boy ? ) just pound away . 
at times , however , dogtown and z-boys lapses into an insider's lingo and mindset that the uninitiated may find hard to follow , or care about . 
rather quickly , the film falls into a soothing formula of brotherly conflict and reconciliation . 
screenwriters scott abbott and michael petroni have turned rice's complex akasha into a cartoon monster . 
the writers , director wally wolodarsky , and all the actors should start their own coeducational fraternity : kappa rho alpha phi . 
bad beyond belief and ridiculous beyond description . 
the new faces are interesting , but the old story isn't , especially when it starts to seem more improvised than scripted . 
most of the action setups are incoherent . 
liman , of swingers and go , makes his big-budget action film debut something of a clunker as he delivers a long , low-heat chase , interrupted by a middling car chase . 
 . . . surprisingly inert for a movie in which the main character travels back and forth between epochs . 
the problem isn't that the movie hits so close to home so much as that it hits close to home while engaging in such silliness as that snake-down-the-throat business and the inevitable shot of schwarzenegger outrunning a fireball . 
dreary , highly annoying . . . 'some body' will appeal to no one . 
a prison comedy that never really busts out of its comfy little cell . 
there's something deeply creepy about never again , a new arrow in schaeffer's quiver of ineptitudes . 
the problem with concept films is that if the concept is a poor one , there's no saving the movie . sorry , charlie
a painfully leaden film destined for pre-dawn cable television slots . 
blessed with immense physical prowess he may well be , but ahola is simply not an actor . and in truth , cruel as it may sound , he makes arnold schwarzenegger look like spencer tracy . 
the cartoon that isn't really good enough to be on afternoon tv is now a movie that isn't really good enough to be in theaters . 
shocking only in that it reveals the filmmaker's bottomless pit of self-absorption . 
this pep-talk for faith , hope and charity does little to offend , but if saccharine earnestness were a crime , the film's producers would be in the clink for life . 
all ends well , sort of , but the frenzied comic moments never click . 
if this is the danish idea of a good time , prospective tourists might want to consider a different destination -- some jolly country embroiled in a bloody civil war , perhaps . 
formula 51 is so trite that even yu's high-energy action stylings can't break through the stupor . 
only a few minutes elapse before the daddy of all slashers arrives , still with the boiler suit and white mask , which look remarkably clean for a guy who has been mass-murdering since 1978 but has never been seen doing laundry . 
when the painted backdrops in a movie are more alive than its characters , you know you're in trouble . 
[two] fairly dull -- contrasting and interlocking stories about miserable scandinavian settlers in 18th-century canada , and yuppie sailboaters in the here and now . 
the film is really not so much bad as bland . 
the central story lacks punch . 
though ganesh is successful in a midlevel sort of way , there's nothing so striking or fascinating or metaphorically significant about his career as to rate two hours of our attention . 
this may be the dumbest , sketchiest movie on record about an aspiring writer's coming-of-age . 
succumbs to the same kind of maudlin , sentimental mysticism that mars the touched by an angel school of non-god spiritual-uplift movies . 
a harmless and mildly amusing family comedy . 
what was subtle and mystifying in the novella is now broad and farcical . 
the kids often appear to be reading the lines and are incapable of conveying any emotion . 
 " men in black ii , " has all the earmarks of a sequel . the story is less vibrant , the jokes are a little lukewarm , but will anyone really care ? 
sucking all the 'classic' out of robert louis stevenson's treasure island and filling the void with sci-fi video game graphics and disney-fied adolescent angst . . . 
this 72-minute film does have some exciting scenes , but it's a tad slow . 
while super troopers is above academy standards , its quintet of writers could still use some more schooling . 
a mix of velocity and idiocy , this ruinous remake lacks the brawn -- and the brains -- of the 1970s original . 
the low-budget full frontal was one of the year's murkiest , intentionally obscure and self-indulgent pictures , and solaris is its big-budget brother . 
the plot is very clever , but boyd weighs it down with too many characters and events , all intertwined and far too complicated to keep track of . 
the film seems all but destined to pop up on a television screen in the background of a scene in a future quentin tarantino picture
a free-for-all of half-baked thoughts , clumsily used visual tricks and self-indulgent actor moments . 
apallingly absurd . . . the chemistry or lack thereof between newton and wahlberg could turn an imax theater into a 9 " black and white portable tv . 
a well acted and well intentioned snoozer . 
the smug , oily demeanor that donovan adopts throughout the stupidly named pipe dream is just repulsive . 
must-see viewing for anyone involved in the high-tech industry . others may find it migraine-inducing , despite moore's attempts at whimsy and spoon feeding . 
despite its good nature and some genuinely funny moments , super troopers suffers from a bad case of arrested development . 
it's hard not to feel you've just watched a feature-length video game with some really heavy back story . 
i watched the brainless insanity of no such thing with mounting disbelief . 
this limp gender-bender-baller from a first-time director and rookie screenwriter steals wholesale from that 1982's tootsie , forgetting only to retain a single laugh . 
kwan makes the mix-and- match metaphors intriguing , while lulling us into torpor with his cultivated allergy to action . 
while obviously an extremely personal work , it remains inextricably stuck in an emotionally unavailable rut . 
any movie this boring should be required to have ushers in the theater that hand you a cup of coffee every few minutes . like a marathon runner trying to finish a race , you need a constant influx of liquid just to get through it . 
i loved looking at this movie . i just didn't care as much for the story . 
has all the poignancy of a hallmark card and all the comedy of a gallagher stand-up act . 
it doesn't do the original any particular dishonor , but neither does it exude any charm or personality . 
fear dot com is so rambling and disconnected it never builds any suspense . 
a gorgeous , somnolent show that is splendidly mummified and thoroughly unsurprising . 
a semi-autobiographical film that's so sloppily written and cast that you cannot believe anyone more central to the creation of bugsy than the caterer had anything to do with it . 
it feels like a community theater production of a great broadway play : even at its best , it will never hold a candle to the original . 
the film apparently takes place in a fantasy world where people in hotel hallways recite poetry in voice-over instead of speaking to each other . 
the element of surprise might be the only thing femme fatale has going for it . 
it's the kind of movie you can't quite recommend because it is all windup and not much of a pitch , yet you can't bring yourself to dislike it . 
maybe it's asking too much , but if a movie is truly going to inspire me , i want a little more than this . 
a graceless , witless attempt at mating some like it hot with the wwii espionage thriller . 
the story and characters are nowhere near gripping enough . 
based on a david leavitt story , the film shares that writer's usual blend of observant cleverness , too-facile coincidence and slightly noxious preciousness . 
just like every other seagal movie , only louder and without that silly ponytail . 
to enjoy this movie's sharp dialogue and delightful performance by jolie and burns , you have to gloss over the no sense ending . 
national lampoon's van wilder could be the worst thing to come out of national lampoon since class reunion
this is a great subject for a movie , but hollywood has squandered the opportunity , using it as a prop for warmed-over melodrama and the kind of choreographed mayhem that director john woo has built his career on . 
ecks this one off your must-see list . 
overall , the film misses the brilliance of jelinek's novel by some way . it settles for being merely grim . 
the irwins emerge unscathed , but the fictional footage is unconvincing and criminally badly acted . 
it's not thirsty , consuming passion which drives this movie . no , it's the repetition of said behavior , and so children of the century is more mindless love than mad , more grating and boring than anything else . 
just because it really happened to you , honey , doesn't mean that it's interesting to anyone else . 
just like the deli sandwich : lots of ham , lots of cheese , with a sickly sweet coating to disguise its excrescence until just after ( or during ) consumption of its second half . 
every so often a movie comes along that confirms one's worse fears about civilization as we know it . the new guy is one of them . 
this isn't a " friday " worth waiting for . 
everything that's worthwhile about collision course can already be seen on television . 
if this movie belonged to a sorority , it would be called beta alpha delta . 
not a cheap slasher flick , as the subject matter would suggest , but is a little like a nature film , showing a patient predator and his foolish prey . 
uneasy mishmash of styles and genres . 
herzog is obviously looking for a moral to his fable , but the notion that a strong , unified showing among germany and eastern european jews might have changed 20th-century history is undermined by ahola's inadequate performance . 
all in all , there's only one thing to root for : expulsion for everyone . 
beyond a handful of mildly amusing lines . . . there just isn't much to laugh at . 
secret ballot is too contemplative to be really funny . 
the film's center will not hold . 
myers never knows when to let a gag die ; thus , we're subjected to one mind-numbingly lengthy riff on poo and pee jokes after another . 
too lazy to take advantage of its semi-humorous premise . 
a great ending doesn't make up for a weak movie , and crazy as hell doesn't even have a great ending . 
dialogue-heavy and too cerebral for its own good -- or , at any rate , too cerebral for its racy subject matter . 
its over-reliance on genre conventions , character types and formulaic conflict resolutions crushes all the goodwill it otherwise develops . 
as an actor , the rock is aptly named . 
a mostly tired retread of several other mob tales . 
i wish i could say " thank god it's friday " , but the truth of the matter is i was glad when it was over . 
nothing about it fits . 
as it abruptly crosscuts among the five friends , it fails to lend the characters' individual stories enough dramatic resonance to make us care about them . 
somehow we're meant to buy that this doting mother would shun her kids , travel to one of the most dangerous parts of the world , don fatigues and become g . i . jane . 
the cast is so low-wattage that none of the characters comes off as big . . . and the setting remains indistinct . 
consider the title's clunk-on-the-head that suggests the overtime someone put in to come up with an irritatingly unimaginative retread concept . 
the movie quickly drags on becoming boring and predictable . i tried to read the time on my watch . 
the film makes a tragic error by going on for too long , trying to mirror every subsequent event in chinese history : war , revolution , communism , etc . 
johnson has , in his first film , set himself a task he is not nearly up to . 
ultimately the project comes across as clinical , detached , uninvolving , possibly prompting audience members to wonder , 'what's the point ? '
the two leads are almost good enough to camouflage the dopey plot , but so much naturalistic small talk , delivered in almost muffled exchanges , eventually has a lulling effect . 
the film meant well in its horse tale about freedom , but wasn't able to reach the heart because it was too overbearing . 
the movie is as far as you can get from racy , to the point where it almost stops the blood flow to your brain ; it has a dull , costumey feel . 
once the audience figure out what's being said , the filmmaker's relative passivity will make it tough for them to really care . 
there's nothing provocative about this film save for the ways in which it studiously avoids provoking thought . 
it seems just a long , convoluted ploy to get men into drag -- period drag , no less . 
the premise for this kegger comedy probably sounded brilliant four six-packs and a pitcher of margaritas in , but the film must have been written . . . in the thrall of a vicious hangover . 
even by dumb action-movie standards , ballistic : ecks vs . sever is a dumb action movie . 
the film equivalent of a toy chest whose contents get scattered over the course of 80 minutes . 
just a bloody mess . 
creepy but ultimately unsatisfying thriller . 
martin scorsese cria um espetáculo visual que não possui alma - um filme esteticamente belo , mas emocionalmente frio . 
you would be better off investing in the worthy emi recording that serves as the soundtrack , or the home video of the 1992 malfitano-domingo production . 
has something to say . . . but it is a statement and issue worthy of a much more thoughtfulness and insight than a melodramatic and wholly predictable thriller . 
bears is bad . not 'terrible filmmaking' bad , but more like , 'i once had a nightmare like this , and it's now coming true' bad . 
as is most commonly case with projects such noble and lofty ambitions , the film is less poetic than simply pretentious . 
george , hire a real director and good writers for the next installment , please . 
for a film about two mismatched buddies , crystal and de niro share little screen time and even less chemistry . 
however clever nelson has been in providing variation within the confines of her structure and staging , the question remains whether this should , indeed , have been presented as a theatrical release . 
extreme oops - oops , ops , no matter how you spell it , it's still a mistake to go see it . 
what could and should have been biting and droll is instead a tepid waste of time and talent . 
what will , most likely , turn out to be the most repellent movie of 2002 . 
 . . . too dull to enjoy . 
a morality tale whose thought-provoking potential is hampered by a made-for-tv look , rigid performances and an asinine 'twist' that brazenly rips off the sixth sense . 
here's a self-congratulatory 3d imax rah-rah . 
eastwood is an icon of moviemaking , one of the best actors , directors and producers around , responsible for some excellent work . but even a hero can stumble sometimes . 
a sophomoric exploration of 'life problems' most people solved long ago -- or at least got tired of hearing people kvetch about . 
it's all very cute , though not terribly funny if you're more than six years old . 
the impact of the armenian genocide is diluted by too much stage business in the modern day . 
[u]nrelentingly stupid . 
going to the website may be just as fun ( and scary ) as going to the film . 
lacking gravitas , macdowell is a placeholder for grief , and ergo this sloppy drama is an empty vessel . leave these flowers unpicked -- they're dead on the vine . 
admirable , certainly , but not much fun to watch . for caine lovers only . 
a shambles of a movie--visually unattractive , unbearably loud and utterly silly . . . its hilarity is completely unintentional . 
de niro may enjoy the same free ride from critics afforded to clint eastwood in the lazy bloodwork . but like bruce springsteen's gone-to-pot asbury park , new jersey , this sad-sack waste of a movie is a city of ruins . 
no , it's not nearly as good as any of its influences . 
a reasonably efficient mechanism , but it offers few surprises and finds its stars slumming in territory they should have avoided . 
the rest of the plot is impossible to explain without blowing whatever tension there is , although it's more comedy than suspense de palma creates . 
human nature talks the talk , but it fails to walk the silly walk that distinguishes the merely quirky from the surreal . 
city by the sea is the cinematic equivalent of defensive driving : it's careful , conscientious and makes no major mistakes . but what saves lives on the freeway does not necessarily make for persuasive viewing . 
the marquis de sade couldn't have been as dull a person as this film makes him out to be . 
what could have been a neat little story about believing in yourself is swamped by heavy-handed melodrama . 
the cast is uniformly excellent . . . but the film itself is merely mildly charming . 
drives for the same kind of bittersweet , conciliatory tone that three seasons achieved but loses its way in rhetorical excess and blatant sentimentality . 
a bigger holiday downer than your end-of-year 401 ( k ) statement . 
the whole thing plays out with the drowsy heaviness of synchronized swimmer wearing a wool wetsuit . 
fairly successful at faking some pretty cool stunts but a complete failure at trying to create some pretty cool characters . and forget about any attempt at a plot ! 
it will probably prove interesting to ram dass fans , but to others it may feel like a parody of the mellow , peace-and-love side of the '60s counterculture . 
take away all the cliches and the carbon copy scenes from every drug movie we've seen and all you have left are john leguizamo's cool jackets . 
it's so full of wrong choices that all you can do is shake your head in disbelief -- and worry about what classic oliver parker intends to mangle next time . 
showtime is closer to slowtime . 
it may be an easy swipe to take , but this barbershop just doesn't make the cut . 
the weight of water uses water as a metaphor for subconscious desire , but this leaky script barely stays afloat . 
'how many more voyages can this limping but dearly-loved franchise survive ? '
despite a blue-chip cast and a provocative title , writer-director peter mattei's first feature microwaves dull leftover romantic motifs basted in faux-contemporary gravy . 
fans of the tv series will be disappointed , and everyone else will be slightly bored . 
the only element of suspense is whether the movie will change titles or distributors again before the closing credits roll . 
barely goes beyond comic book status . 
it's disappointing when filmmakers throw a few big-name actors and cameos at a hokey script . 
i spy is an embarrassment , a monotonous , disjointed jumble of borrowed plot points and situations . it's as flat as an open can of pop left sitting in the sun . 
an eccentric little comic/thriller deeply in love with its own quirky personality . 
afraid to pitch into farce , yet only half-hearted in its spy mechanics , all the queen's men is finally just one long drag . 
painfully padded . 
maybe it's the star power of the cast or the redundant messages , but something aboul " full frontal " seems , well , contrived . 
[morgan] , judd and franklin can't save the script , rooted in a novel by joseph finder , from some opportunism . 
the movie is obviously a labour of love so howard appears to have had free rein to be as pretentious as he wanted . 
passably entertaining but also mechanical and joyless . 
safe conduct , however ambitious and well-intentioned , fails to hit the entertainment bull's-eye . 
my response to the film is best described as lukewarm . maybe i found the proceedings a little bit too conventional . 
too timid to bring a sense of closure to an ugly chapter of the twentieth century . 
it's push-the-limits teen comedy , the type written by people who can't come up with legitimate funny , and it's used so extensively that good bits are hopelessly overshadowed . 
it's too long , too repetitive , and takes way too many years to resolve to be a total winner . 
a sudsy cautionary tale . 
a movie that tries to fuse the two 'woods' but winds up a bolly-holly masala mess . 
mr . wedge and mr . saldanha handle the mix of verbal jokes and slapstick well . their film falters , however , in its adherence to the disney philosophy of required poignancy , a salute that i'd hoped the movie would avoid . 
leaves you with a knot in your stomach , its power is undercut by its own head-banging obviousness . 
watching it is rather like an overlong visit from a large group of your relatives . as your relatives swap one mundane story after another , you begin to wonder if they are ever going to depart . 
unfortunately , as a writer , mr . montias isn't nearly as good to his crew as he is as a director or actor . 
on the right track to something that's creepy and effective . . . it's just going to take more than a man in a bullwinkle costume to get there . 
the only thing that could possibly make them less interesting than they already are is for them to get full montied into a scrappy , jovial team . 
one of those movies where you walk out of the theater not feeling cheated exactly , but feeling pandered to , which , in the end , might be all the more infuriating . 
 . . . this movie has a glossy coat of action movie excess while remaining heartless at its core . 
murder by numbers is like a couple of mediocre tv-movie -of-the-week films clumsily stuck together . 
the film is surprisingly well-directed by brett ratner , who keeps things moving well -- at least until the problematic third act . 
warmed-over tarantino by way of wannabe elmore leonard . 
[sen's] soap opera-ish approach undermines his good intentions . 
showtime is one of the hapless victims of the arrogant " if we put together a wry white man and a chatty black man and give them guns , the movie will be funny " syndrome . 
sushi for the connoisseurs of the macabre . 
don't waste your money . 
though certainly original in form , altar boys requires a taste for swamp thing-type animation , doubled with a deafening score . 
there aren't many laughs in this interesting study of the cultural mores of georgian jews in tel aviv . 
there's not enough to sustain the comedy . 
like those to rome , all roads in the banger sisters inevitably lead to a joke about hawn's breasts , which constantly threaten to upstage the woman sporting them . 
we may get the full visceral impact of a ruthless army on the warpath but no sense of the devilish complexity of the balkans conflict . 
you're better off staying home and watching the x-files . 
chaotic , self-indulgent and remarkably ugly to look at , it's . . . like a series of pretentiously awful student films strung together into one feature-length horror . 
bears resemblance to , and shares the weaknesses of , too many recent action-fantasy extravaganzas in which special effects overpower cogent story-telling and visual clarity during the big action sequences . 
this is the type of movie best enjoyed by frat boys and college kids while sucking on the bong and downing one alcoholic beverage after another . 
friday after next has the same problem that next friday did -- it's called where's chris tucker when you need him ? 
this film is full of rabbits . brimful . but like most rabbits , it seems to lack substance . 
i weep for the future when a good portion of the respected critical community in this country consider blue crush to be an intelligent film about young women . 
i kept wishing i was watching a documentary about the wartime navajos and what they accomplished instead of all this specious hollywood hoo-ha . 
no number of fantastic sets , extras , costumes and spectacular locales can disguise the emptiness at the center of the story . 
a movie far more cynical and lazy than anything a fictitious charlie kaufman might object to . 
could the country bears really be as bad as its trailers ? in a word -- yes . 
if high crimes were any more generic it would have a universal product code instead of a title . 
reggio falls victim to relying on the very digital technology that he fervently scorns , creating a meandering , inarticulate and ultimately disappointing film . 
the movie makes absolutely no sense . its underlying mythology is a hodgepodge of inconsistencies that pose the question : since when did dumb entertainment have to be this dumb ? 
the problem with this film is that it's forced to make its characters idiots in order to advance the plot . had anyone here done anything remotely intelligent , we all could have stopped watching long ago . 
despite the authenticity of the trappings , the film is overblown in its plotting , hackneyed in its dialogue and anachronistic in its style . 
murder and mayhem of this sort quickly becomes monotonous . 
the journey toward redemption feels more like a cinematic experiment than a full-blown movie . 
that zhang would make such a strainingly cute film -- with a blind orphan at its center , no less -- indicates where his ambitions have wandered . 
the gantzes' interviews tend to let the guys off the hook . 
the streets , shot by cinematographer michael ballhaus , may be as authentic as they are mean , but it is nearly impossible to care about what happens on them . 
this is a good movie in spurts , but when it doesn't work , it's at important times . 
parker probably thinks he's shaking up a classic the way kenneth branagh and baz luhrmann have , but this half-hearted messing-about just makes us miss wilde's still-contemporary play . 
flotsam in the sea of moviemaking , not big enough for us to worry about it causing significant harm and not smelly enough to bother despising . 
a tv episode inflated past its natural length . 
involving at times , but lapses quite casually into the absurd . 
all these developments and challenges facing santa weigh down the plot so heavily that they drain all the film of its energy and needlessly strain credibility . 
anemic , pretentious . 
there are weird resonances between actor and role here , and they're not exactly flattering . 
the unceasing sadism is so graphically excessive , the director just ends up exposing his own obsession . 
the story . . . is moldy and obvious . 
it's drained of life in an attempt to be sober and educational , and yet it's so devoid of realism that its lack of whistles and bells just makes it obnoxious and stiff . 
suffocated at conception by its munchausen-by-proxy mum . punish the vehicle to adore the star . 
even if britney spears is really cute , her movie is really bad . 
big fat liar is just futile silliness looking to tap into the kiddie sensibilities . 
usually when i get this much syrup , i like pancakes to go with it . 
all the necessary exposition prevents the picture from rising above your generic sand 'n' sandal adventure . 
glib , satirical documentary that fudges facts , makes facile points and engages in the cinematic equivalent of tabloid journalism . 
gangs of new york is an unapologetic mess , whose only saving grace is that it ends by blowing just about everything up . 
an overblown clunker full of bad jokes , howling cliches and by-the-numbers action sequences . 
without a strong script and energetic acting , dogma films can produce the same sleep-inducing effects as watching your neighbor's home videos . 
a mild , reluctant , thumbs down . 
strong setup and ambitious goals fade as the film descends into unsophisticated scare tactics and b-film thuggery . 
schindler's list it ain't . 
a cinematic sleeping pill of impressive potency . 
it's an awfully derivative story . 
the movie barely makes sense , with its unbelievable naïveté and arbitrary flashbacks . 
it's an earnest debut full of heartfelt performances , but is ultimately let down by a story that is all too predictable . 
about as cutting-edge as pet rock : the movie . 
with generic sets and b-grade special effects , jason is about as convincing on the sci-fi front as tv's defunct cleopatra 2525 . 
not sweet enough to liven up its predictable story and will leave even fans of hip-hop sorely disappointed . 
winds up feeling like lots of other quirky movies that try to score hipness points with young adults . 
oft-described as the antidote to american pie-type sex comedies , it actually has a bundle in common with them , as the film diffuses every opportunity for a breakthrough
the pacing is glacial , the screenplay is stiff as a board , and things heat up only in the movie's final scenes . 
the premise is overshadowed by the uberviolence of the clericks as this becomes just another kung-fu sci-fi movie with silly action sequences . 
with its hints of a greater intelligence lurking somewhere , the ring makes its stupidity more than obvious . it's painful . 
pumpkin struts about with " courage " pinned to its huckster lapel while a yellow streak a mile wide decorates its back . 
an uneven film dealing with too many problems to be taken seriously . 
sheridan . . . smoothes over sources of conflict that could have lent the film a bit more depth . 
an atonal estrogen opera that demonizes feminism while gifting the most sympathetic male of the piece with a nice vomit bath at his wedding . 
half of it is composed of snappy patter and pseudo-sophisticated cultural observations , while the remainder . . . would be more at home on a daytime television serial . 
writer/director john mckay ignites some charming chemistry between kate and jed but , when he veers into sodden melodrama , punctuated by violins , it's disastrous and kate's jealous female friends become downright despicable . 
[newton]wanders through charlie completely unaware she needs to show some presence and star quality . 
unfortunately , the picture failed to capture me . i found it slow , drab , and bordering on melodramatic . 
a lousy movie that's not merely unwatchable , but also unlistenable . 
the best way to hope for any chance of enjoying this film is by lowering your expectations . then lower them a bit more . 
when not obscured by the booming bass-heavy soundtrack , the conversation presents the kind of linguistic fumbling not heard since macy gray's game of chinese whispers with mr bean . 
cliches are as thick as the cigarette smoke . 
a woozy , roisterous , exhausting mess , and the off-beat casting of its two leads turns out to be as ill-starred as you might expect . 
'abandon all hope , ye who enter here' . . . you should definitely let dante's gloomy words be your guide . 
what begins as a seemingly brainless , bubbly romantic comedy becomes a cliche-drenched melodrama by mid-film and , by film's end , a feminist action fantasy . 
a grim , flat and boring werewolf movie that refuses to develop an energy level . 
birot's directorial debut ( she co-wrote the script with christophe honoré ) isn't so much bad as it is bland . 
watching the film is like reading a times portrait of grief that keeps shifting focus to the journalist who wrote it . 
enough similarities to gymkata and howie long's firestorm that my fingernails instinctively crawled towards my long-suffering eyeballs . 
succeeds in providing a disquiet world the long-dreaded completion of the police academy series . 
christians sensitive to a reductionist view of their lord as a luv-spreading dr . feelgood or omnipotent slacker will feel vastly more affronted than secularists , who might even praise god for delivering such an instant camp classic . 
if this dud had been made in the '70s , it would have been called the hills have antlers and played for about three weeks in drive-ins . 
a frantic search for laughs , with a hit-to-miss ratio that doesn't exactly favour the audience . 
like a documentary version of fight club , shorn of social insight , intellectual pretension and cinematic interest . 
 " an entire film about researchers quietly reading dusty old letters . " 
pryor lite , with half the demons , half the daring , much less talent , many fewer laughs . 
what's at stake in this film is nothing more than an obsolete , if irritating , notion of class . 
the stories here suffer from the chosen format . 
while the mystery surrounding the nature of the boat's malediction remains intriguing enough to sustain mild interest , the picture refuses to offer much accompanying sustenance in the way of characterization , humor or plain old popcorn fun . 
just how extreme are these ops ? i regret to report that these ops are just not extreme enough . 
the actors are forced to grapple with hazy motivations that never come into focus . 
john leguizamo may be a dramatic actor -- just not in this movie . 
the sequel has turned completely and irrevocably bizarre to the point of utter nonsense . 
hardly makes the kind of points egoyan wanted to make , nor does it exist as the kind of monument he wanted to build , to victims whose voices have never gained the ears of the world . 
build some robots , haul 'em to the theatre with you for the late show , and put on your own mystery science theatre 3000 tribute to what is almost certainly going to go down as the worst -- and only -- killer website movie of this or any other year . 
rainy days and movies about the disintegration of families always get me down . 
 . . . has about 3/4th the fun of its spry 2001 predecessor — but it's a rushed , slapdash , sequel-for-the-sake- of-a-sequel with less than half the plot and ingenuity . 
a incompetência de marcus adams como roteirista só é superada por sua péssima direção . 
the master of disaster - it's a piece of dreck disguised as comedy . 
this isn't a movie ; it's a symptom . 
the film has a few cute ideas and several modest chuckles but it isn't exactly kiddie-friendly… alas , santa is more ho-hum than ho-ho-ho and the snowman ( who never gets to play that flute ) has all the charm of a meltdown . 
the stupidest , most insulting movie of 2002's first quarter . 
it's so underwritten that you can't figure out just where the other characters , including ana's father and grandfather , come down on the issue of ana's future . 
a film so tedious that it is impossible to care whether that boast is true or not . 
none of this violates the letter of behan's book , but missing is its spirit , its ribald , full-throated humor . 
bad company leaves a bad taste , not only because of its bad-luck timing , but also the staleness of its script . 
even if it ultimately disappoints , the picture does have about a matinee admission's worth of funny to keep it afloat . 
fails to bring as much to the table . 
a film made with as little wit , interest , and professionalism as artistically possible for a slummy hollywood caper flick . 
disturbingly superficial in its approach to the material . 
if you're not the target demographic . . . this movie is one long chick-flick slog . 
i hate this movie
it's tough to tell which is in more abundant supply in this woefully hackneyed movie , directed by scott kalvert , about street gangs and turf wars in 1958 brooklyn -- stale cliches , gratuitous violence , or empty machismo . 
gooding and coburn are both oscar winners , a fact which , as you watch them clumsily mugging their way through snow dogs , seems inconceivable . 
at every opportunity to do something clever , the film goes right over the edge and kills every sense of believability . . . all you have left is a no-surprise series of explosions and violence while banderas looks like he's not trying to laugh at how bad it
 . . . pitiful , slapdash disaster . a doa dud from frame one . 
jaw-droppingly superficial , straining to get by on humor that is not even as daring as john ritter's glory days on three's company . 
there are plenty of scenes in frida that do work , but rarely do they involve the title character herself . 
although god is great addresses interesting matters of identity and heritage , it's hard to shake the feeling that it was intended to be a different kind of film . 
the dark and bittersweet twist feels strange as things turn nasty and tragic during the final third of the film . first-timer john mckay is never able to pull it back on course . 
distances you by throwing out so many red herrings , so many false scares , that the genuine ones barely register . 
godard uses his characters -- if that's not too glorified a term -- as art things , mouthpieces , visual motifs , blanks . 
the movie generates plot points with a degree of randomness usually achieved only by lottery drawing . 
a predictable , manipulative stinker . the story passes time until it's time for an absurd finale of twisted metal , fireballs and revenge . 
eastwood winces , clutches his chest and gasps for breath . it's a spectacular performance - ahem , we hope it's only acting . 
the movie suffers from two fatal ailments -- a dearth of vitality and a story that's shapeless and uninflected . 
it's just weirdness for the sake of weirdness , and where human nature should be ingratiating , it's just grating . 
an ambitiously naturalistic , albeit half-baked , drama about an abused , inner-city autistic teen . 
once she lets her love depraved leads meet , [denis'] story becomes a hopeless , unsatisfying muddle
the dose is strong and funny , for the first 15 minutes anyway ; after that , the potency wanes dramatically . 
the people in abc africa are treated as docile , mostly wordless ethnographic extras . 
what's really sad is to see two academy award winning actresses ( and one academy award winning actor ) succumb to appearing in this junk that's tv sitcom material at best . 
no doubt the star and everyone else involved had their hearts in the right place . where their heads were is anyone's guess . 
call me a cynic , but there's something awfully deadly about any movie with a life-affirming message . 
a gratingly unfunny groaner littered with zero-dimensional , unlikable characters and hackneyed , threadbare comic setups . 
got some good , organic character work , lots of obvious political insights and little room for engaging , imaginative filmmaking in its nearly 2 1/2-hour , dissipated length . 
a painfully slow cliche-ridden film filled with more holes than clyde barrow's car . 
like leafing through an album of photos accompanied by the sketchiest of captions . 
i guess it just goes to show that if you give a filmmaker an unlimited amount of phony blood , nothing good can happen . 
gaghan captures the half-lit , sometimes creepy intimacy of college dorm rooms , a subtlety that makes the silly , over-the-top coda especially disappointing . 
feels less like a change in [herzog's] personal policy than a half-hearted fluke . 
one of the most unpleasant things the studio has ever produced . 
will anyone who isn't a fangoria subscriber be excited that it hasn't gone straight to video ? 
a selection of scenes in search of a movie . 
[janey] forgets about her other obligations , leading to a tragedy which is somehow guessable from the first few minutes , maybe because it echoes the by now intolerable morbidity of so many recent movies . 
will undoubtedly play well in european markets , where mr . besson is a brand name , and in asia , where ms . shu is an institution , but american audiences will probably find it familiar and insufficiently cathartic . 
true to its animatronic roots : . . . as stiff , ponderous and charmless as a mechanical apparatus . . . 'the country bears' should never have been brought out of hibernation . 
[evans is] a fascinating character , and deserves a better vehicle than this facetious smirk of a movie . 
the script's judgment and sense of weight is way , way off . 
you come away wishing , though , that the movie spent a lot less time trying to make a credible case for reports from the afterlife and a lot more time on the romantic urgency that's at the center of the story . 
evelyn may be based on a true and historically significant story , but the filmmakers have made every effort to disguise it as an unimaginative screenwriter's invention . 
a derivative collection of horror and sci-fi cliches . 
loosely speaking , we're in all of me territory again , and , strictly speaking , schneider is no steve martin . 
as aimless as an old pickup skidding completely out of control on a long patch of black ice , the movie makes two hours feel like four . 
limps along on a squirm-inducing fish-out-of-water formula that goes nowhere and goes there very , very slowly . 
just the sort of lazy tearjerker that gives movies about ordinary folk a bad name . 
the redeeming feature of chan's films has always been the action , but the stunts in the tuxedo seem tired and , what's worse , routine . 
while the importance of being earnest offers opportunities for occasional smiles and chuckles , it doesn't give us a reason to be in the theater beyond wilde's wit and the actors' performances . 
has all the scenic appeal of a cesspool . 
a rambling ensemble piece with loosely connected characters and plots that never quite gel . 
a lifetime movie about men . 
the balkans provide the obstacle course for the love of a good woman . 
it's hard to say who might enjoy this , are there tolstoy groupies out there ? it's dark and tragic , and lets the business of the greedy talent agents get in the way of saying something meaningful about facing death
this is a movie that starts out like heathers , then becomes bring it on , then becomes unwatchable . 
the screenplay flounders under the weight of too many story lines . 
i think it was plato who said , 'i think , therefore i know better than to rush to the theatre for this one . '
if damon and affleck attempt another project greenlight , next time out they might try paying less attention to the miniseries and more attention to the film it is about . 
this is rote drivel aimed at mom and dad's wallet . 
contrived , maudlin and cliche-ridden . . . if this sappy script was the best the contest received , those rejected must have been astronomically bad . 
i hate the feeling of having been slimed in the name of high art . 
this is more a case of 'sacre bleu ! ' than 'magnifique' . 
the kids in the audience at the preview screening seemed bored , cheering the pratfalls but little else ; their parents , wise folks that they are , read books . 
whether jason x is this bad on purpose is never clear . but one thing's for sure : it never comes close to being either funny or scary . 
yet another weepy southern bore-athon . 
i like all four of the lead actors a lot and they manage to squeeze a few laughs out of the material , but they're treading water at best in this forgettable effort . 
perhaps the most annoying thing about who is cletis tout ? is that it's a crime movie made by someone who obviously knows nothing about crime . 
except as an acting exercise or an exceptionally dark joke , you wonder what anyone saw in this film that allowed it to get made . 
this insufferable movie is meant to make you think about existential suffering . instead , it'll only put you to sleep . 
who is this movie for ? not kids , who don't need the lesson in repugnance . it's also not smart or barbed enough for older viewers -- not everyone thinks poo-poo jokes are 'edgy . '
a sleep-inducingly slow-paced crime drama with clumsy dialogue , heavy-handed phoney-feeling sentiment , and an overly-familiar set of plot devices . 
it's so tedious that it makes you forgive every fake , dishonest , entertaining and , ultimately , more perceptive moment in bridget jones's diary . 
almost as offensive as " freddy got fingered . " 
the gifted crudup has the perfect face to play a handsome blank yearning to find himself , and his cipherlike personality and bad behavior would play fine if the movie knew what to do with him . 
it is depressing , ruthlessly pained and depraved , the movie equivalent of staring into an open wound . 
ponderous , plodding soap opera disguised as a feature film . 
cold , pretentious , thoroughly dislikable study in sociopathy . 
for the future , one hopes mr . plympton will find room for one more member of his little band , a professional screenwriter . 
a cheap scam put together by some cynical creeps at revolution studios and imagine entertainment to make the suckers out there surrender $9 and 93 minutes of unrecoverable life . 
reign of fire never comes close to recovering from its demented premise , but it does sustain an enjoyable level of ridiculousness . 
human nature is a goofball movie , in the way that malkovich was , but it tries too hard . 
originality is sorely lacking . 
the plot's clearly mythic structure may owe more to disney's strong sense of formula than to the original story . but while the highly predictable narrative falls short , treasure planet is truly gorgeous to behold . 
though there are entertaining and audacious moments , the movie's wildly careening tone and an extremely flat lead performance do little to salvage this filmmaker's flailing reputation . 
ram dass fierce grace moulds itself as an example to up-and-coming documentarians , of the overlooked pitfalls of such an endeavour . 
lucky break is perfectly inoffensive and harmless , but it's also drab and inert . 
for a story set at sea , ghost ship is pretty landbound , with its leaden acting , dull exposition and telegraphed 'surprises . '
there might be some sort of credible gender-provoking philosophy submerged here , but who the hell cares ? 
what we have is a character faced with the possibility that her life is meaningless , vapid and devoid of substance , in a movie that is definitely meaningless , vapid and devoid of substance . 
nothing more than a stifling morality tale dressed up in peekaboo clothing . 
i like my christmas movies with more elves and snow and less pimps and ho's . 
it all seemed wasted like deniro's once promising career and the once grand long beach boardwalk . 
[i]t's certainly laudable that the movie deals with hot-button issues in a comedic context , but barbershop isn't as funny as it should be . 
unfortunately , a cast of competent performers from movies , television and the theater are cast adrift in various new york city locations with no unifying rhythm or visual style . 
just entertaining enough not to hate , too mediocre to love . 
'sophisticated' viewers who refuse to admit that they don't like it will likely call it 'challenging' to their fellow sophisticates . 
equilibrium the movie , as opposed to the manifesto , is really , really stupid . 
excruciatingly unfunny and pitifully unromantic . 
the film's thoroughly recycled plot and tiresome jokes . . . drag the movie down . 
it doesn't offer audiences any way of gripping what its point is , or even its attitude toward its subject . 
this kiddie-oriented stinker is so bad that i even caught the gum stuck under my seat trying to sneak out of the theater
though impostor deviously adopts the guise of a modern motion picture , it too is a bomb . 
cox offers plenty of glimpses at existing photos , but there are no movies of nijinsky , so instead the director treats us to an aimless hodgepodge . 
every note rings false . 
when the screenwriter responsible for one of the worst movies of one year directs an equally miserable film the following year , you'd have a hard time believing it was just coincidence . 
it never rises to its clever what-if concept . 
admirably ambitious but self-indulgent . 
this story of unrequited love doesn't sustain interest beyond the first half-hour . 
this angst-ridden territory was covered earlier and much better in ordinary people . 
the entire film is one big excuse to play one lewd scene after another . about half of them are funny , a few are sexy and none are useful in telling the story , which is paper-thin and decidedly unoriginal . 
a big , loud , bang-the-drum bore . 
grating and tedious . 
[less a movie than] an appalling , odoriferous thing . . . so rotten in almost every single facet of production that you'll want to crawl up your own * * * in embarrassment . 
the concept behind kung pow : enter the fist is hilarious . it's too bad nothing else is . 
hardman is a grating , mannered onscreen presence , which is especially unfortunate in light of the fine work done by most of the rest of her cast . 
el crimen del padre amaro would likely be most effective if used as a tool to rally anti-catholic protestors . 
interesting and thoroughly unfaithful version of carmen
a serious movie with serious ideas . but seriously , folks , it doesn't work . 
there's nothing exactly wrong here , but there's not nearly enough that's right . 
the action here is unusually tame , the characters are too simplistic to maintain interest , and the plot offers few surprises . 
i couldn't help but feel the wasted potential of this slapstick comedy . 
what madonna does here can't properly be called acting -- more accurately , it's moving and it's talking and it's occasionally gesturing , sometimes all at once . 
[a] painfully flat gross-out comedy . . . 
even if you're an elvis person , you won't find anything to get excited about on this dvd . 
the movie certainly has its share of clever moments and biting dialogue , but there's just not much lurking below its abstract surface . 
it's bedeviled by labored writing and slack direction . 
i'm sure there's a teenage boy out there somewhere who's dying for this kind of entertainment . 
the tuxedo miscalculates badly by forcing the star to play second fiddle to the dull effects that allow the suit to come to life . 
the film is a confusing melange of tones and styles , one moment a romantic trifle and the next a turgid drama . 
obviously , a lot of people wasted a lot of their time ( including mine ) on something very inconsequential . 
there's a little violence and lots of sex in a bid to hold our attention , but it grows monotonous after a while , as do joan and philip's repetitive arguments , schemes and treachery . 
it drowns in sap . 
deliberately and devotedly constructed , far from heaven is too picture postcard perfect , too neat and new pin-like , too obviously a recreation to resonate . 
it's rare that a movie can be as intelligent as this one is in every regard except its storyline ; everything that's good is ultimately scuttled by a plot that's just too boring and obvious . 
i'm giving it thumbs down due to the endlessly repetitive scenes of embarrassment . there's got to be a more graceful way of portraying the devastation of this disease . 
the good thing -- the only good thing -- about extreme ops is that it's so inane that it gave me plenty of time to ponder my thanksgiving to-do list . 
the modern-day characters are nowhere near as vivid as the 19th-century ones . 
blessed with a searing lead performance by ryan gosling ( murder by numbers ) , the movie is powerful and provocative . it's also built on a faulty premise , one it follows into melodrama and silliness . 
uneven performances and a spotty script add up to a biting satire that has no teeth . 
director jay russell stomps in hobnail boots over natalie babbitt's gentle , endearing 1975 children's novel . 
benigni's pinocchio is extremely straight and mind-numbingly stilted , its episodic pacing keeping the film from developing any storytelling flow . 
the troubling thing about clockstoppers is that it doesn't make any sense . 
with its paint fights , motorized scooter chases and dewy-eyed sentiment , it's a pretty listless collection of kid-movie clichés . 
mostly the film is just hectic and homiletic : two parts exhausting men in black mayhem to one part family values . 
kicks off with an inauspicious premise , mopes through a dreary tract of virtually plotless meanderings and then ends with a whimper . 
a rote exercise in both animation and storytelling . 
the material and the production itself are little more than routine . 
the movie's major and most devastating flaw is its reliance on formula , though , and it's quite enough to lessen the overall impact the movie could have had . 
not even steven spielberg has dreamed up such blatant and sickening product placement in a movie . 
it's all surface psychodramatics . 
the mothman prophecies , which is mostly a bore , seems to exist only for its climactic setpiece . 
that frenetic spectacle [on the tv show] has usually been leavened by a charm that's conspicuously missing from the girls' big-screen blowout . 
kitschy , flashy , overlong soap opera . 
for all the time we spend with these people , we never really get inside of them . 
yet another arnold vehicle that fails to make adequate use of his particular talents . 
sandra bullock , despite downplaying her good looks , carries a little too much ain't- she-cute baggage into her lead role as a troubled and determined homicide cop to quite pull off the heavy stuff . 
an undistinguished attempt to make a classic theater piece cinematic . 
too many scenarios in which the hero might have an opportunity to triumphantly sermonize , and too few that allow us to wonder for ourselves if things will turn out okay . 
there is simply not enough of interest onscreen to sustain its seventy-minute running time . 
a wordy wisp of a comedy . 
broomfield's style of journalism is hardly journalism at all , and even those with an avid interest in the subject will grow impatient . 
[seagal's] strenuous attempt at a change in expression could very well clinch him this year's razzie . 
has the disjointed feel of a bunch of strung-together tv episodes . 
a series of escapades demonstrating the adage that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander , some of which occasionally amuses but none of which amounts to much of a story . 
ozpetek offers an aids subtext , skims over the realities of gay sex , and presents yet another tired old vision of the gay community as an all-inclusive world where uptight , middle class bores like antonia can feel good about themselves . 
a dopey movie clothed in excess layers of hipness . 
the sweetest thing is expressly for idiots who don't care what kind of sewage they shovel into their mental gullets to simulate sustenance . 
sinks so low in a poorly played game of absurd plot twists , idiotic court maneuvers and stupid characters that even freeman can't save it . 
i realized that no matter how fantastic reign of fire looked , its story was making no sense at all . 
it made me realize that we really haven't had a good cheesy b-movie playing in theaters since . . . well . . . since last week's reign of fire . 
some movies were made for the big screen , some for the small screen , and some , like ballistic : ecks vs . sever , were made for the palm screen . 
sc2 is an autopilot hollywood concoction lacking in imagination and authentic christmas spirit , yet it's geared toward an audience full of masters of both . 
after all the big build-up , the payoff for the audience , as well as the characters , is messy , murky , unsatisfying . 
seems content to dog-paddle in the mediocre end of the pool , and it's a sad , sick sight . 
it's refreshing that someone understands the need for the bad boy ; diesel , with his brawny frame and cool , composed delivery , fits the bill perfectly . 
if all of eight legged freaks was as entertaining as the final hour , i would have no problem giving it an unqualified recommendation . 
suffers from a flat script and a low budget . 
there are deeply religious and spiritual people in this world who would argue that entering a church , synagogue or temple doesn't mean you have to check your brain at the door . the same should go for movie theaters . 
seemingly a vehicle to showcase the canadian's inane ramblings , stealing harvard is a smorgasbord of soliloquies about nothing delivered by the former mr . drew barrymore . 
the film tries to touch on spousal abuse but veers off course and becomes just another revenge film . 
as it stands it's an opera movie for the buffs . 
la cinta comienza intentando ser un drama , rápidamente se transforma en una comedia y termina por ser una parodia absolutamente predecible
this franchise has not spawned a single good film . the crap continues . 
if only it were , well , funnier . 
its inescapable absurdities are tantamount to insulting the intelligence of anyone who hasn't been living under a rock ( since sept . 11 ) . 
high drama , disney-style - a wing and a prayer and a hunky has-been pursuing his castle in the sky . 
like its script , which nurses plot holes gaping enough to pilot an entire olympic swim team through , the characters in swimfan seem motivated by nothing short of dull , brain-deadening hangover . 
one big blustery movie where nothing really happens . when it comes out on video , then it's the perfect cure for insomnia . 
like a comedian who starts off promisingly but then proceeds to flop , comedian runs out of steam after a half hour . 
the pairing does sound promising in theory . . . but their lack of chemistry makes eddie murphy and robert deniro in showtime look like old , familiar vaudeville partners . 
director chris eyre is going through the paces again with his usual high melodramatic style of filmmaking . 
as it stands , there's some fine sex onscreen , and some tense arguing , but not a whole lot more . 
i could just feel the screenwriter at every moment 'tap , tap , tap , tap , tapping away' on this screenplay . 
the picture doesn't know it's a comedy . 
a stupid , derivative horror film that substitutes extreme gore for suspense . 
the rollerball sequences feel sanitised and stagey . 
roman polanski directs the pianist like a surgeon mends a broken heart ; very meticulously but without any passion . 
nothing more than a run-of-the-mill action flick . 
lan yu is certainly a serviceable melodrama , but it doesn't even try for the greatness that happy together shoots for ( and misses ) . 
this is an action movie with an action icon who's been all but decommissioned . 
even if it is generally amusing from time to time , i spy has all the same problems the majority of action comedies have . 
much like robin williams , death to smoochy has already reached its expiration date . 
an annoying orgy of excess and exploitation that has no point and goes nowhere . 
a tired , unnecessary retread . . . a stale copy of a picture that wasn't all that great to begin with . 
an often unfunny romp . 
a worthy idea , but the uninspired scripts , acting and direction never rise above the level of an after-school tv special . 
twenty years later , reggio still knows how to make a point with poetic imagery , but his ability to startle has been stifled by the very prevalence of the fast-forward technology that he so stringently takes to task . 
it bites hard . 
ear-splitting exercise in formula crash-and-bash action . 
we have an actor who is great fun to watch performing in a film that is only mildly diverting . 
despite hoffman's best efforts , wilson remains a silent , lumpish cipher ; his encounters reveal nothing about who he is or who he was before . 
there's a thin line between likably old-fashioned and fuddy-duddy , and the count of monte cristo . . . never quite settles on either side . 
the emotional overload of female angst irreparably drags the film down . 
schaefer's . . . determination to inject farcical raunch . . . drowns out the promise of the romantic angle . 
like showgirls and glitter , the most entertaining moments here are unintentional . 
while some of the camera work is interesting , the film's mid-to-low budget is betrayed by the surprisingly shoddy makeup work . 
the origin story is well told , and the characters will not disappoint anyone who values the original comic books . it's in the action scenes that things fall apart . 
impostor is a step down for director gary fleder . 
seagal , who looks more like danny aiello these days , mumbles his way through the movie . 
the movie is a negligible work of manipulation , an exploitation piece doing its usual worst to guilt-trip parents . 
lacks dramatic punch and depth . 
there are moments of real pleasure to be found in sara sugarman's whimsical comedy very annie-mary but not enough to sustain the film . 
i can analyze this movie in three words : thumbs friggin' down . 
sadly , 'garth' hasn't progressed as nicely as 'wayne . '
make like the title and dodge this one . 
this is not one of the movies you'd want to watch if you only had a week to live . 
the first hour is tedious though ford and neeson capably hold our interest , but its just not a thrilling movie . 
here's a case of two actors who do everything humanly possible to create characters who are sweet and believable , and are defeated by a screenplay that forces them into bizarre , implausible behavior . 
it's obvious [je-gyu is] trying for poetry ; what he gets instead has all the lyricism of a limerick scrawled in a public restroom . 
sweet home alabama is one dumb movie , but its stupidity is so relentlessly harmless that it almost wins you over in the end . 
[green is] the comedy equivalent of saddam hussein , and i'm just about ready to go to the u . n . and ask permission for a preemptive strike . 
no amount of good acting is enough to save oleander's uninspired story . 
a vile , incoherent mess . . . a scummy ripoff of david cronenberg's brilliant 'videodrome . '
murphy and wilson actually make a pretty good team . . . but the project surrounding them is distressingly rote . 
despite its raucous intent , xxx is as conventional as a nike ad and as rebellious as spring break . 
think the lion king redone for horses , with fewer deliberate laughs , more inadvertent ones and stunningly trite songs by bryan adams , the world's most generic rock star . 
it is one more celluloid testimonial to the cruelties experienced by southern blacks as distilled through a caucasian perspective . 
it's tough being a black man in america , especially when the man has taken away your car , your work-hours and denied you health insurance . 
a small fortune in salaries and stunt cars might have been saved if the director , tom dey , had spliced together bits and pieces of midnight run and 48 hours ( and , for that matter , shrek ) . 
an amateurish , quasi-improvised acting exercise shot on ugly digital video . 
the holes in this film remain agape -- holes punched through by an inconsistent , meandering , and sometimes dry plot . 
would benigni's italian pinocchio have been any easier to sit through than this hastily dubbed disaster ? 
unofficially , national lampoon's van wilder is son of animal house . officially , it is twice as bestial but half as funny . 
this is a fragmented film , once a good idea that was followed by the bad idea to turn it into a movie . 
mindless yet impressively lean spinoff of last summer's bloated effects fest the mummy returns . 
halfway through the movie , the humor dwindles . it's replaced by some dramatic scenes that are jarring and deeply out of place in what could have ( and probably should have ) been a lighthearted comedy . 
will be far more interesting to the soderbergh faithful than it will be to the casual moviegoer who might be lured in by julia roberts . . . 
authentic , and at times endearing , humorous , spooky , educational , but at other times as bland as a block of snow . 
[a] mess . 
control-alt-delete simone as quickly as possible
follows the original film virtually scene for scene and yet manages to bleed it almost completely dry of humor , verve and fun . 
the filmmaker ascends , literally , to the olympus of the art world , but he would have done well to end this flawed , dazzling series with the raising of something other than his own cremaster . 
the screenplay comes across , rather unintentionally , as hip-hop scooby-doo . 
has lost some of the dramatic conviction that underlies the best of comedies . . . 
vaguely interesting , but it's just too too much . 
 . . . no charm , no laughs , no fun , no reason to watch . 
a generic family comedy unlikely to be appreciated by anyone outside the under-10 set . 
kung pow seems like some futile concoction that was developed hastily after oedekerk and his fellow moviemakers got through crashing a college keg party . 
kurys seems intimidated by both her subject matter and the period trappings of this debut venture into the heritage business . 
the film virtually chokes on its own self-consciousness . 
a manipulative feminist empowerment tale thinly posing as a serious drama about spousal abuse . 
everything in maid in manhattan is exceedingly pleasant , designed not to offend . it goes down easy , leaving virtually no aftertaste . 
a profoundly stupid affair , populating its hackneyed and meanspirited storyline with cardboard characters and performers who value cash above credibility . 
 . . . pays tribute to heroes the way julia roberts hands out awards--with phony humility barely camouflaging grotesque narcissism . 
time stands still in more ways that one in clockstoppers , a sci-fi thriller as lazy as it is interminable . 
as a director , eastwood is off his game -- there's no real sense of suspense , and none of the plot 'surprises' are really surprising . 
eccentric enough to stave off doldrums , caruso's self-conscious debut is also eminently forgettable . 
to work , love stories require the full emotional involvement and support of a viewer . that is made almost impossible by events that set the plot in motion . 
although barbershop boasts some of today's hottest and hippest acts from the world of television , music and stand-up comedy , this movie strangely enough has the outdated swagger of a shameless ‘70s blaxploitation shuck-and-jive sitcom . 
a puzzle whose pieces do not fit . some are fascinating and others are not , and in the end , it is almost a good movie . 
would that greengrass had gone a tad less for grit and a lot more for intelligibility . 
the good is very , very good . . . the rest runs from mildly unimpressive to despairingly awful . 
'butterfingered' is the word for the big-fisted direction of jez butterworth , who manages to blast even the smallest sensitivities from the romance with his clamorous approach . 
be forewarned , if you're depressed about anything before watching this film , you may just end up trying to drown yourself in a lake afterwards . 
a terrible adaptation of a play that only ever walked the delicate tightrope between farcical and loathsome . in the wrong hands , i . e . peploe's , it's simply unbearable
an inexperienced director , mehta has much to learn . 
a limp eddie murphy vehicle that even he seems embarrassed to be part of . 
dramatically lackluster . 
so muddled , repetitive and ragged that it says far less about the horrifying historical reality than about the filmmaker's characteristic style . 
a gushy episode of " m * a * s * h " only this time from an asian perspective . 
 " looking for leonard " just seems to kinda sit in neutral , hoping for a stiff wind to blow it uphill or something . 
nothing more than four or five mild chuckles surrounded by 86 minutes of overly-familiar and poorly-constructed comedy . 
definitely in the guilty pleasure b-movie category , reign of fire is so incredibly inane that it is laughingly enjoyable . 
good-looking but relentlessly lowbrow outing plays like clueless does south fork . 
entertaining enough , but nothing new
 . . . one resurrection too many . 
this is a film about the irksome , tiresome nature of complacency that remains utterly satisfied to remain the same throughout . even as the hero of the story rediscovers his passion in life , the mood remains oddly detached . 
demeo is not without talent ; he just needs better material . 
in spite of featuring a script credited to no fewer than five writers , apparently nobody here bothered to check it twice . 
no one involved , save dash , shows the slightest aptitude for acting , and the script , credited to director abdul malik abbott and ernest 'tron' anderson , seems entirely improvised . 
initially gripping , eventually cloying pow drama . 
a timid , soggy near miss . 
works better in the conception than it does in the execution . . . winds up seeming just a little too clever . 
to the vast majority of more casual filmgoers , it will probably be a talky bore . 
observant intelligence constantly vies with pretension -- and sometimes plain wacky implausibility -- throughout maelstrom . 
this version of h . g . wells' time machine was directed by h . g . wells' great-grandson . they should have found orson welles' great-grandson . 
shunji iwai's all about lily chou chou is a beautifully shot , but ultimately flawed film about growing up in japan . 
with more character development this might have been an eerie thriller ; with better payoffs , it could have been a thinking man's monster movie . 
thriller directorial debut for traffic scribe gaghan has all the right parts , but the pieces don't quite fit together . 
 . . . would be a total loss if not for two supporting performances taking place at the movie's edges . 
there's not a single jump-in-your-seat moment and believe it or not , jason actually takes a backseat in his own film to special effects . 
goldbacher draws on an elegant visual sense and a talent for easy , seductive pacing . . . but she and writing partner laurence coriat don't manage an equally assured narrative coinage . 
though harris is affecting at times , he cannot overcome the sense that pumpkin is a mere plot pawn for two directors with far less endearing disabilities . 
the documentary is much too conventional -- lots of boring talking heads , etc . -- to do the subject matter justice . 
the movie itself appears to be running on hypertime in reverse as the truly funny bits get further and further apart . 
this is not a jackie chan movie . it's just a movie that happens to have jackie chan in it . and that makes all the difference . 
far too clever by half , howard's film is really a series of strung-together moments , with all the spaces in between filled with fantasies , daydreams , memories and one fantastic visual trope after another . 
the problem with movies about angels is they have a tendency to slip into hokum . a rumor of angels doesn't just slip -- it avalanches into forced fuzziness . 
no big whoop , nothing new to see , zero thrills , too many flashbacks and a choppy ending make for a bad film . 
i don't think this movie loves women at all . 
shankman . . . and screenwriter karen janszen bungle their way through the narrative as if it were a series of bible parables and not an actual story . 
a negligible british comedy . 
fails to convince the audience that these brats will ever be anything more than losers . 
stay away . far away . 
slack and uninspired , and peopled mainly by characters so unsympathetic that you're left with a sour taste in your mouth . 
skip this turd and pick your nose instead because you're sure to get more out of the latter experience . 
what can one say about a balding 50-year-old actor playing an innocent boy carved from a log ? 
trailer trash cinema so uncool the only thing missing is the " gadzooks ! " 
her film is like a beautiful food entrée that isn't heated properly , so that it ends up a bit cold and relatively flavorless . 
like the world of his film , hartley created a monster but didn't know how to handle it . 
no new plot conceptions or environmental changes , just different bodies for sharp objects to rip through . 
needs more impressionistic cinematography and exhilarating point-of-view shots and fewer slow-motion 'grandeur' shots and quick-cut edits that often detract from the athleticism . 
in the end , there isn't much to it . 
a waste of fearless purity in the acting craft . 
the film is ultimately about as inspiring as a hallmark card . 
anyone not into high-tech splatterfests is advised to take the warning literally , and log on to something more user-friendly . 
disreputable doings and exquisite trappings are dampened by a lackluster script and substandard performances . 
you could easily mistake it for a sketchy work-in-progress that was inexplicably rushed to the megaplexes before its time . 
directors harry gantz and joe gantz have chosen a fascinating subject matter , but the couples exposing themselves aren't all that interesting . 
yet another entry in the sentimental oh-those-wacky-brits genre that was ushered in by the full monty and is still straining to produce another smash hit . 
for those for whom the name woody allen was once a guarantee of something fresh , sometimes funny , and usually genuinely worthwhile , hollywood ending is a depressing experience
femme fatale offers nothing more than a bait-and-switch that is beyond playing fair with the audience . are we dealing with dreams , visions or being told what actually happened as if it were the third ending of clue ? 
it could have been something special , but two things drag it down to mediocrity -- director clare peploe's misunderstanding of marivaux's rhythms , and mira sorvino's limitations as a classical actress . 
fluffy neo-noir hiding behind cutesy film references . 
imagine susan sontag falling in love with howard stern . 
like being trapped inside a huge video game , where exciting , inane images keep popping past your head and the same illogical things keep happening over and over again . 
should have been worth cheering as a breakthrough but is devoid of wit and humor . 
the best thing about the movie is its personable , amusing cast . 
these guys seem great to knock back a beer with but they're simply not funny performers . 
everything was as superficial as the forced new jersey lowbrow accent uma had . 
o ótimo esforço do diretor acaba sendo frustrado pelo roteiro , que , depois de levar um bom tempo para colocar a trama em andamento , perde-se de vez a partir do instante em que os estranhos acontecimentos são explicados . 
director david fincher and writer david koepp can't sustain it . 
finally coming down off of miramax's deep shelves after a couple of aborted attempts , waking up in reno makes a strong case for letting sleeping dogs lie . 
a movie that feels like the pilot episode of a new teen-targeted action tv series . 
one of the most highly-praised disappointments i've had the misfortune to watch in quite some time . 
the animation and backdrops are lush and inventive , yet return to neverland never manages to take us to that elusive , lovely place where we suspend our disbelief . 
director shekhar kapur and screenwriters michael schiffer and hossein amini have tried hard to modernize and reconceptualize things , but the barriers finally prove to be too great . 
strong filmmaking requires a clear sense of purpose , and in that oh-so-important category , the four feathers comes up short . 
the thought of watching this film with an audience full of teenagers fixating on its body humour and reinforcement of stereotypes ( of which they'll get plenty ) fills me with revulsion . 
devolves into the derivative , leaning on badly-rendered cgi effects . 
anyone who gets chills from movies with giant plot holes will find plenty to shake and shiver about in 'the ring . '
a grand fart coming from a director beginning to resemble someone's crazy french grandfather . 
the script is a disaster , with cloying messages and irksome characters . 
both overstuffed and undernourished . . . the film can't be called a solid success , although there's plenty of evidence here to indicate clooney might have better luck next time . 
plods along , minus the twisted humor and eye-popping visuals that have made miike . . . a cult hero . 
hollywood has taken quite a nosedive from alfred hitchcock's imaginative flight to shyamalan's self-important summer fluff . 
the film's maudlin focus on the young woman's infirmity and her naive dreams play like the worst kind of hollywood heart-string plucking . 
a pretentious mess . 
predictably soulless techno-tripe . 
i firmly believe that a good video game movie is going to show up soon . i also believe that resident evil is not it . 
it has the air of a surprisingly juvenile lark , a pop-influenced prank whose charms are immediately apparent and wear thin with repetition . 
the plot meanders from gripping to plodding and back . 
this is cruel , misanthropic stuff with only weak claims to surrealism and black comedy . 
no amount of nostalgia for carvey's glory days can disguise the fact that the new film is a lame kiddie flick and that carvey's considerable talents are wasted in it . 
best described as i know what you did last winter . 
[taylor] takes us on a ride that's consistently surprising , easy to watch -- but , oh , so dumb . 
it's difficult for a longtime admirer of his work to not be swept up in invincible and overlook its drawbacks . 
lazily directed by charles stone iii . . . from a leaden script by matthew cirulnick and novelist thulani davis . 
though jones and snipes are enthralling , the movie bogs down in rhetoric and cliché . 
the most remarkable ( and frustrating ) thing about world traveler , which opens today in manhattan , is that its protagonist , after being an object of intense scrutiny for 104 minutes , remains a complete blank . 
an artsploitation movie with too much exploitation and too little art . 
the pacing is often way off and there are too many bona fide groaners among too few laughs . 
with lines that feel like long soliloquies -- even as they are being framed in conversation -- max is static , stilted . 
barely manages for but a few seconds over its seemingly eternal running time to pique your interest , your imagination , your empathy or anything , really , save your disgust and your indifference . 
writer/director burr steers emphasizes the q in quirky , with mixed results . 
one senses in world traveler and in his earlier film that freundlich bears a grievous but obscure complaint against fathers , and circles it obsessively , without making contact . 
in between the icy stunts , the actors spout hilarious dialogue about following your dream and 'just letting the mountain tell you what to do . '
the obligatory break-ups and hook-ups don't seem to have much emotional impact on the characters . 
make no mistake , ivans xtc . is a mess . 
hypnotically dull , relentlessly downbeat , laughably predictable wail pitched to the cadence of a depressed fifteen-year-old's suicidal poetry . 
the concept is a hoot . the trailer is a riot . the movie is a dud . 
it's a boring movie about a boring man , made watchable by a bravura performance from a consummate actor incapable of being boring . 
because the intelligence level of the characters must be low , very low , very very low , for the masquerade to work , the movie contains no wit , only labored gags . 
it's hard to imagine another director ever making his wife look so bad in a major movie . 
some stunning visuals -- and some staggeringly boring cinema . 
these characters become wearisome . 
a hit- and-miss affair , consistently amusing but not as outrageous or funny as cho may have intended or as imaginative as one might have hoped . 
this may be the first cartoon ever to look as if it were being shown on the projection television screen of a sports bar . 
kim ki-deok seems to have in mind an ( emotionally at least ) adolescent audience demanding regular shocks and bouts of barely defensible sexual violence to keep it interested . 
a sterling film - a cross between boys don't cry , deliverance , and ode to billy joe - lies somewhere in the story of matthew shepard , but that film is yet to be made . 
after sitting through this sloppy , made-for-movie comedy special , it makes me wonder if lawrence hates criticism so much that he refuses to evaluate his own work . 
contrived pastiche of caper clichés . 
many shallower movies these days seem too long , but this one is egregiously short . 
just a kiss wants desperately to come off as a fanciful film about the typical problems of average people . but it is set in a world that is very , very far from the one most of us inhabit . 
the most ill-conceived animated comedy since the 1991 dog rover dangerfield . 
like shave ice without the topping , this cinematic snow cone is as innocuous as it is flavorless . 
despite its sincere acting , signs is just another unoriginal run of the mill sci-fi film with a flimsy ending and lots of hype . 
yet another movie which presumes that high school social groups are at war , let alone conscious of each other's existence . 
loud , chaotic and largely unfunny . 
i can't remember the last time i saw an audience laugh so much during a movie , but there's only one problem…it's supposed to be a drama . 
qualities that were once amusing are becoming irritating . 
well , jason's gone to manhattan and hell , i guess a space station in the year 2455 can be crossed off the list of ideas for the inevitable future sequels ( hey , don't shoot the messenger ) . 
donovan . . . squanders his main asset , jackie chan , and fumbles the vital action sequences . 
there is no psychology here , and no real narrative logic -- just a series of carefully choreographed atrocities , which become strangely impersonal and abstract . 
bread , my sweet has so many flaws it would be easy for critics to shred it . it may even fall into the category of films you love to hate . i admit it , i hate to like it . 
frida is certainly no disaster , but neither is it the kahlo movie frida fans have been looking for . 
leaks treacle from every pore . 
the characters are so generic and the plot so bland that even as rogue cia assassins working for chris cooper's agency boss close in on the resourceful amnesiac , we don't feel much for damon/bourne or his predicament . 
kapur weighs down the tale with bogus profundities . 
while we want macdowell's character to retrieve her husband , we have to ask whether her personal odyssey trumps the carnage that claims so many lives around her . 
blue crush is as predictable as the tides . . . . the movie feels stitched together from stock situations and characters from other movies . 
if you enjoy being rewarded by a script that assumes you aren't very bright , then blood work is for you . 
trouble every day is a success in some sense , but it's hard to like a film so cold and dead . 
the film's stagecrafts are intimate and therefore bolder than the otherwise calculated artifice that defines and overwhelms the film's production design . 
a well-intentioned effort that's still too burdened by the actor's offbeat sensibilities for the earnest emotional core to emerge with any degree of accessibility . 
a family-friendly fantasy that ends up doing very little with its imaginative premise . 
a plodding look at the french revolution through the eyes of aristocrats . 
tom shadyac has learned a bit more craft since directing adams , but he still lingers over every point until the slowest viewer grasps it . 
unspools like a highbrow , low-key , 102-minute infomercial , blending entrepreneurial zeal with the testimony of satisfied customers . 
a fast-paced , glitzy but extremely silly piece . 
any reasonably creative eighth-grader could have written a more credible script , though with the same number of continuity errors . 
 . . . while the humor aspects of 'jason x' were far more entertaining than i had expected , everything else about the film tanks . 
your taste for jonah - a veggie tales movie may well depend on your threshold for pop manifestations of the holy spirit . 
like an afterschool special with costumes by gianni versace , mad love looks better than it feels . 
while certain cues , like the happy music , suggest that this movie is supposed to warm our hearts , jeong-hyang lee's film is just as likely to blacken that organ with cold vengefulness . 
the script , the gags , the characters are all direct-to-video stuff , and that's where this film should have remained . 
a thriller without thrills and a mystery devoid of urgent questions . 
a collage of clichés and a dim echo of allusions to other films . 
the film is hampered by its predictable plot and paper-thin supporting characters . 
arty gay film . 
jonah is only so-so . . . the addition of a biblical message will either improve the film for you , or it will lessen it . 
an excruciating demonstration of the unsalvageability of a movie saddled with an amateurish screenplay . 
how many more times will indie filmmakers subject us to boring , self-important stories of how horrible we are to ourselves and each other ? 
there are some laughs in this movie , but williams' anarchy gets tiresome , the satire is weak . 
as steamy as last week's pork dumplings . 
incoherence reigns . 
the somber pacing and lack of dramatic fireworks make green dragon seem more like medicine than entertainment . 
the filmmakers needed more emphasis on the storytelling and less on the glamorous machine that thrusts the audience into a future they won't much care about . 
another wholly unnecessary addition to the growing , moldering pile of , well , extreme stunt pictures . 
this strenuously unfunny showtime deserves the hook . 
the whole thing's fairly lame , making it par for the course for disney sequels . 
…its solemn pretension prevents us from sharing the awe in which it holds itself . 
 . . . the good and different idea [of middle-aged romance] is not handled well and , except for the fine star performances , there is little else to recommend " never again . " 
if disney's cinderella proved that 'a dream is a wish your heart makes , ' then cinderella ii proves that a nightmare is a wish a studio's wallet makes . 
features nonsensical and laughable plotting , wooden performances , ineptly directed action sequences and some of the worst dialogue in recent memory . 
with rare birds , as with the shipping news before it , an attempt is made to transplant a hollywood star into newfoundland's wild soil -- and the rock once again resists the intrusion . 
nothing about this movie works . 
if the idea of the white man arriving on foreign shores to show wary natives the true light is abhorrent to you , the simplistic heaven will quite likely be more like hell . 
a spooky yarn of demonic doings on the high seas that works better the less the brain is engaged . 
none of birthday girl's calculated events take us by surprise . . . 
are monsters born , or made ? 
lisa rinzler's cinematography may be lovely , but love liza's tale itself virtually collapses into an inhalant blackout , maintaining consciousness just long enough to achieve callow pretension . 
the narrator and the other characters try to convince us that acting transfigures esther , but she's never seen speaking on stage ; one feels cheated , and esther seems to remain an unchanged dullard . 
it's exactly the kind of movie toback's detractors always accuse him of making . 
with the dog days of august upon us , think of this dog of a movie as the cinematic equivalent of high humidity . 
less about shakespeare than the spawn of fools who saw quentin tarantino's handful of raucous gangster films and branched out into their own pseudo-witty copycat interpretations . 
the film is like sitting in a downtown café , overhearing a bunch of typical late-twenty-somethings natter on about nothing , and desperately wishing you could change tables . 
this rather unfocused , all-over-the-map movie would be a lot better if it pared down its plots and characters to a few rather than dozens . . . or if it were subtler . . . or if it had a sense of humor . 
takes a clunky tv-movie approach to detailing a chapter in the life of the celebrated irish playwright , poet and drinker . 
not only does the thoroughly formulaic film represent totally exemplify middle-of-the-road mainstream , it also represents glossy hollywood at its laziest . 
a shame that stealing harvard is too busy getting in its own way to be anything but frustrating , boring , and forgettable . 
nearly every attempt at humor here is doa . 
collapses under its own meager weight . 
this is mild-mannered , been-there material given a pedestrian spin by a director who needed a touch of the flamboyant , the outrageous . 
if you adored the full monty so resoundingly that you're dying to see the same old thing in a tired old setting , then this should keep you reasonably entertained . 
technically and artistically inept . 
those who are only mildly curious , i fear , will be put to sleep or bewildered by the artsy and often pointless visuals . 
though tom shadyac's film kicks off spookily enough , around the halfway mark it takes an abrupt turn into glucose sentimentality and laughable contrivance . 
a long , dull procession of despair , set to cello music culled from a minimalist funeral . 
call me a cold-hearted curmudgeon for not being able to enjoy a mindless action movie , but i believe a movie can be mindless without being the peak of all things insipid . 
death might be a release . 
'[hopkins]doesn't so much phone in his performance as fax it . no , even that's too committed . he gets his secretary to fax it . " 
sodden and glum , even in those moments where it's supposed to feel funny and light . 
priggish , lethargically paced parable of renewal . 
a beautifully shot but dull and ankle-deep 'epic . '
even with its $50-million us budget , pinocchio never quite achieves the feel of a fanciful motion picture . 
this is a third-person story now , told by hollywood , and much more ordinary for it . 
the filmmakers know how to please the eye , but it is not always the prettiest pictures that tell the best story . 
written , flatly , by david kendall and directed , barely , by there's something about mary co-writer ed decter . 
the characters are interesting and the relationship between yosuke and saeko is worth watching as it develops , but there's not enough to the story to fill two hours . 
very well made , but doesn't generate a lot of tension . 
like being invited to a classy dinner soiree and not knowing anyone . you leave the same way you came -- a few tasty morsels under your belt , but no new friends . 
it's depressing to see how far herzog has fallen . 
the question hanging over the time machine is not , as the main character suggests , 'what if ? ' but rather , 'how can you charge money for this ? '
millions of dollars heaped upon a project of such vast proportions need to reap more rewards than spiffy bluescreen technique and stylish weaponry . 
 " freaky friday , " it's not . 
perhaps a better celebration of these unfairly dismissed heroes would be a film that isn't this painfully forced , false and fabricated . 
although no pastry is violated , this nasty comedy pokes fun at the same easy targets as other rowdy raunch-fests -- farts , boobs , unmentionables -- without much success . 
in this film , aussie david caesar channels the not-quite-dead career of guy ritchie . 
maybe you'll be lucky , and there'll be a power outage during your screening so you can get your money back . 
the characterizations and dialogue lack depth or complexity , with the ironic exception of scooter . 
this film was made by and for those folks who collect the serial killer cards and are fascinated by the mere suggestion of serial killers . for the rest of us , sitting through dahmer's two hours amounts to little more than punishment . 
narc can only remind us of brilliant crime dramas without becoming one itself . 
somewhere inside the mess that is world traveler , there is a mediocre movie trying to get out . 
a tedious parable about honesty and good sportsmanship . 
its strengths and weaknesses play off each other virtually to a stand-off , with the unfortunate trump card being the dreary mid-section of the film . 
an artful yet depressing film that makes a melodramatic mountain out of the molehill of a missing bike . 
the movie's ultimate point -- that everyone should be themselves -- is trite , but the screenwriter and director michel gondry restate it to the point of ridiculousness . 
a glossy knock-off of a b-movie revenge flick . 
 . . . expands the horizons of boredom to the point of collapse , turning into a black hole of dullness , from which no interesting concept can escape . 
it's just plain boring . 
sad nonsense , this . but not without cheesy fun factor . 
one of those decades-spanning historical epics that strives to be intimate and socially encompassing but fails to do justice to either effort in three hours of screen time . 
really dumb but occasionally really funny . 
the movie wavers between hallmark card sentimentality and goofy , life-affirming moments straight out of a cellular phone commercial . 
a half-assed film . 
the director's many dodges and turns add up to little more than a screenful of gamesmanship that's low on both suspense and payoff . 
while the transgressive trappings ( especially the frank sex scenes ) ensure that the film is never dull , rodrigues's beast-within metaphor is ultimately rather silly and overwrought , making the ambiguous ending seem goofy rather than provocative . 
the satire is unfocused , while the story goes nowhere . 
they threw loads of money at an idea that should've been so much more even if it was only made for teenage boys and wrestling fans . 
it's mired in a shabby script that piles layer upon layer of action man cliché atop wooden dialogue and a shifting tone that falls far short of the peculiarly moral amorality of [woo's] best work . 
reyes' directorial debut has good things to offer , but ultimately it's undone by a sloppy script
if you're over 25 , have an iq over 90 , and have a driver's license , you should be able to find better entertainment . 
the darker elements of misogyny and unprovoked violence suffocate the illumination created by the two daughters and the sparse instances of humor meant to shine through the gloomy film noir veil . 
 . . . the picture's cleverness is ironically muted by the very people who are intended to make it shine . 
never does " lilo & stitch " reach the emotion or timelessness of disney's great past , or even that of more recent successes such as " mulan " or " tarzan . " 
one of those so-so films that could have been much better . 
crossroads feels like a teenybopper ed wood film , replete with the pubescent scandalous innuendo and the high-strung but flaccid drama . 
fails to satisfactorily exploit its gender politics , genre thrills or inherent humor . 
interview with the assassin is structured less as a documentary and more as a found relic , and as such the film has a difficult time shaking its blair witch project real-time roots . 
cacoyannis' vision is far less mature , interpreting the play as a call for pity and sympathy for anachronistic phantasms haunting the imagined glory of their own pasts . 
it has more in common with a fireworks display than a movie , which normally is expected to have characters and a storyline . 
it appears to have been made by people to whom the idea of narrative logic or cohesion is an entirely foreign concept . 
less a heartfelt appeal for the handicapped than a nice belgian waffle . 
it's not helpful to listen to extremist name-calling , regardless of whether you think kissinger was a calculating fiend or just a slippery self-promoter . 
abandon spends 90 minutes trying figure out whether or not some cocky pseudo-intellectual kid has intentionally left college or was killed . the only problem is that , by the end , no one in the audience or the film seems to really care . 
no such thing is sort of a minimalist beauty and the beast , but in this case the beast should definitely get top billing . robert john burke as the monster horns in and steals the show . 
due to stodgy , soap opera-ish dialogue , the rest of the cast comes across as stick figures reading lines from a teleprompter . 
[t]he film is never sure to make a clear point – even if it seeks to rely on an ambiguous presentation . 
while it may not add up to the sum of its parts , holofcener's film offers just enough insight to keep it from being simpleminded , and the ensemble cast is engaging enough to keep you from shifting in your chair too often . 
an overwrought taiwanese soaper about three people and their mixed-up relationship . 
nobody seems to have cared much about any aspect of it , from its cheesy screenplay to the grayish quality of its lighting to its last-minute , haphazard theatrical release . 
a thoroughly awful movie--dumb , narratively chaotic , visually sloppy . . . a weird amalgam of 'the thing' and a geriatric 'scream . '
 . . . another example of how sandler is losing his touch . 
nothing sticks , really , except a lingering creepiness one feels from being dragged through a sad , sordid universe of guns , drugs , avarice and damaged dreams . 
what goes on for the 110 minutes of " panic room " is a battle of witlessness between a not-so-bright mother and daughter and an even less capable trio of criminals . 
the plot's contrivances are uncomfortably strained . 
guilty of the worst sin of attributable to a movie like this : it's not scary in the slightest . 
schnieder bounces around with limp wrists , wearing tight tummy tops and hip huggers , twirling his hair on his finger and assuming that's enough to sustain laughs . . . 
its simplicity puts an exclamation point on the fact that this isn't something to be taken seriously , but it also wrecks any chance of the movie rising above similar fare . 
by the final whistle you're convinced that this mean machine was a decent tv outing that just doesn't have big screen magic . 
to say that this vapid vehicle is downright doltish and uneventful is just as obvious as telling a country skunk that he has severe body odor . 
a film of empty , fetishistic violence in which murder is casual and fun . 
pretend it's a werewolf itself by avoiding eye contact and walking slowly away . it's fun , but it's a real howler . 
some fine acting , but ultimately a movie with no reason for being . 
it's difficult to feel anything much while watching this movie , beyond mild disturbance or detached pleasure at the acting . 
a waterlogged version of 'fatal attraction' for the teeny-bopper set . . . a sad , soggy potboiler that wastes the talents of its attractive young leads . 
it tells its story in a flat manner and leaves you with the impression that you should have gotten more out of it than you did . 
sweet gentle jesus , did the screenwriters just do a cut-and-paste of every bad action-movie line in history ? 
it's not the worst comedy of the year , but it certainly won't win any honors . 
this is for the most part a useless movie , even with a great director at the helm . 
a loud , witless mess that has none of the charm and little of the intrigue from the tv series . 
even on its own ludicrous terms , the sum of all fears generates little narrative momentum , and invites unflattering comparisons to other installments in the ryan series . 
though it inspires some ( out-of-field ) creative thought , the film is -- to its own detriment -- much more a cinematic collage than a polemical tract . 
as predictable as the outcome of a globetrotters-generals game , juwanna mann is even more ludicrous than you'd expect from the guy-in-a-dress genre , and a personal low for everyone involved . 
sinks into the usual cafeteria goulash of fart jokes , masturbation jokes , and racist japanese jokes . 
where tom green stages his gags as assaults on america's knee-jerk moral sanctimony , jackass lacks aspirations of social upheaval . 
more of an intriguing curiosity than a gripping thriller . 
the april 2002 instalment of the american war for independence , complete with loads of cgi and bushels of violence , but not a drop of human blood . 
contains all the substance of a twinkie -- easy to swallow , but scarcely nourishing . 
return to neverland manages to straddle the line between another classic for the company and just another run-of-the-mill disney sequel intended for the home video market . 
rarely does a film so graceless and devoid of merit as this one come along . 
it's a thin notion , repetitively stretched out to feature length , awash in self-consciously flashy camera effects , droning house music and flat , flat dialogue . 
on a certain base level , blue crush delivers what it promises , just not well enough to recommend it . 
the colorful masseur wastes its time on mood rather than riding with the inherent absurdity of ganesh's rise up the social ladder . 
 . . . an incredibly heavy-handed , manipulative dud that feels all too familiar . 
wimps out by going for that pg-13 rating , so the more graphic violence is mostly off-screen and the sexuality is muted . 
trapped presents a frightening and compelling 'what if ? ' scenario that will give most parents pause . . . . then , something terrible happens . 
madonna has made herself over so often now , there's apparently nothing left to work with , sort of like michael jackson's nose . 
never having seen the first two films in the series , i can't compare friday after next to them , but nothing would change the fact that what we have here is a load of clams left in the broiling sun for a good three days . 
the story is lacking any real emotional impact , and the plot is both contrived and cliched . 
a depraved , incoherent , instantly disposable piece of hackery . 
it's a bad action movie because there's no rooting interest and the spectacle is grotesque and boring . 
[soderbergh] tends to place most of the psychological and philosophical material in italics rather than trust an audience's intelligence , and he creates an overall sense of brusqueness . 
handsome and sincere but slightly awkward in its combination of entertainment and evangelical boosterism . 
so aggressively cheery that pollyana would reach for a barf bag . 
scooby-doo doesn't know if it wants to be a retro-refitting exercise in campy recall for older fans or a silly , nickelodeon-esque kiddie flick . 
russell lacks the visual panache , the comic touch , and perhaps the budget of sommers's title-bout features . 
highly uneven and inconsistent . . . margarita happy hour kinda resembles the el cheapo margaritas served within . 
very stupid and annoying . 
the sum of all fears pretends to be a serious exploration of nuclear terrorism , but it's really nothing more than warmed-over cold war paranoia . 
a listless and desultory affair . 
represents the depths to which the girls-behaving-badly film has fallen . 
how inept is serving sara ? it makes even elizabeth hurley seem graceless and ugly . 
jam-packed with literally bruising jokes . every five minutes or so , someone gets clocked . 
wins my vote for 'the 2002 enemy of cinema' award . 
any chekhov is better than no chekhov , but it would be a shame if this was your introduction to one of the greatest plays of the last 100 years . 
helmer hudlin tries to make a hip comedy , but his dependence on slapstick defeats the possibility of creating a more darkly edged tome . 
lazy , miserable and smug . this is one of the biggest disappointments of the year . 
formula 51 has dulled your senses faster and deeper than any recreational drug on the market . 
every visual joke is milked , every set-up obvious and lengthy , every punchline predictable . there's no energy . 
apparently writer-director attal thought he need only cast himself and his movie-star wife sitting around in their drawers to justify a film . 
after the setup , the air leaks out of the movie , flattening its momentum with about an hour to go . 
this is a poster movie , a mediocre tribute to films like them ! 
at three hours and with very little story or character development , there is plenty of room for editing , and a much shorter cut surely would have resulted in a smoother , more focused narrative without sacrificing any of the cultural intrigue . 
a bit too derivative to stand on its own as the psychological thriller it purports to be . 
a crude teen-oriented variation on a theme that the playwright craig lucas explored with infinitely more grace and eloquence in his prelude to a kiss . 
the film's darker moments become smoothed over by an overwhelming need to tender inspirational tidings , especially in the last few cloying moments . 
if you recognize zeus ( the dog from snatch ) it will make you wish you were at home watching that movie instead of in the theater watching this one . 
abysmally pathetic
this is the kind of movie that you only need to watch for about thirty seconds before you say to yourself , 'ah , yes , here we have a bad , bad , bad movie . '
shanghai ghetto should be applauded for finding a new angle on a tireless story , but you might want to think twice before booking passage . 
plays like a checklist of everything rob reiner and his cast were sending up . 
there's too much forced drama in this wildly uneven movie , about a young man's battle with his inescapable past and uncertain future in a very shapable but largely unfulfilling present . 
it's at once laughable and compulsively watchable , in its committed dumbness . 
all the sensuality , all the eroticism of a good vampire tale has been , pardon the pun , sucked out and replaced by goth goofiness . 
a cross between blow and boyz n the hood , this movie strives to be more , but doesn't quite get there . good performances keep it from being a total rehash . 
the screenplay is hugely overwritten , with tons and tons of dialogue -- most of it given to children . 
troll the cult section of your local video store for the real deal . 
at times , the movie looks genuinely pretty . your nightmares , on the other hand , will be anything but . not even felinni would know what to make of this italian freakshow . 
elmo touts his drug as being 51 times stronger than coke . if you're looking for a tale of brits behaving badly , watch snatch again . it's 51 times better than this . 
it's difficult to conceive of anyone who has reached puberty actually finding the characters in slackers or their antics amusing , let alone funny . 
despite its promising cast of characters , big trouble remains a loosely tied series of vignettes which only prove that 'zany' doesn't necessarily mean 'funny . '
both shrill and soporific , and because everything is repeated five or six times , it can seem tiresomely simpleminded . 
does not go far enough in its humor or stock ideas to stand out as particularly memorable or even all that funny . 
neither revelatory nor truly edgy--merely crassly flamboyant and comedically labored . 
just about everyone involved here seems to be coasting . there are a few modest laughs , but certainly no thrills . 
fails so fundamentally on every conventional level that it achieves some kind of goofy grandeur . 
there's a persistent theatrical sentiment and a woozy quality to the manner of the storytelling , which undercuts the devastatingly telling impact of utter loss personified in the film's simple title . 
while howard's appreciation of brown and his writing is clearly well-meaning and sincere , the movie would be impossible to sit through were it not for the supporting cast . 
a preposterous , prurient whodunit . 
go , girls , right down the reality drain . 
boasting some of the most poorly staged and lit action in memory , impostor is as close as you can get to an imitation movie . 
can be classified as one of those 'alternate reality' movies . . . except that it would have worked so much better dealing in only one reality . 
predictable and cloying , though brown sugar is so earnest in its yearning for the days before rap went nihilistic that it summons more spirit and bite than your average formulaic romantic quadrangle . 
 . . . unlikable , uninteresting , unfunny , and completely , utterly inept . 
the film is so busy making reference to other films and trying to be other films that it fails to have a heart , mind or humor of its own . 
an imponderably stilted and self-consciously arty movie . 
muddled , melodramatic paranormal romance is an all-time low for kevin costner . 
too clumsy in key moments . . . to make a big splash . 
just a bunch of good actors flailing around in a caper that's neither original nor terribly funny . 
`matrix'-style massacres erupt throughout . . . but the movie has a tougher time balancing its violence with kafka-inspired philosophy . 
at least it's a fairly impressive debut from the director , charles stone iii . 
it all unfolds predictably , and the adventures that happen along the way seem repetitive and designed to fill time , providing no real sense of suspense . 
wanker goths are on the loose ! run for your lives ! 
why would anyone cast the magnificent jackie chan in a movie full of stunt doubles and special effects ? 
a grating , emaciated flick . 
unambitious writing emerges in the movie , using a plot that could have come from an animated-movie screenwriting textbook . 
presents a good case while failing to provide a reason for us to care beyond the very basic dictums of human decency . 
we have poignancy jostling against farce , thoughtful dialogue elbowed aside by one-liners , and a visual style that incorporates rotoscope animation for no apparent reason except , maybe , that it looks neat . 
 . . . unbearably lame . 
according to the script , grant and bullock's characters are made for each other . but you'd never guess that from the performances . 
the animation merely serves up a predictable , maudlin story that swipes heavily from bambi and the lion king , yet lacks the emotional resonance of either of those movies . 
ararat feels like a book report
steve oedekerk is , alas , no woody allen . 
a lot like the imaginary sport it projects onto the screen -- loud , violent and mindless . 
an amalgam of the fugitive , blade runner , and total recall , only without much energy or tension . 
the acting is amateurish , the cinematography is atrocious , the direction is clumsy , the writing is insipid and the violence is at once luridly graphic and laughably unconvincing . 
shows that jackie chan is getting older , and that's something i would rather live in denial about
with miscast leads , banal dialogue and an absurdly overblown climax , killing me softly belongs firmly in the so-bad-it's-good camp . 
alas , the black-and-white archival footage of their act showcases pretty mediocre shtick . 
the slapstick is labored , and the bigger setpieces flat . 
this is the kind of movie where people who have never picked a lock do so easily after a few tries and become expert fighters after a few weeks . 
the problem with the mayhem in formula 51 is not that it's offensive , but that it's boring . 
much of the digitally altered footage appears jagged , as if filmed directly from a television monitor , while the extensive use of stock footage quickly becomes a tiresome cliché . 
the film never rises above a conventional , two dimension tale
mark wahlberg . . . may look classy in a '60s-homage pokepie hat , but as a character he's dry , dry , dry . 
told in scattered fashion , the movie only intermittently lives up to the stories and faces and music of the men who are its subject . 
the irony is that this film's cast is uniformly superb ; their performances could have -- should have -- been allowed to stand on their own . 
now i can see why people thought i was too hard on " the mothman prophecies " . 
if ever a concept came handed down from the movie gods on a silver platter , this is it . if ever such a dependable concept was botched in execution , this is it . 
with an unusual protagonist ( a kilt-wearing jackson ) and subject matter , the improbable " formula 51 " is somewhat entertaining , but it could have been much stronger . 
sandra bullock's best dramatic performance to date ( is ) almost enough to lift ( this ) thrill-kill cat-and-mouser . . . above its paint-by-numbers plot . 
a feel-good movie that doesn't give you enough to feel good about . 
adolescents will be adequately served by the movie's sophomoric blend of shenanigans and slapstick , although the more lascivious-minded might be disappointed in the relative modesty of a movie that sports a 'topless tutorial service . '
this mistaken-identity picture is so film-culture referential that the final product is a ghost . 
the picture emerges as a surprisingly anemic disappointment . 
de niro cries . you'll cry for your money back . 
slap me , i saw this movie . 
[the kid's] just too bratty for sympathy , and as the film grows to its finale , his little changes ring hollow . 
behind the glitz , hollywood is sordid and disgusting . quelle surprise ! 
scherfig , who has had a successful career in tv , tackles more than she can handle . 
just consider what new best friend does not have , beginning with the minor omission of a screenplay . 
oscar caliber cast doesn't live up to material
the problems of the people in love in the time of money are hardly specific to their era . they just have problems , which are neither original nor are presented in convincing way . 
carrying this wafer-thin movie on his nimble shoulders , chan wades through putrid writing , direction and timing with a smile that says , 'if i stay positive , maybe i can channel one of my greatest pictures , drunken master . '
so putrid it is not worth the price of the match that should be used to burn every print of the film . 
in the end , the movie bogs down in insignificance , saying nothing about kennedy's assassination and revealing nothing about the pathology it pretends to investigate . 
starts out ballsy and stylish but fails to keep it up and settles into clichés . 
sometimes makes less sense than the bruckheimeresque american action flicks it emulates . 
one of those films where the characters inhabit that special annex of hell where adults behave like kids , children behave like adults and everyone screams at the top of their lungs no matter what the situation . 
there's only one way to kill michael myers for good : stop buying tickets to these movies . 
bland but harmless . 
'rare birds' tries to force its quirkiness upon the audience . 
the movie is about as humorous as watching your favorite pet get buried alive . 
resident evil is what comes from taking john carpenter's ghosts of mars and eliminating the beheadings . in other words , about as bad a film you're likely to see all year . 
five screenwriters are credited with the cliché-laden screenplay ; it seems as if each watered down the version of the one before . 
the whole thing comes off like a particularly amateurish episode of bewitched that takes place during spring break . 
well made but uninvolving , bloodwork isn't a terrible movie , just a stultifyingly obvious one -- an unrewarding collar for a murder mystery . 
so we got ten little indians meets friday the 13th by way of clean and sober , filmed on the set of carpenter's the thing and loaded with actors you're most likely to find on the next inevitable incarnation of the love boat . 
the movie's blatant derivativeness is one reason it's so lackluster . 
la de salma es una versión de frida superficial , preciosista y sin ningún contenido . 
kids don't mind crappy movies as much as adults , provided there's lots of cute animals and clumsy people . 'snow dogs' has both . 
it's almost as if it's an elaborate dare more than a full-blooded film . 
wobbly senegalese updating of " carmen " which is best for the stunning star turn by djeinaba diop gai
it's the humanizing stuff that will probably sink the film for anyone who doesn't think about percentages all day long . 
ken russell would love this . in one scene , we get a stab at soccer hooliganism , a double-barreled rip-off of quentin tarantino's climactic shootout — and meat loaf explodes . 
bella is the picture of health with boundless energy until a few days before she dies . this is absolutely and completely ridiculous and an insult to every family whose mother has suffered through the horrible pains of a death by cancer . 
the premise of " abandon " holds promise , . . . but its delivery is a complete mess . 
what could have been a pointed little chiller about the frightening seductiveness of new technology loses faith in its own viability and succumbs to joyless special-effects excess . 
a little too ponderous to work as shallow entertainment , not remotely incisive enough to qualify as drama , monsoon wedding serves mostly to whet one's appetite for the bollywood films . 
unless bob crane is someone of particular interest to you , this film's impressive performances and adept direction aren't likely to leave a lasting impression . 
the rock has a great presence but one battle after another is not the same as one battle followed by killer cgi effects . 
the bottom line with nemesis is the same as it has been with all the films in the series : fans will undoubtedly enjoy it , and the uncommitted needn't waste their time on it . 
the lousy john q all but spits out denzel washington's fine performance in the title role . 
the whole thing feels like a ruse , a tactic to cover up the fact that the picture is constructed around a core of flimsy -- or , worse yet , nonexistent -- ideas . 
what a stiflingly unfunny and unoriginal mess this is ! 
the film is so packed with subplots involving the various silbersteins that it feels more like the pilot episode of a tv series than a feature film . 
opera on film is never satisfactory . the art demands live viewing . the innate theatrics that provide its thrills and extreme emotions lose their luster when flattened onscreen . 
despite all the closed-door hanky-panky , the film is essentially juiceless . 
it is parochial , accessible to a chosen few , standoffish to everyone else , and smugly suggests a superior moral tone is more important than filmmaking skill
the sweetest thing leaves an awful sour taste . 
it's lost the politics and the social observation and become just another situation romance about a couple of saps stuck in an inarticulate screenplay . 
terminally bland , painfully slow and needlessly confusing . . . the movie , shot on digital videotape rather than film , is frequently indecipherable . 
as dumb and cheesy as they may be , the cartoons look almost shakespearean -- both in depth and breadth -- after watching this digital-effects-heavy , supposed family-friendly comedy . 
aloof and lacks any real raw emotion , which is fatal for a film that relies on personal relationships . 
a low-rent retread of the alien pictures . 
serviceable at best , slightly less than serviceable at worst . 
its initial excitement settles into a warmed over pastiche . 
a big meal of cliches that the talented cast generally chokes on . 
the story has little wit and no surprises . 
the merchant-ivory team continues to systematically destroy everything we hold dear about cinema , only now it's begun to split up so that it can do even more damage . 
what should have been a cutting hollywood satire is instead about as fresh as last week's issue of variety . 
hey everybody , wanna watch a movie in which a guy dressed as a children's party clown gets violently gang-raped ? i didn't think so . 
a little more intensity and a little less charm would have saved this film a world of hurt . 
dense and enigmatic . . . elusive . . . stagy and stilted
[t]his slop doesn't even have potential as a cult film , as it's too loud to shout insults at the screen . 
the movie's plot is almost entirely witless and inane , carrying every gag two or three times beyond its limit to sustain a laugh . 
 . . . may work as an addictive guilty pleasure but the material never overcomes its questionable satirical ambivalence . this scarlet's letter is a . . . as in aimless , arduous , and arbitrary . 
plays like a glossy melodrama that occasionally verges on camp . 
the central character isn't complex enough to hold our interest . 
a modestly comic , modestly action-oriented world war ii adventure that , in terms of authenticity , is one of those films that requires the enemy to never shoot straight . 
a puppy dog so desperate for attention it nearly breaks its little neck trying to perform entertaining tricks . 
just about all of the film is confusing on one level or another , making ararat far more demanding than it needs to be . 
a little less extreme than in the past , with longer exposition sequences between them , and with fewer gags to break the tedium . 
there's a heavy stench of 'been there , done that' hanging over the film . it's everything you'd expect -- but nothing more . 
the biggest problem with satin rouge is lilia herself . she's a cipher , played by an actress who smiles and frowns but doesn't reveal an inner life . 
a quaint , romanticized rendering . 
what with the incessant lounge music playing in the film's background , you may mistake love liza for an adam sandler chanukah song . 
the movie's heavy-handed screenplay navigates a fast fade into pomposity and pretentiousness . 
a potentially good comic premise and excellent cast are terribly wasted . 
woody allen used to ridicule movies like hollywood ending . now he makes them . 
she's not yet an actress , not quite a singer . . . 
not a bad premise , but the execution is lackluster at best . 
been there done that . 
there is only so much baked cardboard i need to chew . 
a movie like the guys is why film criticism can be considered work . 
schnitzler's film has a great hook , some clever bits and well-drawn , if standard issue , characters , but is still only partly satisfying . 
even if it made its original release date last fall , it would've reeked of a been-there , done-that sameness . 
only two-fifths of a satisfying movie experience . 
a loud , ugly , irritating movie without any of its satirical salvos hitting a discernible target . 
[l]ame and unnecessary . 
a movie version of a paint-by-numbers picture . we can tell what it is supposed to be , but can't really call it a work of art . 
it's a brilliant , honest performance by nicholson , but the film is an agonizing bore except when the fantastic kathy bates turns up . bravado kathy ! 
 . . . liotta is put in an impossible spot because his character's deceptions ultimately undo him and the believability of the entire scenario . too bad . 
you can thank me for this . i saw juwanna mann so you don't have to . 
unfunny and lacking any sense of commitment to or affection for its characters , the reginald hudlin comedy relies on toilet humor , ethnic slurs . 
basically , it's pretty but dumb . 
this romantic/comedy asks the question how much souvlaki can you take before indigestion sets in . 
squandering his opportunity to make absurdist observations , burns gets caught up in the rush of slapstick thoroughfare . 
there's a neat twist , subtly rendered , that could have wrapped things up at 80 minutes , but kang tacks on three or four more endings . 
reeboir varies between a sweet smile and an angry bark , while said attempts to wear down possible pupils through repetition . it has no affect on the kurds , but it wore me down . 
the actors improvise and scream their way around this movie directionless , lacking any of the rollicking dark humor so necessary to make this kind of idea work on screen . 
co-writer/director jonathan parker's attempts to fashion a brazil-like , hyper-real satire fall dreadfully short . 
if this silly little cartoon can inspire a few kids not to grow up to be greedy bastards , more power to it . 
a superfluous sequel . . . plagued by that old familiar feeling of 'let's get this thing over with' : everyone has shown up at the appointed time and place , but visible enthusiasm is mighty hard to find . 
if there's a heaven for bad movies , deuces wild is on its way . 
comes off like a bad imitation of the bard . 
what's missing in murder by numbers is any real psychological grounding for the teens' deviant behaviour . being latently gay and liking to read are hardly enough . 
an uninspired preachy and clichéd war film . 
horrendously amateurish filmmaking that is plainly dull and visually ugly when it isn't incomprehensible . 
a movie that harps on media-constructed 'issues' like whether compromise is the death of self… this orgasm [won't be an] exceedingly memorable one for most people . 
slackers' jokey approach to college education is disappointingly simplistic -- the film's biggest problem -- and there are no unforgettably stupid stunts or uproariously rude lines of dialogue to remember it by . 
if festival in cannes nails hard- boiled hollywood argot with a bracingly nasty accuracy , much about the film , including some of its casting , is frustratingly unconvincing . 
the movie is too impressed with its own solemn insights to work up much entertainment value . 
i haven't seen such self-amused trash since freddy got fingered . 
little more than a well-mounted history lesson . 
rob schneider's infantile cross-dressing routines fill the hot chick , the latest gimmick from this unimaginative comedian . 
a horrible , 99-minute stink bomb . 
the film is weighed down by supporting characters who are either too goodly , wise and knowing or downright comically evil . 
her fans walked out muttering words like " horrible " and " terrible , " but had so much fun dissing the film that they didn't mind the ticket cost . in this case zero . 
the film is so bad it doesn't improve upon the experience of staring at a blank screen . 
sheridan's take on the author's schoolboy memoir . . . is a rather toothless take on a hard young life . 
it jumps around with little logic or continuity , presenting backstage bytes of information that never amount to a satisfying complete picture of this particular , anciently demanding métier . 
how i killed my father is one of those art house films that makes you feel like you're watching an iceberg melt -- only it never melts . 
when it comes to the battle of hollywood vs . woo , it looks like woo's a p . o . w . 
there are a few chuckles , but not a single gag sequence that really scores , and the stars seem to be in two different movies . 
the chateau has one very funny joke and a few other decent ones , but all it amounts to is a mildly funny , sometimes tedious , ultimately insignificant film . 
it's dull , spiritless , silly and monotonous : an ultra-loud blast of pointless mayhem , going nowhere fast . 
the mushy finale turns john q into a movie-of-the-week tearjerker . 
content merely to lionize its title character and exploit his anger - all for easy sanctimony , formulaic thrills and a ham-fisted sermon on the need for national health insurance . 
the movie turns out to be [assayas'] homage to the gallic 'tradition of quality , ' in all its fusty squareness . 
its message has merit and , in the hands of a brutally honest individual like prophet jack , might have made a point or two regarding life . 
[seems] even more uselessly redundant and shamelessly money-grubbing than most third-rate horror sequels . 
it's hard to imagine that even very small children will be impressed by this tired retread . 
neither as scary-funny as tremors nor demented-funny as starship troopers , the movie isn't tough to take as long as you've paid a matinee price . 
if swimfan does catch on , it may be because teens are looking for something to make them laugh . 
what might've been an exhilarating exploration of an odd love triangle becomes a sprawl of uncoordinated vectors . 
the master of disguise may have made a great saturday night live sketch , but a great movie it is not . 
it's quite an achievement to set and shoot a movie at the cannes film festival and yet fail to capture its visual appeal or its atmosphere . 
boll uses a lot of quick cutting and blurry step-printing to goose things up , but dopey dialogue and sometimes inadequate performances kill the effect . 
it's always disappointing when a documentary fails to live up to -- or offer any new insight into -- its chosen topic . unfortunately , that's precisely what arthur dong's family fundamentals does . 
has the marks of a septuagenarian ; it's a crusty treatment of a clever gimmick . 
like a medium-grade network sitcom--mostly inoffensive , fitfully amusing , but ultimately so weightless that a decent draft in the auditorium might blow it off the screen . 
something must have been lost in the translation . 
becomes the last thing you would expect from a film with this title or indeed from any plympton film : boring . 
in the end , the film feels homogenized and a bit contrived , as if we're looking back at a tattered and ugly past with rose-tinted glasses . 
chan's stunts are limited and so embellished by editing that there's really not much of a sense of action or even action-comedy . 
rock's stand-up magic wanes . hopkins , squarely fills the screen . action - mechanical . 
 " the tuxedo " should have been the vehicle for chan that " the mask " was for jim carrey . alas , it's the man that makes the clothes . 
for casual moviegoers who stumble into rules expecting a slice of american pie hijinks starring the kid from dawson's creek , they'll probably run out screaming . 
the biggest problem i have ( other than the very sluggish pace ) is we never really see her esther blossom as an actress , even though her talent is supposed to be growing . 
what puzzles me is the lack of emphasis on music in britney spears' first movie . 
plot , characters , drama , emotions , ideas -- all are irrelevant to the experience of seeing the scorpion king . 
city by the sea is a gritty police thriller with all the dysfunctional family dynamics one could wish for . but how it washed out despite all of that is the project's prime mystery . 
whatever the movie's sentimental , hypocritical lessons about sexism , its true colors come out in various wet t-shirt and shower scenes . 
as a hybrid teen thriller and murder mystery , murder by numbers fits the profile too closely . 
there ain't a lot more painful than an unfunny movie that thinks it's hilarious . 
i enjoyed the movie in a superficial way , while never sure what its purpose was . 
what a pity . . . that the material is so second-rate . 
doesn't deliver a great story , nor is the action as gripping as in past seagal films . 
the kind of film that leaves you scratching your head in amazement over the fact that so many talented people could participate in such an ill-advised and poorly executed idea . 
nicks refuses to let slackers be seen as just another teen movie , which means he can be forgiven for frequently pandering to fans of the gross-out comedy . 
nothing about the film -- with the possible exception of elizabeth hurley's breasts -- is authentic . 
amid the cliché and foreshadowing , cage manages a degree of casual realism . . . that is routinely dynamited by blethyn . 
mostly , shafer and co-writer gregory hinton lack a strong-minded viewpoint , or a sense of humor . 
no cliche escapes the perfervid treatment of gang warfare called ces wild . 
eddie murphy and owen wilson have a cute partnership in i spy , but the movie around them is so often nearly nothing that their charm doesn't do a load of good . 
strictly a 'guy's film' in the worst sense of the expression . 
there's some good material in their story about a retail clerk wanting more out of life , but the movie too often spins its wheels with familiar situations and repetitive scenes . 
it's a lot to ask people to sit still for two hours and change watching such a character , especially when rendered in as flat and impassive a manner as phoenix's . 
there's something fishy about a seasonal holiday kids' movie . . . that derives its moment of most convincing emotional gravity from a scene where santa gives gifts to grownups . 
we're left with a story that tries to grab us , only to keep letting go at all the wrong moments . 
like many such biographical melodramas , it suffers from the awkwardness that results from adhering to the messiness of true stories . 
there is nothing redeeming about this movie . 
the film has [its] moments , but they are few and far between . 
a dreary indulgence . 
i was trying to decide what annoyed me most about god is great . . . i'm not , and then i realized that i just didn't care . 
derailed by bad writing and possibly also by some of that extensive post-production reworking to aim the film at young males in the throes of their first full flush of testosterone . 
deserves high marks for political courage but barely gets by on its artistic merits . 
 . . . comes alive only when it switches gears to the sentimental . 
brosnan's finest non-bondish performance yet fails to overcome the film's manipulative sentimentality and annoying stereotypes . 
a film that will be best appreciated by those willing to endure its extremely languorous rhythms , waiting for happiness is ultimately thoughtful without having much dramatic impact . 
to me , it sounds like a cruel deception carried out by men of marginal intelligence , with reactionary ideas about women and a total lack of empathy . 
tsai may be ploughing the same furrow once too often . 
flashy gadgets and whirling fight sequences may look cool , but they can't distract from the flawed support structure holding equilibrium up . 
zigzag might have been richer and more observant if it were less densely plotted . 
[a] crushing disappointment . 
how can such a cold movie claim to express warmth and longing ? in truth , it has all the heart of a porno flick ( but none of the sheer lust ) . 
nicks and steinberg match their own creations for pure venality -- that's giving it the old college try . 
episode ii-- attack of the clones is a technological exercise that lacks juice and delight . 
the problem with all of this : it's not really funny . 
[denis'] bare-bones narrative more closely resembles an outline for a '70s exploitation picture than the finished product . 
wanders all over the map thematically and stylistically , and borrows heavily from lynch , jeunet , and von trier while failing to find a spark of its own . 
viewing this underdramatized but overstated film is like watching a transcript of a therapy session brought to humdrum life by some freudian puppet . 
overall tomfoolery like this is a matter of taste . 
the mantra behind the project seems to have been 'it's just a kids' flick . ' translation : 'we don't need to try very hard . '
in all the annals of the movies , few films have been this odd , inexplicable and unpleasant . 
it takes a really long , slow and dreary time to dope out what tuck everlasting is about . so here it is : it's about a family of sour immortals . 
an essentially awkward version of the lightweight female empowerment picture we've been watching for decades
the author's devotees will probably find it fascinating ; others may find it baffling . 
writer-director walter hill and co-writer david giler try to create characters out of the obvious cliches , but wind up using them as punching bags . 
there's a scientific law to be discerned here that producers would be well to heed : mediocre movies start to drag as soon as the action speeds up ; when the explosions start , they fall to pieces . 
a cockeyed shot all the way . 
lush and beautifully photographed ( somebody suggested the stills might make a nice coffee table book ) , but ultimately you'll leave the theater wondering why these people mattered . 
unfortunately , one hour photo lives down to its title . thanks largely to williams , all the interesting developments are processed in 60 minutes -- the rest is just an overexposed waste of film . 
cold , sterile and lacking any color or warmth . 
the film is undone by anachronistic quick edits and occasional jarring glimpses of a modern theater audience watching the events unfold . 
seems like someone going through the motions . 
for a film about explosions and death and spies , " ballistic : ecks vs . sever " seems as safe as a children's film . well , in some of those , the mother deer even dies . 
wallace gets a bit heavy handed with his message at times , and has a visual flair that waxes poetic far too much for our taste . 
impostor doesn't do much with its template , despite a remarkably strong cast . 
wraps itself in the guise of a dark and quirky comedy , but it isn't as quirky as it thinks it is and its comedy is generally mean-spirited . 
choppy , overlong documentary about 'the lifestyle . '
one sloughs one's way through the mire of this alleged psychological thriller in search of purpose or even a plot . 
a film which presses familiar herzog tropes into the service of a limpid and conventional historical fiction , when really what we demand of the director is to be mesmerised . 
it's a fanboy 'what if ? ' brought to life on the big screen . 
the story itself is actually quite vapid . 
it's a hellish , numbing experience to watch , and it doesn't offer any insights that haven't been thoroughly debated in the media already , back in the dahmer heyday of the mid-'90s . 
wait for pay per view or rental but don't dismiss barbershop out of hand . 
a few zingers aside , the writing is indifferent , and jordan brady's direction is prosaic . 
each scene drags , underscoring the obvious , and sentiment is slathered on top . 
would've been nice if the screenwriters had trusted audiences to understand a complex story , and left off the film's predictable denouement . then nadia's birthday might not have been such a bad day after all . 
one of those staggeringly well-produced , joylessly extravagant pictures that keep whooshing you from one visual marvel to the next , hastily , emptily . 
nair just doesn't have the necessary self-control to guide a loose , poorly structured film through the pitfalls of incoherence and redundancy . 
enthusiastically taking up the current teen movie concern with bodily functions , walt becker's film pushes all the demographically appropriate comic buttons . 
it's the funniest american comedy since graffiti bridge . 
that neither protagonist has a distinguishable condition hardly matters because both are just actory concoctions , defined by childlike dimness and a handful of quirks . 
what starts off as a possible argentine american beauty reeks like a room stacked with pungent flowers . 
the project's filmmakers forgot to include anything even halfway scary as they poorly rejigger fatal attraction into a high school setting . 
in old-fashioned screenwriting parlance , ms . shreve's novel proved too difficult a text to 'lick , ' despite the efforts of a first-rate cast . 
solondz may well be the only one laughing at his own joke
stitch is a bad mannered , ugly and destructive little * * * * . no cute factor here… . not that i mind ugly ; the problem is he has no character , loveable or otherwise . 
deep down , i realized the harsh reality of my situation : i would leave the theater with a lower i . q . than when i had entered . 
a really funny fifteen-minute short stretched beyond its limits to fill an almost feature-length film . 
aside from the fact that the film idiotically uses the website feardotcom . com or the improperly hammy performance from poor stephen rea , the film gets added disdain for the fact that it is nearly impossible to look at or understand . 
it is bad , but certainly not without merit as entertainment . 
for its 100 minutes running time , you'll wait in vain for a movie to happen . 
a work that lacks both a purpose and a strong pulse . 
a faster paced family flick . upper teens may get cynical . smaller numbered kidlets will enjoy . 
while this film has an 'a' list cast and some strong supporting players , the tale -- like its central figure , vivi -- is just a little bit hard to love . 
it's a road-trip drama with too many wrong turns . 
most fish stories are a little peculiar , but this is one that should be thrown back in the river . 
it's all gratuitous before long , as if schwentke were fulfilling a gross-out quota for an anticipated audience demographic instead of shaping the material to fit the story . 
 " i blame all men for war , " [the warden's daughter] tells her father . the movie is about as deep as that sentiment . 
it's fitfully funny but never really takes off . 
i've seen some bad singer-turned actors , but lil bow wow takes the cake . 
by halfway through this picture i was beginning to hate it , and , of course , feeling guilty for it . . . . then , miracle of miracles , the movie does a flip-flop . 
for all the complications , it's all surprisingly predictable . 
it's been 20 years since 48 hrs . made eddie murphy a movie star and the man hasn't aged a day . but his showboating wise-cracker stock persona sure is getting old . 
if deuces wild had been tweaked up a notch it would have become a camp adventure , one of those movies that's so bad it starts to become good . but it wasn't . 
for a film about action , ultimate x is the gabbiest giant-screen movie ever , bogging down in a barrage of hype . 
 . . . a low rate annie featuring some kid who can't act , only echoes of jordan , and weirdo actor crispin glover screwing things up old school . 
it might not be 1970s animation , but everything else about it is straight from the saturday morning cartoons – a retread story , bad writing , and the same old silliness . 
the picture seems uncertain whether it wants to be an acidic all-male all about eve or a lush , swooning melodrama in the intermezzo strain . 
tends to plod . 
a nearly 21/2 hours , the film is way too indulgent . 
gorgeous to look at but insufferably tedious and turgid . . . a curiously constricted epic . 
it looks much more like a cartoon in the end than the simpsons ever has . 
with a tighter editorial process and firmer direction this material could work , especially since the actresses in the lead roles are all more than competent , but as is , personal velocity seems to be idling in neutral . 
doesn't really add up to much . 
it's better suited for the history or biography channel , but there's no arguing the tone of the movie - it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and questions on your mind . 
an entertainment so in love with its overinflated mythology that it no longer recognizes the needs of moviegoers for real characters and compelling plots . 
a prolonged extrusion of psychopathic pulp . 
borrows from other movies like it in the most ordinary and obvious fashion . 
it's surprisingly bland despite the heavy doses of weird performances and direction . 
a chilly , remote , emotionally distant piece . . . so dull that its tagline should be : 'in space , no one can hear you snore . '
the characters seem one-dimensional , and the film is superficial and will probably be of interest primarily to its target audience . 
sorvino makes the princess seem smug and cartoonish , and the film only really comes alive when poor hermocrates and leontine pathetically compare notes about their budding amours . 
it's like a drive-by . you can drive right by it without noticing anything special , save for a few comic turns , intended and otherwise . 
everything -- even life on an aircraft carrier -- is sentimentalized . 
this would-be 'james bond for the extreme generation' pic is one big , dumb action movie . stress 'dumb . '
the movie has generic virtues , and despite a lot of involved talent , seems done by the numbers . 
when your subject is illusion versus reality , shouldn't the reality seem at least passably real ? 
it's a terrible movie in every regard , and utterly painful to watch . 
this is rote spookiness , with nary an original idea ( or role , or edit , or score , or anything , really ) in sight , and the whole of the proceedings beg the question 'why ? '
a fan film that for the uninitiated plays better on video with the sound turned down . 
too infuriatingly quirky and taken with its own style . 
there's a whole heap of nothing at the core of this slight coming-of-age/coming-out tale . 
as much as i laughed throughout the movie , i cannot mount a cogent defense of the film as entertainment , or even performance art , although the movie does leave you marveling at these guys' superhuman capacity to withstand pain . 
the type of dumbed-down exercise in stereotypes that gives the [teen comedy] genre a bad name . 
distinctly sub-par . . . more likely to drown a viewer in boredom than to send any shivers down his spine . 
plays like a bad blend of an overripe episode of tv's dawson's creek and a recycled and dumbed-down version of love story . 
unless you come in to the film with a skateboard under your arm , you're going to feel like you weren't invited to the party . 
when the casting call for this movie went out , it must have read 'seeking anyone with acting ambition but no sense of pride or shame . '
just isn't as weird as it ought to be . 
a " home alone " film that is staged like " rosemary's baby , " but is not as well-conceived as either of those films . 
[siegel] and co-writers lisa bazadona and grace woodard have relied too much on convention in creating the characters who surround frankie . 
no film could possibly be more contemptuous of the single female population . 
`hey arnold ! ' has some visual wit . . . but little imagination elsewhere . 
they're going through the motions , but the zip is gone . 
a sluggish pace and lack of genuine narrative hem the movie in every bit as much as life hems in the spirits of these young women . 
a low-budget affair , tadpole was shot on digital video , and the images often look smeary and blurry , to the point of distraction . then again , in a better movie , you might not have noticed . 
it's mindless junk like this that makes you appreciate original romantic comedies like punch-drunk love . 
the movie is like a year late for tapping into our reality tv obsession , and even tardier for exploiting the novelty of the " webcast . " 
tale will be all too familiar for anyone who's seen george roy hill's 1973 film , " the sting . " 
gets the look and the period trappings right , but it otherwise drowns in a sea of visual and verbal clichés . 
it's hard to quibble with a flick boasting this many genuine cackles , but notorious c . h . o . still feels like a promising work-in-progress . 
anyone who wants to start writing screenplays can just follow the same blueprint from hundreds of other films , sell it to the highest bidder and walk away without anyone truly knowing your identity . 
a major waste . . . generic . 
the problem with the bread , my sweet is that it's far too sentimental . 
a late-night cable sexploitation romp masquerading as a thriller about the ruthless social order that governs college cliques . 
falls short in explaining the music and its roots . 
never inspires more than an interested detachment . 
what might have emerged as hilarious lunacy in the hands of woody allen or mel brooks ( at least during their '70s heyday ) comes across as lame and sophomoric in this debut indie feature . 
despite slick production values and director roger michell's tick-tock pacing , the final effect is like having two guys yelling in your face for two hours . 
pretty much sucks , but has a funny moment or two . 
they do a good job of painting this family dynamic for the audience but they tried to squeeze too many elements into the film . 
a supernatural mystery that doesn't know whether it wants to be a suspenseful horror movie or a weepy melodrama . it ends up being neither , and fails at both endeavors . 
two badly interlocked stories drowned by all too clever complexity . 
it is so earnest , so overwrought and so wildly implausible that it begs to be parodied . 
these are textbook lives of quiet desperation . 
swimfan , like fatal attraction , eventually goes overboard with a loony melodramatic denouement in which a high school swimming pool substitutes for a bathtub . 
claims to sort the bad guys from the good , which is its essential problem . 
purposefully shocking in its eroticized gore , if unintentionally dull in its lack of poetic frissons . 
feels like pieces a bunch of other , better movies slapped together . 
almost everything about the film is unsettling , from the preposterous hairpiece worn by lai's villainous father to the endless action sequences . 
writer-director randall wallace has bitten off more than he or anyone else could chew , and his movie veers like a drunken driver through heavy traffic . 
it follows the blair witch formula for an hour , in which we're told something creepy and vague is in the works , and then it goes awry in the final 30 minutes . 
one can't shake the feeling that crossroads is nothing more than an hour-and-a-half-long commercial for britney's latest album . 
phoned-in business as usual . 
there's an epic here , but you have to put it together yourself . 
what little atmosphere is generated by the shadowy lighting , macabre sets , and endless rain is offset by the sheer ugliness of everything else . 
director-chef gabriele muccino keeps it fast -- zippy , comin' at ya -- as if fearing that his film is molto superficiale . 
tartakovsky's team has some freakish powers of visual charm , but the five writers slip into the modern rut of narrative banality . 
the most horrific movie experience i've had since " can't stop the music . " it may as well be called " jar-jar binks : the movie . " it's that painful . 
god is great , the movie's not . 
like a three-ring circus , there are side stories aplenty -- none of them memorable . 
when in doubt , the film ratchets up the stirring soundtrack , throws in a fish-out-of-water gag and lets the cliched dialogue rip . or else a doggie winks . 
a 'girls gone wild' video for the boho art-house crowd , the burning sensation isn't a definitive counter-cultural document -- its makers aren't removed and inquisitive enough for that . 
as original and insightful as last week's episode of behind the music . 
plays like john le carré with a couple of burnt-out cylinders . 
you may be galled that you've wasted nearly two hours of your own precious life with this silly little puddle of a movie . 
it's neither as sappy as big daddy nor as anarchic as happy gilmore or the waterboy , but it has its moments . 
despite the surface attractions -- conrad l . hall's cinematography will likely be nominated for an oscar next year -- there's something impressive and yet lacking about everything . 
a smug and convoluted action-comedy that doesn't allow an earnest moment to pass without reminding audiences that it's only a movie . 
[crystal and de niro] manage to squeeze out some good laughs but not enough to make this silly con job sing . 
worthless , from its pseudo-rock-video opening to the idiocy of its last frames . 
the christ allegory doesn't work because there is no foundation for it
go for la salle's performance , and make do as best you can with a stuttering script . 
it's hard to care about a film that proposes as epic tragedy the plight of a callow rich boy who is forced to choose between his beautiful , self-satisfied 22-year-old girlfriend and an equally beautiful , self-satisfied 18-year-old mistress . 
tries too hard to be funny in a way that's too loud , too goofy and too short of an attention span . 
i didn't find much fascination in the swinging . what they're doing is a matter of plumbing arrangements and mind games , of no erotic or sensuous charge . but that they are doing it is thought-provoking . 
the acting is just fine , but there's not enough substance here to sustain interest for the full 90 minutes , especially with the weak payoff . 
after collateral damage , you might imagine that most every aggrieved father cliché has been unturned . but no . 
ultimately the , yes , snail-like pacing and lack of thematic resonance make the film more silly than scary , like some sort of martha stewart decorating program run amok . 
releasing a film with the word 'dog' in its title in january lends itself to easy jokes and insults , and snow dogs deserves every single one of them . 
tedious norwegian offering which somehow snagged an oscar nomination . 
it was a dark and stormy night . . . 
a dark-as-pitch comedy that frequently veers into corny sentimentality , probably would not improve much after a therapeutic zap of shock treatment . 
this sort of cute and cloying material is far from zhang's forte and it shows . 
bray is completely at sea ; with nothing but a savage garden music video on his resume , he has no clue about making a movie . 
freundlich's made [crudup] a suburban architect , and a cipher . 
a huge disappointment coming , as it does , from filmmakers and performers of this calibre
though it pretends to expose the life of male hustlers , it's exploitive without being insightful . 
aimed squarely at the least demanding of demographic groups : very small children who will be delighted simply to spend more time with familiar cartoon characters . 
what starts off as a satisfying kids flck becomes increasingly implausible as it races through contrived plot points . 
exhibits the shallow sensationalism characteristic of soap opera . . . more salacious telenovela than serious drama . 
seagal is painfully foolish in trying to hold onto what's left of his passe' chopsocky glory . 
even with harris's strong effort , the script gives him little to effectively probe lear's soul-stripping breakdown . 
the story is bogus and its characters tissue-thin . 
whereas the extremely competent hitman films such as pulp fiction and get shorty resonate a sardonic verve to their caustic purpose for existing , who is cletis tout ? is an inexpressible and drab wannabe looking for that exact niche . 
while american adobo has its heart ( and its palate ) in the right place , its brain is a little scattered -- ditsy , even . 
 . . . a confusing drudgery . 
imagine a film that begins as a seven rip-off , only to switch to a mix of the shining , the thing , and any naked teenagers horror flick from the 1980s . 
most of the dialogue made me want to pack raw dough in my ears . 
costner's warm-milk persona is just as ill-fitting as shadyac's perfunctory directing chops , and some of the more overtly silly dialogue would sink laurence olivier . 
it's coherent , well shot , and tartly acted , but it wears you down like a dinner guest showing off his doctorate . 
directed by kevin bray , whose crisp framing , edgy camera work , and wholesale ineptitude with acting , tone and pace very obviously mark him as a video helmer making his feature debut . 
turns a potentially interesting idea into an excruciating film school experience that plays better only for the film's publicists or for people who take as many drugs as the film's characters
robin williams departs from his fun friendly demeanor in exchange for a darker unnerving role . 
high crimes is a cinematic misdemeanor , a routine crime thriller remarkable only for its lack of logic and misuse of two fine actors , morgan freeman and ashley judd . 
set in a 1986 harlem that doesn't look much like anywhere in new york . 
the chocolate factory without charlie . 
long on twinkly-eyed close-ups and short on shame . 
hip-hop rarely comes alive as its own fire-breathing entity in this picture . 
a well-crafted letdown . 
a dull , somnambulant exercise in pretension whose pervasive quiet is broken by frequent outbursts of violence and noise . 
deserving of its critical backlash and more . 
boring and meandering . 
neither a rousing success nor a blinding embarrassment . still , it just sits there like a side dish no one ordered . 
the sum of all fears is remarkably fuddled about motives and context , which drains it of the dramatic substance that would shake us in our boots ( or cinema seats ) . 
the movie spends more time with schneider than with newcomer mcadams , even though her performance is more interesting ( and funnier ) than his . 
this low-rent -- and even lower-wit -- rip-off of the farrelly brothers' oeuvre gets way too mushy -- and in a relatively short amount of time . 
it recycles every cliché about gays in what is essentially an extended soap opera . 
i'm all for the mentally challenged getting their fair shot in the movie business , but surely it doesn't have to be as a collection of keening and self-mutilating sideshow geeks . 
may offend viewers not amused by the sick sense of humor . 
many of benjamins' elements feel like they've been patched in from an episode of miami vice . 
it aimlessly and unsuccessfully attempts to fuse at least three dull plots into one good one . 
most folks with a real stake in the american sexual landscape will find it either moderately amusing or just plain irrelevant . 
if you're not fans of the adventues of steve and terri , you should avoid this like the dreaded king brown snake . personally , i'd rather watch them on the animal planet . 
cherish is a dud -- a romantic comedy that's not the least bit romantic and only mildly funny . 
feels as if the inmates have actually taken over the asylum . 
all of the filmmakers' calculations can't rescue brown sugar from the curse of blandness . 
the movie's gloomy atmosphere is fascinating , though , even if the movie itself doesn't stand a ghost of a chance . 
 . . . post-september 11 , " the sum of all fears " seems more tacky and reprehensible , manipulating our collective fear without bestowing the subject with the intelligence or sincerity it unequivocally deserves . 
the exclamation point seems to be the only bit of glee you'll find in this dreary mess . 
no matter how you slice it , mark wahlberg and thandie newton are not hepburn and grant , two cinematic icons with chemistry galore . 
godard's ode to tackling life's wonderment is a rambling and incoherent manifesto about the vagueness of topical excess . . . in praise of love remains a ponderous and pretentious endeavor that's unfocused and tediously exasperating . 
humorless , self-conscious art drivel , made without a glimmer of intelligence or invention . 
the movie's progression into rambling incoherence gives new meaning to the phrase 'fatal script error . '
solondz may be convinced that he has something significant to say , but he isn't talking a talk that appeals to me . 
more tiring than anything . 
nelson's intentions are good , but the end result does no justice to the story itself . it's horribly depressing and not very well done . 
 . . . the efforts of its star , kline , to lend some dignity to a dumb story are for naught . 
a good-natured ensemble comedy that tries hard to make the most of a bumper cast , but never quite gets off the ground . 
isn't it a bit early in his career for director barry sonnenfeld to do a homage to himself ? and it's a lousy one at that . 
overly long and worshipful bio-doc . 
i'll go out on a limb . it isn't quite one of the worst movies of the year . it's just merely very bad . 
writer-director ritchie reduces wertmuller's social mores and politics to tiresome jargon . 
about amy's cuteness , amy's career success ( she's a best-selling writer of self-help books who can't help herself ) , and amy's neuroses when it comes to men . 
everything about girls can't swim , even its passages of sensitive observation , feels secondhand , familiar -- and not in a good way . 
feels aimless for much of its running time , until late in the film when a tidal wave of plot arrives , leaving questions in its wake . 
less than fresh . 
in my own very humble opinion , in praise of love lacks even the most fragmented charms i have found in almost all of his previous works . 
the script is too mainstream and the psychology too textbook to intrigue . 
muddled , simplistic and more than a little pretentious . 
meandering and glacially paced , and often just plain dull . 
a disaster of a drama , saved only by its winged assailants . 
a road trip that will get you thinking , 'are we there yet ? '
director elie chouraqui , who co-wrote the script , catches the chaotic horror of war , but why bother if you're going to subjugate truth to the tear-jerking demands of soap opera ? 
dong never pushes for insights beyond the superficial tensions of the dynamic he's dissecting , and the film settles too easily along the contours of expectation . 
if there was any doubt that peter o'fallon didn't have an original bone in his body , a rumor of angels should dispel it . 
an occasionally interesting but mostly repetitive look at a slice of counterculture that might be best forgotten . 
what could have been right at home as a nifty plot line in steven soderbergh's traffic fails to arrive at any satisfying destination . 
the movie is like scorsese's mean streets redone by someone who ignored it in favor of old 'juvenile delinquent' paperbacks with titles like leather warriors and switchblade sexpot . 
this pathetic junk is barely an hour long . nevertheless , it still seems endless . 
it isn't that stealing harvard is a horrible movie—if only it were that grand a failure ! it's just that it's so not-at-all-good . and i expect much more from a talent as outstanding as director bruce mcculloch . 
dolman confines himself to shtick and sentimentality -- the one bald and the other sloppy . 
is it possible for a documentary to be utterly entranced by its subject and still show virtually no understanding of it ? 
it's supposed to be a romantic comedy - it suffers from too much norma rae and not enough pretty woman . 
the leads are so unmemorable , despite several attempts at lengthy dialogue scenes , that one eventually resents having to inhale this gutter romancer's secondhand material . 
the script ? please . 
staggers between flaccid satire and what is supposed to be madcap farce . 
not that any of us should be complaining when a film clocks in around 90 minutes these days , but the plotting here leaves a lot to be desired . 
brainy , artistic and muted , almost to the point of suffocation . 
plays like the old disease-of-the-week small-screen melodramas . 
like life on the island , the movie grows boring despite the scenery . 
the truth about charlie is that it's a brazenly misguided project . 
caso você sinta necessidade de sair da sala antes do término da projeção , não se preocupe : ninguém lhe enviará penas simbolizando covardia . 
displays the potential for a better movie than what bailly manages to deliver
so exaggerated and broad that it comes off as annoying rather than charming . 
an awkward hybrid of genres that just doesn't work . 
the latest vapid actor's exercise to appropriate the structure of arthur schnitzler's reigen . 
snipes is both a snore and utter tripe . 
ritchie's film is easier to swallow than wertmuller's polemical allegory , but it's self-defeatingly decorous . 
chalk it up as the worst kind of hubristic folly . 
it's the kind of under-inspired , overblown enterprise that gives hollywood sequels a bad name . 
rosenthal ( halloween ii ) seems to have forgotten everything he ever knew about generating suspense . 
even murphy's expert comic timing and famed charisma can't rescue this effort . 
rodriguez . . . was unable to reproduce the special spark between the characters that made the first film such a delight . 
a sleek advert for youthful anomie that never quite equals the sum of its pretensions . 
some body smacks of exhibitionism more than it does cathartic truth telling . 
this isn't a terrible film by any means , but it's also far from being a realized work . 
apparently , romantic comedy with a fresh point of view just doesn't figure in the present hollywood program . 
a lame comedy . 
depressingly thin and exhaustingly contrived . only masochistic moviegoers need apply . 
a movie that's held captive by mediocrity . not bad , but not all that good . bacon keeps things interesting , but don't go out of your way to pay full price . 
what's next ? rob schneider , dana carvey and sarah michelle gellar in the philadelphia story ? david spade as citizen kane ? 
can't seem to get anywhere near the story's center . 
the problem , amazingly enough , is the screenplay . 
it's a frankenstein-monster of a film that doesn't know what it wants to be . 
upper west sidey exercise in narcissism and self-congratulation disguised as a tribute . 
on its icy face , the new film is a subzero version of monsters , inc . , without the latter's imagination , visual charm or texture . 
i can't say this enough : this movie is about an adult male dressed in pink jammies . 
it's a mindless action flick with a twist -- far better suited to video-viewing than the multiplex . 
after a while , the only way for a reasonably intelligent person to get through the country bears is to ponder how a whole segment of pop-music history has been allowed to get wet , fuzzy and sticky . 
we get light showers of emotion a couple of times , but then -- strangely -- these wane to an inconsistent and ultimately unsatisfying drizzle . 
summer's far too fleeting to squander on offal like this . 
the film is grossly contradictory in conveying its social message , if indeed there is one . 
often lingers just as long on the irrelevant as on the engaging , which gradually turns what time is it there ? into how long is this movie ? 
too bad kramer couldn't make a guest appearance to liven things up . 
deuces wild is an encyclopedia of cliches that shoplifts shamelessly from farewell-to-innocence movies like the wanderers and a bronx tale without cribbing any of their intelligence . 
it's a barely tolerable slog over well-trod ground . 
epps has neither the charisma nor the natural affability that has made tucker a star . 
it's sweet . . . but just a little bit too precious at the start and a little too familiar at the end . 
a dull , dumb and derivative horror film . 
an awkwardly contrived exercise in magic realism . 
demme gets a lot of flavor and spice into his charade remake , but he can't disguise that he's spiffing up leftovers that aren't so substantial or fresh . 
this is a heartfelt story . . . it just isn't a very involving one . 
these self-styled athletes have banged their brains into the ground so frequently and furiously , their capacity to explain themselves has gone the same way as their natural instinct for self-preservation . 
the fact that the 'best part' of the movie comes from a 60-second homage to one of demme's good films doesn't bode well for the rest of it . 
richard pryor mined his personal horrors and came up with a treasure chest of material , but lawrence gives us mostly fool's gold . 
the band performances featured in drumline are red hot . . . [but] from a mere story point of view , the film's ice cold . 
 . . . built on the premise that middle-class arkansas consists of monster truck-loving good ol' boys and peroxide blond honeys whose worldly knowledge comes from tv reruns and supermarket tabloids . 
a laughable -- or rather , unlaughable -- excuse for a film . 
the sequel is everything the original was not : contrived , overblown and tie-in ready . 
like a grinning jack o' lantern , its apparent glee is derived from a lobotomy , having had all its vital essence scooped out and discarded . 
a sentimental hybrid that could benefit from the spice of specificity . 
 . . . familiar and predictable , and 4/5ths of it might as well have come from a xerox machine rather than ( writer-director ) franc . reyes' word processor . 
give shapiro , goldman , and bolado credit for good intentions , but there's nothing here that they couldn't have done in half an hour . 
it's so devoid of joy and energy it makes even jason x . . . look positively shakesperean by comparison . 
a little objectivity could have gone a long way . 
one of the worst films of 2002 . 
i believe silberling had the best intentions here , but he just doesn't have the restraint to fully realize them . 
plays like an unbalanced mixture of graphic combat footage and almost saccharine domestic interludes that are pure hollywood . 
mctiernan's remake may be lighter on its feet -- the sober-minded original was as graceful as a tap-dancing rhino -- but it is just as boring and as obvious . 
high crimes carries almost no organic intrigue as a government/ marine/legal mystery , and that's because the movie serves up all of that stuff , nearly subliminally , as the old-hat province of male intrigue . 
this movie is about the worst thing chan has done in the united states . 
the explosion essentially ruined -- or , rather , overpowered -- the fiction of the movie for me . 
this ludicrous film is predictable at every turn . 
an incredibly irritating comedy about thoroughly vacuous people . . . manages to embody the worst excesses of nouvelle vague without any of its sense of fun or energy . 
the film desperately sinks further and further into comedy futility . 
instead of a balanced film that explains the zeitgeist that is the x games , we get a cinematic postcard that's superficial and unrealized . 
the crassness of this reactionary thriller is matched only by the ridiculousness of its premise . 
i wish it would have just gone more over-the-top instead of trying to have it both ways . 
the superior plotline isn't quite enough to drag along the dead ( water ) weight of the other . 
the film doesn't really care about the thousands of americans who die hideously , it cares about how ryan meets his future wife and makes his start at the cia . 
adrift , bentley and hudson stare and sniffle , respectively , as ledger attempts , in vain , to prove that movie-star intensity can overcome bad hair design . 
after an hour and a half of wondering -- sometimes amusedly , sometimes impatiently -- just what this strenuously unconventional movie is supposed to be , you discover that the answer is as conventional as can be . 
'linklater fans , or pretentious types who want to appear avant-garde will suck up to this project . . . '
a woefully dull , redundant concept that bears more than a whiff of exploitation , despite iwai's vaunted empathy . 
screenwriter chris ver weil's directing debut is good-natured and never dull , but its virtues are small and easily overshadowed by its predictability . 
if you really want to understand what this story is really all about , you're far better served by the source material . 
it's mildly sentimental , unabashedly consumerist . . . studiously inoffensive and completely disposable . 
like its title character , esther kahn is unusual but unfortunately also irritating . 
the star who helped give a spark to " chasing amy " and " changing lanes " falls flat as thinking man cia agent jack ryan in this summer's new action film , " the sum of all fears . " 
a summary of the plot doesn't quite do justice to the awfulness of the movie , for that comes through all too painfully in the execution . 
every conceivable mistake a director could make in filming opera has been perpetrated here . 
snoots will no doubt rally to its cause , trotting out threadbare standbys like 'masterpiece' and 'triumph' and all that malarkey , but rarely does an established filmmaker so ardently waste viewers' time with a gobbler like this . 
[the film's] taste for " shock humor " will wear thin on all but those weaned on the comedy of tom green and the farrelly brothers . 
any enjoyment will be hinge from a personal threshold of watching sad but endearing characters do extremely unconventional things . 
if legendary shlockmeister ed wood had ever made a movie about a vampire , it probably would look a lot like this alarming production , adapted from anne rice's novel the vampire chronicles . 
hardly a nuanced portrait of a young woman's breakdown , the film nevertheless works up a few scares . 
interminably bleak , to say nothing of boring . 
things really get weird , though not particularly scary : the movie is all portent and no content . 
it's difficult to discern if this is a crazy work of disturbed genius or merely 90 minutes of post-adolescent electra rebellion . 
bogs down badly as we absorb jia's moody , bad-boy behavior which he portrays himself in a one-note performance . 
the camera whirls ! the camera twirls ! oh , look at that clever angle ! wow , a jump cut ! 
demme finally succeeds in diminishing his stature from oscar-winning master to lowly studio hack . 
the action scenes have all the suspense of a 20-car pileup , while the plot holes are big enough for a train car to drive through -- if kaos hadn't blown them all up . 
it almost feels as if the movie is more interested in entertaining itself than in amusing us . 
it puts washington , as honest working man john q . archibald , on a pedestal , then keeps lifting the pedestal higher . 
ultimately , the film amounts to being lectured to by tech-geeks , if you're up for that sort of thing . 
far more enjoyable than its predecessor . 
[gayton's script] telegraphs every discovery and layers on the gloss of convenience . 
full frontal , which opens today nationwide , could almost be classified as a movie-industry satire , but it lacks the generous inclusiveness that is the genre's definitive , if disingenuous , feature . 
a ragbag of cliches . 
this rough trade punch-and-judy act didn't play well then and it plays worse now . 
a reality-snubbing hodgepodge . 
the three leads produce adequate performances , but what's missing from this material is any depth of feeling . 
it's possible that something hip and transgressive was being attempted here that stubbornly refused to gel , but the result is more puzzling than unsettling . 
this painfully unfunny farce traffics in tired stereotypes and encumbers itself with complications . . . that have no bearing on the story . 
short and sweet , but also more than anything else slight… tadpole pulls back from the consequences of its own actions and revelations . 
has its moments , but it's pretty far from a treasure . 
what more can be expected from a college comedy that's target audience hasn't graduated from junior high school ? 
collateral damage offers formula payback and the big payoff , but the explosions tend to simply hit their marks , pyro-correctly . 
the plan to make enough into ‘an inspiring tale of survival wrapped in the heart-pounding suspense of a stylish psychological thriller' has flopped as surely as a soufflé gone wrong . 
instead of letting the laughs come as they may , lawrence unleashes his trademark misogyny -- er , comedy -- like a human volcano or an overflowing septic tank , take your pick . 
you know that ten bucks you'd spend on a ticket ? just send it to cranky . we don't get paid enough to sit through crap like this . 
an even more predictable , cliche-ridden endeavor than its predecessor . 
the whole thing plays like a tired tyco ad . 
the film doesn't show enough of the creative process or even of what was created for the non-fan to figure out what makes wilco a big deal . 
the soupy end result has the odd distinction of being playful without being fun , too . 
no , i don't know why steven seagal is considered a star , nor why he keeps being cast in action films when none of them are ever any good or make any money . 
even by the intentionally low standards of frat-boy humor , sorority boys is a bowser . 
one well-timed explosion in a movie can be a knockout , but a hundred of them can be numbing . proof of this is ballistic : ecks vs . sever . 
halfway through , however , having sucked dry the undead action flick formula , blade ii mutates into a gross-out monster movie with effects that are more silly than scary . 
weighted down with slow , uninvolving storytelling and flat acting . 
we can't accuse kung pow for misfiring , since it is exactly what it wants to be : an atrociously , mind-numbingly , indescribably bad movie . unfortunately , we'd prefer a simple misfire . 
there isn't one moment in the film that surprises or delights . 
'wouldn't it be nice if all guys got a taste of what it's like on the other side of the bra ? '
the movie is essentially a series of fleetingly interesting actors' moments . 
most of the information has already appeared in one forum or another and , no matter how broomfield dresses it up , it tends to speculation , conspiracy theories or , at best , circumstantial evidence . 
this movie , a certain scene in particular , brought me uncomfortably close to losing my lunch . 
the secrets of time travel will have been discovered , indulged in and rejected as boring before i see this piece of crap again . 
smug , artificial , ill-constructed and fatally overlong . . . it never finds a consistent tone and lacks bite , degenerating into a pious , preachy soap opera . 
chelsea walls is a case of too many chefs fussing over too weak a recipe . 
every joke is repeated at least four times . every joke is repeated at least four times . every joke is repeated at least--annoying , isn't it ? 
comes across as a fairly weak retooling . 
the lousy lead performances . . . keep the movie from ever reaching the comic heights it obviously desired . 
its and pieces of the hot chick are so hilarious , and schneider's performance is so fine , it's a real shame that so much of the movie -- again , as in the animal -- is a slapdash mess . 
[creates] the worst kind of mythologizing , the kind that sacrifices real heroism and abject suffering for melodrama . 
the movie resolutely avoids all the comic possibilities of its situation , and becomes one more dumb high school comedy about sex gags and prom dates . 
earnest and heartfelt but undernourished and plodding . 
a sugar-coated rocky whose valuable messages are forgotten 10 minutes after the last trombone honks . 
romanek keeps adding flourishes -- artsy fantasy sequences -- that simply feel wrong . they cheapen the overall effect . 
has all the complexity and realistic human behavior of an episode of general hospital . 
an acceptable way to pass a little over an hour with moviegoers ages 8-10 , but it's unlikely to inspire anything more than a visit to mcdonald's , let alone some savvy street activism . 
[allen's] been making piffle for a long while , and hollywood ending may be his way of saying that piffle is all that the airhead movie business deserves from him right now . 
an exercise in cynicism every bit as ugly as the shabby digital photography and muddy sound . 
mildly amusing . 
not good enough to pass for a litmus test of the generation gap and not bad enough to repulse any generation of its fans . 
the movie is silly beyond comprehension , and even if it weren't silly , it would still be beyond comprehension . 
watchable up until the point where the situations and the dialogue spin hopelessly out of control -- that is to say , when carol kane appears on the screen . 
the scriptwriters are no less a menace to society than the film's characters . 
fairly run-of-the-mill . 
merchant hasn't directed this movie so much as produced it -- like sausage . 
the film has a nearly terminal case of the cutes , and it's neither as funny nor as charming as it thinks it is . 
more a gunfest than a rock concert . 
it's a frightful vanity film that , no doubt , pays off what debt miramax felt they owed to benigni . 
a muddy psychological thriller rife with miscalculations . it makes me say the obvious : abandon all hope of a good movie ye who enter here . 
mildly entertaining . 
it's not original enough . 
a listless sci-fi comedy in which eddie murphy deploys two guises and elaborate futuristic sets to no particularly memorable effect . 
terrible . 
little more than a super-sized infomercial for the cable-sports channel and its summer x games . 
degenerates into hogwash . 
a generic bloodbath that often becomes laughably unbearable when it isn't merely offensive . 
julie davis is the kathie lee gifford of film directors , sadly proving once again ego doesn't always go hand in hand with talent . 
an unholy mess , driven by the pathetic idea that if you shoot something on crummy-looking videotape , it must be labelled 'hip' , 'innovative' and 'realistic' . 
the story's pathetic and the gags are puerile . 
 . curiously , super troopers suffers because it doesn't have enough vices to merit its 103-minute length . 
so bland and utterly forgettable that it might as well have been titled generic jennifer lopez romantic comedy . 
i was sent a copyof this film to review on dvd . for free . i still want my money back . 
it plods along methodically , somehow under the assumption that its " dead wife communicating from beyond the grave " framework is even remotely new or interesting . 
it's hard to believe that a relationship like holly and marina's could survive the hothouse emotions of teendom , and its longevity gets more inexplicable as the characterizations turn more crassly reductive . 
all too familiar . . . basically the sort of cautionary tale that was old when 'angels with dirty faces' appeared in 1938 . 
…passable enough for a shoot-out in the o . k . court house of life type of flick . strictly middle of the road . 
although purportedly a study in modern alienation , it's really little more than a particularly slanted , gay s/m fantasy , enervating and deadeningly drawn-out . 
after the first 10 minutes , which is worth seeing , the movie sinks into an abyss of clichés , depression and bad alternative music . 
no one can doubt the filmmakers' motives , but the guys still feels counterproductive . 
a very slow , uneventful ride around a pretty tattered old carousel . 
with little visible talent and no energy , colin hanks is in bad need of major acting lessons and maybe a little coffee . 
 " feardotcom " has the makings of an interesting meditation on the ethereal nature of the internet and the otherworldly energies it could channel , but it simply becomes a routine shocker . 
a meatballs for the bare-midriff generation . 
well-meaning to a fault , antwone fisher manages the dubious feat of turning one man's triumph of will into everyman's romance comedy . 
seemingly disgusted with the lazy material and the finished product's unshapely look , director fisher stevens inexplicably dips key moments from the film in waking life water colors . 
formula 51 promises a new kind of high but delivers the same old bad trip . 
everything that was right about blade is wrong in its sequel . 
a few energetic stunt sequences briefly enliven the film , but the wheezing terrorist subplot hasn't the stamina for the 100-minute running time , and the protagonists' bohemian boorishness mars the spirit of good clean fun . 
the film was produced by jerry bruckheimer and directed by joel schumacher , and reflects the worst of their shallow styles : wildly overproduced , inadequately motivated every step of the way and demographically targeted to please every one ( and no one ) . 
disney again ransacks its archives for a quick-buck sequel . 
 coarse , cliched and clunky , this trifling romantic comedy in which opposites attract for no better reason than that the screenplay demands it squanders the charms of stars hugh grant and sandra bullock . 
anyone who suffers through this film deserves , at the very least , a big box of consolation candy . 
how much you are moved by the emotional tumult of [françois and michèle's] relationship depends a lot on how interesting and likable you find them . 
they presume their audience won't sit still for a sociology lesson , however entertainingly presented , so they trot out the conventional science-fiction elements of bug-eyed monsters and futuristic women in skimpy clothes . 
collapses after 30 minutes into a slap-happy series of adolescent violence . 
the following things are not at all entertaining : the bad sound , the lack of climax and , worst of all , watching seinfeld ( who is also one of the film's producers ) do everything he can to look like a good guy . 
attal's hang-ups surrounding infidelity are so old-fashioned and , dare i say , outdated , it's a wonder that he couldn't have brought something fresher to the proceedings simply by accident . 
obvious , obnoxious and didactic burlesque . 
the most surprising thing about this film is that they are actually releasing it into theaters . 
michele is a such a brainless flibbertigibbet that it's hard to take her spiritual quest at all seriously . 
ultimately , clarity matters , both in breaking codes and making movies . enigma lacks it . 
potty-mouthed enough for pg-13 , yet not as hilariously raunchy as south park , this strangely schizo cartoon seems suited neither to kids or adults . 
 . . . has its moments , but ultimately , its curmudgeon doesn't quite make the cut of being placed on any list of favorites . 
a distinctly minor effort that will be seen to better advantage on cable , especially considering its barely feature-length running time of one hour . 
most of the movie is so deadly dull that watching the proverbial paint dry would be a welcome improvement . 
in the end , tuck everlasting falls victim to that everlasting conundrum experienced by every human who ever lived : too much to do , too little time to do it in . 
rather less than the sum of its underventilated père-fils confrontations . 
mckay shows crushingly little curiosity about , or is ill-equipped to examine , the interior lives of the characters in his film , much less incorporate them into his narrative . 
plays like a series of vignettes -- clips of a film that are still looking for a common through-line . 
new yorkers always seem to find the oddest places to dwell . . . 
amid the shock and curiosity factors , the film is just a corny examination of a young actress trying to find her way . 
yes , spirited away is a triumph of imagination , but it's also a failure of storytelling . 
a characteristically engorged and sloppy coming-of-age movie . 
a somewhat disappointing and meandering saga . 
whenever you think you've seen the end of the movie , we cut to a new scene , which also appears to be the end . but , no , we get another scene , and then another . you begin to long for the end credits as the desert does for rain . 
an empty , ugly exercise in druggy trance-noir and trumped-up street credibility . 
the screenplay , co-written by director imogen kimmel , lacks the wit necessary to fully exploit the comic elements of the premise , making the proceedings more bizarre than actually amusing . 
the milieu is wholly unconvincing . . . and the histrionics reach a truly annoying pitch . 
unfunny comedy with a lot of static set ups , not much camera movement , and most of the scenes take place indoors in formal settings with motionless characters . 
each story is built on a potentially interesting idea , but the first two are ruined by amateurish writing and acting , while the third feels limited by its short running time . 
except for paymer as the boss who ultimately expresses empathy for bartleby's pain , the performances are so stylized as to be drained of human emotion . 
will no doubt delight plympton's legion of fans ; others may find 80 minutes of these shenanigans exhausting . 
the laughs are as rare as snake foo yung . 
for a film that celebrates radical , nonconformist values , what to do in case of fire ? lazily and glumly settles into a most traditional , reserved kind of filmmaking . 
knockaround guys plays like a student film by two guys who desperately want to be quentin tarantino when they grow up . but they lack their idol's energy and passion for detail . 
mattei so completely loses himself to the film's circular structure to ever offer any insightful discourse on , well , love in the time of money . 
it briefly flirts with player masochism , but the point of real interest -– audience sadism -- is evaded completely . 
holland lets things peter out midway , but it's notably better acted -- and far less crass - than some other recent efforts in the burgeoning genre of films about black urban professionals . 
for every articulate player , such as skateboarder tony hawk or bmx rider mat hoffman , are about a half dozen young turks angling to see how many times they can work the words " radical " or " suck " into a sentence . 
there's not a fresh idea at the core of this tale . 
an impenetrable and insufferable ball of pseudo-philosophic twaddle . 
it's unfortunate that wallace , who wrote gibson's braveheart as well as the recent pearl harbor , has such an irrepressible passion for sappy situations and dialogue . 
i liked the movie , but i know i would have liked it more if it had just gone that one step further . i'm left slightly disappointed that it didn't . 
dreary tale of middle-class angst
for a movie about the power of poetry and passion , there is precious little of either . 
[jackson and bledel] seem to have been picked not for their acting chops , but for their looks and appeal to the pre-teen crowd . 
lillard and cardellini earn their scooby snacks , but not anyone else . 
like schindler's list , the grey zone attempts to be grandiloquent , but ends up merely pretentious -- in a grisly sort of way . 
an unremittingly ugly movie to look at , listen to , and think about , it is quite possibly the sturdiest example yet of why the dv revolution has cheapened the artistry of making a film . 
[screenwriter] pimental took the farrelly brothers comedy and feminized it , but it is a rather poor imitation . 
it's kind of sad that so many people put so much time and energy into this turkey . 
friday after next is a lot more bluster than bite . 
its juxtaposition of overwrought existentialism and stomach-churning gore will have you forever on the verge of either cracking up or throwing up . 
a decidedly mixed bag . 
meandering and confusing . 
there are cheesy backdrops , ridiculous action sequences , and many tired jokes about men in heels . 
ice cube isn't quite out of ripe screwball ideas , but friday after next spreads them pretty thin . 
not everything in the film works , including its somewhat convenient ending . 
the characters , cast in impossibly contrived situations , are totally estranged from reality . 
everything else about high crimes is , like the military system of justice it portrays , tiresomely regimented . 
just dreadful . i don't blame eddie murphy but shouldn't owen wilson know a movie must have a story and a script ? 
sweet home alabama certainly won't be remembered as one of [witherspoon's] better films . 
hard as this may be to believe , here on earth , a surprisingly similar teen drama , was a better film . 
this is just lazy writing . even kids deserve better . 
the pretensions -- and disposable story -- sink the movie . and diesel isn't the actor to save it . 
bravo reveals the true intent of her film by carefully selecting interview subjects who will construct a portrait of castro so predominantly charitable it can only be seen as propaganda . 
 . . . a preachy parable stylized with a touch of john woo bullet ballet . 
frank capra played this story straight . but the 2002 film doesn't really believe in it , and breaks the mood with absurdly inappropriate 'comedy' scenes . 
how about starting with a more original story instead of just slapping extreme humor and gross-out gags on top of the same old crap ? 
the problem is that for the most part , the film is deadly dull . 
handled correctly , wilde's play is a masterpiece of elegant wit and artifice . here , alas , it collapses like an overcooked soufflé . 
 " sorority boys " was funnier , and that movie was pretty bad . 
a bizarre piece of work , with premise and dialogue at the level of kids' television and plot threads as morose as teen pregnancy , rape and suspected murder
paul bettany is good at being the ultra-violent gangster wannabe , but the movie is certainly not number 1 . 
it's a gag that's worn a bit thin over the years , though don't ask still finds a few chuckles . 
an uplifting drama . . . what antwone fisher isn't , however , is original . 
often likable , but just as often it's meandering , low on energy , and too eager to be quirky at moments when a little old-fashioned storytelling would come in handy . 
certain to be distasteful to children and adults alike , eight crazy nights is a total misfire . 
elaborate special effects take centre screen , so that the human story is pushed to one side . 
showtime isn't particularly assaultive , but it can still make you feel that you never want to see another car chase , explosion or gunfight again . 
all the characters are clinically depressed and have abandoned their slim hopes and dreams . 
this tuxedo . . . should have been sent back to the tailor for some major alterations . 
i have no problem with " difficult " movies , or movies that ask the audience to meet them halfway and connect the dots instead of having things all spelled out . but first , you have to give the audience a reason to <b>want</b> to put for that effort , and " i
been there , done that . . . a thousand times already , and better . 
what's most offensive isn't the waste of a good cast , but the film's denial of sincere grief and mourning in favor of bogus spiritualism . 
sunk by way too much indulgence of scene-chewing , teeth-gnashing actorliness . 
fans of plympton's shorts may marginally enjoy the film , but it is doubtful this listless feature will win him any new viewers . 
barrels along at the start before becoming mired in sentimentality . 
none of this sounds promising and , indeed , the first half of sorority boys is as appalling as any 'comedy' to ever spill from a projector's lens . 
the kind of movie that leaves vague impressions and a nasty aftertaste but little clear memory of its operational mechanics . 
'punch-drunk love is so convinced of its own brilliance that , if it were a person , you'd want to smash its face in . '
at once overly old-fashioned in its sudsy plotting and heavy-handed in its effort to modernize it with encomia to diversity and tolerance . 
the trashy teen-sleaze equivalent of showgirls . 
while the production details are lavish , film has little insight into the historical period and its artists , particularly in how sand developed a notorious reputation . 
a crass and insulting homage to great films like some like it hot and the john wayne classics . 
what's the most positive thing that can be said about the new rob schneider vehicle ? well , it's not as pathetic as the animal . 
with all the sympathy , empathy and pity fogging up the screen . . . his secret life enters the land of unintentional melodrama and tiresome love triangles . 
the problematic characters and overly convenient plot twists foul up shum's good intentions . 
what 'blade runner' would've looked like as a low-budget series on a uhf channel . 
doesn't add up to much . 
has all the values of a straight-to-video movie , but because it has a bigger-name cast , it gets a full theatrical release . 
with its lackadaisical plotting and mindless action , all about the benjamins evokes the bottom tier of blaxploitation flicks from the 1970s . 
it never quite makes it to the boiling point , but manages to sustain a good simmer for most of its running time . 
loud , silly , stupid and pointless . 
mandel holland's direction is uninspired , and his scripting unsurprising , but the performances by phifer and black are ultimately winning . you'll find yourself wishing that you and they were in another movie . 
a yawn-provoking little farm melodrama . 
did no one on the set have a sense of humor , or did they not have the nerve to speak up ? 
crummy
seriously , rent the disney version . 
as david letterman and the onion have proven , the worst of tragedies can be fertile sources of humor , but lawrence has only a fleeting grasp of how to develop them . 
like its parade of predecessors , this halloween is a gory slash-fest . it can't escape its past , and it doesn't want to . 
 " abandon " will leave you wanting to abandon the theater . 
problem is , we have no idea what in creation is going on . 
a live-action cartoon , a fast-moving and cheerfully simplistic 88 minutes of exaggerated action put together with the preteen boy in mind . 
a loquacious and dreary piece of business . 
what the audience feels is exhaustion , from watching a movie that is dark ( dark green , to be exact ) , sour , bloody and mean . 
director hoffman , his writer and kline's agent should serve detention
dodgy mixture of cutesy romance , dark satire and murder mystery . 
meticulously mounted , exasperatingly well-behaved film , which ticks off kahlo's lifetime milestones with the dutiful precision of a tax accountant . 
time of favor could have given audiences the time of day by concentrating on the elements of a revealing alienation among a culture of people who sadly are at hostile odds with one another through recklessness and retaliation . 
i'm not sure which will take longer to heal : the welt on johnny knoxville's stomach from a riot-control projectile or my own tortured psyche . 
while serving sara does have a long way to go before it reaches the level of crudity in the latest austin powers extravaganza , there's nothing here to match that movie's intermittent moments of inspiration . 
i'm not sure which is worse : the poor acting by the ensemble cast , the flat dialogue by vincent r . nebrida or the gutless direction by laurice guillen . 
the only reason you should see this movie is if you have a case of masochism and an hour and a half to blow . 
whatever about warning kids about the dangers of ouija boards , someone should dispense the same advice to film directors . 
as with so many merchandised-to-the-max movies of this type , more time appears to have gone into recruiting the right bands for the playlist and the costuming of the stars than into the script , which has a handful of smart jokes and not much else . 
the irwins' scenes are fascinating ; the movie as a whole is cheap junk and an insult to their death-defying efforts . 
if routine action and jokes like this are your cup of tea , then pay your $8 and get ready for the big shear . this is one baaaaaaaaad movie . 
a man leaving the screening said the film was better than saving private ryan . he may have meant the internet short saving ryan's privates . but windtalkers doesn't beat that one , either . 
may puzzle his most ardent fans . 
starts as a tart little lemon drop of a movie and ends up as a bitter pill . 
we never feel anything for these characters , and as a result the film is basically just a curiosity . 
those unfamiliar with mormon traditions may find the singles ward occasionally bewildering . 
ritchie may not have a novel thought in his head , but he knows how to pose madonna . 
the story , touching though it is , does not quite have enough emotional resonance or variety of incident to sustain a feature , and even at 85 minutes it feels a bit long . 
feels like the work of an artist who is simply tired -- of fighting the same fights , of putting the weight of the world on his shoulders , of playing with narrative form . 
while you have to admit it's semi-amusing to watch robert deniro belt out " when you're a jet , you're a jet all the way , " it's equally distasteful to watch him sing the lyrics to " tonight . " 
an opportunity missed . 
the whole mess boils down to a transparently hypocritical work that feels as though it's trying to set the women's liberation movement back 20 years . 
' . . . the cast portrays their cartoon counterparts well . . . but quite frankly , scoob and shag don't eat enough during the film . '
more of the same old garbage hollywood has been trying to pass off as acceptable teen entertainment for some time now . 
tv skit-com material fervently deposited on the big screen . 
[johnnie to and wai ka fai are] sure to find an enthusiastic audience among american action-adventure buffs , but the film's interests may be too narrow to attract crossover viewers . 
if there was ever a movie where the upbeat ending feels like a copout , this is the one . 
it's as sorry a mess as its director's diabolical debut , mad cows . 
any attempts at nuance given by the capable cast is drowned out by director jon purdy's sledgehammer sap . 
its audacious ambitions sabotaged by pomposity , steven soderbergh's space opera emerges as a numbingly dull experience . 
despite some strong performances , never rises above the level of a telanovela . 
this is a picture that maik , the firebrand turned savvy ad man , would be envious of : it hijacks the heat of revolution and turns it into a sales tool . 
feels slight , as if it were an extended short , albeit one made by the smartest kids in class . 
unspeakable , of course , barely begins to describe the plot and its complications . vulgar is too optimistic a title . 
the actors pull out all the stops in nearly every scene , but to diminishing effect . the characters never change . 
if the last man were the last movie left on earth , there would be a toss-up between presiding over the end of cinema as we know it and another night of delightful hand shadows . 
welles groupie/scholar peter bogdanovich took a long time to do it , but he's finally provided his own broadside at publishing giant william randolph hearst . 
makes the same mistake as the music industry it criticizes , becoming so slick and watered-down it almost loses what made you love it in the first place . 
even as i valiantly struggled to remain interested , or at least conscious , i could feel my eyelids . . . getting . . . very . . . heavy . . . 
a bad movie that happened to good actors . 
wishy-washy . 
boasts eye-catching art direction but has a forcefully quirky tone that quickly wears out its limited welcome . 
screenwriter dan schneider and director shawn levy substitute volume and primary colors for humor and bite . 
oversexed , at times overwrought comedy/drama that offers little insight into the experience of being forty , female and single . 
that such a horrible movie could have sprung from such a great one is one of the year's worst cinematic tragedies . 
it all starts to smack of a hallmark hall of fame , with a few four letter words thrown in that are generally not heard on television . 
rarely has a film's title served such dire warning . 
if you saw benigni's pinocchio at a public park , you'd grab your kids and run and then probably call the police . 
the animation is competent , and some of the gags are quite funny , but jonah . . . never shakes the oppressive , morally superior good-for-you quality that almost automatically accompanies didactic entertainment . 
the pace of the film is very slow ( for obvious reasons ) and that too becomes off-putting . 
mr . wollter and ms . seldhal give strong and convincing performances , but neither reaches into the deepest recesses of the character to unearth the quaking essence of passion , grief and fear . 
shafer's feature doesn't offer much in terms of plot or acting . 
in his role of observer of the scene , lawrence sounds whiny and defensive , as if his life-altering experiences made him bitter and less mature . 
[t]he ideas of revolution #9 are more compelling than the execution
the film didn't convince me that calvin jr . 's barbershop represents some sort of beacon of hope in the middle of chicago's south side . 
what happens when something goes bump in the night and nobody cares ? 
despite some comic sparks , welcome to collinwood never catches fire . 
director george hickenlooper has had some success with documentaries , but here his sense of story and his juvenile camera movements smack of a film school undergrad , and his maudlin ending might not have gotten him into film school in the first place . 
shows moments of promise but ultimately succumbs to cliches and pat storytelling . 
even accepting this in the right frame of mind can only provide it with so much leniency . 
some body is a shaky , uncertain film that nevertheless touches a few raw nerves . 
all the small moments and flashbacks don't add up to much more than trite observations on the human condition . 
[a] stale retread of the '53 original . 
one thing's for sure—if george romero had directed this movie , it wouldn't have taken the protagonists a full hour to determine that in order to kill a zombie you must shoot it in the head . 
for dance completists only . 
one of the worst movies of the year . 
spreads itself too thin , leaving these actors , as well as the members of the commune , short of profound characterizations
it wouldn't matter so much that this arrogant richard pryor wannabe's routine is offensive , puerile and unimaginatively foul-mouthed if it was at least funny . 
the locale . . . remains far more interesting than the story at hand . 
yo , it's the days of our lives meets electric boogaloo . 
inconsequential road-and-buddy pic . 
i liked the original short story but this movie , even at an hour and twenty-some minutes , it's too long and it goes nowhere . 
this little film is so slovenly done , so primitive in technique , that it can't really be called animation . 
makes 98 minutes feel like three hours . 
hawke's film , a boring , pretentious waste of nearly two hours , doesn't tell you anything except that the chelsea hotel today is populated by whiny , pathetic , starving and untalented artistes . 
aspires to the cracked lunacy of the adventures of buckaroo banzai , but thanks to an astonishingly witless script ends up more like the adventures of ford fairlane . 
real-life strongman ahola lacks the charisma and ability to carry the film on his admittedly broad shoulders . 
the title , alone , should scare any sane person away . 
low comedy doesn't come much lower . 
appropriately cynical social commentary aside , #9 never quite ignites . 
it's crap on a leash--far too polite to scale the lunatic heights of joe dante's similarly styled gremlins . 
one of the most depressing movie-going experiences i can think of is to sit through about 90 minutes of a so-called 'comedy' and not laugh once . 
this is the kind of movie where the big scene is a man shot out of a cannon into a vat of ice cream . 
let's face it -- there aren't many reasons anyone would want to see crossroads if they're not big fans of teen pop kitten britney spears . 
a loud , brash and mainly unfunny high school comedy . 
an exceptionally dreary and overwrought bit of work , every bit as imperious as katzenberg's the prince of egypt from 1998 . 
insufferably naive . 
the movie is so resolutely cobbled together out of older movies that it even uses a totally unnecessary prologue , just because it seems obligatory . 
the movie's vision of a white american zealously spreading a puritanical brand of christianity to south seas islanders is one only a true believer could relish . 
maid in manhattan proves that it's easier to change the sheets than to change hackneyed concepts when it comes to dreaming up romantic comedies . 
a fairly harmless but ultimately lifeless feature-length afterschool special . 
i can't remember the last time i saw a movie where i wanted so badly for the protagonist to fail . 
ill-considered , unholy hokum . 
amazingly lame . 
 . . . the whole thing succeeded only in making me groggy . 
like most of jaglom's films , some of it is honestly affecting , but more of it seems contrived and secondhand . 
one long , numbing action sequence made up mostly of routine stuff yuen has given us before . 
forgettable , if good-hearted , movie . 
the film's most improbable feat ? it didn't go straight to video . 
 . . . about as exciting to watch as two last-place basketball teams playing one another on the final day of the season . 
the chateau . . . is less concerned with cultural and political issues than doting on its eccentric characters . 
cruel and inhuman cinematic punishment . . . simultaneously degrades its characters , its stars and its audience . 
it's not too fast and not too slow . it's not too racy and it's not too offensive . it's not too much of anything . 
the great pity is that those responsible didn't cut their losses – and ours – and retitle it the adventures of direct-to-video nash , and send it to its proper home . 
about as original as a gangster sweating bullets while worrying about a contract on his life . 
an empty shell of an epic rather than the real deal . 
we could have expected a little more human being , and a little less product . 
instead of using george and lucy's most obvious differences to ignite sparks , lawrence desperately looks elsewhere , seizing on george's haplessness and lucy's personality tics . 
whether quitting will prove absorbing to american audiences is debatable . 
becomes a bit of a mishmash : a tearjerker that doesn't and a thriller that won't . 
family togetherness takes a back seat to inter-family rivalry and workplace ambition&#133 ; whole subplots have no explanation or even plot relevance . 
grant isn't cary and bullock isn't katherine . 
like a fish that's lived too long , austin powers in goldmember has some unnecessary parts and is kinda wrong in places . 
two tedious acts light on great scares and a good surprise ending . 
shyamalan should stop trying to please his mom . 
the entire movie is in need of a scented bath . 
i'm sorry to say that this should seal the deal - arnold is not , nor will he be , back . 
the story of trouble every day . . . is so sketchy it amounts to little more than preliminary notes for a science-fiction horror film , and the movie's fragmentary narrative style makes piecing the story together frustrating difficult . 
a movie to forget
for all of its insights into the dream world of teen life , and its electronic expression through cyber culture , the film gives no quarter to anyone seeking to pull a cohesive story out of its 2 1/2-hour running time . 
enough is not a bad movie , just mediocre . the performances are so overstated , the effect comes off as self-parody . 
it looks good , but it is essentially empty . 
the film never finds its tone and several scenes run too long . 
the idea is more interesting than the screenplay , which lags badly in the middle and lurches between not-very-funny comedy , unconvincing dramatics and some last-minute action strongly reminiscent of run lola run . 
van wilder has a built-in audience , but only among those who are drying out from spring break and are still unconcerned about what they ingest . 
a complete waste of time . 
it's hard to believe that something so short could be so flabby . 
do we really need another film that praises female self-sacrifice ? 
the major problem with windtalkers is that the bulk of the movie centers on the wrong character . 
tennessee williams by way of oprah's book club . 
so verbally flatfooted and so emotionally predictable or bland that it plays like the standard made-for-tv movie . 
the entire point of a shaggy dog story , of course , is that it goes nowhere , and this is classic nowheresville in every sense . 
stale and clichéd to a fault . 
this film is too busy hitting all of its assigned marks to take on any life of its own . 
watching junk like this induces a kind of abstract guilt , as if you were paying dues for good books unread , fine music never heard . 
the script feels as if it started to explore the obvious voyeuristic potential of 'hypertime' but then backed off when the producers saw the grosses for spy kids . 
starts off witty and sophisticated and you want to love it -- but filmmaker yvan attal quickly writes himself into a corner . 
some like it hot on the hardwood proves once again that a man in drag is not in and of himself funny . 
unfortunately , contrived plotting , stereotyped characters and woo's over-the-top instincts as a director undermine the moral dilemma at the movie's heart . 
witless and utterly pointless . 
when 'science fiction' takes advantage of the fact that its intended audience hasn't yet had much science , it does a disservice to the audience and to the genre . 
show me the mugging . 
represents something very close to the nadir of the thriller/horror genre . 
visually sumptuous but intellectually stultifying . 
as a feature-length film , it wears out its welcome as tryingly as the title character . 
a guilty pleasure at best , and not worth seeing unless you want to laugh at it . 
a sleep-inducing thriller with a single twist that everyone except the characters in it can see coming a mile away . 
with a " spy kids " sequel opening next week , why bother with a contemptible imitator starring a " snl " has-been acting like an 8-year-old channeling roberto benigni ? 
it's just rather leaden and dull . 
lacks the visual flair and bouncing bravado that characterizes better hip-hop clips and is content to recycle images and characters that were already tired 10 years ago . 
'pocas ideas interesantes , un final pseudo místico que no corresponde al tono general del filme y que deja una sensación de inconformidad que hace pensar más de una vez si vale la pena ir a la taquilla y reclamar el precio del boleto . '
statham employs an accent that i think is supposed to be an attempt at hardass american but sometimes just lapses into unhidden british . 
instead of trying to bust some blondes , [diggs] should be probing why a guy with his talent ended up in a movie this bad . 
initial strangeness inexorably gives way to rote sentimentality and mystical tenderness becomes narrative expedience . 
de ayala is required to supply too much of the energy in a film that is , overall , far too staid for its subject matter . 
dismally dull sci-fi comedy . 
there's surely something wrong with a comedy where the only belly laughs come from the selection of outtakes tacked onto the end credits . 
when one hears harry shearer is going to make his debut as a film director , one would hope for the best
the leads we are given here are simply too bland to be interesting . 
[toback's] fondness for fancy split-screen , stuttering editing and pompous references to wittgenstein and kirkegaard . . . blends uneasily with the titillating material . 
adam sandler's 8 crazy nights is 75 wasted minutes of sandler as the voice-over hero in columbia pictures' perverse idea of an animated holiday movie . 
essentially " fatal attraction " remade for viewers who were in diapers when the original was released in 1987 . . . . this story gets sillier , not scarier , as it goes along . . . 
even a hardened voyeur would require the patience of job to get through this interminable , shapeless documentary about the swinging subculture . 
the film's hero is a bore and his innocence soon becomes a questionable kind of inexcusable dumb innocence . 
a singularly off-putting romantic comedy . 
this is an exercise not in biography but in hero worship . 
it all comes down to whether you can tolerate leon barlow . i can't . 
in the spirit of the season , i assign one bright shining star to roberto benigni's pinocchio -- but i guarantee that no wise men will be following after it . 
check your brain and your secret agent decoder ring at the door because you don't want to think too much about what's going on . the movie does has some entertainment value - how much depends on how well you like chris rock . 
a movie that seems motivated more by a desire to match mortarboards with dead poets society and good will hunting than by its own story . 
a culture clash comedy only half as clever as it thinks it is . 
the logic of it all will be greek to anyone not predisposed to the movie's rude and crude humor . 
as self-aware movies go , who is cletis tout ? is clever enough , though thin writing proves its undoing . 
starts out strongly before quickly losing its focus , point and purpose in a mess of mixed messages , over-blown drama and bruce willis with a scar . 
 . . . a fascinating curiosity piece -- fascinating , that is , for about ten minutes . after that it becomes long and tedious like a classroom play in a college history course . 
director jay russell weighs down his capricious fairy-tale with heavy sentiment and lightweight meaning . 
there are many things that solid acting can do for a movie , but crafting something promising from a mediocre screenplay is not one of them . 
its screenplay serves as auto-critique , and its clumsiness as its own most damning censure . 
at times , it actually hurts to watch . 
nemesis suffers from a paunchy midsection , several plodding action sequences and a wickedly undramatic central theme . 
the jokes are telegraphed so far in advance they must have been lost in the mail . 
[tries] to parody a genre that's already a joke in the united states . the movie is the equivalent of french hip-hop , which also seems to play on a 10-year delay . 
a beyond-lame satire , teddy bears' picnic ranks among the most pitiful directing debuts by an esteemed writer-actor . 
long before it's over , you'll be thinking of 51 ways to leave this loser . 
i've never seen ( a remake ) do anything as stomach-turning as the way adam sandler's new movie rapes , pillages and incinerates frank capra's classic . . . 
hollywood's answer to an air ball . 
and people make fun of me for liking showgirls</> . 
such a wildly uneven hit-and-miss enterprise , you can't help suspecting that it was improvised on a day-to-day basis during production . 
a weird little movie that's amusing enough while you watch it , offering fine acting moments and pungent insights into modern l . a . 's show-biz and media subcultures . but it doesn't leave you with much . 
i'm convinced i could keep a family of five blind , crippled , amish people alive in this situation better than these british soldiers do at keeping themselves kicking . 
like mike is a slight and uninventive movie : like the exalted michael jordan referred to in the title , many can aspire but none can equal . 
there is nothing funny in this every-joke-has- been-told-a- thousand-times- before movie . 
always destined to be measured against anthony asquith's acclaimed 1952 screen adaptation . 
this is standard crime drama fare . . . instantly forgettable and thoroughly dull . 
there's some outrageously creative action in the transporter . . . [b]ut by the time frank parachutes down onto a moving truck , it's just another cartoon with an unstoppable superman . 
one of those based-on-truth stories that persuades you , with every scene , that it could never really have happened this way . 
from its nauseating spinning credits sequence to a very talented but underutilized supporting cast , bartleby squanders as much as it gives out . 
yet another genre exercise , gangster no . 1 is as generic as its title . 
despite the holes in the story and the somewhat predictable plot , moments of the movie caused me to jump in my chair . . . 
there's an admirable rigor to jimmy's relentless anger , and to the script's refusal of a happy ending , but as those monologues stretch on and on , you realize there's no place for this story to go but down . 
once again , the intelligence of gay audiences has been grossly underestimated , and a meaty plot and well-developed characters have been sacrificed for skin and flash that barely fizzle . 
a lightweight , uneven action comedy that freely mingles french , japanese and hollywood cultures . 
[a] slummer . 
such a fine idea for a film , and such a stultifying , lifeless execution . 
[allen's] best works understand why snobbery is a better satiric target than middle-america diversions could ever be . 
this overlong infomercial , due out on video before month's end , is tepid and tedious . 
an ambitious , guilt-suffused melodrama crippled by poor casting . 
rarely has sex on screen been so aggressively anti-erotic . 
a dull , inconsistent , dishonest female bonding picture . 
so much about the film is loopy and ludicrous . . . that it could have been a hoot in a bad-movie way if the laborious pacing and endless exposition had been tightened . 
a disappointment for a movie that should have been the ultimate imax trip . 
does little to elaborate the conceit of setting this blood-soaked tragedy of murderous ambition in the era of richard nixon . 
this sade is hardly a perverse , dangerous libertine and agitator -- which would have made for better drama . he's just a sad aristocrat in tattered finery , and the film seems as deflated as he does . 
the film's needlessly opaque intro takes its doe-eyed crudup out of pre-9/11 new york and onto a cross-country road trip of the homeric kind . 
it's as if a bored cage spent the duration of the film's shooting schedule waiting to scream : " got aids yet ? " 
in a strange way , egoyan has done too much . he's worked too hard on this movie . 
the film has the thrown-together feel of a summer-camp talent show : hastily written , underrehearsed , arbitrarily plotted and filled with crude humor and vulgar innuendo . 
the last three narcissists left on earth compete for each others' affections . 
a clash between the artificial structure of the story and the more contemporary , naturalistic tone of the film . . . 
[a] poorly executed comedy . 
the movie's messages are quite admirable , but the story is just too clichéd and too often strains credulity . 
what we have here isn't a disaster , exactly , but a very handsomely produced let-down . 
the script was reportedly rewritten a dozen times -- either 11 times too many or else too few . 
a shoddy male hip hop fantasy filled with guns , expensive cars , lots of naked women and rocawear clothing . 
to the filmmakers , ivan is a prince of a fellow , but he comes across as shallow and glib though not mean-spirited , and there's no indication that he's been responsible for putting together any movies of particular value or merit . 
this is a movie filled with unlikable , spiteful idiots ; whether or not their friendship is salvaged makes no difference in the least . 
it's as if allen , at 66 , has stopped challenging himself . 
scotland , pa is entirely too straight-faced to transcend its clever concept . 
a movie that the less charitable might describe as a castrated cross between highlander and lolita . 
not only does leblanc make one spectacularly ugly-looking broad , but he appears miserable throughout as he swaggers through his scenes . 
there's little to recommend snow dogs , unless one considers cliched dialogue and perverse escapism a source of high hilarity . 
it's deep-sixed by a compulsion to catalog every bodily fluids gag in there's something about mary and devise a parallel clone-gag . 
the film rehashes several old themes and is capped with pointless extremes -- it's insanely violent and very graphic . 
sorority boys , which is as bad at it is cruel , takes every potential laugh and stiletto-stomps the life out of it . 
here the love scenes all end in someone screaming . maybe there's a metaphor here , but figuring it out wouldn't make trouble every day any better . 
this is the first film i've ever seen that had no obvious directing involved . 
fans of so-bad-they're-good cinema may find some fun in this jumbled mess . 
weiss and speck never make a convincing case for the relevance of these two 20th-century footnotes . 
sheridan is painfully bad , a fourth-rate jim carrey who doesn't understand the difference between dumb fun and just plain dumb . 
presents nothing special and , until the final act , nothing overtly disagreeable . 
the most excruciating 86 minutes one might sit through this summer that do not involve a dentist drill . 
was that movie nothing more than a tepid exercise in trotting out a formula that worked five years ago but has since lost its fizz ? 
it goes on for too long and bogs down in a surfeit of characters and unnecessary subplots . 
it's absolutely amazing how first-time director kevin donovan managed to find something new to add to the canon of chan . make chan's action sequences boring . 
you . . . get a sense of good intentions derailed by a failure to seek and strike just the right tone . 
'in this poor remake of such a well loved classic , parker exposes the limitations of his skill and the basic flaws in his vision . '
it's the movie equivalent of a sweaty old guy in a rain coat shopping for cheap porn . 
the film's final hour , where nearly all the previous unseen material resides , is unconvincing soap opera that tornatore was right to cut . 
the movie does such an excellent job of critiquing itself at every faltering half-step of its development that criticizing feels more like commiserating . 
i found it slow , predictable and not very amusing . 
director yu seems far more interested in gross-out humor than in showing us well-thought stunts or a car chase that we haven't seen 10 , 000 times . 
viewers will need all the luck they can muster just figuring out who's who in this pretentious mess . 
a pint-sized 'goodfellas' designed to appeal to the younger set , it's not a very good movie in any objective sense , but it does mostly hold one's interest . 
get out your pooper-scoopers . 
while the material is slight , the movie is better than you might think . 
it's definitely not made for kids or their parents , for that matter , and i think even fans of sandler's comic taste may find it uninteresting . 
sheridan seems terrified of the book's irreverent energy , and scotches most of its élan , humor , bile , and irony . 
more busy than exciting , more frantic than involving , more chaotic than entertaining . 
there are more shots of children smiling for the camera than typical documentary footage which hurts the overall impact of the film . it's makes a better travelogue than movie . 
 . . . really horrible drek . 
it's as if solondz had two ideas for two movies , couldn't really figure out how to flesh either out , so he just slopped ‘em together here . 
the fourth in a series that i'll bet most parents had thought --hoped ! -- was a fad that had long since vanished . 
it's a long way from orwell's dark , intelligent warning cry [1984] to the empty stud knockabout of equilibrium , and what once was conviction is now affectation . 
its premise is smart , but the execution is pretty weary . 
the holiday message of the 37-minute santa vs . the snowman leaves a lot to be desired . 
more precious than perspicacious
if you saw it on tv , you'd probably turn it off , convinced that you had already seen that movie . 
[t]he script isn't up to the level of the direction , nor are the uneven performances by the cast members , who seem bound and determined to duplicate bela lugosi's now-cliched vampire accent . 
if this is cinema , i pledge allegiance to cagney and lacey . 
enigma looks great , has solid acting and a neat premise . yet why it fails is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma . 
most of the characters come off as pantomimesque sterotypes . 
starts promisingly but disintegrates into a dreary , humorless soap opera . 
while there's likely very little crossover appeal to those without much interest in the elizabethans ( as well as rank frustration from those in the know about rubbo's dumbed-down tactics ) , much ado about something is an amicable endeavor . 
it's actually too sincere -- the crime movie equivalent of a chick flick . 
most of the film feels conceived and shot on the fly -- like between lunch breaks for shearer's radio show and his simpson voice-overs . 
perry's good and his is an interesting character , but " serving sara " hasn't much more to serve than silly fluff . nor is it a romantic comedy . 
culkin turns his character into what is basically an anti-harry potter -- right down to the gryffindor scarf . 
memorable for a peculiar malaise that renders its tension flaccid and , by extension , its surprises limp and its resolutions ritual . 
it's a documentary that says that the alternate sexuality meant to set you free may require so much relationship maintenance that celibacy can start looking good . 
in the not-too-distant future , movies like ghost ship will be used as analgesic balm for overstimulated minds . right now , they're merely signposts marking the slow , lingering death of imagination . 
an intriguing near-miss . 
the movie's biggest shocks come from seeing former nymphette juliette lewis playing a salt-of-the-earth mommy named minnie and watching slim travel incognito in a ridiculous wig no respectable halloween costume shop would ever try to sell . 
like most movies about the pitfalls of bad behavior . . . circuit gets drawn into the party . 
it appears as if even the filmmakers didn't know what kind of movie they were making . 
beneath the uncanny , inevitable and seemingly shrewd facade of movie-biz farce . . . lies a plot cobbled together from largely flat and uncreative moments . 
snipes relies too much on a scorchingly plotted dramatic scenario for its own good . 
piccoli's performance is amazing , yes , but the symbols of loss and denial and life-at-arm's-length in the film seem irritatingly transparent . 
starts out mediocre , spirals downward , and thuds to the bottom of the pool with an utterly incompetent conclusion . 
nicolas cage isn't the first actor to lead a group of talented friends astray , and this movie won't create a ruffle in what is already an erratic career . 
it lacks the compassion , good-natured humor and the level of insight that made [eyre's] first film something of a sleeper success . 
the result is good gossip , entertainingly delivered , yet with a distinctly musty odour , its expiry date long gone . 
a sustained fest of self-congratulation between actor and director that leaves scant place for the viewer . 
all analyze that proves is that there is really only one movie's worth of decent gags to be gleaned from the premise . 
green ruins every single scene he's in , and the film , while it's not completely wreaked , is seriously compromised by that . 
there's not a comedic moment in this romantic comedy . 
the story is predictable , the jokes are typical sandler fare , and the romance with ryder is puzzling . 
wallace directs with such patronising reverence , it turns the stomach . 
resurrection has the dubious distinction of being a really bad imitation of the really bad blair witch project . 
poor ben bratt couldn't find stardom if mapquest emailed him point-to-point driving directions . 
pretend like your sat scores are below 120 and you might not notice the flaws . 
unlike trey parker , sandler doesn't understand that the idea of exploiting molestation for laughs is funny , not actually exploiting it yourself . 
a fake street drama that keeps telling you things instead of showing them . 
an empty , purposeless exercise . 
earnest and tentative even when it aims to shock . 
haneke's script ( from elfriede jelinek's novel ) is contrived , unmotivated , and psychologically unpersuasive , with an inconclusive ending . 
a sometimes incisive and sensitive portrait that is undercut by its awkward structure and a final veering toward melodrama . 
those 24-and-unders looking for their own caddyshack to adopt as a generational signpost may have to keep on looking . 
a distinctly mixed bag , the occasional bursts of sharp writing alternating with lots of sloppiness and the obligatory moments of sentimental ooze . 
what begins brightly gets bogged down over 140 minutes . 
ultimately , jane learns her place as a girl , softens up and loses some of the intensity that made her an interesting character to begin with . 
ah-nuld's action hero days might be over . 
it's clear why deuces wild , which was shot two years ago , has been gathering dust on mgm's shelf . 
feels like nothing quite so much as a middle-aged moviemaker's attempt to surround himself with beautiful , half-naked women . 
when the precise nature of matthew's predicament finally comes into sharp focus , the revelation fails to justify the build-up . 
this picture is murder by numbers , and as easy to be bored by as your abc's , despite a few whopping shootouts . 
hilarious musical comedy though stymied by accents thick as mud . 
if you are into splatter movies , then you will probably have a reasonably good time with the salton sea . 
a dull , simple-minded and stereotypical tale of drugs , death and mind-numbing indifference on the inner-city streets . 
the feature-length stretch . . . strains the show's concept . 
this slender plot feels especially thin stretched over the nearly 80-minute running time . 
a film that will probably please people already fascinated by behan but leave everyone else yawning with admiration . 
davis the performer is plenty fetching enough , but she needs to shake up the mix , and work in something that doesn't feel like a half-baked stand-up routine . 
the densest distillation of roberts' movies ever made . 
ultimately , the film never recovers from the clumsy cliché of the ugly american abroad , and the too-frosty exterior ms . paltrow employs to authenticate her british persona is another liability . 
a handsome but unfulfilling suspense drama more suited to a quiet evening on pbs than a night out at an amc . 
tom green and an ivy league college should never appear together on a marquee , especially when the payoff is an unschooled comedy like stealing harvard , which fails to keep 80 minutes from seeming like 800 . 
 ( it ) highlights not so much the crime lord's messianic bent , but spacey's . 
master of disguise runs for only 71 minutes and feels like three hours . 
a reworking of die hard and cliffhanger but it's nowhere near as exciting as either . 
suffers from unlikable characters and a self-conscious sense of its own quirky hipness . 
a film without surprise geared toward maximum comfort and familiarity . 
fessenden continues to do interesting work , and it would be nice to see what he could make with a decent budget . but the problem with wendigo , for all its effective moments , isn't really one of resources . 
spirit is a visual treat , and it takes chances that are bold by studio standards , but it lacks a strong narrative . 
it stars schticky chris rock and stolid anthony hopkins , who seem barely in the same movie . their contrast is neither dramatic nor comic -- it's just a weird fizzle . 
this is a children's film in the truest sense . it's packed with adventure and a worthwhile environmental message , so it's great for the kids . parents , on the other hand , will be ahead of the plot at all times , and there isn't enough clever innuendo to fil
the niftiest trick perpetrated by the importance of being earnest is the alchemical transmogrification of wilde into austen--and a hollywood-ized austen at that . 
tykwer's surface flash isn't just a poor fit with kieslowski's lyrical pessimism ; it completely contradicts everything kieslowski's work aspired to , including the condition of art . 
ice age is the first computer-generated feature cartoon to feel like other movies , and that makes for some glacial pacing early on . 
too slick and manufactured to claim street credibility . 
cherry orchard is badly edited , often awkwardly directed and suffers from the addition of a wholly unnecessary pre-credit sequence designed to give some of the characters a 'back story . '
what ensues are much blood-splattering , mass drug-induced bowel evacuations , and none-too-funny commentary on the cultural distinctions between americans and brits . 
a dark comedy that goes for sick and demented humor simply to do so . the movie is without intent . 
visually exciting sci-fi film which suffers from a lackluster screenplay . 
while hollywood ending has its share of belly laughs ( including a knockout of a closing line ) , the movie winds up feeling like a great missed opportunity . 
if the full monty was a freshman fluke , lucky break is [cattaneo] sophomore slump . 
 sandra bullock and hugh grant make a great team , but this predictable romantic comedy should get a pink slip . 
allegiance to chekhov , which director michael cacoyannis displays with somber earnestness in the new adaptation of the cherry orchard , is a particularly vexing handicap . 
you expect more from director michael apted ( enigma ) and screenwriter nicholas kazan ( reversal of fortune ) than this cliche pileup . 
the first mistake , i suspect , is casting shatner as a legendary professor and kunis as a brilliant college student--where's pauly shore as the rocket scientist ? 
the dramatic scenes are frequently unintentionally funny , and the action sequences -- clearly the main event -- are surprisingly uninvolving . 
replacing john carpenter's stylish tracking shots is degraded , handheld blair witch video-cam footage . of all the halloween's , this is the most visually unappealing . 
it has the requisite faux-urban vibe and hotter-two-years-ago rap and r&b names and references . 
despite its dry wit and compassion , the film suffers from a philosophical emptiness and maddeningly sedate pacing . 
 . . . feels as if ( there's ) a choke leash around your neck so director nick cassavetes can give it a good , hard yank whenever he wants you to feel something . 
attal pushes too hard to make this a comedy or serious drama . he seems to want both , but succeeds in making neither . 
i could have used my two hours better watching being john malkovich again . 
it's not a bad plot ; but , unfortunately , the movie is nowhere near as refined as all the classic dramas it borrows from . 
flat , misguided comedy . 
girlfriends are bad , wives are worse and babies are the kiss of death in this bitter italian comedy . 
the only young people who possibly will enjoy it are infants . . . who might be distracted by the movie's quick movements and sounds . 
the film boasts at least a few good ideas and features some decent performances , but the result is disappointing . 
no such thing breaks no new ground and treads old turf like a hippopotamus ballerina . 
unfortunately , neither sendak nor the directors are particularly engaging or articulate . 
a wishy-washy melodramatic movie that shows us plenty of sturm und drung , but explains its characters' decisions only unsatisfactorily . 
bang ! zoom ! it's actually pretty funny , but in all the wrong places . 
lurid and less than lucid work . 
a wannabe comedy of manners about a brainy prep-school kid with a mrs . robinson complex founders on its own preciousness -- and squanders its beautiful women . 
at a brief 42 minutes , we need more x and less blab . 
if anything , see it for karen black , who camps up a storm as a fringe feminist conspiracy theorist named dirty dick . 
this 90-minute dud could pass for mike tyson's e ! true hollywood story . 
this is surely one of the most frantic , virulent and foul-natured christmas season pics ever delivered by a hollywood studio . 
once the expectation of laughter has been quashed by whatever obscenity is at hand , even the funniest idea isn't funny . 
a porn film without the sex scenes . 
the connected stories of breitbart and hanussen are actually fascinating , but the filmmaking in invincible is such that the movie does not do them justice . 
a depressingly retrograde , 'post-feminist' romantic comedy that takes an astonishingly condescending attitude toward women . 
return to never land is much more p . c . than the original version ( no more racist portraits of indians , for instance ) , but the excitement is missing . 
by the end , you just don't care whether that cold-hearted snake petrovich ( that would be reno ) gets his comeuppance . just bring on the battle bots , please ! 
while it's all quite tasteful to look at , the attention process tends to do a little fleeing of its own . 
broder's screenplay is shallow , offensive and redundant , with pitifully few real laughs . 
yes they can swim , the title is merely anne-sophie birot's off-handed way of saying girls find adolescence difficult to wade through . 
don michael paul uses quick-cuts , ( very ) large shadows and wide-angle shots taken from a distance to hide the liberal use of a body double ( for seagal ) . 
slow , silly and unintentionally hilarious . 
the sweetest thing leaves a bitter taste . 
in a big corner office in hell , satan is throwing up his hands in surrender , is firing his r&d people , and has decided he will just screen the master of disguise 24/7 . 
for something as splendid-looking as this particular film , the viewer expects something special but instead gets [sci-fi] rehash . 
a thriller without a lot of thrills . 
this stuck pig of a movie flails limply between bizarre comedy and pallid horror . 
ah , the travails of metropolitan life ! alas , another breathless movie about same ! 
in moonlight mile , no one gets shut out of the hug cycle . 
though uniformly well acted , especially by young ballesta and galan ( a first-time actor ) , writer/director achero manas's film is schematic and obvious . 
done in mostly by a weak script that can't support the epic treatment . 
despite its visual virtuosity , 'naqoyqatsi' is banal in its message and the choice of material to convey it . 
slap her - she's not funny ! no french people were harmed during the making of this movie , but they were insulted and the audience was put through torture for an hour and a half . 
though its rather routine script is loaded with familiar situations , the movie has a cinematic fluidity and sense of intelligence that makes it work more than it probably should . 
 " one look at a girl in tight pants and big tits and you turn stupid ? " um… . . isn't that the basis for the entire plot ? 
 " not really as bad as you might think ! " 
strident and inelegant in its 'message-movie' posturing . 
one regards reign of fire with awe . what a vast enterprise has been marshaled in the service of such a minute idea . 
it has the right approach and the right opening premise , but it lacks the zest and it goes for a plot twist instead of trusting the material . 
its impressive images of crematorium chimney fires and stacks of dead bodies are undermined by the movie's presentation , which is way too stagy . 
seeing as the film lacks momentum and its position remains mostly undeterminable , the director's experiment is a successful one . 
the plot is romantic comedy boilerplate from start to finish . 
i suspect this is the kind of production that would have been funnier if the director had released the outtakes theatrically and used the film as a bonus feature on the dvd . 
an unfortunate title for a film that has nothing endearing about it . 
ninety minutes of viva castro ! can be as tiresome as 9 seconds of jesse helms' anti- castro rhetoric , which are included
comes off as a long , laborious whine , the bellyaching of a paranoid and unlikable man . 
it just goes to show , an intelligent person isn't necessarily an admirable storyteller . 
in a 102-minute film , aaliyah gets at most 20 minutes of screen time . . . . most viewers will wish there had been more of the " queen " and less of the " damned . " 
hopelessly inane , humorless and under-inspired . 
kapur fails to give his audience a single character worth rooting for ( or worth rooting against , for that matter ) . 
it reduces the complexities to bromides and slogans and it gets so preachy-keen and so tub-thumpingly loud it makes you feel like a chump just for sitting through it . 
none of this has the suavity or classical familiarity of bond , but much of it is good for a laugh . the problem with " xxx " is that its own action isn't very effective . 
a great script brought down by lousy direction . same guy with both hats . big mistake . 
a mediocre exercise in target demographics , unaware that it's the butt of its own joke . 
director kevin bray excels in breaking glass and marking off the " miami vice " checklist of power boats , latin music and dog tracks . he doesn't , however , deliver nearly enough of the show's trademark style and flash . 
in gleefully , thumpingly hyperbolic terms , it covers just about every cliche in the compendium about crass , jaded movie types and the phony baloney movie biz . 
the spalding gray equivalent of a teen gross-out comedy . 
perhaps even the slc high command found writer-director mitch davis's wall of kitsch hard going . 
according to wendigo , 'nature' loves the members of the upper class almost as much as they love themselves . 
an encouraging effort from mccrudden
the romance between the leads isn't as compelling or as believable as it should be . 
if i could have looked into my future and saw how bad this movie was , i would go back and choose to skip it . fortunately , you still have that option . 
supposedly authentic account of a historical event that's far too tragic to merit such superficial treatment . 
adroit but finally a trifle flat , mad love doesn't galvanize its outrage the way , say , jane campion might have done , but at least it possesses some . 
to blandly go where we went 8 movies ago . . . 
a slow-moving police-procedural thriller that takes its title all too literally . 
this u-boat doesn't have a captain . 
with nary a glimmer of self-knowledge , [crane] becomes more specimen than character -- and auto focus remains a chilly , clinical lab report . 
this one aims for the toilet and scores a direct hit . 
dull , a road-trip movie that's surprisingly short of both adventure and song . 
i walked away not really know who " they " were , what " they " looked like . why " they " were here and what " they " wanted and quite honestly , i didn't care . 
predictably melodramatic . 
after several scenes of this tacky nonsense , you'll be wistful for the testosterone-charged wizardry of jerry bruckheimer productions , especially because half past dead is like the rock on a wal-mart budget . 
a relatively effective little potboiler until its absurd , contrived , overblown , and entirely implausible finale . 
the country bears wastes an exceptionally good idea . but the movie that doesn't really deliver for country music fans or for family audiences
adults will certainly want to spend their time in the theater thinking up grocery lists and ways to tell their kids how not to act like pinocchio . as for children , they won't enjoy the movie at all . 
 . . . you can be forgiven for realizing that you've spent the past 20 minutes looking at your watch and waiting for frida to just die already . 
too bad writer-director adam rifkin situates it all in a plot as musty as one of the golden eagle's carpets . 
it's lazy for a movie to avoid solving one problem by trying to distract us with the solution to another . 
the movie is genial but never inspired , and little about it will stay with you . 
the movie obviously seeks to re-create the excitement of such '50s flicks as jules verne's '20 , 000 leagues under the sea' and the george pal version of h . g . wells' 'the time machine . ' but its storytelling prowess and special effects are both listless . 
despite the opulent lushness of every scene , the characters never seem to match the power of their surroundings . 
even after 90 minutes of playing opposite each other bullock and grant still look ill at ease sharing the same scene . what should have been a painless time-killer becomes instead a grating endurance test . 
a bland , obnoxious 88-minute infomercial for universal studios and its ancillary products . 
 . . little action , almost no suspense or believable tension , one-dimensional characters up the wazoo and sets that can only be described as sci-fi generic . 
the movie strains to stay on the light , comic side of the issue , despite the difficulty of doing so when dealing with the destruction of property and , potentially , of life itself . 
the master of disguise is awful . it's pauly shore awful . don't say you weren't warned . 
disappointing in comparison to other recent war movies…or any other john woo flick for that matter . 
the entire movie is filled with deja vu moments . 
'opening up' the play more has partly closed it down . 
what [frei] gives us . . . is a man who uses the damage of war -- far more often than the warfare itself -- to create the kind of art shots that fill gallery shows . 
an ugly , revolting movie . 
the film is way too full of itself ; it's stuffy and pretentious in a give-me-an-oscar kind of way . 
the movie is concocted and carried out by folks worthy of scorn , and the nicest thing i can say is that i can't remember a single name responsible for it . 
watching " ending " is too often like looking over the outdated clothes and plastic knickknacks at your neighbor's garage sale . you can't believe anyone would really buy this stuff . 
certainly beautiful to look at , but its not very informative about its titular character and no more challenging than your average television biopic . 
it desperately wants to be a wacky , screwball comedy , but the most screwy thing here is how so many talented people were convinced to waste their time . 
the skills of a calculus major at m . i . t . are required to balance all the formulaic equations in the long-winded heist comedy who is cletis tout ? 
from the choppy editing to the annoying score to 'special effects' by way of replacing objects in a character's hands below the camera line , " besotted " is misbegotten
my advice is to skip the film and pick up the soundtrack . 
a film that presents an interesting , even sexy premise then ruins itself with too many contrivances and goofy situations . 
filled with low-brow humor , gratuitous violence and a disturbing disregard for life . 
directed in a flashy , empty sub-music video style by a director so self-possessed he actually adds a period to his first name
the 70-year-old godard has become , to judge from in praise of love , the sort of bitter old crank who sits behind his light meter and harangues the supposed injustices of the artistic world-at-large without doing all that much to correct them . 
an unsophisticated sci-fi drama that takes itself all too seriously . 
solondz is without doubt an artist of uncompromising vision , but that vision is beginning to feel , if not morally bankrupt , at least terribly monotonous . 
harvard man is a semi-throwback , a reminiscence without nostalgia or sentimentality . 
supposedly based upon real , or at least soberly reported incidents , the film ends with a large human tragedy . alas , getting there is not even half the interest . 
while hoffman's performance is great , the subject matter goes nowhere . 
the smash 'em-up , crash 'em-up , shoot 'em-up ending comes out of nowhere substituting mayhem for suspense . 
deuces wild treads heavily into romeo and juliet/west side story territory , where it plainly has no business going . 
hart's war seems to want to be a character study , but apparently can't quite decide which character . 
theological matters aside , the movie is so clumsily sentimental and ineptly directed it may leave you speaking in tongues . 
this latest installment of the horror film franchise that is apparently as invulnerable as its trademark villain has arrived for an incongruous summer playoff , demonstrating yet again that the era of the intelligent , well-made b movie is long gone . 
novak contemplates a heartland so overwhelmed by its lack of purpose that it seeks excitement in manufactured high drama . 
been there , done that , liked it much better the first time around - when it was called the professional . 
the film is all over the place , really . it dabbles all around , never gaining much momentum . 
the beautiful , unusual music is this film's chief draw , but its dreaminess may lull you to sleep . 
the action quickly sinks into by-the-numbers territory . 
forages for audience sympathy like a temperamental child begging for attention , giving audiences no reason to truly care for its decrepit freaks beyond the promise of a reprieve from their incessant whining . 
when [reno] lets her radical flag fly , taking angry potshots at george w . bush , henry kissinger , larry king , et al . , reno devolves into a laugh-free lecture . 
such a premise is ripe for all manner of lunacy , but kaufman and gondry rarely seem sure of where it should go . 
burns' fifth beer-soaked film feels in almost every possible way -- from the writing and direction to the soggy performances -- tossed off . 
'es en verdad una pena que mandoki esté realizando cintas tan malas desde hace algún tiempo , pues talento tiene , pero quién sabe dónde lo tiene escondido . '
while this one gets off with a good natured warning , future lizard endeavors will need to adhere more closely to the laws of laughter
another boorish movie from the i-heard-a-joke- at-a-frat-party school of screenwriting . 
too much of the movie feels contrived , as if the filmmakers were worried the story wouldn't work without all those gimmicks . 
it's hard to understand why anyone in his right mind would even think to make the attraction a movie . and it's harder still to believe that anyone in his right mind would want to see the it . 
the ethos of the chelsea hotel may shape hawke's artistic aspirations , but he hasn't yet coordinated his own dv poetry with the beat he hears in his soul . 
the sight of the name bruce willis brings to mind images of a violent battlefield action picture , but the film has a lot more on its mind--maybe too much . 
why sit through a crummy , wannabe-hip crime comedy that refers incessantly to old movies , when you could just rent those movies instead , let alone seek out a respectable new one ? 
the obnoxious special effects , the obligatory outbursts of flatulence and the incessant , so-five-minutes-ago pop music on the soundtrack overwhelm what is left of the scruffy , dopey old hanna-barbera charm . 
exploring value choices is a worthwhile topic for a film -- but here the choices are as contrived and artificial as kerrigan's platinum-blonde hair . 
the movie's downfall is to substitute plot for personality . it doesn't really know or care about the characters , and uses them as markers for a series of preordained events . 
all mood and no movie . 
press the delete key . 
simone is not a bad film . it just doesn't have anything really interesting to say . 
once he starts learning to compromise with reality enough to become comparatively sane and healthy , the film becomes predictably conventional . 
 . . . hopefully it'll be at the dollar theatres by the time christmas rolls around . wait to see it then . 
there's no disguising this as one of the worst films of the summer . or for the year , for that matter . 
lacks the spirit of the previous two , and makes all those jokes about hos and even more unmentionable subjects seem like mere splashing around in the muck . 
this hastily mounted production exists only to capitalize on hopkins' inclination to play hannibal lecter again , even though harris has no immediate inclination to provide a fourth book . 
death to smoochy tells a moldy-oldie , not-nearly -as-nasty -as-it- thinks-it-is joke . over and over again . 
the threat implied in the title pokémon 4ever is terrifying – like locusts in a horde these things will keep coming . 
the film never gets over its own investment in conventional arrangements , in terms of love , age , gender , race , and class . 
to call this film a lump of coal would only be to flatter it . 
entertainment more disposable than hanna-barbera's half-hour cartoons ever were . 
the film falls short on tension , eloquence , spiritual challenge -- things that have made the original new testament stories so compelling for 20 centuries . 
by the end of it all i sort of loved the people onscreen , even though i could not stand them . perhaps the film should be seen as a conversation starter . it's not an easy one to review . 
at best this is a film for the under-7 crowd . but it would be better to wait for the video . and a very rainy day . 
the whole talking-animal thing is grisly . 
never again , while nothing special , is pleasant , diverting and modest -- definitely a step in the right direction . 
wouldn't it be funny if a bunch of allied soldiers went undercover as women in a german factory during world war ii ? um , no . but here's a movie about it anyway . 
has not so much been written as assembled , frankenstein-like , out of other , marginally better shoot-em-ups . 
the punch lines that miss , unfortunately , outnumber the hits by three-to-one . but death to smoochy keeps firing until the bitter end . 
mushes the college-friends genre ( the big chill ) together with the contrivances and overwrought emotion of soap operas . 
showtime's starry cast could be both an asset and a detriment . those who trek to the 'plex predisposed to like it probably will enjoy themselves . but ticket-buyers with great expectations will wind up as glum as mr . de niro . 
a determined , ennui-hobbled slog that really doesn't have much to say beyond the news flash that loneliness can make people act weird . 
too daft by half . . . but supremely good natured . 
fails in making this character understandable , in getting under her skin , in exploring motivation . . . well before the end , the film grows as dull as its characters , about whose fate it is hard to care . 
it's a shame that the storyline and its underlying themes . . . finally seem so impersonal or even shallow . 
woody , what happened ? 
juliette binoche's sand is vivacious , but it's hard to sense that powerhouse of 19th-century prose behind her childlike smile . 
it's supposed to be post-feminist breezy but ends up as tedious as the chatter of parrots raised on oprah . 
you can tell almost immediately that welcome to collinwood isn't going to jell . 
throughout all the tumult , a question comes to mind : so why is this so boring ? 
cattaneo reworks the formula that made the full monty a smashing success . . . but neglects to add the magic that made it all work . 
routine and rather silly . 
a rip-off twice removed , modeled after [seagal's] earlier copycat under siege , sometimes referred to as die hard on a boat . 
totally overwrought , deeply biased , and wholly designed to make you feel guilty about ignoring what the filmmakers clearly believe are the greatest musicians of all time . 
you can practically hear george orwell turning over . 
behan's memoir is great material for a film -- rowdy , brawny and lyrical in the best irish sense -- but sheridan has settled for a lugubrious romance . 
while holm is terrific as both men and hjejle quite appealing , the film fails to make the most out of the intriguing premise . 
lazy filmmaking , with the director taking a hands-off approach when he should have shaped the story to show us why it's compelling . 
if it were any more of a turkey , it would gobble in dolby digital stereo . if nothing else , " rollerball " 2002 may go down in cinema history as the only movie ever in which the rest of the cast was outshined by ll cool j . 
a movie that falls victim to frazzled wackiness and frayed satire . 
how do you make a movie with depth about a man who lacked any ? on the evidence before us , the answer is clear : not easily and , in the end , not well enough . 
the film's trailer also looked like crap , so crap is what i was expecting . 
more trifle than triumph . 
the movie is almost completely lacking in suspense , surprise and consistent emotional conviction . 
festers in just such a dungpile that you'd swear you were watching monkeys flinging their feces at you . 
lyne's latest , the erotic thriller unfaithful , further demonstrates just how far his storytelling skills have eroded . 
it sounds like another clever if pointless excursion into the abyss , and that's more or less how it plays out . 
rumor , a muddled drama about coming to terms with death , feels impersonal , almost generic . 
report card : doesn't live up to the exalted tagline - there's definite room for improvement . doesn't deserve a passing grade ( even on a curve ) . 
the pacing is deadly , the narration helps little and naipaul , a juicy writer , is negated . 
as his circle of friends keeps getting smaller one of the characters in long time dead says 'i'm telling you , this is f * * * ed' . maybe he was reading the minds of the audience . 
 . . . if it had been only half-an-hour long or a tv special , the humor would have been fast and furious-- at ninety minutes , it drags . 
bean drops the ball too many times . . . hoping the nifty premise will create enough interest to make up for an unfocused screenplay . 
a well-acted , but one-note film . 
blood work is laughable in the solemnity with which it tries to pump life into overworked elements from eastwood's dirty harry period . 
the movie is too amateurishly square to make the most of its own ironic implications . 
[lee] treats his audience the same way that jim brown treats his women -- as dumb , credulous , unassuming , subordinate subjects . and lee seems just as expectant of an adoring , wide-smiling reception . 
there's not one decent performance from the cast and not one clever line of dialogue . 
one of the worst movies of the year . . . . watching it was painful . 
a era do gelo diverte , mas não convence . É um passatempo descompromissado – e só . 
no amount of burning , blasting , stabbing , and shooting can hide a weak script . 
it's an odd show , pregnant with moods , stillborn except as a harsh conceptual exercise . 
nearly all the fundamentals you take for granted in most films are mishandled here . 
the armenian genocide deserves a more engaged and honest treatment . 
earnest yet curiously tepid and choppy recycling in which predictability is the only winner . 
ultimately this is a frustrating patchwork : an uneasy marriage of louis begley's source novel ( about schmidt ) and an old payne screenplay . 
the exploitative , clumsily staged violence overshadows everything , including most of the actors . 
we started to wonder if … some unpaid intern had just typed 'chris rock , ' 'anthony hopkins' and 'terrorists' into some univac-like script machine . 
even when crush departs from the 4w formula . . . it feels like a glossy rehash . 
more likely to have you scratching your head than hiding under your seat . 
bears is even worse than i imagined a movie ever could be . 
when you find yourself rooting for the monsters in a horror movie , you know the picture is in trouble . 
this is very much of a mixed bag , with enough negatives to outweigh the positives . 
marinated in clichés and mawkish dialogue . 
whether it's the worst movie of 2002 , i can't say for sure : memories of rollerball have faded , and i skipped country bears . but this new jangle of noise , mayhem and stupidity must be a serious contender for the title . 
[a] boldly stroked , luridly coloured , uni-dimensional nonsense machine that strokes the eyeballs while it evaporates like so much crypt mist in the brain . 
not once in the rush to save the day did i become very involved in the proceedings ; to me , it was just a matter of 'eh . '
rollerball is as bad as you think , and worse than you can imagine . 
the first question to ask about bad company is why anthony hopkins is in it . we assume he had a bad run in the market or a costly divorce , because there is no earthly reason other than money why this distinguished actor would stoop so low . 
not exaggerated enough to be a parody of gross-out flicks , college flicks , or even flicks in general . it merely indulges in the worst elements of all of them . 
shame on writer/director vicente aranda for making a florid biopic about mad queens , obsessive relationships , and rampant adultery so dull . 
suffers from a decided lack of creative storytelling . 
violent , vulgar and forgettably entertaining . 
nothing happens , and it happens to flat characters . 
with a completely predictable plot , you'll swear that you've seen it all before , even if you've never come within a mile of the longest yard . 
remember back when thrillers actually thrilled ? when the twist endings were actually surprising ? when the violence actually shocked ? when the heroes were actually under 40 ? sadly , as blood work proves , that was a long , long time ago . 
blue crush has all the trappings of an energetic , extreme-sports adventure , but ends up more of a creaky " pretty woman " retread , with the emphasis on self-empowering schmaltz and big-wave surfing that gives pic its title an afterthought . 
this movie plays like an extended dialogue exercise in retard 101 . 
what we get in feardotcom is more like something from a bad clive barker movie . in other words , it's badder than bad . 
if they broke out into elaborate choreography , singing and finger snapping it might have held my attention , but as it stands i kept looking for the last exit from brooklyn . 
a sloppy slapstick throwback to long gone bottom-of-the-bill fare like the ghost and mr . chicken . 
a small independent film suffering from a severe case of hollywood-itis . 
where the film falters is in its tone . 
the story alone could force you to scratch a hole in your head . 
ultimately , sarah's dedication to finding her husband seems more psychotic than romantic , and nothing in the movie makes a convincing case that one woman's broken heart outweighs all the loss we witness . 
it's supposed to be a humorous , all-too-human look at how hope can breed a certain kind of madness -- and strength -- but it never quite adds up . 
feels more like a rejected x-files episode than a credible account of a puzzling real-life happening . 
some motion pictures portray ultimate passion ; others create ultimate thrills . men in black ii achieves ultimate insignificance -- it's the sci-fi comedy spectacle as whiffle-ball epic . 
an enigmatic film that's too clever for its own good , it's a conundrum not worth solving . 
a zombie movie in every sense of the word--mindless , lifeless , meandering , loud , painful , obnoxious . 
rashomon-for-dipsticks tale . 
a film that clearly means to preach exclusively to the converted . 
it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is a mormon family movie , and a sappy , preachy one at that . 
definitely a crowd-pleaser , but then , so was the roman colosseum . 
certainly not a good movie , but it wasn't horrible either . 
although it starts off so bad that you feel like running out screaming , it eventually works its way up to merely bad rather than painfully awful . 
the result is so tame that even slightly wised-up kids would quickly change the channel . 
it appears to have been modeled on the worst revenge-of-the-nerds clichés the filmmakers could dredge up . 
nothing but an episode of smackdown ! in period costume and with a bigger budget . 
it takes you somewhere you're not likely to have seen before , but beneath the exotic surface ( and exotic dancing ) it's surprisingly old-fashioned . 
while the story is better-focused than the incomprehensible anne rice novel it's based upon , queen of the damned is a pointless , meandering celebration of the goth-vampire , tortured woe-is-me lifestyle . 
it should be interesting , it should be poignant , it turns out to be affected and boring . 
a good-looking but ultimately pointless political thriller with plenty of action and almost no substance . 
a tired , predictable , bordering on offensive , waste of time , money and celluloid . 
if hill isn't quite his generation's don siegel ( or robert aldrich ) , it's because there's no discernible feeling beneath the chest hair ; it's all bluster and cliché . 
stealing harvard will dip into your wallet , swipe 90 minutes of your time , and offer you precisely this in recompense : a few early laughs scattered around a plot as thin as it is repetitious . 
this is an insultingly inept and artificial examination of grief and its impacts upon the relationships of the survivors . 
does anyone much think the central story of brendan behan is that he was a bisexual sweetheart before he took to drink ? 
`martin lawrence live' is so self-pitying , i almost expected there to be a collection taken for the comedian at the end of the show . 
the dialogue is cumbersome , the simpering soundtrack and editing more so . 
never decides whether it wants to be a black comedy , drama , melodrama or some combination of the three . 
it has become apparent that the franchise's best years are long past . 
does what should seem impossible : it makes serial killer jeffrey dahmer boring . 
don't hate el crimen del padre amaro because it's anti-catholic . hate it because it's lousy . 
 . . . better described as a ghost story gone badly awry . 
like a bad improvisation exercise , the superficially written characters ramble on tediously about their lives , loves and the art they're struggling to create . 
the filmmakers are playing to the big boys in new york and l . a . to that end , they mock the kind of folks they don't understand , ones they figure the power-lunchers don't care to understand , either . 
competently directed but terminally cute drama . 
the big finish is a bit like getting all excited about a chocolate eclair and then biting into it and finding the filling missing . 
not just unlikable . disturbing . disgusting . without any redeeming value whatsoever . 
this thing is virtually unwatchable . 
those eternally devoted to the insanity of black will have an intermittently good time . feel free to go get popcorn whenever he's not onscreen . 
the self-serious equilibrium makes its point too well ; a movie , like life , isn't much fun without the highs and lows . 
the work of an exhausted , desiccated talent who can't get out of his own way . 
the main characters are simply named the husband , the wife and the kidnapper , emphasizing the disappointingly generic nature of the entire effort . 
in terms of execution this movie is careless and unfocused . 
swims in mediocrity , sticking its head up for a breath of fresh air now and then . 
the only type of lives this glossy comedy-drama resembles are ones in formulaic mainstream movies . 
the characters . . . are paper-thin , and their personalities undergo radical changes when it suits the script . 
a sha-na-na sketch punctuated with graphic violence . 
the trouble is , its filmmakers run out of clever ideas and visual gags about halfway through . 
spy-vs . -spy action flick with antonio banderas and lucy liu never comes together . 
a so-so , made-for-tv something posing as a real movie . 
the only upside to all of this unpleasantness is , given its labor day weekend upload , feardotcom should log a minimal number of hits . 
whether this is art imitating life or life imitating art , it's an unhappy situation all around . 
an uneasy mix of run-of-the-mill raunchy humor and seemingly sincere personal reflection . 
a formula family tearjerker told with a heavy irish brogue . . . accentuating , rather than muting , the plot's saccharine thrust . 
this is sandler running on empty , repeating what he's already done way too often . 
this is as lax and limp a comedy as i've seen in a while , a meander through worn-out material . 
time literally stops on a dime in the tries-so-hard-to-be-cool " clockstoppers , " but that doesn't mean it still won't feel like the longest 90 minutes of your movie-going life . 
the sort of picture in which , whenever one of the characters has some serious soul searching to do , they go to a picture-perfect beach during sunset . 
aptly named , this shimmering , beautifully costumed and filmed production doesn't work for me . 
a preposterously melodramatic paean to gang-member teens in brooklyn circa 1958 . 
has none of the crackle of " fatal attraction " , " 9 ½ weeks " , or even " indecent proposal " , and feels more like lyne's stolid remake of " lolita " . 
everything its title implies , a standard-issue crime drama spat out from the tinseltown assembly line . 
an extraordinarily silly thriller . 
a rehash of every gangster movie from the past decade . 
gaping plot holes sink this 'sub'-standard thriller and drag audience enthusiasm to crush depth . 
talkiness isn't necessarily bad , but the dialogue frequently misses the mark . 
the beautiful images and solemn words cannot disguise the slack complacency of [godard's] vision , any more than the gorgeous piano and strings on the soundtrack can drown out the tinny self-righteousness of his voice . 
the stunt work is top-notch ; the dialogue and drama often food-spittingly funny . 
the movie isn't painfully bad , something to be 'fully experienced' ; it's just tediously bad , something to be fully forgotten . 
charly comes off as emotionally manipulative and sadly imitative of innumerable past love story derisions . 
what a great shame that such a talented director as chen kaige has chosen to make his english-language debut with a film so poorly plotted and scripted . 
no amount of good intentions is able to overcome the triviality of the story . 
the film . . . presents classic moral-condundrum drama : what would you have done to survive ? the problem with the film is whether these ambitions , laudable in themselves , justify a theatrical simulation of the death camp of auschwitz ii-birkenau . 
 . . . for all its social and political potential , state property doesn't end up being very inspiring or insightful . 
a film really has to be exceptional to justify a three hour running time , and this isn't . 
little more than a stylish exercise in revisionism whose point . . . is no doubt true , but serves as a rather thin moral to such a knowing fable . 
the nonstop artifice ultimately proves tiresome , with the surface histrionics failing to compensate for the paper-thin characterizations and facile situations . 
this is a monumental achievement in practically every facet of inept filmmaking : joyless , idiotic , annoying , heavy-handed , visually atrocious , and often downright creepy . 
this off-putting french romantic comedy is sure to test severely the indulgence of fans of amélie . 
overburdened with complicated plotting and banal dialogue
ensemble movies , like soap operas , depend on empathy . if there ain't none , you have a problem . 
the master of disguise falls under the category of 'should have been a sketch on saturday night live . '
yet another self-consciously overwritten story about a rag-tag bunch of would-be characters that team up for a can't-miss heist -- only to have it all go wrong . 
koepp's screenplay isn't nearly surprising or clever enough to sustain a reasonable degree of suspense on its own . 
is it really an advantage to invest such subtlety and warmth in an animatronic bear when the humans are acting like puppets ? 
more successful at relating history than in creating an emotionally complex , dramatically satisfying heroine
clumsy , obvious , preposterous , the movie will likely set the cause of woman warriors back decades . 
it's hard to pity the 'plain' girl who becomes a ravishing waif after applying a smear of lip-gloss . rather , pity anyone who sees this mishmash . 
a banal , virulently unpleasant excuse for a romantic comedy . 
the drama discloses almost nothing . 
a minor-league soccer remake of the longest yard . 
belongs in the too-hot-for-tv direct-to-video/dvd category , and this is why i have given it a one-star rating . 
as earnest as a community-college advertisement , american chai is enough to make you put away the guitar , sell the amp , and apply to medical school . 
a dim-witted and lazy spin-off of the animal planet documentary series , crocodile hunter is entertainment opportunism at its most glaring . 
there is more than one joke about putting the toilet seat down . and that should tell you everything you need to know about all the queen's men . 
even fans of ismail merchant's work , i suspect , would have a hard time sitting through this one . 
it's really just another silly hollywood action film , one among a multitude of simple-minded , yahoo-ing death shows . 
it's not a particularly good film , but neither is it a monsterous one . 
the world needs more filmmakers with passionate enthusiasms like martin scorsese . but it doesn't need gangs of new york . 
enchanted with low-life tragedy and liberally seasoned with emotional outbursts . . . what is sorely missing , however , is the edge of wild , lunatic invention that we associate with cage's best acting . 
harry potter and the chamber of secrets is deja vu all over again , and while that is a cliche , nothing could be more appropriate . it's likely that whatever you thought of the first production -- pro or con -- you'll likely think of this one . 
sade achieves the near-impossible : it turns the marquis de sade into a dullard . 
[lin chung's] voice is rather unexceptional , even irritating ( at least to this western ear ) , making it awfully hard to buy the impetus for the complicated love triangle that develops between the three central characters . 
one of the most plain , unimaginative romantic comedies i've ever seen . 
though there's a clarity of purpose and even-handedness to the film's direction , the drama feels rigged and sluggish . 
unfortunately , the experience of actually watching the movie is less compelling than the circumstances of its making . 
unless there are zoning ordinances to protect your community from the dullest science fiction , impostor is opening today at a theater near you . 
it should be doing a lot of things , but doesn't . 
chen films the resolutely downbeat smokers only with every indulgent , indie trick in the book . 
 . . . a rather bland affair . 
far-fetched premise , convoluted plot , and thematic mumbo jumbo about destiny and redemptive love . 
the movie tries to be ethereal , but ends up seeming goofy . 
i was hoping that it would be sleazy and fun , but it was neither . 
harris is supposed to be the star of the story , but comes across as pretty dull and wooden . 
soulless and -- even more damning -- virtually joyless , xxx achieves near virtuosity in its crapulence . 
a boring masquerade ball where normally good actors , even kingsley , are made to look bad . 
all the queen's men is a throwback war movie that fails on so many levels , it should pay reparations to viewers . 
the filmmakers keep pushing the jokes at the expense of character until things fall apart . 
rather than real figures , elling and kjell bjarne become symbolic characters whose actions are supposed to relate something about the naïf's encounter with the world . 
mariah carey gives us another peek at some of the magic we saw in glitter here in wisegirls . 
it's all arty and jazzy and people sit and stare and turn away from one another instead of talking and it's all about the silences and if you're into that , have at it . 
i suspect that you'll be as bored watching morvern callar as the characters are in it . if you go , pack your knitting needles . 
the lead actors share no chemistry or engaging charisma . we don't even like their characters . 
some writer dude , i think his name was , uh , michael zaidan , was supposed to have like written the screenplay or something , but , dude , the only thing that i ever saw that was written down were the zeroes on my paycheck . 
the movie doesn't generate a lot of energy . it is dark , brooding and slow , and takes its central idea way too seriously . 
this feature is about as necessary as a hole in the head
the cinematic equivalent of patronizing a bar favored by pretentious , untalented artistes who enjoy moaning about their cruel fate . 
spectators will indeed sit open-mouthed before the screen , not screaming but yawning . 
it feels like very light errol morris , focusing on eccentricity but failing , ultimately , to make something bigger out of its scrapbook of oddballs . 
a period story about a catholic boy who tries to help a jewish friend get into heaven by sending the audience straight to hell . 
the premise itself is just sooooo tired . pair that with really poor comedic writing . . . and you've got a huge mess . 
proves a lovely trifle that , unfortunately , is a little too in love with its own cuteness . 
did we really need a remake of " charade ? " 
some movies can get by without being funny simply by structuring the scenes as if they were jokes : a setup , delivery and payoff . stealing harvard can't even do that much . each scene immediately succumbs to gravity and plummets to earth . 
the only fun part of the movie is playing the obvious game . you try to guess the order in which the kids in the house will be gored . 
i spied with my little eye . . . a mediocre collection of cookie-cutter action scenes and occasionally inspired dialogue bits
entertains not so much because of its music or comic antics , but through the perverse pleasure of watching disney scrape the bottom of its own cracker barrel . 
the satire is just too easy to be genuinely satisfying . 
bearable . barely . 
less funny than it should be and less funny than it thinks it is . 
an " o bruin , where art thou ? " -style cross-country adventure . . . it has sporadic bursts of liveliness , some so-so slapstick and a few ear-pleasing songs on its soundtrack . 
a feeble tootsie knockoff . 
an awful movie that will only satisfy the most emotionally malleable of filmgoers . 
…the story is far-flung , illogical , and plain stupid . 
the very simple story seems too simple and the working out of the plot almost arbitrary . 
an allegory concerning the chronically mixed signals african american professionals get about overachieving could be intriguing , but the supernatural trappings only obscure the message . 
a very familiar tale , one that's been told by countless filmmakers about italian- , chinese- , irish- , latin- , indian- , russian- and other hyphenate american young men struggling to balance conflicting cultural messages . 
one key problem with these ardently christian storylines is that there is never any question of how things will turn out . 
essentially , the film is weak on detail and strong on personality
a relentless , bombastic and ultimately empty world war ii action flick . 
[hell is] looking down at your watch and realizing serving sara isn't even halfway through . 
too long , and larded with exposition , this somber cop drama ultimately feels as flat as the scruffy sands of its titular community . 
leaves viewers out in the cold and undermines some phenomenal performances . 
 . . . a ho-hum affair , always watchable yet hardly memorable . 
swiftly deteriorates into a terribly obvious melodrama and rough-hewn vanity project for lead actress andie macdowell . 
the histrionic muse still eludes madonna and , playing a charmless witch , she is merely a charmless witch . 
you have no affinity for most of the characters . nothing about them is attractive . what they see in each other also is difficult to fathom . 
diaz , applegate , blair and posey are suitably kooky which should appeal to women and they strip down often enough to keep men alert , if not amused . 
a technically well-made suspenser . . . but its abrupt drop in iq points as it races to the finish line proves simply too discouraging to let slide . 
an inept , tedious spoof of '70s kung fu pictures , it contains almost enough chuckles for a three-minute sketch , and no more . 
it's a mystery how the movie could be released in this condition . 
absolutely ( and unintentionally ) terrifying . 
eckstraordinarily lame and severely boring . 
eight legged freaks falls flat as a spoof . 
no matter how much he runs around and acts like a doofus , accepting a 50-year-old in the role is creepy in a michael jackson sort of way . 
you'll just have your head in your hands wondering why lee's character didn't just go to a bank manager and save everyone the misery . 
'dragonfly' dwells on crossing-over mumbo jumbo , manipulative sentimentality , and sappy dialogue . 
in his determination to lighten the heavy subject matter , silberling also , to a certain extent , trivializes the movie with too many nervous gags and pratfalls . 
blade ii has a brilliant director and charismatic star , but it suffers from rampant vampire devaluation . 
veers uncomfortably close to pro-serb propaganda . 
staggeringly dreadful romance . 
movies like high crimes flog the dead horse of surprise as if it were an obligation . how about surprising us by trying something new ? 
final verdict : you've seen it all before . 
throwing in everything except someone pulling the pin from a grenade with his teeth , windtalkers seems to have ransacked every old world war ii movie for overly familiar material . 
if a few good men told us that we " can't handle the truth " than high crimes poetically states at one point in this movie that we " don't care about the truth . " 
further sad evidence that tom tykwer , director of the resonant and sense-spinning run lola run , has turned out to be a one-trick pony -- a maker of softheaded metaphysical claptrap . 
you'll trudge out of the theater feeling as though you rode the zipper after eating a corn dog and an extra-large cotton candy . 
the movie is a little tired ; maybe the original inspiration has run its course . 
this will go on so long as there are moviegoers anxious to see strange young guys doing strange guy things . 
a full-frontal attack on audience patience . 
any intellectual arguments being made about the nature of god are framed in a drama so clumsy , there is a real danger less sophisticated audiences will mistake it for an endorsement of the very things that bean abhors . 
it's a big idea , but the film itself is small and shriveled . 
debut effort by " project greenlight " winner is sappy and amateurish . 
one gets the impression the creators of don't ask don't tell laughed a hell of a lot at their own jokes . too bad none of it is funny . 
the cast has a high time , but de broca has little enthusiasm for such antique pulp . 
the film , like jimmy's routines , could use a few good laughs . 
the film has too many spots where it's on slippery footing , but is acceptable entertainment for the entire family and one that's especially fit for the kiddies . 
purports to be a hollywood satire but winds up as the kind of film that should be the target of something deeper and more engaging . oh , and more entertaining , too . 
 . . . in the pile of useless actioners from mtv schmucks who don't know how to tell a story for more than four minutes . 
though it was made with careful attention to detail and is well-acted by james spader and maggie gyllenhaal , i felt disrespected . 
well-made but mush-hearted . 
humor in i spy is so anemic . 
the film is strictly routine . 
a real snooze . 
skillful as he is , mr . shyamalan is undone by his pretensions . 
while the new film is much more eye-catching than its blood-drenched stephen norrington-directed predecessor , the new script by the returning david s . goyer is much sillier . 
in addition to sporting one of the worst titles in recent cinematic history , ballistic : ecks vs . sever also features terrible , banal dialogue ; convenient , hole-ridden plotting ; superficial characters and a rather dull , unimaginative car chase . 
it shares the first two films' loose-jointed structure , but laugh-out-loud bits are few and far between . 
the santa clause 2 is a barely adequate babysitter for older kids , but i've got to give it thumbs down . 
you cannot guess why the cast and crew didn't sign a pact to burn the negative and the script and pretend the whole thing never existed . 
barney throws away the goodwill the first half of his movie generates by orchestrating a finale that is impenetrable and dull . 
if you're really renting this you're not interested in discretion in your entertainment choices , you're interested in anne geddes , john grisham , and thomas kincaid . 
we get the comedy we settle for . 
the uneven movie does have its charms and its funny moments but not quite enough of them . 
two hours of sepia-tinted heavy metal images and surround sound effects of people moaning . 
a word of advice to the makers of the singles ward : celebrity cameos do not automatically equal laughs . and neither do cliches , no matter how 'inside' they are . 
the campy results make mel brooks' borscht belt schtick look sophisticated . 
its appeal will probably limited to lds church members and undemanding armchair tourists . 
the hanukkah spirit seems fried in pork . 
cherish would've worked a lot better had it been a short film . 
manipulative claptrap , a period-piece movie-of-the-week , plain old blarney . . . take your pick . all three descriptions suit evelyn , a besotted and obvious drama that tells us nothing new . 
hey arnold ! is now stretched to barely feature length , with a little more attention paid to the animation . still , the updated dickensian sensibility of writer craig bartlett's story is appealing . 
true to its title , it traps audiences in a series of relentlessly nasty situations that we would pay a considerable ransom not to be looking at . 
doesn't come close to justifying the hype that surrounded its debut at the sundance film festival two years ago . 
the plot is paper-thin and the characters aren't interesting enough to watch them go about their daily activities for two whole hours . 
kaufman's script is never especially clever and often is rather pretentious . 
the film didn't move me one way or the other , but it was an honest effort and if you want to see a flick about telemarketers this one will due . 
queen of the damned is too long with too little going on . 
it collapses when mr . taylor tries to shift the tone to a thriller's rush . 
any film that doesn't even in passing mention political prisoners , poverty and the boat loads of people who try to escape the country is less a documentary and more propaganda by way of a valentine sealed with a kiss . 
 . . . blade ii is still top-heavy with blazing guns , cheatfully filmed martial arts , disintegrating bloodsucker computer effects and jagged camera moves that serve no other purpose than to call attention to themselves . 
the rules of attraction gets us too drunk on the party favors to sober us up with the transparent attempts at moralizing . 
though there are many tense scenes in trapped , they prove more distressing than suspenseful . 
in this film we at least see a study in contrasts ; the wide range of one actor , and the limited range of a comedian . 
feels strangely hollow at its emotional core . 
no surprises . 
you have once again entered the bizarre realm where director adrian lyne holds sway , where all relationships are simultaneously broadly metaphorical , oddly abstract , and excruciatingly literal . 
the high-concept scenario soon proves preposterous , the acting is robotically italicized , and truth-in-advertising hounds take note : there's very little hustling on view . 
this director's cut -- which adds 51 minutes -- takes a great film and turns it into a mundane soap opera . 
characterisation has been sacrificed for the sake of spectacle . 
the venezuelans say things like " si , pretty much " and " por favor , go home " when talking to americans . that's muy loco , but no more ridiculous than most of the rest of " dragonfly . " 
it's a movie that ends with truckzilla , for cryin' out loud . if that doesn't clue you in that something's horribly wrong , nothing will . 
director tom shadyac and star kevin costner glumly mishandle the story's promising premise of a physician who needs to heal himself . 
it's difficult to imagine that a more confused , less interesting and more sloppily made film could possibly come down the road in 2002 . 
like the tuck family themselves , this movie just goes on and on and on and on
as pedestrian as they come . 
a film that plays things so nice 'n safe as to often play like a milquetoast movie of the week blown up for the big screen . 
it's a feel-bad ending for a depressing story that throws a bunch of hot-button items in the viewer's face and asks to be seen as hip , winking social commentary . 
put it somewhere between sling blade and south of heaven , west of hell in the pantheon of billy bob's body of work . 
more intellectually scary than dramatically involving . 
an inconsequential , barely there bit of piffle . 
the abiding impression , despite the mild hallucinogenic buzz , is of overwhelming waste -- the acres of haute couture can't quite conceal that there's nothing resembling a spine here . 
as saccharine as it is disposable . 
you come away thinking not only that kate isn't very bright , but that she hasn't been worth caring about and that maybe she , janine and molly -- an all-woman dysfunctional family -- deserve one another . 
the metaphors are provocative , but too often , the viewer is left puzzled by the mechanics of the delivery . 
very much a home video , and so devoid of artifice and purpose that it appears not to have been edited at all . 
too much power , not enough puff . 
the attempt to build up a pressure cooker of horrified awe emerges from the simple fact that the movie has virtually nothing to show . 
it's provocative stuff , but the speculative effort is hampered by taylor's cartoonish performance and the film's ill-considered notion that hitler's destiny was shaped by the most random of chances . 
a cellophane-pop remake of the punk classic ladies and gentlemen , the fabulous stains . . . crossroads is never much worse than bland or better than inconsequential . 
muddled , trashy and incompetent
for this sort of thing to work , we need agile performers , but the proficient , dull sorvino has no light touch , and rodan is out of his league . 
narc is all menace and atmosphere . 
though excessively tiresome , the uncertainty principle , as verbally pretentious as the title may be , has its handful of redeeming features , as long as you discount its ability to bore . 
despite juliet stevenon's attempt to bring cohesion to pamela's emotional roller coaster life , it is not enough to give the film the substance it so desperately needs . 
it's tough to be startled when you're almost dozing . 
his [nelson's] screenplay needs some serious re-working to show more of the dilemma , rather than have his characters stage shouting matches about it . 
it's so downbeat and nearly humorless that it becomes a chore to sit through -- despite some first-rate performances by its lead . 
a terrible movie that some people will nevertheless find moving . 
there are many definitions of 'time waster' but this movie must surely be one of them . 
as it stands , crocodile hunter has the hurried , badly cobbled look of the 1959 godzilla , which combined scenes of a japanese monster flick with canned shots of raymond burr commenting on the monster's path of destruction . 
the thing looks like a made-for-home-video quickie . 
enigma is well-made , but it's just too dry and too placid . 
tristar / 1 : 30 / 1997 / r ( language , violence , dennis rodman ) cast : jean-claude van damme ; mickey rourke ; dennis rodman ; natacha lindinger ; paul freeman director : tsui hark screenplay : dan jakoby ; paul mones ripe with explosions , mass death and really weird hairdos , tsui hark's " double team " must be the result of a tipsy hollywood power lunch that decided jean-claude van damme needs another notch on his bad movie-bedpost and nba superstar dennis rodman should have an acting career . actually , in " double team , " neither's performance is all that bad . i've always been the one critic to defend van damme -- he possesses a high charisma level that some genre stars ( namely steven seagal ) never aim for ; it's just that he's never made a movie so exuberantly witty since 1994's " timecop . " and rodman . . . well , he's pretty much rodman . he's extremely colorful , and therefore he pretty much fits his role to a t , even if the role is that of an ex-cia weapons expert . it's the story that needs some major work . van damme plays counter-terrorist operative jack quinn , who teams up with arms dealer yaz ( rodman ) to rub out deadly gangster stavros ( mickey rourke , all beefy and weird-looking ) in an antwerp amusement park . the job is botched when stavros' son gets killed in the gunfire , and quinn is taken off to an island known as " the colony " -- a think tank for soldiers " too valuable to kill " but " too dangerous to set free . " quinn escapes and tries to make it back home to his pregnant wife ( natacha lindinger ) , but stavros is out for revenge and kidnaps her . so , what's a kickboxing mercenary to do ? quinn looks up yaz and the two travel to rome so they can rescue the woman , kill stavros , save the world and do whatever else the screenplay requires them to do . with crazy , often eye-popping camera work by peter pau and rodman's lite brite locks , " double team " should be a mildly enjoyable guilty pleasure . but too much tries to happen in each frame , and the result is a movie that leaves you exhausted rather than exhilarated . the numerous action scenes are loud and headache-inducing and the frenetic pacing never slows down enough for us to care about what's going on in the movie . and much of what's going on is just wacky . there's a whole segment devoted to net-surfing monks that i have yet to figure out . and the climax finds quinn going head-to-head with a tiger in the roman coliseum while yaz circles them on a motorcycle , trying to avoid running over land mines and hold on to quinn's baby boy ( who's in a bomb equipped basket ) -- all this while stavros watches shirtless from the bleachers . did i mention " double team " is strange ? when it all comes down , this is just another rarely entertaining formula killathon , albeit one that feels no need to indulge in gratuitous profanity . rodman juices things up with his blatantly vibrant screen persona , though , leading up to a stunt where he kicks an opponent between the legs . but we didn't need " double team " to tell us he could do that , did we ? © 1997 jamie peck e-mail : jpeck1@gl . umbc . edu visit the reel deal online : http : //www . gl . umbc . edu/~jpeck1/ 
arlington road 1/4 . directed by mark pellington . written by ehren kruger . photography , bobby bukowski . editing , conrad buff . production design , therese deprez . music , angelo badalamenti . producers , peter samuelson , tom gorai , marc samuelson . cast : jeff bridges ( michael faraday ) , tim robbins ( oliver lang ) , joan cusack ( cheryl lang ) , hope davis ( brooke wolfe ) , robert gossett ( fbi agent whit carver ) , mason gamble ( brady lang ) , spencer treat clark ( grant faraday ) , stanley anderson ( dr . archer scobee ) , et al . a screen gems release . 117 minutes . r ( violence ) the day after i saw this movie , i was reading in the new york times george vecsey's analysis of the us women's soccer team victory . ( vecsey is both a paragon of sports writers and an excellent author of non-sports books , including " loretta lynn , coal miner's daughter " the bestseller which became a great movie ) . i quote : " now the american women are hot , but , then again , america lives for temporary diversion and instant gratification -- new pop groups , new sunglasses , new cars , new internet stocks . " one might add to this many other items , including new movies , such as arlington road . the following day i received a tbs announcement for a made-for-cable film , first daughter , about the kidnapping of the president's daughter by american terrorists . as voltaire said about god , " if he didn't exist , he should have been invented . " hollywood , in the absence of that so-useful big bad soviet bear , predictably turned to world-wide terrorism , including home-grown american destroyers . as in arlington road , an ambitious but disappointing opus . at d . c . 's george washington university , professor faraday ( bridges ) teaches courses on terrorism . he's a widower with his boy , grant . his fbi-agent wife , was killed in a federal cock-up . faraday is being semi-consoled by brooke , one of his graduate students . he lives on arlington road where he makes friends with neighbors oliver ( robbins ) and cheryl lang ( cusack ) . then he begins to suspect that oliver is not the architect he claims to be , but a terrorist leader . . . the film open with the protracted , unexplained sequence . a heavily bloodied , badly burnt boy staggers down a street . just as you think that he'll fall down dead , he is rescued by michael faraday who drives him to a hospital . it's all done as a skillful " internal " montage , whose horror , however , does not really hide goofs and improbabilities . item : in a close-up , a drop of blood falls on one of the boy's sneakers . seconds later , the same sneaker has no blood . item : arlington road is a suburban street flanked by many houses and lawns but i cannot remember seeing any people around . it is far too convenient that the only driver who notices the kid's predicament is faraday . item : the child rapidly goes from apparent death throes to a lightning-fast recovery with one arm in a cast as the only visible sign . the explanation of the boy's condition , given by his parents , the langs , is a fireworks accident . all this is an artificial gimmick to have faraday and the langs meet and develop nice , neighborly relations . the couple has a boy , brady , and two girls . brady and grant become best friends . this is held in reserve for future , nefarious purposes . it is also is a gimmick for dis-alienating the orphan grant who disapproves of papa's girlfriend brooke , and for turning the 8-year old into a " regular american boy , " a fact that gets worked into the plot . another ho-hummer . michael faraday's questioning of oliver's kosher-ness as a designer of malls starts with his 2-seconds' glimpse of plans that are not of a mall but of an office building . quick eyes , what ? item : when later michael needs to look at those plans by getting into the lang house when the couple is not there , the two little girls who open the door are uncharacteristically pan-faced and suspicious ; michael's excuses for entering are woolly-minded , blatantly dumb . so is his search . item : brooke , rather thinking that michael's suspicions are paranoid , is an unbelievably obtuse naysayer . so is the fbi agent , a friend of michael's . cliche item : when a good person is feverishly phoning about a discovery from a pay-phone , and turns around , the enemy is standing there . improbable item : michael is checking old newspaper files about oliver . . . who suddenly appears behind him . cliche item : the obligatory as well as unbelievable car chase . impossible item : the way chasers and chased connect . goof item : a car is hit broadsides ; next that side is shown undamaged . [here i eliminate about dozens of other items]the finale is highly improbable but does score a point by going against the guesses of audiences conditioned by too many action good vs . evil flicks . i won't disclose it . the script of arlington road-- a name evoking red , white and blue patriotism-- wastes much money and technical talent during its two hours where nothing makes sense . its photography and editing are artsy not arty . story an dialogue go overboard with deviousness and indirection . has no one learned from alfred hitchcock the value of clarity ? . the whole is an alienating mess , and a probably uncalled for stress on large-scale , minutely organized , hugely financed ( but by whom ? ) american terrorism . the movie's events are under the sign of the world trade center and oklahoma city bombings , and the mess at ruby ridge . consciously or not , it connects with such good pictures as the invasion of the body snatchers , the stepford wives , seconds , rosemary's baby , et al . , that is , films where people are not what they seem to be . rescuing it from total destruction are good performances by bridges who is convincing in his pain and obsessions ; by robbins who is smooth and would be frightening if credible ; and by the clever casting of ever-charming joan cusack as a wolf in lamb's clothing . " le mauvais gout mene au crime " ( stendhal ) edwin jahiel's movie reviews are at http : //www . prairienet . org/ejahiel 
the brady bunch movie is less a motion picture than a minor pop event . forget your reruns and forget your nick at nite ; this dead-on recreation of the fabled seventies sitcom is both so exhilarating and * so disturbing that you half-expect to see the ghost of rod serling appear in the narrative . did we really act this way twenty years ago ? of course not . the genius of the brady bunch movie is how it heightens the surreality of the family unit from hell by fast-forwarding them into the future . it's 1995 and greg still calls the chicks " groovy , " and marsha still considers hair-brushing the high point of her day . bell bottoms are in , and alice has yet to move out . nothing has changed within the garish walls of brady manor and , so , the plot has the family stepping out into the real world , where they are confronted by everything from carjackers to lesbians . granted , nothing * too * serious happens here . with the exception of some heavy sexual innuendo , the brady bunch movie is about as sanitary as the source material . and that's too bad . director betty thomas ( of tv's " hill street blues " fame ) doesn't cut between real-life and brady-life enough to make the contrast as glaring as it should be . the edge isn't sharp enough . * we * know that what we're watching is funky , though , so it's not that much of a problem . nor are the glaring low production standards . the cast is uniformly appealing . shelly long seems to have found her niche under awful hair , while gary cole is right on the mark with dad's sing-song truisms . christine taylor is the best of the brady kids . she's a cheery delight as marsha * and * is a dead ringer for maureen mccormick . her foil is jennifer elise cox , who is a howl as the brooding jan . 
janeane garofalo in a romantic comedy -- it was a good idea a couple years ago with the truth about cats and dogs but is almost excruciating in the matchmaker . this is a by-the-books movie that plods along on a predestined course with no surprises and very few laughs . it also jumps on the ever-popular political satire bandwagon and manages to fall flat there , too . garofalo plays a campaign aide to a massacusetts senator ( jay o . sanders ) running for reelection . denis leary plays the stereotypical strategist with no ethics who decides the only way for the scandal- plagued senator to win is to play up his irish roots and cash in on that boston roman catholic democrat contingent that's made the kennedy family so popular . so leary orders garofalo to go to ireland and dig up some relatives to exploit . she soon learns why " easier said than done " is the mantra of movies like this . the matchmaker falls for every cliche of things that can go wrong -- garofalo has to take a tiny plane to ireland , almost misses the bus to town , can't get a hotel room , ends up in the smallest , trashiest one around , has a dog piss on her luggage , and so on . then comes what roger ebert calls the " meet cute . " it happens in every romance : the man and woman have to meet each other for the first time in some unconventional , cinematic way . in the matchmaker , it happens when garofalo walks into her hotel bathroom and finds a nude sean ( david o'hara ) in the bathtub , his dog sitting at his side . no points for guessing it's the same dog that just made water on her luggage . also no points for guessing garofalo hates o'hara on sight . that's how it works in movies like these . i know from the instant i saw that irishman in the bathtub that she'd hate him for awhile , then succumb to his charms , live happily for a reel or so before allowing some superficial detail to throw the relationship into turmoil , after which they'd reconcile in time for a happy irish tune to play over the end credits . i haven't mentioned the movie's twist yet . garofalo comes to the small ireland town during the annual matchmaking festival , during which lonely folks from around the county pair off into a future of bliss . milo o'shea ( who looks like an irish tom snyder ) is the matchmaker who pops onscreen occasionally to spew his words of wisdom and bring lonely souls together . rest assured he'll do all he can to match up garofalo and o'hara . oh , and in keeping with the matchmaker's utter predictability , he dies toward the end . what the message here ? sometimes even the most respectable person of comedic distinction , like garofalo , will sell out with a weak script . i was excited to see garofalo and leary in the same movie , but they actually only have two or three scenes together . leary stays stateside , for the most part , yelling at garofalo over the phone and generally being an asshole . he even undoes himself with the old microphone's still on after he's done giving the speech cliche . both of them should have known better . visit the movie critic at large homepage at http : //www . missouri . edu/~c667778/movies . html close to 1 , 000 reviews with a comedic flair . . . 
i'm going to keep this plot summary brief , something i wish mr . warren had done with his " film " ( i know , " manos " only runs 74 minutes , but that's not brief enough ) . michael ( hal warren ) leads his family on a trip out into the middle of nowhere . after being lost for a great deal of time , they stumble across a lodge run by torgo ( the late john reynolds ) , a small man with large knees . torgo informs the family that he watches the house while the master ( tom neyman ) is away . michael insists on torgo allowing his family to stay , despite the fact that michael's wife , margaret ( the late diane mahree ) , and daughter , debbie ( stephanie nielson ) , aren't too keen on staying . torgo relents and slowly carries the family's luggage into the house . meanwhile , the master awakens , and his wives ( jackey neyman , sherry proctor , robin redd ) vie for his favor by wrestling in the mud . i'm afraid i'm not an eloquent enough writer to adequately describe the experience that is " manos , the hands of fate " . i don't believe i can do justice to this diamond in the rough ; this magnificent piece of filmmaking that is - oh forget it , i can't even say it . " manos , the hands of fate " is , arguably , the worst movie of all time . imagine , if you will , the following : hal warren , a fertilizer salesman , bets a friend that he can make a popular horror film on a minimal budget . he hires several actors who have little to no experience or training ( he himself has no experience or training ) , and leads the cast through a script which consists of long spells of nothingness occurring . you're no doubt wondering why i have referred to cast members as " the late " ; it's because after the film was finished , and the cast laughed out of the theater at its premier , three ( that's right , three ) cast members committed suicide . " manos " ( which means hands , by the way ) has since become a legendary film ; one which can only be watched under one of three circumstances : you're completely drunk , completely insane , or completely asleep . while looking over the list of actors involved in this project , you'll most likely realize that none of the names sound familiar . that's because each cast member sealed his/her acting fate by appearing in this " movie " . not one actor involved went on to make any other picture . could appearing in a bad movie really do this to one's career ? it's doubtful . for example , barry pepper will no doubt go on to make other films after " battlefield earth " ( which is not to say " battlefield earth " is in the same league as " manos " ) . the chief reason none of these actors went on to other films is because none of them could act . hal warren was as incompetent in front of the camera as he was behind it ; tom neyman made van damme look like an oscar winner ; and diane mahree's part consisted of , well , nothing really . the only two actors worth noting are john reynolds and stephanie nielson . stephanie nielson may have been only a child , but she outdid every adult in the film ( she's no doubt in a mental institute somewhere after experiencing this movie ) . john reynolds , who was sadly one of the three casualties of this war , actually showed some small trace of talent . do i mean he was good ? not in the slightest . yet , i think if he'd received some schooling and experience he might have gone on to a small career . so what does a movie look like when there's no budget ? well , picture " the blair witch project " without the scares ( oh wait , there were no scares in " blair witch " ) , the extras , the scenery , or the nice cameras . you see , " manos , the hands of fate " was filmed with such a cheap , ancient camera that the film could only be shot in thirty two second bursts . this means there are fades and/or cuts every thirty two seconds for no reason . the costuming in " manos " is rather interesting . there are really only three different bits of costuming : the wives' undergarments , which they wear while fighting each other ; the master's cloak of hands , which is a large cloak covered in large hands ( something involving the god manos , whom he serves ) ; and torgo's knees . torgo's knees , by the way , may look like nothing more than large anomalies stuck to his legs , but they're actually an ingenious invention thought up by john reynolds . torgo is actually supposed to be a satyr , and the large knees were supposed to represent goat legs . i'm not quite sure how reynolds thought this up , and i'm not sure how we were supposed to know they were goat legs , and i'm not even sure why torgo is supposed to be a satyr , but there you have it . there are two more things worth noting in " manos " . one is the dialogue , particularly that of torgo ; the other is the soundtrack . torgo's dialogue generally consists of repeating the same phrases over and over again . for example , when asked about the master's health , torgo states : " dead ? no , madam . not dead the way you know it . he is with us always . not dead the way you know it . he is with us always . " i think warren wanted to emphasize the fact that he wasn't dead like we know it , but i could be wrong . torgo also states , in a line vaguely ( very vaguely ) reminiscent of a classic line from rosalie crutchley in " the haunting " : " there is no way out of here . it'll be dark soon . there is no way out of here . " it should be noted that the camera used was so ancient and decrepit that it could not record sound . therefore , all the characters voices were dubbed by four different people : hal warren , hal's wife , and two friends . the soundtrack to " manos " is certainly one of the high-points . after some strange and out of place lounge music in the film's opening ( which consists of a lot of driving ) we settle into the torgo theme , which is made up of six notes played over and over again till you're certain your ears will begin to bleed . if i haven't made this film sound bad enough , and you are unfortunate enough to go and witness it , i do apologize . i'd recommend " manos , the hands of fate " to those who simply adore classic bad movies ( because this one ranks amongst the worst ) and award it a full one out of five stars . comments ? send to : johnbeachem@dependentfilms . netpast reviews can be found at : http : //www . epinions . com/user-elerad ? public=yes or http : //us . imdb . com/reviewsby ? john + beachem * * * * * - one of the best movies of the year . * * * * - great flick , try and catch this one . * * * - okay movie , hits and misses . * * - pretty bad , see it at your own risk . * - see this one only if you enjoy pain . get your private , free e-mail from msn hotmail at http : //www . hotmail . com .  share information about yourself , create your own public profile at http : //profiles . msn . com .  
review by lars lindahl ( larsattacks@mail . com ) starring norm macdonald , dave chapelle , elaine stritch , sherman hemsley , daniel benzali , and danny devito the most popular trend of the last couple of years has been the twist ending . watching one of these movies , everything seems to make sense until suddenly you are blown away by an unexpected surprise . when the film ends , there is a moment of confusion , then recollection , then some more confusion , then possibly a second viewing for clarification . this is a description of an ideal twist that perfects everything it sets out to do and more . good surprises make movies fun to watch . then there are the bad twists . you either know what is going to happen ten minutes into the movie ( i'm talking about you reindeer games ) or you did not guess the ending because it is so outrageously stupid . screwed perfectly suits the latter description . what starts out as a dumb guilty pleasure which should be fun to mock with a group of friends ends with a complex finale with way too much going on . by the writers of man on the moon and the people vs . larry flynt , scott alexander and larry karaszewski leave milos forman behind and take a stab at film directing . whoops . screwed is an inane christmas carol gone berserk with few genuine laughs and many acting embarrassments . norm macdonald stars as willard filmore , a hard working chauffeur who just wants a little respect from his rich , old , insidious boss , miss crock ( elaine stritch ) . when he overhears her plans to fire him on christmas day , willard is convinced by his best friend rusty ( dave chapelle ) to kidnap crock's beloved dog and hold it for a ransom of one million dollars . too excited to pay any attention , the hapless losers' plan goes awry when the dog escapes and returns home . now crock thinks willard has been kidnapped and the two friends , realizing they can make even more money , decide to stage the fake kidnapping . of course , everything that could go wrong does . the first forty-five minutes of screwed is harmless entertainment - a guilty pleasure that should be enjoyably bad . but the convoluted script eventually builds into a disaster that is impossible to bear . the more idiotic these characters get , the more reckless the script becomes . at one point , i wanted to get out of my seat and yell at these characters : " no , you idiot ! " i'm not just talking about willard and rusty , who were extremely annoying , i'm also talking about the cops in this film . a monkey could have solved this case within an hour but these guys ( headed by murder one's daniel benzali ) were just too clueless to forgive . they give real cops bad names . also poor danny devito apparently does not know how to turn down a role these days . looking almost identical to his penguin in batman : returns , every time he appeared on the screen i had to shake my head in disbelief . he just didn't belong in this movie . macdonald and chapelle are veterans at these kinds of movies but devito made the film much worse than it already was , gross out humor is certainly not his forte . if you're a fan of norm macdonald's other chaotic comedy , dirty work , you might actually love this near-sequel . otherwise , don't get screwed out of your hard-earned money . 
after enduring mariah carey's film debut , glitter , i'm reminded of a bit from chris rock's bigger and blacker . in response to women saying that they can raise a child without a man , rock says , " you can drive a car with your feet , but that don't mean it should be done . " to that i say , you can give mariah carey a movie , but that certainly don't mean it should be done . sure , there are plenty of pop star film vehicles out there -- from the beatles' a hard day's night to the spice girls' spice world -- but none have been so vapidly pointless or laughable as glitter . everything about this complete tripe is ludicrous . start off with the story , which -- as gruesomely predictable as it is -- is the least offensive part of the movie . the film is inexplicably set in the 80s , a period piece that really shows no sign of its period except for a few chicks in leg warmers . worse yet , everyone's speaking late 90s hip-hop slang in what should be 1983 . meant to be partially autobiographical , carey plays billie frank , a young singer in new york who struggles to overcome a rough childhood and abandonment by her alcoholic mother . influential club dj julian dice , a . k . a . " lucky 7 " ( max beesley playing a bad mix of puff daddy and robert de niro ) , hears her sing on a track , and decides to make her a star . in predictably rapid succession , billie and dice fall for each other , she starts hitting it big , dice gets jealous and starts acting like an ass , and suddenly billie's on " the roller coaster of superstardom . " in the meantime , billie is on an emotional hunt for her missing mom . i won't give away the ending , but -- honestly -- just think of unicorns and rainbows . . . you'll figure it out . the movie screams to be made with camp , and that could've been fun . but the filmmakers thought making the bulk of glitter weepy and dramatic would be better . what a mistake . the brief attempts at comic relief -- as in a scene where an effeminate russian-sounding director gets wacky with filming billie's first music video -- go over like lead balloons . instead , the audience at my screening tended to laugh loudest during mariah's most dramatic scenes . which brings us to the performances , of which there's nothing good that can be said . mariah is primarily seen with a wide-eyed deer-in-the-headlights look frozen on her face . she actually looks scared during her one love scene . but you have to wonder if the writing isn't even worse . so much of the dialogue is so hackneyed and watered down for carey's virginal target audience that it's probably impossible for any actor to pull it off with aplomb . even the characters couldn't have been written more absurdly . they're all members of a barbie playset : the important film director who swoons , " billie , i'd love to put you in a movie i'm making , " and the big-time record executive who takes billie's demo tape and says , " oh , i'll make sure the whole team listens to it in the morning . " everyone in the film is a device , and it's painful to keep watching just to see another one appear . to say more would be a waste . there's so much wrong with this film . and , it pains me that mariah carey -- with her ego and sanity in such fragile condition these days , as evidenced by her multiple hospital stays -- will have to suffer through all the negative reviews she's likely to get . but , then again , i had to suffer through her movie . 
here's a rarity : a children's film that attempts to tackle a weighty subject , is there a god ? done well , it could have been a gem among the wasteland of modern children's cinema . unfortunately , it isn't . with jumbled messages , and an unclear audience , wide awake was better left asleep . fifth grader joshua beal ( joseph cross ) is in the middle of a moral crisis . his beloved grandfather ( robert loggia ) has died , and joshua has begun a quest . he wants to find god , to discover why bad things happen . this religious quest is slightly disturbing for his parents ( dana delany and denis leary ) , but they do their best to cope with their son as he explores different religious faiths . at his catholic school , his favorite teacher , sister terry ( rosie o'donnell ) , tries to give him guidance , but this is a journey he must make on his own . meanwhile , he is having the most momentous year of his life . he has several adventures with his daredevil best friend dave ( timothy reifsnyder ) , he gets his first crush , and begins to wake up to the world around him while he is on his spiritual journey . it is somewhat confusing as to what the real audience for wide awake is expected to be . on its surface , it appears to be a kid's film . however , it deals with serious issues , and is likely to be boring for today's instant-gratification kids . and while it might seem heartening to see that someone is trying to produce something thoughtful for the kidvid audience , wide awake asks serious questions , but only delivers a cheap gimmick for an answer . if there were a bit more meat in the story , adults on a nostalgic bent might get a kick out of the movie . the actors who might have created a great cast ( o'donnell , leary and delany ) are wasted in roles that amount to little more than cameos . the nostalgic elements ( best friend , favorite teacher , first crush , etc . ) have been done much better in other movies , and actually seem more like filler here . the film's strongest scenes are some touching flashbacks depicting joshua's relationship with his grandfather . they show more depth than is present anywhere else in the movie . maybe the film would have been better if , instead of playing the relationship through flashbacks , it were set entirely during joshua's last year with his grandpa . it certainly would have been more entertaining . wide awake can best be described as a failed experiment . it starts out with noble aspirations , but never delivers on its promise . parents who do take their children to see this one ought to be prepared to answer some tough questions . . . that is if their kids aren't bored to death first . 
starring : tommy lee jones ( sam gerard ) , wesley snipes ( various character names ) , joe pantoliano ( cosmo renfro ) , robert downey jr . ( john royce ) , irène jacob ( marie ) , tom wood ( noah newman ) , daniel roebuck ( biggs ) , kate nelligan ( walsh ) directed by : stuart baird , written by : john poguerated pg-13 by the mpaa for violence , gore , and strong languagei'll lay out the basics first . sam gerard , the chief deputy u . s . marshal from the fugitive ( 1993 ) , and his team of crack deputies , are back . another man has fled from the clutches of the state , and gerard must chase this new fugitive down . but what's the story this time ? why is he running ? did he do what he was accused ? if not , who did ? who's doing the cover-up ? why ? and so on . all the stuff you love from your traditional action/suspense/mystery flicks , but with better characters ( especially jones' oscar-winning gerard role ) and better action set-pieces , pushing it into the above-average fun-film range . plus , it's a warner bros . film , and everyone knows that ever since about 1994 , it's been a red-letter day any time that warner has actually released a good film . '97 was their best run in a while , what with contact , rosewood , and l . a . confidential . maybe things will look up for them this year . now then . . . i've never felt the need to adress what other critics have thought of a movie before , but this time , i'm afraid i must . it's just that this time , i've read a number of reviews with differing opinions , but many of them made various statements that left me with one vital question : what movie did these people see ? i'm not talking about disagreeing with their opinions . i'm talking things that seem to be factual , and yet , also just seem . . . well , wrong . i guess some of these could be taken as opinions . regardless , i have no idea where anyone could get these impressions . i'll just ramble them off for you , to give you an impression of what i'm getting at here . the following statements , made by a number of unrelated , anonymous film critics , appear to be nothing short of , well , false : 1 ) u . s . marshals is nothing more than a copy of the the fugitive . 
the haunting  -a review by bill chambers ( haunting@filmfreakcentral . net ) starring lili taylor , liam neeson , catherine zeta-jones , owen wilson screenplay by david self , based on the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson directed by jan de bont " some houses are born bad , " goes the haunting's tag line , to which i must add , " some movies , too . " nothing short of hiring a new cast , a more literate screenwriter , and a new director could have saved this tragically misguided adaptation of jackson's meritorious novel . the haunting is late entry summer dreck too slick to be creepy , and its seemingly endless stream of digital trickery and spooky ooky sound effects don't frighten so much as numb the audience into submission-the film is like a rube goldberg contraption rigged to shout " boo . " fragile nell ( taylor ) , bisexual theo ( zeta-jones ) , and smiley luke ( wilson ) are three insomniacs who gather at the reputedly possessed hill house for an extended study on sleep disorders , hosted by professor marrow ( neeson ) . marrow's secretly gathering data on their respective paranoid responses to his recount of hill house's bleak history . he's not prepared for the very real apparitions that terrorize the crew , nell especially , who has some ancestral connection to the manor's previous inhabitants . taylor is thoroughly insufferable in her first big-budget lead . for starters , her consistently dour expression sucks the life out of even the early scenes , when we're introduced to the mansion and all its fun-house trappings . her character is supposed to be depressed , having tended to an unloving mother for too many years , but taylor plays nell as supernaturally lame , alternately grouchy , mopey , wiggy and pathetic , and i kept wondering why the other characters didn't just ditch this bitch . as for the obscenely photogenic zeta-jones , she breezes through her scenes with a wink and a smile and takes the scenery with her . unfortunately , she's saddled with some of the most unlikely dialogue the screenplay has to offer . theo's assessment of the house ? " i love it ! sort of charles foster kane meets the munsters . " who on earth would say that in place of " citizen kane meets the munsters " ? ( furthermore , would you gladly spend a single night in a house befitting that description ? ) both actresses fare better than neeson , who looks embarrassed to be a part of this ensemble ( and for good reason ) , and his character is the most bland . as luke puts it , dr . marrow pulls the old " academic bait and switch " on his subjects , but he breaks down and confesses to this the second he's accused . later , he risks his life by climbing a crumbling stairwell to save nell ( it's amusing to hear neeson shout " nell " repeatedly , given his starring role in the 1994 jodie foster vehicle of the same name ) . why was this nice , helpful , and redemptive researcher so absent of ethics at the start ? the haunting was well designed by eugenio zanetti . his sets are obsessively detailed , and even before the cgi kicks in , they seem alive , never quite still . i do have one beef with this aspect of the production : the real life mansion used in exterior shots , nottinghamshire's harlaxton manor , is so vast that one has trouble believing that nell and company , no matter how much running away they do from ghosts and goblins , always finish up in locations that were established in act one , as if all the action has been confined to one wing of hill house . eighty million dollars was spent on the haunting , and despite a powerhouse box office debut , i doubt it will recoup its costs ( including marketing ) domestically . thank jan de bont for that : proving for the third time that speed was a fluke , in that it was actually enjoyable , de bont has served up another ride , sans thrill . his images , well-lit though they are , have an unmistakable been there-done that quality ; in fact , whole sequences , not to mention the cloaked , airy ghoul who owns the climax , feel lifted from a much smarter and infinitely more enjoyable spectacle from three summers back , peter jackson's the frighteners . i don't mean to suggest de bont is a plagiarist , i mean to suggest that he's a hack , having found no new ways to give us chills . 
in brief : i think your response to the good son will depend on your response to the question of evil . i found the film excellent--and disturbing . i was uncomfortable throughout . it focuses on one thing--evil--and tries to look at it on its own terms , barring any easy ways out . most of our profs would have said that evil is * really * ignorance , or bad reasoning , or blindness , or unchecked emotionalism , or the result of a bad environment , a terrible childhood , some traumatic event , etc . , etc . , etc . if you think that , then the good son might be a nice little thriller for you , but maybe a little too low-key , too bland . if , further , you think that it's preposterous that a * kid * could really be * evil * , then the film will be still harder to take . but what if evil is a real moral stance , a live threat in human affairs ? what if it is , or can be , a * decision * ? what if it's something that can never be completely removed by education or compassion or prosperity , etc . , etc . , etc . ? ( which is what some of our old-line thomist and calvinist profs warned us . ) to the extent you think that--or at least can enter into the mindset--then the good son will be a disturbing analysis of evil . even if it shows its origin in the genre of the thriller , its main action will be a confrontation with genuine evil in an apparently cheerful , appealing kid . 
 1995 , g , 90 minutes [1 hour , 30 minutes] [comedy] starring : michael roescher ( hank royce ) , kristy young ( jinnie sue macallister ) , justin garms ( voice of gordy ) , james donadio ( gilbert sipes ) , written by leslie stevens , jay sommers , dick chevillat , produced by sybil robson , directed by mark lewis . " gordy " is not a movie , it is a 90-minute-long " sesame street " skit , and a very bad one at that . this movie is so stupid and dumb that it's depressing to think that some hollywood executives actually gave this the green light , and even more surprising is the fact that this is a disney movie . i'm sure children are the target audience of this movie , but only kids under the age of five may be able to tolerate it . it is the story of a farm a piglet named gordy ( voiced by garms ) , whose family has been taken away to " up north , " which we know means death . of course we can hear the animals talk to each other , and they actually went to the trouble of attempting to sync the voices with their mouths but it comes out terrible . actually , it's almost funny in a way . the only remotely interesting and likable character soon appears , a little girl named jinnie sue macallister ( young ) who sees gordy on the back of a truck and essentially steals him . jinnie is a country singer and the film goes off on a huge tangent to show her little concert and the people dancing to it . what is the point of this ? maybe she is one of the producer's relatives and they wanted to show her on camera to promote her or something . we then cut to a huge social gathering and drop in on another young kid named hank royce ( roescher ) who is sad because his divorced mother is dating . he leaves the party and meets jinnie sue , but he accidentally falls in a pool ( probably because he was sitting on the diving board with a $200 suit on - nah , didn't see that one coming ! ) , starts to drown , and is miraculously saved as gordy pushes an inflatable float over to him and saves him . if this had not been insanely stupid already the story quickly changes when jinnie gives gordy to hank who then ends up becoming the ceo of a food processing corporation when hank's grandfather , the original ceo , dies and leaves his fortune to hank . . . and gordy ! of course there must be a villain , but even this villain ( donadio as sipes ) isn't that evil . he never raises his voice or becomes angry , and of course he has the typical idiot goons kidnap gordy but this is just so beyond stupid and cartoony we are constantly two steps ahead of the story . it's hard to tell whether the overall corniness and cheesiness to the movie is intentional because it is a family film , or if the filmmaker's are just this untalented and stupid . at times " gordy " is tolerable to watch , thus earning it one star and not the dreaded " z- . " but it's just so unbelievably boring , cliche , dumb , unfunny , corny , and just plain bad it may scare children , it certainly disturbed me . ( 4/21/96 ) ( 1/29/97 ) ( 6/13/97 ) [see also : " babe " ]please visit chad'z movie page @ http : //members . aol . com/chadpolenz/index . html 
directed by : john ottman written by : paul harris boardman and paul harris boardman cast : jennifer morrison , matthew davis , hart bochner , loretta devine mpaa : rated r for violence/gore , language and some sexuality " have you ever heard the one about a movie so bad that it made a guy run out of the theatre screaming ? " obviously the producers at columbia tristar did not think that we suffered enough from the first installment , and so to finish us utterly , they have now released " urban legends : final cut " . this is another " scream " -like feature , consisting merely from the recycled materials of rip-offs from the most pointless movies of all time . amy ( jennifer morrison ) is a film student who is attending a film school filled with uninspired film students who do not have a clue about what to do . but just as she reaches the halfway mark of her final semester at prestigious university's film program -- where each year's best thesis production takes the coveted hitchcock prize , a virtual one-way ticket to hollywood success -- she has a chance encounter with campus security guard reese ( loretta devine ) , whose tale of a series of murders based on urban legends at another university inspires amy to try her hand at a fictional thriller organized along similar lines . soon enough , fake -- and real -- blood starts to flow , and amy is being chased around by scary killer , while her cast and crew get slain , one by one . is the culprit the original urban legends murderer , just some random psycho , ! a member of the faculty , one of her competitors for the hitchcock , or is there something even more stupid going on ? this is another one of those tiring , pointless teen slasher flicks : neither scary , funny , or interesting . it simply lacks the ability and the story to entertain . the body counts and screams continue to grow , as the weak level of intelligence sinks rapidly . in fact watching films like that after having watched " scary movie " is impossible keeping a serious face . several times i tried to prevent myself from laughing , without succeeding . and then i realized that practically the whole theatre was laughing . it's the same thing that has been told and told and told over and over again as if it was the revelation of the century . how many times must we tolerate the same clichés that have haunted the slasher genre since its birth ? it has been so many films about masked killers that most of us have developed an allergy for them . they are the most stupid , meaningless , predictable and soulless films in existence . however , director john ottman manages to make " urban legends : final cut " into one of the worst achievements of this godforsaken genre . what was done with a sense of redemption for past failures and irony in " scream " , ottman takes seriously . for that reason alone , it is worth a look , just to realize how bad a movie can be . it's tough to find comparisons for such an achievement , and we have to dig in ancient history to find a movie that would match its intellect . even movies like " lost in space " and " mission to mars " seem spectacular in its shadow . we have not seen such waste of t ! ime and resources since " showgirls " ( 1995 ) . no matter how hard i tried to find positive elements in this so called production , i came up with nothing , except the way the killer was dressed . here i feel that i have to compliment the costume designers trysha bakker and marie-sylvie deveu , that have wisely replaced the well known scream-mask with a very elegant fencing mask . jennifer morrison ( " stir of echoes " ) is all right , and the other actors' best achievement is keeping a straight face when pronouncing the words from the script . in fact the only thing that is terrifying about this film ( with the exception of its screenplay ) is its portray of film schools . if these graduates will be the directors of the future , then hollywood's golden days are over . rumors are already spreading through the internet that columbia tristar is already developing a third installment . let's just hope and pray that it's just an urban legend . 
birthdays often cause individuals to access their lives . are we doing what we want to be doing ? what happened to our dreams ? with the new millennium , our collective big birthday , just around the corner , some people are sensing a certain dissatisfaction with their existence . the old standbys of traditional religion and science aren't doing it for many anymore and they're looking for something else . we'll be seeing more and more films with a metaphysical theme over the next few years . ricky hayman ( jeff goldblum ) is having a career crisis . the programming director for the good buy home shopping network , he's going to be fired unless sales increase dramatically . new producer kate newell ( kelly preston ) is supposed to whip things into shape . when the two are fixing a flat , they almost run down new age pilgrim " g " ( murphy ) . g wanders onto the television set and connects with the viewers by telling them that they don't really want all that commercial crap . in some unexplained manner , this causes sales to sour . ricky is saved . the movie tries to be too much at once and fails at it all . it's not an over-the-top comedy or a heart-warming message of humanity . it _is_ a mish-mosh of poorly directed scenes made even worse by insipid dialog . i am willing to put up with preaching from a film , but the messages here are old hat . you should take time to smell the roses . selling your soul for cash is a bad idea . golly . i'm glad i saw the movie . i never would have thought of these . the opportunity to poke fun at the goofy products is mostly missed . when g takes a chainsaw to the set , there's an obvious chance for murphy to be hilarious . it doesn't happen . the bits are so subdued and overly-long that there's only a hint of laughter from the audience . murphy has changed his roles in recent years and not for the better . there are hints of promise in this one . the only time the film picks up even a little is when his shaved-headed character in the long flowing white caftan shows up on screen . the others are horrendous . goldblum has episodes of brilliance in his career , but here he seems to have been replaced with a lifeless pod from his " invasion of the body snatchers " . his relationship with kate makes no sense . they move from antagonism to love somewhere off screen . preston is as uninteresting as she could possibly be . somewhere hidden deep inside of this film is about ten minutes of value . an attempt to satirize stupid television , we get a self-parody instead . [this appeared in the 10/15/98 " bloomington independent " , bloomington , indiana . michael redman can be contacted at redman@indepen . com . ] -- mailto : redman@indepen . com this week's film review at http : //www . indepen . com/ film reviews archive at http : //us . imdb . com/m/reviews_by ? michael%20redman 
running time : 1 hour 35 minutes starring kurt russell , j . t walsh and kathleen quinlan directed by jonathan mostow breakdown is an moderately entertaining , if underwhelming , thriller . kurt russell and kathleen quinlan play couple jeff and amy taylor , taking the scenic route to california through redneck country . however , while in the middle of nowhere , their jeep decides to break down , leaving them stranded . a friendly truck driver , warren ( walsh ) , offers to give them a lift to town . although jeff rejects the offer ( he wants to stay with his car ) , amy agrees , hops into warren's lorry , and promptly disappears . jeff wonders where the hell she is , and when he later catches up with warren and warren says he has never seen amy in his life , the plot thickens and jeff goes on a chase to find his wife . although comparisons can be made with this film to deliverance ( 1972 ) and the vanishing ( 1993 ) plot wise , the latter two are far superior character and script wise . kurt russell is o . k as jeff , although he can seemingly only pull of one expression , which is angry . throughout the whole film , he looks angry ( or just pissed off . ) quinlan is o . k again , but again she can only pull off one expression , which is looking dorky . throughout the whole film , she looks dorky . j . t walsh ( who , sadly , recently passed away ) is fine as warren ( who we soon find out is a kidnapper ) although his actual character is pretty weak , and not really menacing enough . the supporting cast do their best aswell , with rex linn as a doubting sheriff , and the other kidnappers . the story , written by first-timer jonathan mostow ( who also directs ) is o . k , if surprisingly familiar and sometimes extraordinarily stupid . some of the things the characters do in this movie is beyond the bounds of idiocy . there are some flaws with the plot also , as the characters do the complete opposite to logical ( presumably to keep the story 'exciting' ) and also the fact that the story just isn't strong enough to sustain the audience's attention . the picture moves along very slowly also . it almost threatens to drop dead . the picture does pick up towards the end , but by then it's too late . mostow directs the action sequences well enough , however . the film doesn't really come to a satisfying conclusion , either . the ending tries to be bleak , but just comes off annoying . breakdown could of been a far more enjoyable picture had it had a stronger cast and director . instead , it just turns out to be merely average . a missed opportunity . overall rating= review by david wilcock david wilcock david . wilcock@btinternet . com visit the wilcock movie page ! http : //wilcockmovie . home . ml . org -or- http : //www . geocities . com/hollywood/9061 recieve wilcock movie page reviews via e-mail send a blank e-mail to wmp-reviews-subscribe@makelist . com to join the mailing list ! 
rated on a 4-star scale screening venue : odeon ( liverpool city centre ) released in the uk by columbia tristar on 24 march , 2000 ; certificate 15 ; 125 minutes ; country of origin usa ; aspect ratio 1 . 85 : 1 directed by james mangold ; produced by cathy konrad , douglas wick . written by lisa loomer , james mangold , anna hamilton phelan ; based on the book by susanna kaysen . photographed by jack green ; edited by kevin tent . " girl , interrupted " argues that mental institutions keep the sane and release the unstable , because of stuffy procedures and restrictive rules written by bureaucratic doctors disconnected from reality . while i am sure these things are true , the film never makes us care , because its heroine is a bitchy little nut-job . " haven't you ever confused a dream with reality , stolen something when you had the cash , or thought your train moving as it sat in the station ? " she pleads with us in the opening scenes . but that's not the kind of behaviour she's being locked up for . this is a young lady who responds " what ? " whenever anyone asks her a question , drifts into daydreaming in the middle of sentences and thinks it's perfectly acceptable to guzzle great quantities of pills and vodka . her name is susanna kaysen , a real-life figure whose book this movie is based on . if the film is anything to go by , i'm lucky that i never read it . " girl , interrupted " is a pathetic example of someone denying she's in denial ; it's as stupid as sylvia plath's " the bell jar " without the engaging style . there are journal entries in the film we're supposed to accept as profound philosophising . most of them are just the kind of pretentious stream-of-consciousness drivel that many teenage girls write , only to look back on years later and cringe with embarrassment . the story is set in the 1960s -- boys are being shipped to their deaths in vietnam , and susanna ( winona ryder ) thinks she's got a hard life because her mother is hassling her about going to college . after a suicide attempt , she is encouraged to sign herself into claymoore , an expensive mental hospital where the head nurse ( whoopi goldberg ) gives a straightforwardly accurate diagnosis : " you are a lazy , self-indulgent little girl who is driving herself crazy . " susanna does a lot of mellow lying around , drunk on her own superiority , convinced she's " artistic " rather than crazy . fellow inmate lisa ( angelina jolie ) offers her support , probably because the two women have the same problem -- thinking they know the secrets of the universe , when they're actually defective jerks . other friendly faces include a pathological liar ( clea duvall ) and a girl who likes to set herself on fire ( elisabeth moss ) . anyone in a position of authority , or who displays the least bit of conventionality , is portrayed as an uptight white-collar conservative square . i am reminded of " reality bites " ( 1994 ) , another film starring ryder in which the alleged heroes were self-obsessed layabout losers . " girl , interrupted " is moronic and arrogant crap , not least because its obnoxious onscreen behaviour is accompanied by a voice-over that asks , essentially , " can you believe these stuffed shirts thought i was obnoxious ? " perhaps the book or true events would lead me to a different conclusion , but the susanna kaysen of this film could use a good hard slap in the face . copyright ( c ) 2000 ian waldron-mantganiplease visit , and encourage others to visit , the uk critic's website , which is located at http : //members . aol . com/ukcritic 
some movies , while not totally bad , just piss me off . roger kumble's lame excuse for a drama cruel intentions fits perfectly into this category . loosely based on the famous novel " les liaisons dangereuses " , " intentions " tells the story of sebastian and kathryn valmont , two wealthy new york step-siblings who are the cause of lots of damage . sebastian ( ryan phillippe ) has a reputation of promising women the world to get them in bed , and then dumping them . kathryn ( sarah michelle gellar ) , equally evil but more inconspicuous , is also manipulative , in the way that she helps out with sebastian's games . in the first of many plot contrivations , kathryn bets her brother that he cannot devirginize annette ( reese witherspoon , phillippe's real-life girlfriend ) , daughter of their new school headmaster and self-proclaimed virgin till marriage . if kathryn wins , then she gets sebastian's car , and if sebastian wins , he gets to bed kathryn , the one woman whom he supposedly can't have . well , anyway , although sebastian is cruel to the fullest sense of the word , annette can't help but fall for him . i mean , damn , this guy is manipulative ! from that point the film just spins way out of control , juggling a subplot featuring a teenager ( selma blair ) also getting involved in their schemes . the movie then goes for cheap melodrama and any cliche it can think of . none of the film's characters are at all real , and none of them make any decisions that a normal human would make . although many sexual cliches are added in just so that teens will have a little fun , this film is another case where the trailer is more fun than the movie . i mean , with a cast like this , the producers did not need to make a good film in order to ensure that every teenager in the world will see it . but i wish they at least tried . 
loser  -a review by bill chambers ( bill@filmfreakcentral . net ) starring jason biggs , mena suvari , greg kinnear written and directed by amy heckerling * this review contains spoilers * as with most of her films , director amy heckerling's latest , loser , seesaws between unpleasant and artificial , and is sometimes both at once . when she tackles big issues , such as abortion in fast times at ridgemont high , it's impossible to tell whether she's being matter-of-fact or glib about them ( they carry an almost documentary starkness ) , but whatever the case , she continually refuses to comment politically . such is the sitcom tendency of her work : to jeopardize the innocence of her characters and then hit the reset button . this fear of drama soured me on fast times . . . , look who's talking , clueless , and now loser , in which ms . heckerling also demonstrates , for the first time , zero affinity for the milieu . has anyone , for instance , ever met a girl in the stylistic vein of mena suvari's dora ? attired in black thrift , her eye shadow smeared to racoon chic and her bangy red hair barely contained by girlish clips , she accepts the label of goth , but no self-respecting goth girl ever admitted to digging , as dora does , those geriatric rockers everclear , nor willingly went anywhere with a six-pack-wielding fratboy stranger . the mechanics of loser's tired old introvert-boy-falls-for-extrovert-girl plot drive its protagonists into cultural non-specificity , so that they become even less than stereotypes . they become walking wardrobes . small-town transplant paul ( a strangely static jason biggs ) , our eponymous hero , always wears his woolly hunter's cap with flaps covering the ears , and beneath it rests a parted moptop that couldn't scream " shemp " ( the lame stooge ) wig louder . he has three smug-looking roommates ( the one-dimensional trio is not supposed to be brothers , but they share similar facial features , including and especially mouths ) , and their fashion sense is incomprehensibly glam . though they're not overtly transvestites , heckerling seems to be equating flamboyance with villainy ; how very cruising of her . ( the dormies conspire to evict paul and regularly molest women they have drugged . dora ignorantly downs one of their date rape potions . unfortunately , either heckerling or the studio is too cowardly to admit if she was subsequently violated . ) when paul rescues dora from said narcotic scare , he learns that she is dating their unctuous european lit professor edward alcott ( superb greg kinnear ) . although paul's already in love with dora by this point , as is bound to happen to losers when pretty girls address them by name , he gets altruistic and pretends the flowers he bought her are actually from alcott . she's thrilled , but nevertheless spends a few days at paul's to recuperate ; the two bond over emergency kitten surgery and a broadway play ( " cabaret " ) , and just when paul's got in his head that she's starting to love him back in that non-friendly way , she decides to become alcott's live-in girlfriend . cue precious hommage to the graduate , shots of paul drifting around berkeley--er . . . ( aside : simon & garfunkel's " parsley , sage , rosemary & thyme " should never have been allowed in another motion picture . ) heckerling has a lot in common with nora " you've got mail " ephron , the only other prominent chick directing comedies today , in that neither has any use for strong-willed women . men continue to trod on dora until the bitter end ( in the final scene , she gives paul a big smooch after he blurts out his feelings in what amounts to a creepy ultimatum ) , and dora ultimately shrugs off being drugged against her will--mere hours after paul hints to her that she was poisoned , she's cheerily redecorating his apartment . ( heckerling is so laissez-faire about the issue in general that she reserves the comeuppance of the would-be rapists for jokey epilogue titles . ) goth veneer aside , there are an awful lot of girls out there who behave as erratically as dora , and enough angry young dude filmmakers to make movies about them . heckerling misses her shot at having dora transform herself into a role model , and while such arcs may not be heckerling's social responsibility , it is a privilege i would have taken advantage of if i were in her shoes . ( consider , too , that dora is the film's sole female principal . ) not that loser is worth contemplating this seriously--god knows heckerling didn't . that is her hallmark . ( --- for more first-run , dvd , and books-about-movies reviews , plus contests and the proverbial " more ! " , visit 'film freak central , ' @ http : //filmfreakcentral . net --- ) 
david mamet is a good director . mamet's an even better screenwriter and playwright . the guy's authored some of the best film and theatre works in the past decade -- the verdict , house of games , wag the dog , state and main , and the guy even won a pulitzer prize for his play glengarry glen ross . with that said , it's such a shame that his latest crime caper , heist , falls apart by employing too many of the well-known devices of a mamet production -- double-crossing femmes fatale , overtly memorable characters , and deceptive plot lines . but movies like the spanish prisoner , things change , and the winslow boy display a roundness to mamet's innate abilities . and it's almost a crime to witness how all of that goes awry in his latest film , heist . heist twists and turns along the road of documenting the shady life of career jewel thief joe moore ( gene hackman ) and his posse of thieves -- bobby blane ( delroy lindo ) and don " pinky " pincus ( ricky jay ) . during a raid on a jewelry store , moore ends up with his mug on the surveillance cameras and he goes on the lam from the local marshals . he decides to get out of dodge with his recent bride fran ( rebecca pidgeon , looking like a cross between sharon stone and joan crawford ) , sailing into the sunset on his yacht . the only problem is that his fence bergman ( danny devito ) has set up a big score -- the swiss job -- which he wants done so badly he holds joe's cut of the jewelry heist on layaway until the swiss job is done . to ensure his faithful hound brings the goods home intact , bergman tosses his nephew jimmy silk ( sam rockwell ) into joe's crew for observation purposes . things become complicated when joe's wife has an affair with jimmy , the swiss job turns sour , devito starts acting like his character from ruthless people , and ricky jay starts looking for the exit to this mess of a film . a mamet production usually derives its success from a solid emotional attachment to its characters -- usually they've been wronged and are seeking justice or absolution . the naïve scientist from the spanish prisoner or the curious psychologist from house of games were just decent people we recognize in our everyday lives . when those people get royally screwed over , its human nature to desire retribution . heist lacks any such emotional attachment . of greater concern is the recycling of plot points from ronin , which mamet also wrote and which deals with a similar plot involving double-crossing thieves on the run . to save the day , though , heist carries some of the best actors working today . devito , lindo , and hackman chew up and spit out the scenery around them . sam rockwell -- who usually plays naïve and jovial characters in movies like galaxy quest -- plays silk as cold , manipulative , and downright spooky . but the main problem with heist is how surprisingly predictable the story is . unlike the similar yet far superior the score , there's never any surprise during heist's twisting . mamet has just become lazy with this one . everything about the film looks great , but there's nothing at all underneath . reviewed as part of our coverage of the 24th annual mill valley film festival . 
hush reviewed by jamie peckrating :  tristar / 1 : 32 / 1998 / pg-13 ( language , violence , brief nudity , sexuality ) cast : jessica lange ; gwyneth paltrow ; johnathon schaech ; nina foch ; debi mazar ; hal holbrook ; richard lineback ; kaiulani lee director : johnathan darby screenplay : johnathan darby ; jane rusconi call " hush " " stop or my mom will kill . " or " mommy fearest . " or " the hand that robs the cradle . " call it whatever you want , but certainly don't see it unless you're in desperate need of a bad movie-induced chuckle -- " hush " scores so many unintentional guffaws that it almost qualifies as a guilty pleasure . chalk its losses up to frequent stupidity lapses and apparent post-production tinkering ( it was supposed to open about a year ago ) , the latter of which appears to have given " hush " a send-off that's downright infuriating . it's too bad that " hush " is so laughable , because the on-screen talent -- including the pairing of gwyneth paltrow and jessica lange -- is nothing to laugh at . paltrow and johnathon schaech play helen and jackson , a photogenic new york couple on their way to spend christmas vacation at his wealthy , well-to-do family's horse farm/estate kilronan . jackson's mother martha ( lange ) runs kilronan all by herself , and her genteel southern hospitality makes helen feel welcome immediately -- even if her first meeting with martha takes place while helen is in the altogether , caught red-handed after a bedroom romp with her husband-to-be . but it seems that martha's friendly smile masks a much more threatening demeanor ; she's what you'd call someone who loves too much . martha eagerly , deviously wants a grandchild , and then helen will be expendable , as far as she's concerned . if there's one reason to catch " hush , " it's lange . she treats the pedestrian screenplay better than it deserves to be treated , injecting martha ( poorly written though she may be ) with a little empathy to level out the psycho-playing field . when she delves into martha's dark side , predictable cliches -- chain-smoking , staring in mirrors , praying in a confessional to a priest who isn't there , poking a hole in helen's diaphragm so she'll become pregnant ( and she does ) -- abound , but it's moderately entertaining junk because lange is such an interesting actress to watch . veteran performer nina foch is smart and tart as jackson's wheelchair-bound paternal grandmother . the rest of the cast looks ill and uncomfortable , especially paltrow . but can you really blame them ? the character relationships in " hush " hold a certain amount of promise , at least until their psychological impact is blown out of the water by sheer stupidity . idiotic situations ( martha yells at a nearby horse so it will bolt up and knock helen over ) compliment idiotic dialogue ( " why did you yell ? " helen yells back at martha ) , and the film takes the form of one of the shoddier fill in the blank-from-hell flicks ever made . you can see through a great deal of martha's actions and lies from their conception ; why do people who have known this woman for years longer than we have never figure things out ? does nobody communicate or read the newspaper in this town ? if any of her potential victims thought , acted or behaved like normal people , " hush " would be a really short movie . and then there's the climax and ending , which abruptly come when helen starts having contractions after eating some pound cake spiked with a labor-inducing drug normally used on horses . after a really weird chase scene , martha calmly knits in a rocking chair while forcing helen to give birth in a bed all by herself . i won't spoil what happens next except to say that it's contradictory , illogical and ( probably , since i'm no doctor ) medically impossible . the final scene offers no closure , no resolution , no confrontation whatsoever . it's just there , dangling amidst silent displeasure . no one should like this ending , regardless of their feelings on the preceding material . perhaps " hush " 's title is a plea to silence its audience's likely bitter word of mouth while exiting the theater .  " suggestions , please , for the fourth movie in the series . how about ‘look who's talking back , ' in which the audience gets its turn ? " -- roger ebert on " look who's talking now " 
promoting itself as " an instructional dance film , " twist purports to chronicle the evolution of rock-and-roll dance . instead it jumbles together a wide and disjointed assortment of nostalgic images , leaving the audience to figure out what it's all about . as a result , twist is a dance documentary with two left feet . the film is structured as eight dance " lessons , " complete with flashy title boards , but there's nothing especially unique to be learned from each section . canadian producer/director ron mann uses a combination of old film and television footage and interviews with now middle-aged american bandstand dancers and recording artists . he spotlights these performers by having them jiggle in front of heavily stylized backgrounds and , frankly , it's embarrassing . it's clear from the observations of betty ( romantini ) begg , carole ( scaldeferri ) spada and floss ( harvey ) mancini why they are dancers , not commentators , as mann allows them to ramble on even though they have almost nothing to say . in addition , hank ballard , joey dee , and to some extent chubby checker come across as egotistical jerks--surely not the director's intention . the film kicks off with the early 1950s , when ballroom dancing was all the rage . in the juke joints and nightclubs of harlem , places like smalls , the apollo and the savoy , a rising young star called hank ballard and his group the midnighters were performing their hits , songs like " get it , " " sexy ways , " and the infamous " work with me annie . " ballard's lyrics were raw and suggestive . with the arrival of such notables as elvis presley , disc jockeys on radio stations like philadelphia's wdas stopped calling ballard's style of music r&b and started calling it rock and roll-- " to attract the white kids . " on wfil-tv's american bandstand , regulars on the show started imitating the black kids and claiming the dance steps as their own . mann's interview with bandstand dancers joan ( buck ) kiene and jimmy peatross attempts to illustrate how the white mainstream ripped off the african- american culture . as a political message it's too simplistic ; mann lingers on their shallow repetitiveness and misses the opportunity to make a major statement . most of the information presented in twist isn't new--the fact that rock and roll was considered to be a " communicable disease " under eisenhower's presidency , for example--but the section on the twist itself is informative and well-structured . in 1959 , ballard's recording " the twist " took the nation by storm . twisting was easy ; you just moved your hips . as legend has it , dick clark assumed that the song would be too dirty coming from ballard , and it didn't show up on bandstand until the cleaner-imaged chubby checker recorded his version in 1960 . a year later the dance had become a world-wide sensation and the song returned to number one , spawning over 300 twist spin-offs . it was probably the first time those immortal words " it's got a good beat and you can dance to it " were spoken on prime time tv . at a new york club called the peppermint lounge , manhattan's rich and famous were rubbing shoulders with the commonfolk to get in on the action . for a brief moment the film becomes quite fascinating ; we learn how influential the twist really was , starting fashion trends and saturating popular culture . if only the rest of the film could have maintained this momentum . unfortunately , mann follows this portion of the film with a downward-spiraling epilogue that simply flings more contrived dance floor maneuvers in our face . the swim , the jerk , the watusi--all less successful derivations . the hully gully and the hucklebuck ; imitations that paled by comparison . when the british invaded in 1964 , one kind of musical hysteria was traded for another . for all the shimmying and shaking going on in the film , twist is amazingly lacking in energy . the archive footage is varied and often fun ( a clip in which marshall mcluhan shares his thoughts on the dance craze , for example , is a howl ) , but mann does very little with it . many scenes lack continuity . after a while , the frenzied black-and-white footage of teenagers bopping and jitterbugging becomes repetitive and ultimately boring . it's hard to tell the fly from the frug , the millie from the monkey . even though twist runs only seventy-eight minutes , it's a long haul . it's not clear whether twist is supposed to be a celebration , a tribute , or a condensed history lesson . as a simple account of dance styles from the fifties and sixties , it's poorly-conceived ( it would have made a fine short film ) . for all its instructional aspirations , twist doesn't know when to lead and when to follow . 
can't hardly wait  written and directed by harry elfont and deborah kaplan . photography , lloyd ahern . editing , michael jablow . production design , marcia hinds-johnson . music , david kitay & matthew sweet . produced by jenno topping and betty thomas . cast : jennifer love hewitt ( amanda ) , ethan embry ( preston ) , charlie korsmo ( william ) , lauren ambrose ( denise ) , peter facinelli ( mike ) , seth green ( kenny ) , jerry o'connell , ( trip mcneely ) , jenna elfman ( angel ) . a columbia pictures release . 95 min . pg-13 high-school kids are human , but you'd hardly think so from a large number of movies about them , including can't hardly wait . it's the first directorial effort by kaplan and elfont whose main claim to fame was being among the five writers of a very brady sequel . a few teen films have been on the thoughtful side : the classic post-graduation american graffiti , the excellent end-of-school-year dazed and confused ( by richard linklater ) , some works by john hughes ( the breakfast club , sixteen candles ) , the funny-to-hilarious fast times at ridgemont high ( by amy heckerling ) , ferris bueller's day off , weird science ( both by hughes ) . note that the hughes titles above were set in illinois , while dazed and confused is in texas . the school of the chw kids is in california , the center of the universe as per hollywood . the sad denial of another america beyond the southern pacific coast continues , obviously for practical filmmaking reasons . the opening credits are a quick , cutesy way to introduce the main characters , their accomplishments , aims , favorite quotes , etc . as a rule this gimmick makes one suspect the worst . one quote is " a true friend stabs you in the front , " attributed to oscar wilde . i cannot guarantee its authenticity , but a search for it turned up a wildeism more germane to the film : " there is no sin , except stupidity . " the film's title must refer to the impatience of the kids to leave adolescence for maturity , as well as to the state of english in schools . following the seniors' graduation ceremony , their class has the usual ritualistic bash--in the home of a girl who ought to have known better than volunteer the place . the party is a rite of passage --not the rites of spring but the trites of spring . the motto , as in other such events , must be brew and screw . for its characters , the filmmakers round up the usual suspects , all of them types found in the teen genre . if there is some originality here , it is well-hidden by cliches gathered from earlier flicks . chw's deja vu types and actions make up a pot-pourri , an expression where " pourri " means " putrid . " but this epithet would be too strong a condemnation of a movie whose main guilt is total superficiality . the action almost entirely takes place at the shindig . celebrants range from geeks to nerds to jocks to cuties . without a central plot or guiding thread , the whole thing is just a collection of skin-deep subplots . the main one is this : athletic mike , the bmoc , has just dumped amanda , his girl since freshman class , as part of " game plan " with his pals . the idea is that those among them who are going on to college will have women by the regiment falling into their arms and beds , so why not break with the boys' current liaisons ? it's not only a dumb idea but a revoltingly cynical one . learning this , college-bound would-be writer preston wants to declare his love to now-uncommitted amanda . he is a likable , shy fellow who has been adoring her silently ever since they both were freshmen . in a flashback to four years ago , the movie goofs by showing amanda , preston and others looking exactly as they do now . add to this the sin that hollywood has been committing since silent movie days and in many contemporary films as well : too many screen students --high-schoolers or undergraduates--are perceptibly older than they would be in real life . preston comes to the party with his confidante and best pal denise . she is brainy a la janeane garofalo , even looks like a mix of garofalo and a young kathy bates . she lacks confidence in her own appearance , is outside the girlish loop , critical of others , has a mordant tongue . another subplot will involve her being accidentally locked inside a bathroom with seth , with predictable consequences . he is a white boy whose solution to having an identity has been to adopt a black personality in dress , speech , manners , music , and the like . ( there are , by the way , some merely token minority students at the party ) as for amanda , she's been a kind of first lady all along , queen of this and of that . she is nice but , like almost everyone else , not a thinking person . ( you wonder how the vague preston will perform as a writer ) amanda does get the film' s main profundity when she realizes ( and confesses a bit pathetically ) that all her glory came from being mike's satellite . with some people , it takes time to see the obvious . i will not mention other characters , events or gratuitous developments of chw . the partygoers , are without exception not just undeveloped but undersketched . there are few small saving graces . one is the movie's relative briefness . even though the title calls for the joke i could hardly wait for it to finish , i did not find it unbearable -- just blah . another is that preston is neither depicted as pathologically shy nor as a caricature intellectual . there are no drop-dead gorgeous women . and , in a near-surreal sight , as preston tries to use a public phone , a woman , a tired stripper with fake angel wings , hassles him for the use of the cabin . she is played by the uncredited jenna elfman , who recently had a major part in krippendorf's tribe and is married to the nephew of composer danny elfman . obviously made for high-schoolers who may or may not get some mini-shocks of recognition , and full of references to current pop culture , chw will survive only if its target audience shows up . " le mauvais gout mene au crime " ( stendhal ) edwin jahiel's movie reviews are at http : //www . prairienet . org/ejahiel 
original sin ( 2001 ) antonio banderas , angelina jolie , thomas jane , jack thompson , gregory itzin , allison mackie , john pringle , cordelia richards , james haven , pedro armendariz jr . written and directed by michael cristofer , based on the novel " waltz into darkness " by cornell woolrich . 112 minutes . rated r ,  review by ed johnson-ott , nuvo newsweekly www . nuvo . net archive reviews at http : //reviews . imdb . com/reviewsby ? edward + johnson-ott to receive reviews by e-mail at no charge , send subscription requests to ejohnsonott@prodigy . net or e-mail ejohnsonott-subscribe@onelist . com with the word " subscribe " in the subject line . for " original sin , " the road to the screen has been rocky . initially slated for release last november , the film was bumped twice , finally landing in the dog days of summer 2001 . advance screenings of the film were denied to all but a few critics , generally a sign that the studio realizes it has a dud on its hands . so is " original sin " really all that bad ? yes it is , but the melodrama does offer some rewards . the location settings are gorgeous and there is a healthy sprinkling of t&a ( with angelina jolie providing the " t " and antonio banderas the " a " ) . more importantly , the movie is entertainingly bad . veteran readers know that , as a rule , i don't encourage people to patronize lousy films . most of the time , there are plenty of quality offerings on the marketplace that are more deserving of our money and besides , the " let's go laugh at the failings of others " mindset reflects an elitism that makes me uncomfortable . but things are different this summer . quality films , to put it mildly , have been few and far between , so as far as i'm concerned , it's fair to find our kicks where we may . " original sin " will never join such treasures as " valley of the dolls , " " road house " and " showgirls " in the bad movie hall of fame , but it'll do until something worse comes along . the film , adapted by director michael cristofer from the cornell woolrich novel , " waltz into darkness " ( which was also the source for the 1969 francois truffaut film , " mississippi mermaid " ) , opens in a turn-of-the-century prison , as jolie's character , slated for a dawn execution , tells her lurid tale to a priest who appears desperately horny . the freshman writing class tone is quickly established when she says things like , " this is not a love story , it is a story about love . " wary of local gold-diggers , cuban coffee dealer luis antonio vargas ( banderas ) makes arrangements to secure a mail order bride from america , listing himself as a mere clerk to dissuade foreign gold-diggers . a practical man , luis chooses a frumpy looking lady , hoping she will be a loyal mate able to provide him with children . imagine his surprise when his fiancée , julia russell ( jolie ) , turns out to be infinitely more attractive than the woman in the photo . julia explains that she sent a different woman's image because she didn't want to be selected solely for her pretty face . luis then confesses his deception , leading julie to state , with great significance , " we have something in common , we are both not to trusted . " after their wedding , luis and julia retire for a glorious night of carefully choreographed lovemaking , with their bodies positioned to display her breasts and his bottom as erotically as possible . jolie and banderas are attractive people and watching them naked is fun , although the filmmakers' insistence on using one of banderas' legs to cover jolie's crotch makes it look like he's trying to climb her . luis , the stupidest man who ever lived , immediately instructs the bank to make his personal and business accounts available to julia , despite the fact that she seems nothing like the woman with whom he corresponded . his blissful ignorance continues as the warning signs mount up . luis must force julia to write to her sister emily , who is frantic over her lack of communication . shortly after julia complains about the chirping of a pet bird , it is found on the floor of its cage with a broken neck . finally , when she cleans out his accounts and disappears , luis begins to suspect that something might be wrong . incidentally , if you're afraid i'm giving too much away , rest assured that all of this happens in the first 30 minutes of the movie , leaving plenty of time for numerous dopey plot twists , a great deal of operatic acting and more footage of her tits and his ass . along the way , private detective walter downs ( played by thomas jane , who was terrific as mickey mantle in the hbo movie " 61 * " ) turns up , hired by the frumpy woman's sister to find out what happened to the real julia . luis is also eager for the detective to track down the con artist , having decided that if he can't have her , he will kill her . oh , the pathos of it all . the cast appears to recognize the trashiness of the story , adjusting their performances accordingly . banderas is suitably impassioned , while jolie alternates between vamping and pouting ( and with those lips , she can really pout ) . as for thomas jane , he starts off acting suspicious and cagey , then accelerates to a snidely whiplash level of nastiness . his most startling moment comes when , to prove his power to humiliate , he forces luis against a wall , verbally taunts him while rubbing his cheeks against those of luis and then finishes establishing his dominance with a full-on kiss . if anyone ever questions the difference between sex and rape , show them this chilling scene . and if anyone ever questions the difference between real drama and a laughable potboiler , show them " original sin . " 
yes , august is upon us and with it comes the second appearance of the twice-yearly dumping ground for hollywood . like the february doldrums , august brings us films filled with fading stars and awful storylines that weren't deemed good enough to break even after a big summer marketing campaign , nor will they be able to go toe to toe with meatier fare during oscar season . and to open august , enter bless the child , possibly the worst movie i've seen this year . well , after mission to mars . swallow hard before reading this ridiculous plot synopsis , which i can already tell is going to be painful to type . in a nutshell , jesus has returned to earth in the form of a little girl ( holliston coleman ) , who is abandoned by her druggie mother ( angela bettis ) as an infant , to be raised by aunt maggie ( kim basinger ) . six years later , satan's minions are out to kill the girl , of course . and this year , satan's head minion is a new agey creep named eric stark ( rufus sewell ) , determined to convert the jesus girl to the dark side before easter . . . or else she must die ! ( i guess they picked easter because , you know , they missed the whole millennial paranoia genre window by about a year . ) enter an occult-expert fbi agent ( jimmy smits ) and you've got a kind of cop-thriller-paranormal sixth sense wannabe that makes apocalyptic pap like end of days look like the seventh seal . while young coleman is a gifted actress , the movie has her doing little more than beating her head against the wall , hugging people , or spinning stuff with her magical powers ( backed up by lousy digital effects ) . basinger proves that , yes , l . a . confidential was a total fluke and that she can't act after all . and sewell appears to be channeling dr . evil for his goofy bad guy role . while christina ricci is being used to sell this film to the unsuspecting masses , her part is barely a cameo comprising three minutes of screen time . but bad acting doesn't kill bless the child , it's the bad plot that aborts this production . driven by randomness , coincidence , and just plain stupidity on the part of the characters , the movie wanders from scene to scene with little more purpose than filling 100 minutes before we get to the inevitable showdown at the end . this has been a successful m . o . for action films for a century -- but few have had the gall to try to work in a god vs . devil plot . the film is so over the top that maggie's car , when falling off a bridge , can't just splash into the water -- it has to explode into flames on the way down . the film is so derivative it actually steals lines from other movies ( notably a slight variation on " the greatest trick the devil pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist " from the usual suspects ) . and the film is so amazingly obvious that you expect stark's limo to have " 666 " on the license plates . altogether , bless the child is almost bad enough to become a cult classic . 
what would you do if no one could see you ? well , if you're a super smart bio-molecular research scientist working for the military , you'd grope a co-worker and rough-up your neighbor from across the street . that's right . of all the non-criminal possibilities brought about by rendering oneself invisible , in " hollow man " kevin bacon's character opts to commit sex crimes . er , it's kevin bacon who plays the super smart military bio-molecular research scientist ? something sounds horribly wrong already . but this is a paul verhoeven film , and the sleazepin director of such open-crotch classics as " basic instinct " and the infamous " showgirls " never lets a little credibility get in the way of his voyeuristic tendencies which , when you come right down to it , is all this film is about . " hollow man " features a string of hapless , c-list actors ( among them bacon , elisabeth shue , josh brolin , and kim dickens ) in a grade-z plot with a lot of special effects that , frankly , don't look much better than those used in the 1933 version of " the invisible man . " oh bacon glistens when he gets wet all right and looks like a rather fatty side of cheap flank steak when he's attempting reentry but otherwise it's lots of " thermal " shots and inanimate objects ( elisabeth shue included ) bobbing around without any visible signs of support . since invisibility , once achieved , isn't much of an effect ( the actors spend half their time conversing with nobody and the other half of their time talking to each other--it amounts to much of a muchness ) , the director elects to wardrobe all of his female protagonists in loosely-buttoned sweaters so that the minute bacon's character gets invisible he can head straight for them . it's as if that fascinating concept--what would you do if no one could see you ? --is simply a verhoeven ploy to show some skin . as a horror film , " hollow man " is unsophisticated and disturbing ( in its intent , not its achievements ) and not worth your time or your hard-earned dollars . it's minor verhoeven--and even that's not saying much--and boy is it hollow . 
rated on a 4-star scale screening venue : home ( screener tape courtesy of fine line features usa ) released in the uk by alliance atlantis on january 28 , 2000 ; certificate 15 ; 106 minutes ; country of origin usa ; aspect ratio 1 . 85 : 1 directed by matthew warchus ; produced by jean-françois fonlupt , dan lupovitz , timm oberwelland . written by david nicholls , matthew warchus ; based upon the original stage play by sam shepard . photographed by john toll ; edited by pasquale buba . " simpatico " doesn't involve us in its story , so much as it blackmails us into it . yes , i kept wondering what was going to happen next , but not because i cared -- i simply wanted to make sense of it all . the film's method is to throw a lot of bewildering information at us , and keep us watching by promising it'll all be sorted out by the end . the main characters are carter ( jeff bridges ) , a successful businessman whose acres of property include a sleek country mansion , and vinnie ( nick nolte ) , an angry slob whose rotting bungalow lies in the middle of sandy nowhere . as the movie opens , carter is getting ready to sell his family's prized racehorse , but is interrupted from the deal by a phone call from vinnie , who orders him to come cross-country to see him . carter immediately hops on a plane . with the possible exception of hugh grant , millionaires don't often abandon their busy schedules to visit shady bums , so what strange hold does vinnie have on carter ? after a lot of unspecific talk about 'the past " , we learn that years ago the two men were involved together in gambling and bribery scams , and vinnie has always held onto proof of these illegal actions that could destroy carter's credibility in legitimate circles . since vinnie is more than a little unstable , carter does not want to upset him , and appeases his old friend as much as he can . we get the sense that this arrangement has been going for quite some time -- vinny making threats , carter giving him things to keep him quiet . things may not , however , be so simple this time . vinny is really starting to act like he'll do something with his evidence ; perhaps he'll expose carter , perhaps just re-open old wounds for the man's wife rosie ( sharon stone ) , whose part in her husband's extortion rackets left her permanently emotionally scarred . right there is , more or less , the whole story of " simpatico " , which unfolds in an odd manner : characters pop up onscreen now and again talking about secretive things the audience don't know anything about . flashbacks appear , to explain tiny pieces of the puzzle . then come moments of quiet reflection . while this deliberately perplexing method of storytelling must have seemed like a hot idea to the filmmakers , because it lets them stretch their meagre plot out to feature length , it leaves the audience at a loss to understand whether or not the actors' performances are any good . we're never let know what the motivations of the characters are , let alone whether these motivations are being played convincingly . nolte and bridges do a lot of grunting and shouting ; stone appears far too late in the film for her passionate anger to redeem the dullness of the script . albert finney , playing a man vinnie and carter ruined , does a lot of weird babbling in a typically terrible american accent ; catherine keener , as a checkout girl who never wanted to be involved with a bunch of crooks , switches between tough cookie and gullible simpleton , often within the same scene . maybe all this made sense in the sam shepard stage play upon which " simpatico " is based . it doesn't in the movie . this would have been a fascinating piece of work if the plot had been outlined in the opening twenty minutes , and the rest of the script had focused on the characters . who are these people ? who were they ? how do they feel about each other ? how did the consequences of their swindles specifically affect them ? " simpatico " ignores all these potentially interesting avenues , trying to work on the level of its mystery alone -- mystery that isn't mysterious , just confusing . copyright ( c ) 2000 ian waldron-mantganiplease visit , and encourage others to visit , the uk critic's website , which is located at http : //members . aol . com/ukcritic 
_dirty_work_ has a premise of deliciously mean-spirited potential . mitch weaver ( norm macdonald ) and his lifelong best friend sam mckenna ( artie lange ) are losers in life : they were constantly picked on in school , and now they cannot hold regular jobs . but as the trailer goes , " there is one thing mitch weaver is good at--revenge . " so he and sam parlay their unmatched skill in getting-even schemes into a marketable revenge-for-hire business called dirty work inc . this should be the groundwork for a wonderfully wicked black comedy , but for a film called _dirty_work_ , what ensues is rather clean of spirit . in fact , what makes mitch and sam start up their business is not a giddy desire to give bullies a taste of their own medicine , but rather a more sappy reason : sam's father ( jack warden ) needs a heart transplant , and in order for him to move at the top of the recipient list , his compulsively betting doctor ( chevy chase ) asks the guys for $50 , 000 to pay off his bookie . so for all the scheming that goes on , beneath every underhanded plot is--gasp ! --a heart , which undercuts the inherent nastiness of the premise . not that there isn't a lot of nastiness on display--there is , but of a different sort . there are frequent sexual references , most prominently in the form of prostitutes and sam's impotent father's ongoing lust for them . and for a film rated pg-13 , director bob saget ( yes , that bob saget , of _full_house_ and _america's_funniest_home_videos_ fame ) and writers frank sebastiano , fred wolf , and macdonald himself , stretch the boundaries of good taste rather far--arguably a bit too much so ( was not one , but two separate instances of sodomy between animals really necessary ? ) . but the issue , of course , is not so much of taste as it is humor--as in , is it funny or not ? the answer is a resounding no . it's not that macdonald isn't a funny guy . he was one of the more consistently funny performers on _saturday_night_live_ before his much-talked-about firing , and his dry brand of smartass wit translates well to the big screen ; it also doesn't hurt that he's a natural , likable screen presence . he is able to give some of his lines a nice acid touch , but , for the most part , the oneliners , as written , are flat , and the broad slapstick gags just don't work ( one running gag has him being literally tossed out of buildings--a real riot ) . still , macdonald's few shining moments are just about the only moments the film has . the late chris farley , as hysterical as he ever was , is amusing in a cameo role , but , as a whole , the supporting players are amateurish and seemingly free from any directorial guidance . saget tries to juice up the proceedings with kitschy cameos by gary coleman , adam sandler , and john goodman , but their minimal novelty value cannot prevent _dirty_work_ from sputtering to the end of its brief 81-minute running time . the film closes on a sad note of desperation , an indulgent reel of outtakes from which only those involved in the production would derive any amusement . come to think of it , i cannot imagine anyone but those involved in the production to find much amusement in the entirety of _dirty_work_ . 
and here i was , expecting a movie about bullfighting . this cryptic little indie starts out with the story of a frenchman ( olivier martinez ) in mexico , fascinated with bullfighting , indeed . when his cute little girlfriend unleashes a bull on him for some unknown reason , she ends up getting gored . that's bad enough , but her dad turns out to be a major crime boss , and he proceeds to go on a rampage against our poor frenchman . hooking up with mary ( star trek : tng's michelle forbes ) , the duo begin a " fantasy adventure " that transcends any sense of reality , culminating in the birth of a new messiah who is dubbed " pumpkin . " bullfighter is ultimately a blatant ripoff of robert rodriguez's el mariachi , made for obviously no money by indie vet l . m . kit carson and his crew . strangely enough , rodriguez actually has a cameo in this movie , which says to me he's paying off carson for all his support of indie filmmaking . and while el mariachi is a truly great film , bullfighter is anything but . the story is supposed to be farcical ( i think ) , but it just comes off as stupid and tiresome . the camerawork is bad , the editing is atrocious ( each scene transition uses a grating jump-back-and-forth-five-times method which makes you want to kill yourself after 10 minutes of it ) . the special effects typically involve a strobe light . this is not a good thing . what is mildly good is forbes ( the only real actor in the picture ) , and martinez makes for a curiously understated action hero . if only he didn't mutter all his lines beneath his breath , thus rendering the picture even less comprehensible . 
ah , the family classic kazaam , starring that ever popular shaquille o'neal , once a big basketball star . space jam was a hit with michael jordan , why not have other players act ? that ever popular movie about shaq being a genie in a bottle made $18 million , and it's time to do a sequel . ( note on above paragraph : anyone reading the above paragraph and thought that i was actually serious should seek medical help immediately by going to www . shrink . com ) how many times does it take those dumb studio executives to figure out that something doesn't work ? if o'neal's movie premiere , kazaam , which made the internet movie database's top 10 worst films of the 90s than why make another movie starring this tall basketball hero ? what is an extremely poor rehash ( it almost gets the same treatment that this summer's other comic book to screen dissapointment spawn got ) of a great old comic book , turns into a violent , cheesy , and inane chase through a city of bad guys . the evil nathaniel burke ( judd nelson ) purposefully shoots fellow officer susan sparks ( gish ) with an overpowered weapon right in front of john henry irons ( o'neal , his name is henry irons and steel , get it ? ) on the testing field . he's some type of psychotic maniac and plans to reek hell on the world by letting everyone feel his pain . when susan becomes confined to a wheelchair , john helps her on her road to recovery . but all is not well , burke has decided to sell the powerful weapons on the black market and hires unknowingly naive young african-americans to sell them for him . but , ( and i hope your sitting down ) my god , he's captured john's baby brother ! this prompts him to turn into a superhuman metal man with a cool suit and plenty of interesting gadgets . an action film easily more forgettable than batman & robin . at least batman had some flashly effects and cool scenes . this film is filled with countless scenes that are so bad , it almost appears as if some of the actors are holding back their laughter . another thing that makes it bad is the fact that we a supposed to actually care for all of these characters when they are placed into danger , even though we know that they cannot possibly die because this is a run-of-the mill action flick . this is another film to see if you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself , and i give it * star . the young-uns : this film contains lots of violence and showcases it as a way of solving problems , it glorifies this is many ways . however , it's not as nearly as violent as many other action films your child's already seen . good age : 11-12 additional note : this film also made the internet movie database's top 10 worst films of the 90s . 
" nothing more than a high budget masturbation fantasy " showgirls ( nc-17 ) - contains graphic nudity , profanity , sexual situations and violence . some people , however , keep their clothes on . you do not watch porn films for their intellectual values , nor do you write reviews on them . that's why this review will be short . it seems that this film will end up in the porn section when it hits the video stores . there is no story , script , point or acting . only naked bodies , which is exactly the point . here is the so called plot : nomi , the 23-year-old with a dark past as a hooker , has hitchhiked from somewhere back east to perform in a show where a dancer doesn't wear much more than a light coating of powder and a big , fake smile . no one is twisting nomi's arm . no one is holding her grandmother hostage . she wants to do this . and that is what she is doing till the end credits . so what's the problem then ? what's the point ? what's the film about ? is there anyone whose aspirations could inspire less sympathy ? this film can be described in one sentence : obscene level of incompetence , excessive stupidity in the story line , gross negligence of the viewer's intelligence , a prurient interest in the quick buck . believe me , after an hour with these characters , acting and script , you'll start hoping for someone to kill somebody . elizabeth berkley makes a laughable try as the heroine of this film , that is bad even for eszterhas' script . her character is the only one that is at least half written and she could really have done better . her character denies the fact that she is a whore for the industry , selling her body to the hungry eyes of the horny public . " i am not a whore ! i am a dancer " , she screams , but does it in such an over dramatized way that you'll start laughing . in fact the acting in " showgirls " brings terrible to a new and previously unknown level . not one single achievement , besides the conventional cinematography , is worth mentioning . it is a total waste of time and money . there is not a single moment of what you might call intelligence . the dialogue is structured of ancient stereotypes and cliches lined up one after another . its attempt to even imagine to have half a brain results in a catastrophe . " in my films , " writes director paul verhoeven ( 'basic instinct' , 'total recall' ) , " i hold the mirror up to life . " well , excuse me ? his attempt to go behind the scenes of las vegas , and as he put it " show the naked truth " , is simplified and unreal . occasionally , between his collection of mistakes and logical irrationalities , screenwriter joe eszterhas ( the creator of some of the worst screenplays in hollywood history ) inserts some lines of deep morality , that sound something like this : " hey , i see you . i see that you're hiding " - " from what ? " - " from you " . yes , and even the only decent line in this film : " nomi is what las vegas is all about " can't save 'showgirls' from going under . it's a strange phenomena . it's not erotic , because it lacks sensuality . not dramatic , because it lacks the acting . and not intelligent because it lacks a story . it is simply verhoven's bad excuse for making pornography . you want to see naked women ? bare breasts ? full frontals ? it's nothing wrong with that . but in that case i suggest that you rent a porn film in your local video store , and not waste time surviving through eszterhas' pathetic dialogue . b qualities , while it's only a high budget porn-film . 
" my problem was being a young man with money in manhattan , " says bret easton ellis , citing his inspiration for american psycho . when it comes to vivid fantasies of alienated urban narcissism , his prose strikes a chilling , edgy chord . like skimming the surface of an icy lake , we are left imagining the dark depths below . hey , that really sounds poetic ! i'm gonna have another valium before writing the rest of this review -- maybe someday i'll be as glib as ellis ! just kidding . i've actually enjoyed reading ellis' novels of passive emptiness . less than zero is the perfect book for road trips , especially when you look out the window having thoughts that resemble the shallow characters . " ah , yes , adolescence truly is a volatile mystery ! " having said that , ellis prose typically comes off as , well , boring , glib , pseudo-intellectual , snooty , irritating , and shallow when read aloud . try reading passages to your friends . watch them lose interest in you as a human being . don't scoff ! if you were in their shoes , you would , too ! heck , you probably will if you attempt to sit through gerald fox's unintentionally grating documentary , this is not an exit : the fictional world of bret easton ellis . fox tries to pull off the imaginative conceit of crossing interview footage of ellis with dramatizations from his body of work , including less than zero and his recent perils-of-celebrity bestseller , glamorama . it's like a kaleidoscope of short films with additional commentary from the novelist . unfortunately for ellis , he's so smug , creepy , and annoying that he does his novels a disservice by appearing onscreen . potential readers will take one look at this privileged brat and understandably vow never to read him . i haven't even started discussing ellis' whiny friends , hogging for screen time as they take a limo cruise through new york city searching for the perfect restaurant . it's scary that his unimaginative fictional characters bear such a scary resemblance to his actual peers . when one of them compares him to orson welles ( " cuz you're a big genius , bret ! " ) , i wanted to slap that pompous grin off his mug . okay , maybe i'm jealous that i don't have ellis' problems . beautiful friends , a fat wallet , the inability to see through my own vapidity . maybe i'm being too hard on the guy . gotta calm my nerves before i finish this review . pass the cocaine . a bottom-of-the-barrel budget doesn't help illuminate the scenes lifted from ellis' novels . rough , jarring cuts and washed out cinematography are completely inappropriate for the polished world his characters inhabit . the bland white walls and inept lighting could have been easily better-realized by inexperienced first year film students . the poorly staged ellis stories serve as a reminder of how right mary harron's instincts were on american psycho . by dwelling on impeccable art design , tailored suits , embossed business cards and designer glasses , she found the precise visual counterpart to ellis' hyper-detailed take on consumer culture . bored , introverted characters with zero empathy can be compelling on the page , but it doesn't always translate to the screen . christian bale's mannered performance as psycho's killer patrick bateman was appropriately deadpan . would that declan thurman ( uma's brother ) showed such restraint filling the same role in exit . he blows line readings with a distracting assortment of eyebrow and lip twitches . see , i'm really crazy ! there's nothing hammy about ellis' sparse writing style , so why can't thurman resist maniacal laughter when describing a girl's head on a stick ? by discussing the " meaning " of his books , ellis only winds up reducing them to facile morality lessons . he also eats up screen time defending his prose from vicious critics , often protesting far too much for comfort . i don't hate women ! american psycho is a feminist tract ! less than zero was not autobiographical ! it's a sensationalized version of my post-college years . this vain little man seems to care an awful lot about what people think of him . oh , go ahead ! try telling him that and he'll retreat back into a banal shell of doublespeak . as one critic points out , it's almost impossible to discuss ellis' flaws without him embracing them as part of his integrity . of course it's shallow , of course it's nihilistic ! that's the world he created . see how slippery he is ? what was that great bill murray quote from rushmore ? " money can buy a lot of things , but it can't buy you backbone . take dead aim at the rich kids ! " i don't think i ever truly appreciated that slice of wisdom until ellis got in my face . hey bret : here's a quarter . go call someone who cares . and pass the amphetamines . fast . you're losing me . 
a secret society so powerful it can get away with murder . a secret society so exclusive it firebrands everyone who joins with its mark . a secret society so secret . . . it has a big logo up on top of the building ! ? you know something is rotten with the skulls right from the get-go . i mean , what self-respecting prep school-ivy league snob would join an organization with a name as stupid as " the skulls " ? well , luke ( joshua jackson ) would be , for one . only he's no preppie . he's a " townie " with no money , but even though he's of the lower classes , since he's such a good rower ( yes , " the skulls , " i get it ) , he's a shoo-in for the secret society . a mysterious invitation arrives , and luke is whisked into a world of power and money , where men in red robes usher in beautiful women for the taking at tuxedoed parties . before you can utter " fidelio , " luke has become one of them . luke is soon partnered with a " soul mate " ( not making that up ) , caleb mandrake ( meet the deedles' paul walker ) with whom he is supposed to keep no secrets . but uh-oh ! when luke's roommate gets jealous and threatens to expose the entire society when he steals caleb's key to the secret chambers ( remember , that big skull on the roof points the way in ) . a cover-up ensues and luke romances " popular " star leslie bibb , and then come a grand series of plot twists so asinine you'll want to join in with the laughter and mockery of the audience if only doing so didn't make this movie even worse . its desperate earnestness makes it even more laughable ( with none other than craig t . " coach " nelson lording over it all ) , and by the time 45 minutes are up , you'll probably be ready to leave . i know i was . unfortunately , teens don't read movie reviews , so this critique will likely be lost on anyone who cares . would that they would put their collective foot down . the last thing we need is another bad movie that simply serves as an excuse to sell a soundtrack . 
directed by : andrzej bartkowiak written by : eric bernt ( i ) and mitchell kapner cast : jet li , aalyah , delroy lindo , dmx mpaa : rated r for violence , some language and brief nudity . runtime : usa : 115 in our time . in our modern world , where the cool rule , it's hard to imagine that shakespeare is becoming 'the man' . and yet - film after film , after film , is based on his everlasting magic . in warner brothers' latest production , shakespeare is kicking ass to a rap beat , while his magic and intelligence slowly fades away . though the producers of the matrix have vaguely based their picture on william shakespeare's 'romeo and juliet' , its title sequence with a frightening rap song and a black limo making its way through the dark streets of new york , is very hard to associate with shakespeare's poetry . the film takes place during a silent war between the two major mafia families in the city - the afro americans against the chinese . the youngest son of a chinese mafia chieftain is found murdered . the afro-americans are immediately suspected , but a peace treaty is signed between the two godfathers . it is at this point that han ( the romeo of the story ) finds out about his brother's death . escaping from a prison in china , he returns to united states to avenge his brother's fate . but before he can restore justice with his kung fu kicks , he falls in love with a mysterious beauty . the only problem is that she is the daughter of his enemy . . there's only a weak echo of shakespeare's talent in this disappointing production . and there are more problems besides its title . of course we don't call it a deformation of a great masterpiece . we call it 'modernization' . it seems that the producers fear that the audience will not respond to lyrics , without any car chases and gun fights . this lack of respect for the audience i find very disturbing . kenneth brannagh has already proven that shakespeare doesn't need to be updated , because his tales are grounded in the basics of life and human nature . and as long as love , hate , honesty and corruption do exist , everyone will understand and embrace shakespeare . i must admit that i found 'rome must die' very confusing . i can forgive andrzej bartkowiak , since it is his first attempt at directing . he manages to create an incredible atmosphere and directs with a firm precision . unfortunately he completely forgot about character- and story developments . his latest picture is therefore visually impressive , but intellectually hollow . the love story between han ( jet li ) and trish ( aalyah ) , and the mafia intrigues are undeveloped and simplified . jet li is one of the most amazing fighters to ever hit the silver screen and aalyah has a magical voice . their achievement save this film from being completely braindead , but they are not actors , and therefore can not act . they are nothing more than two celebrities put together . the other actors , including isaiah washington , russell wong , henry o and dmx all give the standard mediocre performances . delroy lindo is the only one that projects a coherent image of reality . but there's more than acting to worry about . even with li's incredible skills in martial arts , the action scenes ( though technically excellent ) are too long and story updates simply embarrassing . to make a long story short : 'romeo must die' is not intelligent enough to be a thriller , not sensual enough to be a love story and too serious to be a fun action film . it is certain that bartkowiak would be much better off with o this embarrassing and completely unnecessary parallel to 'romeo and juliet' , so the film is completely stuck - not sure of what to be . and in the end it's nothing . there are no performances worthy of notice , no interesting character- or story surprises . so again , the only good thing about it is its technical achievement . this film can boast of great sound , fast paced editing , solid cinematography and some very well coordinated action sequences . the music is another factor that prevents you from leaving the theatre . it is mostly provided by aalyah's enchanting voice and several carefully inserted rap songs by various artists , that create a kind of 'ghetto feel' to it . but when i think back , it's not much i remember from this 'production' . as in almost every summer movie , there are some interesting scenes , but most of the moments that i remember are associated with massive special effects . it is not a film that will get any attention for its artistic qualities , simply because it doesn't have any . for someone who has never read shakespeare , it's another popcorn film . for those of us who has , it's a waste of money , time and brain cells . 
director : luis llosa writer : alexandra solos ( based on the novel by john shirley ) starring : sylvester stallone , sharon stone , james woods , rod steiger , eric roberts sylvester stallone has made some crap films in his lifetime , but this has got to be one of the worst . a totally dull story that thinks it can use various explosions to make it interesting , " the specialist " is about as exciting as an episode of " dragnet , " and about as well acted . even some attempts at film noir mood are destroyed by a sappy script , stupid and unlikable characters , and just plain nothingness . who knew a big explosion could be so boring and anti-climactic ? unless you saw " blown away " . . . " the specliast " of the title is none other than action star sylvester stallone ( in comeback #19 , i think ) , who plays a quiet , hermit-like bomber who was once a bomb expert with the army or something , but who suffered a change of heart when he and his assistant ( james woods , who shows us exactly what over-the-top is , other than another bad sly film ) accidentally killed some innocent people during a job . his credo is killing bad people , not innocents . and that's why he makes big bombs . so anyway , into his life steps the seductive sharon stone , who is basically the girlfriend/moll of the stupid son ( eric roberts ) of a cuban/miami kingpin ( rod steiger , in an indecipherable accent , which is sometimes cuban , sometimes brando , sometimes scottish , etc ) . turns out sharon is actually using her boyfriend so she can kill him , since he killed her parents when she was young . so she calls sly , leaves messages with him , sends him e-mail , etc , about planting a bomb to kill roberts , which sly listens to obsessively , and while he works out naked . yea . also into his life , though again , comes woods , who has been tipped off by stone to catch sly . using the cops , he tries to set up traps , none which really work , so when sly calls him , he goes ballisitic on his ass over the phone , getting so worked up by saying his must-be-improvised speeches that he seems to pop the vein in his head wide open . these are the most exciting scenes in the film , and woods becomes the only ounce of entertainment in the film . the film tries to offer us a moody film noir , except with explosions , but comes up completely snake-eyes . it's just a pretend film noir , making it a big waste of time . and for action buffs , the action scenes are pretty lame , with some really unrealistic-looking special effects ( a penthouse being blown off of a hotel looks like a piece of cardboard falling into a tub ) . then there's the much-discussed sex scene between sly and stone , which are about as mispaired a couple as rachel and ross on " friends . " their sex scene is more nauseating then sexy , because it shows us more of sly than stone . now let's guess who we'd rather see naked , okay ? stone's small but perky breasts , which we've seen more times than harvey keitel's dick , or stallone's veiny ass , which isn't usually shown for a very good reason ? i know i can't really judge it as a flaw of the film , but come on . the worst flaw of the film is this : it's boring . i mean , i was on caffeine when watching it , but my friend fell asleep only to be woken up by james woods ranting . but a good movie does not james woods going nuts make . if you're in for some fun action , rent sly's earlier " demolition man , " which sucks too , but in a much more entertaining fashion . skip this dull film , unless you want to see woods , or make fun of steiger's accent , or see stone's breasts again . 
fact that charles bronson represents one of the most important movie icons of the 1980s represents one of the biggest and almost tragic ironies of that decade . tragedy lies in the fact that the icon status was earned less by quality of his work in movies , but the quantity . most of those movies were produced by cannon group , company led by israeli producers menahem golan and yoram globus . those two men probably thought that they could be the next roger corman , b- movie mentors of future hollywood legends . unfortunately , that didn't happened , and when cannon finally went bankrupt at the end of the decade , behind it stood the huge pile of cinematic garbage , that would require at least few centuries before it reaches the camp appeal . sadly for bronson , that garbage also contained numerous movies in which that capable character actor and action hero of the 1970s tried to raise their worth simply by being the main lead , and lowering his own reputation in process . on the other hand , bronson could take comfort in a fact that those movies were extremely popular , especially among the audience 3 or 4 times younger than bronson himself . one of such movies that seriously marred bronson's reputation is death wish 3 , third sequel in the series which began with death wish in 1974 . in the original movie , bronson played paul kersey , mild-mannered new york architect who turns into deadly street vigilante after his family fell victim to urban violence . that movie was far from masterpiece ; yet , in it the director michael winner was skillfully offering the cinematic remedy for very real disease of growing crime rates of the time ( on the same lines like siegel in dirty harry ) . unfortunately , six years later cannon group got rights to the character of paul kersey and began destroying it by pumping out sequels ; even the presence of its original director didn't stop the rapid decline of the quality . death wish 3 begins when kersey comes to visit an old friend , living in the urban wasteland of east new york , populated by young criminals and people too old or too poor to move out . before the reunion , kersey's friend falls victim to the street gang led by evil fraker ( played by gavan o'herlihy , probably the only noteworthy role in the film ) . kersey decides to avenge his death and slowly prepares for his crusade , while the police inspector shriker ( ed lauter ) , ants to use him as a secret weapon in his losing war against the urban crime . bronson , the main asset in this movie , plays the character who is nothing more than an efficient killing machine . although bronson's charisma does help in overcoming some implausibilities ( single man in his 60s and armed with a single pistol manages to wipe out dozens of opponents with superior firepower ) , the lack of emotions or bronson's own commitment could be seen in a very few lines spoken in a film . the movie authors were somewhat aware of that emotional shallowness , so they added romantic interest for their hero - public defender played by deborah raffin and conveniently terminated in order to give some more motives for kersey's crusade . on the other hand , emotions are much better played by confronting law-abiding , yet ethnically stereotyped citizens with their daily nemesis of street punks - ruthless enough to exercise their reign of terror on the entire city blocks , and stupid enough to be killed in droves by kersey . unfortunately , michael winner doesn't know how to work out the plot , and after torturing the viewers with mostly uninteresting characters and cliched and formulaic situations , ends this movie with a bang . the big showdown at the end - that turns east new york into the sarajevo-like battle zone - is probably the worst part of the movie , because of the poor editing and the cheap sets and props that give away the low budget . in short , this movie could be recommended only to the most fanatical charles bronson fans or for the people who are already desperate for 1980s nostalgia . ( special note for trekkies : marina sirtis , the actress who played counsellor deanna troi in star trek : the next generation could be spotted in a small role of portorican wife ) . 
year : 2000 . starring jim carrey , renee zellweger , robert forster , chris cooper , anthony anderson , mongo brownlee , jerod mixon , michael bowman , traylor howard , tony cox . written by peter farrelly , mike cerrone , and bobby farrelly . directed by bobby farrelly and peter farrelly . rated r . it seemed like the perfect concept . what better for the farrelly brothers , famous for writing and directing comedies with offensive subject matter , than to make a movie about a guy with a split personality ? it's exactly the sort of thing the brothers relish : poking fun at something serious ( in this case mental illness ) , throwing all care to the wind to get a laugh . jim carrey's signed on too ? even better . the national alliance for the mentally ill even helped out by levying complaints against the brothers' new film before its opening , claiming it was misrepresenting the condition of split personality , labeling it incorrectly as " schizophrenia , " and so forth . such a protest seemed like just the sort of thing that would , of course , only add more fuel to the farrelly brothers' fire , proving that some people just couldn't take a joke , and that the farrellys would be helping the more enlightened viewers to yet another dose of their brilliantly subversive comedy . yes , it all seemed perfect , but one thing went wrong : their movie isn't funny . it's not for lack of trying . the farrellys utilize in " me , myself & irene " their most high-concept premise ever : carrey plays charlie baileygaites , a man who after being dumped by his wife for a midget limo driver , decides to bury all his aggressive feelings deep down inside and never release them . this , of course , means all his neighbors exploit his entirely too-forgiving nature , making his job as a rhode island state trooper increasingly difficult . soon enough , charlie's repressed aggression manifests itself into a second , independent personality named hank , a deep-voiced , boorish ogre unafraid of taking the assertive actions his predecessor had been unable to muster . this guy isn't above crashing a car through the wall of the barber shop in which he's been insulted , or holding a little girl's head underwater because she refused to stop jump-roping in the street . then things start getting lost in the most complicated plot the farrellys have ever attempted , and the film runs off its tracks . some have suggested that this isn't a problem , because the farrelly brothers' brand of humor doesn't require plot to work . they're wrong , of course : plot was greatly instrumental in building up the kind of rollicking comic energy that infused the farrellys' last effort , 1996's " there's something about mary . " ( 1999's " outside providence " was technically an earlier project . ) the brothers' earlier film wasn't funny merely because it contained outrageous gags ( despite what some newsmagazine articles would have you believe ) , but rather because its most outrageous gags were entirely unexpected . in " mary , " the farrellys managed several times to pull off a neat sleight-of-hand trick : they'd have you thinking the story was going one way , then reveal its real direction in delightfully surprising fashion . " me , myself & irene , " by contrast , seems to have been made by folks who looked at " mary " and saw only the surface grossness , missing all of the subtle machinations that really made it work . having been produced by the same guys who made " mary , " " irene " seems like an even bigger disappointment . the brothers pile on the offensive humor , taking shots at race , midgets , albinos , mental illness , and all manner of bathroom jokes . but they haven't come up with a way to make any of it fresh most of " me , myself & irene " comes off as rote , by-the-numbers , adolescent comedy . the plot , with carrey forced to drive alleged fugitive irene p . waters ( renee zellweger ) , who's in more trouble than anyone knows , back to new york , has an ending that's entirely predictable from the get-go . ( think charlie and irene will fall in love ? yeah , me too . ) the farrellys then introduce scores of different characters , and none of them ever manage to do anything you haven't already expected them to do , no matter how outrageous their actions might be . compared to the curveballs the farrellys are used to throwing , this stuff is almost entirely soft-tossed , presenting an obvious problem : when gross-out humor loses its shock value , it's no longer funny , merely gross . the jokes that do work are milked over and over until their effectiveness runs dry . take , for example , the subplot involving charlie's three black sons ( anthony anderson , mongo brownlee , jerod mixon ) . the incongruity of it all is funny for a while , with three burly black men discussing higher math in ghetto language and white-bread carrey mouthing said language with an entirely too-pleasant smile on his face . but by the end of the film , they're still doing the same schitck it hasn't been elevated to another , funnier level , and it hasn't been dropped either . that's too bad , because it ceases to be amusing about halfway through . " me , myself & irene " reeks of wasted opportunities . there ought to be more focus on how other people react to charlie's new personality , and on how charlie deals with the consequences of hank's actions . this doesn't really happen nearly every supporting character learns about charlie's condition early on , so they don't have any opportunity to be surprised by it . the film throws what looks like a patented farrelly curve in a scene towards the midway point ( involving an albino companion charlie and irene pick up called , appropriately , " whitey " ) , but the script doesn't go anywhere with it , instead leaving the thread twisting in the wind before awkwardly tying it up during the climax . jim carrey is a gifted comedian , both physically and vocally , but he's left with nothing much to do here except contort himself in a manner similar to steve martin in " all of me . " it's a great showcase of flexibility and split-second role-shifting , but none of it is terribly funny . carrey doesn't pull any stunts we don't expect him to pull , and the farrellys' script doesn't give him anything else to pull : the situations in which he must perform the role-shifting aren't set up in any meaningful way . perhaps carrey can take solace in the fact that his supporting actors fare no better . zellweger's irene is not a strong female lead mary in " mary " may have been part adolescent fantasy , but she was also intelligent and strong-willed . irene is nothing in particular , as the film never makes clear whether she's ditzy , clever , or neither . as such , she gives us nothing to latch onto as the only " sane " person in the film . chris cooper is stuck playing exactly one note as a corrupt fbi agent , and his character is entirely too straight-laced for a movie like this . he , like the others , does absolutely nothing unexpected . after viewing the shapeless mess that " me , myself & irene " eventually dissolved into , i was stuck wondering whether or not the farrellys had outsmarted themselves . maybe their kind of comedy can only work for so long until audiences get wise to it and stop being shocked . but i don't believe it -- good filmmakers find ways of surprising their audiences even after people have grown attuned to their style . if the farrellys are indeed good , smart filmmakers ( and i still think they are ) , they'll rebound just fine . even after that happens , though , i'll still consider " me , myself & irene " to be a high-caliber misfire . 
miramax " disinvited " on-line media from press screenings of scream 3 . they ostensibly feared that folks like me would write spoiler-filled reviews and post them prior to the film's february 4th release date-unsound reasoning . you see , 'net critics established enough to be on any sort of vip list are professionals-miramax surely knows the difference between a member of the on-line film critics society ( ofcs ) and the type of fanboy who posts spy reports at ain't it cool news . no , the ‘mini major' was afraid we'd let a bigger cat out of the bag than whodunit , that scream 3 is a dismal conclusion to the beloved ( by this writer , at least ) franchise . something smells rotten in the state of california right from the get-go : cotton weary ( liev schrieber ) , the former lover and would-be killer of maureen prescott , sidney's mother , is juggling phone calls in his luxury car . ( once considered a danger to society , weary now hosts his own talk show , " 100% cotton " , a clever , if dated , jab at american pop culture . ) of course , a new ghostface dials him up , and , with memories of scream's unbearably suspenseful prologue in mind , we immediately wonder , where is the killer ? the backseat ? the next car ? thrilling prospects , to be sure , but actually , ghostface is at the weary residence , waiting for cotton's girlfriend ( kelly rutheford ) to finishing showering . what's missing from this sequence , and indeed scream 3's remaining frights ( most disappointingly , the moment when an ingenue is forced to hide in a wardrobe room filled with ghostface costumes , one of which might spring to life ) , is an elaborate and attenuated payoff . our other surviving regulars have become estranged . sidney ( campbell ) is living a paranoid existence of electronic gates and password-protected locks , while dewey ( arquette ) acts as technical advisor on the second sequel to scream 2's movie-within-a-movie , " stab 3 " , and gale weathers ( cox arquette ) headlines a gossipy news program . murder reunites them , as knife-wielding ghostface stalks the set of " stab 3 " , imitating its sadistic screenplay-and his/her/their own personal draft climaxes with sidney's death . the appeal of ghostface's villainy is that he/she/they could be your boyfriend , your classmate , your next door neighbour . . . or a combination of people . scream was the first of its kind : a slasher mystery , with the guessing game not only entailing who will be next , but also who is/are the perpetrator ( s ) and what is/are his/her/their motive . ironic self-reflection aside , parts one and two stand out in a crowd that includes umpteen friday the 13th and halloween flicks because there's at last articulate human beings behind the iconic costume . with scream 3 , the novelty of ghostface's ever-mutating identity has worn off some , but the character remains conceptually potent . conceptually . the execution of ghostface's master plan this time around is creaky , because screenwriter ehren kruger has invented a new mythology for the world of sidney prescott far afield from what we'd come to understand in scream and scream 2 . the movie gets in the silly habit of saying " all bets are off ! " in reference to the " rules " of a trilogy's third act , but there's a difference between rule breaking and cheating . with the departure of kevin williamson , who authored the previous screams as well as a tidy outline for scream 3 ( that , for reasons incomprehensible to me , was ignored , save the notion of " stab 3 " ) , kruger needed to be reined in tighter , and by wes craven . craven's direction of scream 3 is lazy in most respects . how else to explain the jay and silent bob cameo ( the slacker duo of kevin smith movies ) , akin to seeing mickey mouse pop up in mulan and more distracting than funny . it pains me to write this , but scream 3's comedy is generally laughless , with the exception of well-timed performances by josh pais ( as a police detective possessed of the same personality he had as a persnickety teacher in craven's music of the heart ) , jamie kennedy ( resurrecting film geek randy for the sendoff he was denied in scream 2 ) , and parker posey ( through sheer force of will as a b-actress ) . the visuals are much weaker in part three , as well-the occasional sweeping gesture of peter deming's camera is a pale imitation of the stalking steadicam craven gave us twice before . ( aside : in the wake of columbine , craven toned down the violence significantly for scream 3-why the sanctimony , when scream and scream 2 are still readily available on video store shelves ? ) finally , marco beltrami's music cues the suspense too blatantly-do you recall the tense chase at the college radio station in scream 2 ? it's mostly silent . sting notes are a whole lot more effective if they spring from nowhere ; here , they act as the crescendos of an incessantly nerve-jangling score . i look at scream 3 as coming from an alternative universe , the same place that birthed the godfather part iii and superman iii-woefully out of synch with its prequels , scream 3 is a nightmare instead of nightmarish , and will likely put the horror genre back in mothballs . the film unintentionally follows the unspoken rule of a trilogy to a t : ‘part three must disappoint' . 
starring casper van dien , dina meyer , michael ironside , denise richards screenplay by edward neumeier , based on robert a . heinlein's novel directed by paul verhoeven ( if you like this review , and you must have more , visit film freak central http : //www . geocities . com/hollywood/set/7504 it's getting better . ) guilt . guilt is something i felt while watching basic instinct for the ninth time ; the penultimate t & a thriller , basic instinct made my last few teenage years worth living . but i know so well that it's a terrible film , made by a terrible director incapable of feeling guilt . verhoeven went on to make the even more offensive showgirls and , on november seventh , 1997 , unleashed starship troopers to innocent moviegoers like me , who cannot control the urge to see giant bug movies . the pic begins with the most unintentional laugh of the year . a simple , white on black title card reads " starship troopers " -my friends and i speculated that the night before the prints were shipped , verhoeven realized he forgot the credits . is this how a hundred million dollar movie should open ? were the rest of the film that subdued . . . starship troopers is about a group of white , blond-haired himbos and bimbos who all have spanish last names . they graduate high school , join the military , and then , rather curiously , decide to travel to an alien planet and destroy all lifeforms on that planet . the story is so incomprehensible , and told so bombastically , it's akin to 129 minutes of someone screaming punishments at you in a foreign tongue . ( aside , club lovers will be happy to know that dance music hasn't changed in the future . ) one plus : starship troopers contains some very funny sequences , specifically the newsreels of the future . hysterically funny , actually . but the cynicism of these reports left me curious as to whether verhoeven felt pessimistic about the story in between . the storytelling lacks focus , to say the least . the politics of the film are scary . the actions of the major female characters are dictated by their out-of-control libidos . there's even a creepy sex scene : the lovely dina meyer makes out , nude , with the sickening van dien while half her face is covered by her opaque sweater , just the way he seems to like it . i use the term sickening because van dien is the least appealing actor i've encountered in a big budget picture ; all chiseled features and machismo , he even barks a eulogy at a funeral like military orders . of course , verhoeven's probably the one to blame , and perhaps i'm jealous because i'm so disgusting . at any rate , a movie called starship troopers shouldn't be about sex . exactly ten years ago , verhoeven made robocop , which was about nothing but skillfully made and oddly moving . and r-rated , despite its goofy premise . maybe it's asking too much for verhoeven to make a pg-movie , then-he's a master of insipid violence . however , ten year old boys would adore starship troopers if they could see it . 
an alan smithee film : burn hollywood burn  -- so bad it hurts to watch for more movie reviews and trivia , visit http : //www . joblo . com/plot : token director alan smithee steals the only copy of his film " trio " from the studio , after they complete the " final cut " without him . he threatens to burn the film reel if they do not allow him to keep his vision . critique : wow . i really can't remember the last time a movie sucked on so many levels ! the " comedy " in this film is pathetic , obvious and dated ( oj simpson jokes galore ) . the plot is uninteresting , boring and bad . the structure of the film is annoying , repetitive and pretentious . the acting is pretty bad , especially jackie chan , who can't act to save his life . the cameos are lame and seem forced , and the ending blows chunks . all in all , this movie believes itself to be a clever , humorous and edgy look behind the closed doors of hollywood , but comes across as a boring , stupid and completely unentertaining piece of shite . i love to see movies about hollywood shenanigans , but this one bites the big one . see it if you like to watch really bad movies , otherwise skip it , because it will just have you hating every star that makes an appearance in it . luckily for us all , this mess only lasts about 80 minutes , and miramax honcho harvey weinstein plays a lead-faced detective . by the way , is there any reason why the studio or the producer couldn't have cut another version of the film by the way of all the filmed stock that was left over ? who knows , who cares , this " satire " sucks the bag . little known facts about this film and its stars : ironically , the original director of this film , arthur hiller , also requested his name be taken off the credits and replaced by the dga's alan smithee moniker . this was after the film's production company , cinergi pictures , preferred the cut made by producer/writer joe eszterhas to his . the original script of this film included arnold schwarzenegger and bruce willis . eszterhas announced through the media during post-production that cinergi pictures didn't have the money to pay for soundtrack . he said that he would finance the soundtrack from his own money and asked to submit tracks for it to him . he received 9 , 200 cds and cassettes from mostly unknown and unsigned artists , listened to all that was sent ( at least a couple of tracks from each record ) and compiled the soundtrack . this film practically swept the " razzie awards " in 1999 , given out to the worst of all movie categories of the year , with no less than the " worst picture " award , the " worst screenplay " ( joe eszterhas ) , the " worst supporting actor " ( joe eszterhas ) , the " worst new star " ( joe eszterhas tied with jerry springer ) and the " worst original song " ( " i wanna be mike ovitz ! " as written by joe eszterhas ) . 
see this review as it was intended at : http : //www . jaxfilmjournal . com/cast : faye dunaway , helen slater , hart bochner , peter cook , mia farrow , marc mcclure , brenda vaccaro , peter o'toole , matt frewer written by : david odell directed by : jeannot szwarc running time : 124 minutes / 138 minutes * * * the following review contains spoilers * * * " it's just . . . the way . . . we are . " --- a rapist ( matt frewer ) responds to supergirl's ( helen slater ) query as to why she's being attacked , an example of the mind-numbingly bad dialogue in supergirl . i'll admit it . . . i love superman iii . i know it's hated amongst the superman faithful who dismiss it as nothing more than a vehicle for richard pryor , but i still think it's a worthy addition to the man of steel franchise . supergirl , a spin-off film of sorts from the series' same producers ( alexander and ilya salkind ) , doesn't even rival superman iii in terms of quality , let alone superman or superman ii . supergirl lost me from the opening scenes and went steadily downhill for the rest of its two hour plus running time . as the film begins we see the residents of argo city , a commune like place consisting of refugees from krypton which resides in " inner space " , go about their daily lives . ok . . . what ? so these are exiles from krypton , which blew up right ? were they living there before krypton exploded ? how do you get to " inner space " ? this whole " inner space " notion is never explained , particularly in terms of how these people get information from the outside world . how do they know where superman went ? how do they know he took the name clark kent and now works at the daily planet ? these kinds of things frustrate the hell out of me . argo city is kept running by a power source called the omegahedron . one day the founder of argo city , zaltar ( peter o' toole ) , gives the omegahedron to superman's cousin , kara ( helen slater ) , for use as inspiration in her art . kara uses it to create a bug-like thing which immediately crashes through the layer of " whatever " that protects the city . in the chaos , the omegahedron sails out through the opening , dooming the argonians to death . . . in three days time , or something . kara then climbs into a pod which zaltar had designed for interdimensional travel and chases after the omegahedron to save her world . the power source travels directly to earth and lands in the bowl of dip belonging to a minor-league witch named selena ( faye dunaway ) who , immediately before her dip was ruined , announced her desires to rule the world to her sometimes warlock boyfriend nigel ( peter cook ) . selena somehow knows that this ball from the sky will help her with her evil plans , and she sets out to achieve world domination . selena is unaware of course that kara has also arrived on earth , and that she's arrived as supergirl ( complete with appropriate costume ) . supergirl emerges from the bottom of a lake when she arrives . ok . . . huh ? why does the omegahedron fall from the sky but supergirl shoots out of the bottom of a lake ? attention movie : explain yourself ! i'm sorry , i can only suspend disbelief so much . i can't buy into any of this nonsense just because the movie wants me to . knowing that she needs a secret identity , supergirl basically " wills " herself into a school girl outfit ( complete with a different hairstyle ) , picks the alias linda lee and enrolls into school . she's given her dorm assignment , and who happens to be her roommate ? lois lane's sister , lucy . ok , coincidence is one thing folks , but we're getting really contrived now . what follows are some generic all-girls school hijinks . . . complete with evil bully girls ( mean for no reason , of course ) and even a shower scene ( ! ) . best moment though comes when supergirl decides to put a bra on over her school uniform and starts stuffing it with socks . at this point i'm rapidly wondering why i'm bothering with this nonsense . there is some credit to give to the film however . one lengthy and elaborate sequence featuring an " evil " bulldozer destroying a small town in search of its " prey " is very well done . also , its commendable to see genders reversed in the film , whereas the women have all the power and the men are merely objects and tools . hart bochner ( die hard ) is particularly fun as kara's love interest , a lovesick landscaper who is under a spell cast by selena ( although he is unfortunately part of one of the film's more ridiculous moments , when he has to be rescued from being tapped by some " menacing " bumper cars ) . then there were numerous little things that bothered me . the flying effects are never convincing for a moment . . . it's all too obvious that helen slater is hooked to wires . instead of having her look like she's flying , the filmmakers wanted her to be " graceful " , so she poses a lot and does ballet-type maneuvers . also , who are the first two humans to meet supergirl when she arrives on earth ? a pair of truck drivers/rapists who immediately attack her and then meet a " wacky " demise . there is also some rampant product placement in the film , most notably for popeye's , tylenol , and a&w root beer , with the latter actually putting its logo on the t-shirt of one of the rapists ( ? ! ) . finally , just one word : monsters . faye dunaway and peter o'toole ham it up unmercifully , however when o'toole overacts he's entertaining and when dunaway does it she's annoying ( her character actually says the line " seize them ! " at one point ) . dunaway's henchmen ( played by peter cook and brenda vaccaro ) fare much better , with vaccaro coming off best as the equivalent of ned beatty's otis character from the first two superman movies . helen slater effectively portrays supergirl as the innocent , naive character she's written to be , as she's able to gaze at flowers and bunnies with the right amount of genuine wonder to make it believable . believability aside though , it's still annoying . now despite all this negativity ( and i'm not alone here . . . supergirl is not a well liked nor a well respected movie in many circles ) , leave it to the good people at anchor bay entertainment to actually make people not only interested , but excited about its release on dvd ! they have released two separate editions of the film on dvd , to the delight of many people ( including myself . . . yet i'm still unclear as to why , since this movie is so awful ) . the first and most widely available dvd release features the international version of the film which runs 10 minutes longer than the print which ran in u . s . theaters . the movie is presented in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 2 . 35 : 1 , is enhanced for 16x9 televisions , and has been remastered in full thx glory . extras on the disc include : a full length audio commentary track with director jeannot szwarc and " special project consultant " scott michael bosco , the excellent 50-minute documentary from 1984 called supergirl-the making of a feature ( dig that workout montage ! ) , 5 trailers , 3 tv spots , talent bios , in-depth storyboards ( accompanied by score from the movie ) , and assorted still galleries . the transfer on this international version is incredible . . . you'd think you were watching a new release . images are sharp , colors jump off the screen , and the picture is free of scratches or artifacts . only some special effects sequences show the wear of time , and there just isn't much that can be done about that ( unless you're obsessive like george lucas ) . the new thx approved audio is loud and clear in all the right places , however you'll be hearing absurd dialogue and a mediocre jerry goldsmith score ( which is completely unrelated to john williams' classic superman theme and sounds better suited for a cannon films' golan-globus production ) . the commentary track featuring director szwarc and project consultant bosco is a step in the right direction in the evolution of audio commentaries . bosco seems to be an expert in all things supergirl and is there with szwarc to ensure that there's no dead air on the track . bosco probes szwarc for information on virtually everyone and everything that comes onscreen , and we learn a great deal more about the film as a result of his participation . although , at times you can tell that bosco is looking for a specific response from szwarc , and is surprised when he doesn't get that response . we learn some fascinating tidbits on the track , most notably the " almost " appearance in the film by christopher reeve . great detail is given about superman's proposed role in the original script before reeve ( wisely ) dropped out . as it stands , superman is written off early on in the film when we hear a radio broadcast mention that he is billions of light years away on some sort of peace mission . for the sake of brevity , i won't even get into that one . szwarc also reveals that is was the conscious decision of the salkinds ( and everyone else agreed ) that supergirl needed to stand on its own , replacing the science fiction of the superman films with cutsy " whimsical fantasy " nonsense . bosco also points out scenes not in the american release as they come along , claiming that had they been in the original release it would have been a hit at the box office . again , for the sake of brevity , i won't even get into that one . anchor bay has also released a limited edition ( only 50 , 000 copies pressed ) two-disc set . disc one contains everything mentioned for the regular release . disc two features the never before seen director's cut of the film , which runs 138 minutes long . the additions mainly consist of scene extensions which don't add much of note , except for a few moments which lengthen peter o'toole's screen time ( particularly during his latter appearances ) . the print is rough in spots and the sound is only in mono , but fans of the film won't care . one question though . . . shouldn't the director's commentary be on the director's cut of the film ? i'd never seen supergirl before i sat down to watch this dvd . i was nine when it was released to theaters , and even then i was smart enough to inform my parents not to take me to see it . so when i popped the dvd into my player and sat down in my easy chair i had no idea what to expect . i knew the film wasn't beloved and i never had any interest in it before , but i was willing to give it a shot because of the impressive amount of work put into the disc . as the disc began to spin i was rather impressed with the opening sequence , which made me sit up and wonder if my assumptions all this time could have been wrong . come to find out however it was just the chase digital stereo logo . . . so i slunk back into my seat as the nightmare started . at the end of the film , supergirl flies back into the lake with the omegahedron , and flies back to argo city . ugh , i give up . i'm surprised i even made it to the end of the film not once , not twice , but three times to review these discs . supergirl is definitely a terrific dvd package , but a very lousy movie . 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as the twin surfer dudes , stew and phil deedle , lay bandaged and unconscious in the hospital , phil comes to first and chooses the coolest way to wake his brother . yanking out his iv , he uses it like a water pistol to soak his brother's face . this bit of lame physical humor is typical of disney's meet the deedles , a movie more to be endured that watched . ( i stopped looking at my wife during the screening , since every time i did , she'd start sticking her finger in her throat . and she's right , it is that bad . ) directed without any imagination by steve boyum , whose long background in film is mainly in stunts and in second unit direction , the film limps along at best . boyum attempts to keep the pace moving by staging stunts , stunts and more stunts . amazingly for someone with his background , he seems incapable of finding any fresh ones , and we have a car go off the road five different times -- maybe more . but who's counting ? and then there is the script by james herzfeld , whose only other film , tapeheads from a decade ago , was so awful that it is considered a cult classic . meet the deedles , however , is painfully bad rather than laughably bad . it will probably be in and out of the theaters like a tornado and is in no danger of becoming a classic anything . herzfeld treats us to gratingly abysmal dialog that includes " your geyser's a geezer , " and " i'd like to put a deedle in her haystack . " as the movie opens , the twins , who at one point describe themselves modestly as " a walking kodak moment , " are celebrating their 18th birthday . as they ride a parasail high above the waters of waikiki , a truant officer pursues them on his jet ski . as heirs to the fabulous fortune of the deedle empire , the boys are sent by their father to camp broken spirit at yellowstone to transform the two laid-back beach bums into men . as they arrive in their wetsuits in yellowstone , they've got their surfboards , skateboards , and a hawaiian drink machine the size of an armoire . their camp has gone out of business , but they are mistaken for new park rangers . the rest of the movie has them fighting the park's overpopulation of prairie dogs as well as a deranged ex-ranger , played by dennis hopper , who is out to stop old faithful before its billionth birthday celebration , scheduled for later in the week . hopper , who has made some wonderful movies , carried away being a recent favorite , does have a propensity for choosing some truly odoriferous material . this isn't his worst acting , but meet the deedles is arguably the worst movie he's ever been in . steve van wormer and paul walker , as stew and phil , give lifeless performances . the only actor in the movie with any demonstrable talent is a cute little prairie dog named petey . even the cinematography by david hennings is so prosaic that it manages to make yellowstone look dull . to add insult to injury , hennings is fond of inappropriate close-ups , which only serve to remind us of the inanity of the dialog . put a ten-foot pair of lips on the screen , and you naturally pay extra attention to what is said . although boyum says in the notes that he is proud that his film is appropriate for families , one wonders how many skateboarders will attempt the movie's stunt of lying on your back on a skateboard while negotiating a busy and twisting mountain road . they make it look like so much fun that i'm sure many will try some variation of the stunt . " how could this possibly be worst , " asks phil . just when you suspect it can't , the movie takes a turn further downhill . its low point may have you looking for an airline barf bag . after phil's girlfriend digs up a big mount of moist soil , they suck in a long worm . like the two dog lovers eating spaghetti in lady and the tramp , their lips finally meet in a kiss . as they pull back , their faces are full of the dirt that encased the worm they have just ingested . meet the deedles runs about an hour and a half . it is rated pg for a little bathroom humor and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up . my son jeffrey and his friend nickolas , both almost 9 , gave the show * * * . they both thought the scenes with petey were among their favorites . nickolas also mentioned the scene in which the circus bear drives a jeep , and jeffrey especially liked the one in which the circus elephant was referred to as dumbo . 
rated pg-13 : sexual and crude humor , language , some nudity . starring : david arquette , scott caan , rose mcgowan and a slew of wcw wrestlers . directed by : brian robbins well lets see . . . i'm not quite sure how to review this film , based on its laughter factor . well yeah i can , it's not funny . ok so i laughed one time which warranted the 1/2 star , but other than that i sat in my seat wondering when this pos would be over , ( which at a running time of 107 minutes seemed like forever ! ) . in fact , this could be the un-funniest movie i've seen in a long time , if not the un-funniest . let me be the first to say " ready to rumble " is a huge disappointment . long time wrestling lovers ( david and scott ) dream of making it to the wcw , and watching jimmy king wrestle . that is their hero of course , whom is kicked out of the wcw . well here is where the plot thickens ( lol ) : the two wish to rescue the king , and put him back into the wcw but not that easily , because they are being tampered with by many people who are out to get them , while david's father wants him to become a police officer , and scott is a loser who has to with the help of david clean out johnny on the spots . what a plot eh ? " ready to rumble " is one of those films that tries to be funny , but sadly fails miserably , everything in the film is imcomprehinsable , and even the trailer wasn't funny . the actors are dull , the script awful , and the plot which there isn't much of . . . . really annoying . i'm not quite sure how great actors like these , and very funny actors too , are given such a lame script , and directed in such a childish manner , that i wonder if hollywood is ever gonna make good films these days . this review isn't going to be very long because of the fact that there isn't much going for the film , if anything at all . only one big laugh is in the film , which isn't all that hilarious . i sat in my chair wondering with this 107 ( ! ! ! ! ! ) minute " comedy " was going to be over , and sadly it went on forever . i'm not sure if anything could have saved this film from being such a total waste , but believe me you , it is . reviewed by brandon herring 4/29/00 for more reviews please visit movie review central at http : //www . geocities . com/moviefan983/moviereviewcentral . html 
release date : april 9 , 1999 starring : katie holmes , sarah polley , jay mohr , scott wolf , desmond askew , taye diggs , william fichtner , nathan bexton directed by : doug liman distributed by : sony pictures entertainment / tristar pictures mpaa rating : r ( strong drug content , sexuality , language , some violence ) url : http : //www . execpc . com/~kinnopio/reviews/1999/go . htm filmmakers will use all manner of tricks to flesh out and brighten up a dull , dreary , and overused idea . doug liman ( swingers ) , director of the ultra-hip and severely dark comedy go , is an example of just such a filmmaker . in his latest , he gives the viewers a raucous , neon-lit backdrop as cinematographer and points the audience down a drug-infested path of misadventure as director . but he fails to come up with any parallel structure in his multi-tiered movie and he fails to connect with the audience on any level , bringing the worth of his efforts to nil and the value of go to about the same . his movie is produced anthology-style -- telling the same story from multiple ( three ) points of view , much as an author might write a serial novel . consistent with this ethic , liman and screenwriter john august provide a bit of an overlap at the beginning of each narrative and insert brief connections to other narratives . the thread that laces the three stories together is a drug deal and the events thereafter . in story a we have checkout clerk ronna ( sarah polley ) looking to score some rent money and turning to drug trafficking to do it ; in story b we have regular drug dealer simon ( desmond askew ) gone to las vegas giving ronna her opportunity ; and in story c we have gay soap actors zack ( jay mohr ) and adam ( scott wolf ) working undercover for the police to bust said drug deal . neither of the three stories have much substance , and the movie has the feel of a campfire story ( albeit a rather strange one ) that could be told in five to ten minutes . ( in fact , the movie was originally a short film entitled x expanded to feature length . ) the early april release date is too mistimed to capitalize on the movie's christmas setting , and the los angeles/las vegas nightlife is something too far from the mainstream for most theater-goers to attach themselves to . the characters are shallow to the point of prerequisite , and performances from little-known players like polley , askew , and taye diggs don't help or hurt the roles . in fact , even bigger names like mohr , wolf , and katie holmes don't have enough time to make substantial success . although that's almost expected for lack of continuous screen time , the success in the picture should come from a thread that binds the stories . go doesn't have this , and it suffers because of it . as far as teen movies are concerned , go represents the absolute bottom , for its constant stream of indecipherable light and sound mean nothing without some sort of common theme . ( the following do not count as common themes : drug deals , people attempting to have romantic interludes with drug dealers , people resorting to drug deals for alterior motives , or people not involved in drug deals stumbling into them . ) at times , the humor in go is sickly funny , and on a low night , almost watchable ; but for the majority of its running time and for most viewers , this movie will best be left to teens at blockbuster on a saturday night . 
final destination ( 2000 ) rated r ; running time 93 minutes genre : thriller ( see asteriked footnote below ) imdb site : http : //us . imdb . com/details ? 0195714 official site : http : //www . deathiscoming . com/ written by : glen morgan ( based on a story by jeffrey reddick ) directed by : james wong starring : devon sawa , ali larter , chad e . donella , kerr smith , seann william scott , kristen cloke , amanda detmer , roger guenveur smith , daniel roebuck , tony todd review copyright rose cooper , 2000 review url : http : //www . 3blackchicks . com/bamsfinaldest . html [asteriked footnote]- * ( by only the longest stretch of the imagination ) . the story ( warning : * * spoilers contained below * * ) : it's the laughfest of the year ! alex browning ( devon sawa ) boards a plane bound for paris with his high school classmates and french teachers , amongst them tod ( chad e . donella ) , his best friend ; carter ( kerr smith ) , who doesn't like alex ; terry ( amanda detmer ) , carter's girlfriend ; billy ( seann william scott ) , the comic relief ; clear rivers ( ali larter ) , a girl who doesn't know him--yet ; and teacher valerie lewton ( kristen cloke ) . but alex has a vision that the plane will explode , and after he freaks out about his vision , the seven of them leave the plane--minutes before it actually explodes , exactly as he pictured it would . his act of saving their lives , of course , fails to endear him to anyone but clear rivers [ " clear rivers " , get it ? fun-nee ! ] . his premonition spooks most of the others out ( except carter , who is downright hostile to him ) . but that's the least of his worries : he also has to deal with fbi agents weine ( daniel roebuck ) and trey ( roger guenveur smith ) [ooh , these play-on-words names just keep getting better and better ! ]--and with the spooky mortician ( tony todd ) named bludworth [stop it , you're splitting my sides ! ] who warns alex that death isn't finished with them . his message to alex ? " i'll see you soon . " 
director :   kirk wong cast :   mark wahlberg , lou diamond phillips , christina applegate , avery brooks , bokeem woodbine , lela rochon screenplay :   ben ramsey producers :   wesley snipes , warren zide runtime :   us distribution :   sony pictures/tristar rated r :   violence , language , sex by nathaniel r . atcheson ( nate@pyramid . net ) i didn't hate the big hit , even though it is a stupefyingly terrible film . for the entirety of its running time , my eyes were attached to the screen , and i never once got bored . i found the film interesting because of its unique awfulness : this is such a confused disaster of a film that it's entertaining to watch it in the same way that it's entertaining to witness a thirty car pileup on a freeway spaghetti bowl . as a narrative , the big hit is pure garbage , never truly deciding its genre and constantly crossing all kinds of boundaries . it reminded me a lot of grosse pointe blank , which is a similar film that fails in a lot of the same ways . it's fine to mix genres , if the film makers know what they're doing . unfortunately , writer ben ramsey and director kirk wong don't seem to know how to handle the material , and the result is an action film that wants to be a comedy . the biggest problem with the amalgamation , in this case , is that the film is absurd and the comedy is out of place . but it sure is a fascinating failure . marky . . . er , mark wahlberg stars as melvin surley , a hitman . he's a good hitman , apparently , although his tactics seem a bit rambunctious ( he doesn't snipe or make clean kills--he just kicks the door down and shoots everything ) . he works with a few other hitmen--cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) , crunch ( bokeem woodbine ) , and vinnie ( antonio sabbato , jr . ) . they're a nice bunch of muscular guys , who stand around in the locker room after working out and compare masturbation to sex . they all work for a man named paris ( avery brooks ) , who is rich , powerful , and in constant need of four sloppy hitmen . it is very important that they never go beyond their boss and do work on their own ; this , of course , is where the plot comes in . they decide to kidnap a young japanese girl named keiko ( china chow ) , who has a rich father . when they do this , it turns out she is paris' . . . goddaughter ! it's very bad to have paris against you . the story is standard action film stuff . it's nothing new , and nothing particularly offensive ( but certainly not the slightest bit compelling ) . clearly the major selling point of the big hit is that it's a john woo-type of action film mixed in with some really hip comedy . it's true that a lot of the action sequences resemble recent films that go for the same idea ( such as face/off and the replacement killers , which are both far superior ) . there are stunts that are fun to watch : the opening sequence has melvin and two of his partners going in to kill some guy who has nothing to do with the story . they use night vision goggles and really powerful handguns . melvin is also very good at breakdancing , and uses this talent to avoid bullets and knives . like i said , it's not boring ; most disasters aren't . what makes it so bad is its genre-shifting madness . it seems to start out as a quirky-but-realistic action comedy , as melvin is seen transporting bags of human remains . then , as soon as they go to their first hit , it turns into a music video with bodies and bullets flying everywhere . then , somewhere in between , it turns back into comedy . keiko turns out to be a spunky little girl ; in one amusing scene , she is forced to read a letter out loud , indicating that she has been kidnapped , but the letter is littered with grammatical errors that skew the meaning of the words . and scenes like this work alone , but wong applies this goofy tone to scenes that should be more serious , or not be in the film at all . one of the most irritating moments has paris ordering cisco to come up to his office after he learns that keiko has been kidnapped ; when cisco gets there , paris and his men are standing around as if they knew cisco did it , but they let him out of there , telling him to find the perpetrator . the scene is played for laughs , but it isn't funny . and since it doesn't quite work as a comedy , it tries to fall back on the action , which also fails . this is a film where people fly fifteen feet backwards when shot with a handgun . cars land on tree branches and are supported by them . characters betray each other without a second thought . grenades are thrown in tight places . people jump out of tall buildings and survive . people outrun tumbling cars , and get out of the way of falling objects in small fractions of seconds . most frustrating of all , though , is the film's definition of a hit man : these guys are anything but subtle , quiet , and skilled individuals . they're more like socially depraved militia men ( melvin has an extensive collection of firearms in his garage , including missile launchers and hand-held machineguns ) . the characters each have one trait that distinguishes them from the rest ; this obviously doesn't make for deep or interesting people to watch . the acting is kind of fun , though--wahlberg is a good actor , and his innocuous presence in this film is charming in a silly sort of way . phillips certainly has fun with his psychotic character , while christina applegate , who plays melvin's fiancée , is convincingly air-headed . the big hit is an action film that unknowingly spoofs itself in trying to be funny . the funniest parts are supplied by the actors , and not by the numerous failed attempts at sight gags and one-liners . it's a true disaster , one that makes me believe that the goofy and unrealistic tone is completely unintentional . despite all this , though , i must reiterate the entertainment value here . you can cherish the awfulness of a film like this . if you embrace the big hit for the catastrophe that it is , you just might enjoy yourself . 
in the first death wish movie , mild-mannered new york architect paul kersey , played by charles bronson , was avenging the death of his wife . in the second , he was avenging his daughter . in the third , he instigated small war in order to avenge the old friend . fourth movie , on the other hand , begins with kersey doubting the point of his violent crusades and living the quiet life with his girlfriend karen , played by kay lenz . however , since this is death wish movie , we know that sooner or later something bad is going to happen to the people kersey cares for . this time karen's teenage daughter dies of a crack overdose and kersey is forced to return to his old vigilante ways . kersey's new targets , unlike the previous movies , aren't the ordinary street punks but rich , heavily armed and well-connected drug dealers . even such unstoppable killing machine like kersey needs some support , and it comes from the publisher nathan white ( john p . ryan ) , determined to avenge the drug-related death of his own daughter . white's plan is to make kersey kill major players in two rival drug dealing organisations and thus instigate the war between them . the plan begins to take shape , but kersey's actions bring attention of two police detectives - reiner ( george dickerson ) and nozaki ( soon teck-oh ) . fourth ( and , unfortunately , not the final ) installment in the death wish series , will probably remembered as the typical movie of cannon group , production company responsible for some of the worst cinematic trash of the last decade . however , although some critics might argue , death wish 4 : the crackdown represents slight improvement over the death wish 3 . paul kersey , one of the most intriguing ( and potentially controversial ) characters of the 1970s , is still being dumbed down by mediocre script , and charles bronson really doesn't feel the need to put much effort in his acting . however , the hand of a veteran director j . lee thompson seems more capable of michael winner's and the action scenes seem slightly less surreal , although they still look cheap and repetitive and downright boring . there are some attempts for the movie to have a plot between the numerous scenes of violence , and one of such attempts is a potentially interesting plot twist at the end . the script even tries to fake some social conscience ( through criminally underused kay lenz's character ) and predates the war on drugs campaign that would inspire many hollywood products in next few years . there are even some half-hearted attempts of humour - both intentional and unintentional , like in a scene where kersey assassinates mob figures by a wine bottle - but the quality of this movie is still far away from bronson's 1970s classics . ( special note to x-philes : mith pilleggi , the actor who plays ad skinner in the x- files , could be seen in a small role of cannery lab foreman ) . 
here we've got a really rare bird : a film so stupid it can't even make fun of itself properly . you know a culture is in trouble when even its trash doesn't stick to your mind . spice world may not be the worst big-name movie ever made -- i'm divided at this point between species ii and money train , with north in the running -- but it's not even a good crummy movie . it's just crummy . i kept begging for a moment of some halfway genuine wit -- a mistake , a sneeze , a sense that they just grabbed something and ran with it instead of staying with the script . no such luck . that script , by the way , plays out like something they scratched onto a soggy cocktail napkin at a producer's party . comparing this movie to a hard day's night would be a sinful mistake . a hard day's night was conceived as a quick exploitation package to cash in on the beatles' popularity , but two things happened : one , the beatles stuck around and became more important than anyone could have guessed ; two , the movie was brilliant . neither exception applies to this film . we get performance segments which are flimsy and witless , padded with revue-type material that doesn't garner a single chuckle , and fistfuls of stuff shoveled in that dates the movie horribly ( like a dumb x-files gag , complete with halogen flashlights ) . the girls are also disturbingly untalented ( again , unlike the beatles ) -- there's five of them bleating away up there , and collectively they don't even add up to one good singer . who are these girls , anyway ? despite their variegated appearances and hairstyles , they're one indistinguishable pulpy blob . what frightens me the most is that like so many other junk-food culture artifacts aimed at the younger set -- the teenage mutant ninja turtles or the power rangers -- there aren't any real individuals in the group . there's just this kind of amorphous , composite personality that they pass around between them , like the three crones in greek legend who all shared one eye . i hate reading a great deal into pop-culture phenomena , but if the spice girls send a message of any kind , it's twofold : that it's better to subordinate your personality to a premanufactured group identity , and that trash not only sells , but aggressively seeks its own level . santayana once bemoaned america's love affair with trash , and he noted that it wasn't the trash that bothered him , but the love . he film's most telling moment : immediately after a performance , someone tells the girls , " that was perfect -- without actually being any good . " imagine that . a moment of genuine insight , in the middle of this movie . maybe there is a god . 
perhaps if the impostors didn't have so much going for it , it wouldn't have been such a tremendous disappointment . written , directed , and produced by one of its two stars , stanley tucci , whose last picture was the indie smash hit , big night , the impostors almost never catches fire . sputtering like a two-day old campfire , the story plays like an ad-lib sketch that was never polished or completed . the film's other star , oliver platt , was hilarious as the senator's aide in bulworth . the bloated supporting cast is a veritable cornucopia of acting talent , including woody allen , steve buscemi , hope davis , alfred molina , campbell scott , lili taylor and tony shalhoub . all are wasted save allen , who plays a theatrical director who stares in disbelief at the bad acting before his eyes . ( the audience will easily identify with allen's sentiments . ) with the exception of a single original joke involving mirror-imaged subtitles , the movie engenders little genuine laughter . the stale humor is so embarrassingly bad that you will find yourself laughing sporadically at the picture rather than with it . the plot for the movie involves two starving actors , maurice ( oliver platt ) and arthur ( stanley tucci ) , who accidentally end up on a cruise ship . in order to escape an angry shakespearean actor ( alfred molina ) , who is chasing them , they dress up as ship's stewards . the over-the-top script has the subtlety of a sledgehammer . when the leads hide from their pursuers , arthur covers maurice's mouth as he suffers an unending sneeze . at other times , we have the typical zany comedy routine where everyone chases everyone else , while darting in and out of staterooms . with the film's chapters introduced like placards at a vaudeville stage , it is clear the movie wants to be taken as farce . the press notes describes how everyone that came on the set remarked at what a good time all of the actors were having . too bad they weren't more concerned with the audience's potential enjoyment . the jokes , frequently framed in silence , fall like stones with such intensity that one can almost hear them hitting the ground . one wonders if anyone ever viewed the film's dailies . surely , if they had , they would have realized what leaden results they were producing . it is tricky having good actors play bad ones , but , if they couldn't pull it off , they should have just given up . " the show is over for this fella , " steve buscemi's character says towards the end . the mystery is why they didn't all give up in the beginning . there must have been a better script somewhere for such a wonderful cast . the impostors runs 1 : 42 . it is rated r for a little profanity and would be fine for kids around 12 and up . email : steve . rhodes@internetreviews . com web : www . internetreviews . com 
directed by : william friedkin written by : james webb and stephen gaghan cast : samuel l . jackson , ben kingsley , tommy lee jones , guy pearce mpaa : rated r for scenes of war violence , and for language . runtime : usa : 128 as we see the terrible events that unfold before our eyes in the middle east at the moment , hollywood doesn't loose the oppertunity to get involved , by telling stories and expressing opinions . this film centers on a relationship forged throughout the adult lifetimes of two marine colonels , hays hodges ( tommy lee jones ) and terry childers ( samuel l . jackson ) . they fought side by side in vietnam , where childers saved hodges' life by shooting an unarmed pow . that's against the rules of war but understandable , in this story anyway , under the specific circumstances . certainly hodges is not complaining . years pass . hodges , whose wounds make him unfit for action , gets a law degree and becomes a marine lawyer . childers , is now a respected and much-decorated hero that has served his country with his life and sould . because of his excellent record , childers is sent to yemen to rescue the american ambassador ( ben kingsley ) , cowering in the embassy under assault from violent demonstrators and snipers blasting from rooftops . childers does what he has to do : evacuate the family and protect the men under his command . after three marines die and the colonel thinks he sees ground fire , he orders his troops to shoot into the firing crowd . more than 80 yemeni men , women , and children are mowed down . childers is immediately accused of ordering his men to fire on a crowd and murder of unarmed civilians . he persuades his old friend hodges to represent him in the courtroom drama that occupies the second half of the film . did childers violate authorized u . s . military rules of engagement ? or are there simply no rules in war ? the answers to these stereotypical questions are obvious , but the inconsistent plot immediately raises all sorts of other questions . the murder of 83 " innocent civilians " has to result into something greater than a simple trial in the u . s . where is the accusations from the arab leaders ? where is the u . n . ? the film ends without even telling the most interesting story : what happens on the international arena ? this film ( in a way akin to films such as " a few good men " ) has already been accused of breaking the rules of morality and ethics and even of racism . these accusations are pretty heavy , but also unfair . what director william friedklin truly broke was the rules of decent filmmaking . one of the earliest apparent problems with 'rules of engagement' is its lack of credibility . the entire operation in yemen may remind us about what happens in the middle east right now , but is overdone , contrived and unrealistic - as if a chain of events had to happen in a particular manner in order for the plot to proceed . a lot of it is so cheesy that no one could possibly accept it as reality . that is precisely why it's not offensive . it is completely unobjective . many stories are started and never finished . many questions are asked , but never answered . a lot of parallels are referring to nothing . it seems that neither the director , producers or the screenwriter can make up their minds about the contents of their film . is it about arab mentality ? america's foreign policies ? america's role in the world ? corruption in the higher circles ? it goes on and on . it consists of countless stories , but not a definable plot . it tries to be everything for everyone and ends up being nothing for no one . i think that it is ironic , because director william friedkin's probably most acclaimed film was " the exorcist " which had a silly story , but became a rather effective film . in this case you have a strong story with many possibilities and the result is a silly film . though several scenes bare the mark of professionalism ( such as the impressive battle scenes ) , his latest film does simply not engage . i believe that friedklin is a director that is absolutely depended on great scripts and talented producers in order to succeed . it's obvious that he has neither and the result is therefore a catastrophe . the characters feel designed , unreal , merely shadows , with no life outside the conflict . even the actors can not save this film from going under . though both jackson and jones act admirably , with performances that are as good as you get with a script like this , it is not something that these great actors can boast of . they have roles that they could play blindfolded with their hand on the back . jackson is gray and jones uninteresting . the rest of the cast , including ben kingsly , blair underwood and guy pearce are simply waiting for their paychecks . the time has come for the verdict . on the charges of complete lack of objectivity , i find this film guilty . on the charges of breaking the rules of reasonable filmmaking , i find it guilty . but on the charges of racism i find this film not guilty , because of it's inconclusive and often silly plot that lacks objectivity everywhere , not only when concerning the arab population . i must admit that the film is dangerously near the line of being racially offensive and i do think that screenwriter stephen gaghan went a bit too far , portraying the yemeni people almost as stereotypical hollywood bad-guys . this is very sad , since in a time like this it is crucial to not lose objectivity and proclaim the truth . however , it is absolutely necessary to remember that the muslim terrorists are responsible for most of the terrorist activity in and outside the united states . and that it's not a coincidence that u . s . residents in the middle east , including yemen are on constant maximum alert . 
by nathaniel r . atcheson ( nate@pyramid . net ) dear god , this is a fantastically bad film ! regardless of what i say about knock off , you can't grasp its awfulness from my words . you have to see it and experience it for yourself . here's the kicker , though -- i suggest that you do so . yes , this is a bad film -- easily one of the most incompetent films of the year -- but it has a certain misguided charm that makes it a unique kind of disaster to endure . in fact , i enjoyed myself for most of its brief running time , despite the dreadful acting and a completely incomprehensible story . don't get me wrong : i'm not excusing knock off . it reaches an unacceptable level of badness ; it's so incoherent that i wonder if it was hacked up worse than the avengers was . it also features some truly terrible performances from lela rochon , michael wong , paul sorvino , and -- of course -- jean-claude van damme . it does , however , have the entertaining presence of rob schneider , and the excessively inventive and pretentious direction of tsui hark . as i watched it , i occasionally wondered if it was aware of its own awfulness . now , in retrospect , it seems clear that it wasn't , but it's still a fascinating kind of mess . i don't like writing plot descriptions ( it is , by far , the most boring part of writing a review ) , but , in this case , i'm off the hook : there is no way i could write an accurate synopsis for knock off . for the sake of comparison , i had no trouble understanding the usual suspects during my first viewing . i paid closer attention to knock off , and the only thing i am able to say about it is that van damme plays a dude named ray , and is accused by the cia ( i think ) of selling knock off products ( knock off products are , of course , products that look like name-brand materials but are generic and cheap ) . i don't know what any of this has to do with martial arts , but there are lots of martial arts in the film . ray is good at martial arts , so when he has to beat up bad guys , there's no problem . rob schneider plays his sidekick , although i had no idea who he really was by the end of the film . lela rochon is just some woman who accuses them of stuff , while paul sorvino is both the good guy and the bad guy at once ! in fact , every character goes through so many shifts from good to bad that the end provides absolutely no insight into what any of them really do . in that order , knock off is completely incoherent and makes absolutely no sense . but what a strange mess it is . it was written by stephen e . de souza , who also wrote die hard and 48 hours . can this be the same man ? i don't see how , unless , of course , huge chunks of the film have been removed for the sake of running time . knock off seems to have an interesting premise ( as far as action films go ) , but there's no semblance here . for instance , van damme is introduced , and then seconds later he's running a chariot race through the streets of hong kong . why ? who knows . what are the implications of this ? i have no idea . most action films abandon depth in favor of action , and this is normally a problem . knock off , however , is the first film that i would have preferred to see with all of the talky sequences cut . the acting is embarrassingly bad : rochon , in particular , delivers each of her lines with stiff and talentless insincerity . sorvino , in addition , deserves better than this . van damme is bad , but he's charming in that bad way , and so i can't say that he's hard to watch ( although i rarely understood what he was saying ) . the only exception is rob schneider , who is actually quite funny a lot of the time . tsui utilizes so many tricks that he makes john woo look tame by comparison . they're all pointless gimmicks though , such as shots of the inner-workings of a knock off running shoe . but his action scenes are never boring : one particular piece inside of a fruit factory ( a fruit factory ? ) is well-choreographed . lots of the scenes are pitched well to comedy , such as our heroes' first encounter with the rochon character . but did tsui know that his film is beyond ludicrous ? i hope he did , for the alternative is a frightening thought . knock off has the feel of a truly terrible exercise in camp mania . if it were boring , i'd give it zero stars . but it's not boring : it's loud and excessive and completely incoherent . it's also funny , even when it isn't meaning to be funny . a bad film that succeeds as entertainment doesn't deserve to be fully lambasted . i recognize knock off for its irrefutable badness , but i can't deny it's zany , useless charm . oh , i know , they're just action scenes looking desperately for a real story , but they're fun action scenes amongst a crowd of laughably inane concepts . it's fun to admire the awfulness of a film like this , but that doesn't excuse the fact that it is , indeed , awful . 
cast : mario van peebles , lesley ann warren , daniel baldwin , donavan leitch , alexis arquette , louise fletcher , loretta devine , melvin van peebles , susan ruttan , lucy liu written and directed by : mario van peebles running time : 95 minutes a couple of criminals ( mario van peebles and loretta devine ) move into a rich family's house in hopes of conning them out of their jewels . however , someone else steals the jewels before they are able to get to them . writer mario van peebles delivers a clever script with several unexpected plot twists , but director mario van peebles undermines his own high points with haphazard camera work , editing and pacing . it felt as though the film should have been wrapping up at the hour mark , but alas there was still 35 more minutes to go . daniel baldwin ( i can't believe i'm about to type this ) gives the best performance in the film , outshining the other talented members of the cast . [r] reviewed by chuck dowling - chuckd21@fdn . com aol instant messenger : filmjax the jacksonville film journal - http : //www . jaxfilmjournal . com/ 
director : scott silver cast : claire danes , giovanni ribisi , omar epps , dennis farina , josh brolin , steve harris , michael lerner screenplay : stephen t . kay , scott silver , kate lanier producers : david ladd , tony ludwig , ben myron , alan riche runtime : 93 min . us distribution : mgm rated r : language , violence , sexuality copyright 1998 nathaniel r . atchesonclaire danes , giovanni ribisi , and omar epps make a likable trio of protagonists , but they're just about the only palatable element of the mod squad , a lame-brained big-screen version of the 70s tv show . the story has all the originality of a block of wood ( well , it would if you could decipher it ) , the characters are all blank slates , and scott silver's perfunctory action sequences are as cliched as they come . by sheer force of talent , the three actors wring marginal enjoyment from the proceedings whenever they're on screen , but the mod squad is just a second-rate action picture with a first-rate cast . 
an attempt at florida film noir , palmetto fails at the most fundamental levels . it's slow moving , uninvolving , and plain just uninteresting . harry barber ( woody harrelson ) is an ex-newspaper man , just out of jail after being framed for a crime . his luck hasn't been the best , but things are looking up when a mysterious woman , rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue ) , approaches him with a proposition . she wants harry to help her and her stepdaughter , odette ( chloe sevigny ) , pull off a fake kidnapping scheme to get $500 , 000 out of her stingy , but rich , husband felix ( rolf hoppe ) . at first , all harry is expected to do is provide a threatening voice on the phone , and to collect the money ( of which he gets to keep 10% ) . but , as the deed is carried out , things are not what they seem , and harry gets caught in the ensuing storm . palmetto pulls out all the stops to achieve a film noir film , but the effect never quite comes together . it's got the sultry florida heat , seductive women , and even curvier plot twists , but the whole thing smells of paint-by-numbers . sure , the right ingredients are there , but the end result is much too artificial . a lot of the problems lie with the script , which , though providing some genuine surprises , is packed full of leaden dialogue and bland situations . even the plot twists don't seem to flow well with the rest of the story . some of them , for example , come from so far afield that they seemingly only make sense because the writer needed a twist ( for example : harry's spontaneous job offer , or the whole typewriter situation ) . the characters are mostly lifeless , played to type , but not much more . woody harrelson plays harry with such imbecilic thick-headedness that it's hard to even picture him as an ex-journalist . elisabeth shue vamps it up , but doesn't add anything special to the role . chloe sevigny gives a terrible performance , trying to be a sexy 17-year old , but she just leaves a bad taste in your mouth . some of the supporting cast ( notably gina gershon and michael rapaport ) give stronger , but , in the end , meaningless performances . and to top it off , the pacing of the film is much too slow . as the movie grinds to a halt , you're given too much time to wonder why you're wasting it watching palmetto . if you're in the mood for this type of movie , you'd be much better off going out and renting some classic film noir . 
i must say that i wanted very much to enjoy welcome to the dollhouse . i'd watched the trailer and laughed hysterically at each line . however , in its full theatrical version , this film is a complete failure . dollhouse definitely has its moments , but mostly this film spent its time flip-flopping between attempts to be satirical and poignant--often failing . writer/director , todd solondz , unfortunately has no ability to pleasantly mix the two sides it seemed he wanted to express . the impression i had of the writing was that the draft used wasn't very far from the first one . everything was presented as is , there was not one ounce of subtlety . dawn weiner , the young girl who's life is pure torment , at one point calls a bully a retard . later , the bully , brandon , takes dawn to a junk yard where he plans to rape her . instead , he tells her that his brother is retarded , implies his feeling were hurt and they start a relationship . as written , this scene was pulled off in the worst way possible because it suffered severely from clichi-itis . brandon's character steps up to the fence , into close-up and makes his declaration , " . . . he's not in any grade , he's retarded . " todd solondz assumes we'll start to feel brandon's pain , however the scene is too contrived toward that expectation and it proves that solondz thinks an audience will react to 'sad scenes' like damned , pre-programmed machines . as a director , mr . solondz is rarely competent . too often do we watch actors move for the camera . as in the scene i described earlier when brandon walks to a close-up by the fence . this technique kills any possible sense of reality within the performances because we are too aware of their staging . i have long been of the opinion that actors are not a tool to serve the camera , but the camera is the tool to capture the actors' performances and even to add to it . all to often , i think , directors stage their actors in service to 'the shot' when they should be doing the opposite . a great example of this is glengarry glen ross . if you watch , you'll notice that director james foley is moving his camera , not his actors , for effect . the performances in the film are usually pretty good with a few exceptions and there's really not much to say here other than a few of the actors deserve the attention this film will bring--specifically dawn weiner , her mother , her brother , her sister and even steve rogers . lastly , there was a moment in the film where dawn goes to new york to find her little sister . she goes to sleep and suddenly wakes up to see a man running down the street with her sister screaming under his arm . i remember thinking at that point that because this film had already lost all integrity , this dream sequence actually did tricked you only because something this ridiculously inept was possible within welcome to the dollhouse . and it is for reasons like this that i think todd solondz did a horrible job as both writer and director . he seemed desperate to shake our views of teenage life--to be an iconoclast--but fell into clichi , which i despise . this film won best picture at the sundance film festival and like the brothers mcmullen last year , they both proved that independent filmmakers can make films as cliched as hollywood can . 
release date : february 19 , 1999 starring : jennifer aniston , ron livingston , gary cole , stephen root , david herman , ajay naidu , john c . mcginley , paul willson directed by : mike judge distributed by : 20th century fox films corp . mpaa rating : r ( language , brief sexuality ) url : http : //www . execpc . com/~kinnopio/reviews/1999/office . htm confucius once said , " governing a nation is like cooking a small fish -- don't overdo it . " his maxim might be easily applied to writing a comedy script , for quantity over quality is one of the worst mistakes an amateur scribe can make . granted , mike judge , writer-director of the workplace satire office space isn't exactly an amateur ( his most infamous work , the mtv series " beavis and butt-head " was pure gold for its network ) . but unfailingly , judge manages to make some rather inexcusable mistakes in office space by spreading an iffy plot over too much ground . the iffiness in judge's plot -- a group of coworkers plan the downfall of their despicable boss -- is not in its appeal . in fact , based on the popularity of scott adams' cartoon " dilbert , " which will soon have its own television series , a satirical view of the american workplace is a hot item in hollywood . unfortunately the concept lends itself to skit-length sequences which would be more at home on the set of " saturday night live " rather than a full-length feature . the most convincing evidence of this are the trailers for office space , which feature almost all of the movie's top content ; this leaves the actual picture appearing very deflated . other evidence of office space's failure to work are its lack of good jokes . the comedy is marginally funny at best , but not enough to get a packed house of theater-goers to laugh out loud . the material in the movie is on-key for an older demographic than judge is used to targeting , and this could partially explain his work here . however , the movie is loaded with too many misfires -- including the token plot -- to allow for any excuse . the plot centers around three or four cubicled engineers , headed up by peter gibbons ( ron livingston ) , at a company named initech . after the movie elaborately establishes the miserable working conditions at initech , the movie introduces us to two consultants ( john c . mcginley and paul willson ) which are in charge of " downsizing " the company's payroll . when peter and his gang learns of this , as well as the reason behind it -- so their smooth talking boss bill lumbergh ( gary cole ) 's stock will go up -- they set about creating a plan to see his downfall . the circumstances that follow were obviously intended to be hilarious but they come out as anything but . a sympathetic cast and a muddled jennifer aniston-as-love-interest subplot are all that keep this one together , but it's definitely missable in lieu of something more intelligent . 
wizards is an animated feature that begins with a narration of epic proportions . over black and white drawings , we are told that the earth is destroyed in an apocalyptic nuclear exchange , sending the remnants of humanity through generations of radiation-induced mutation . the " original " inhabitants of the earth , fairies and elves , return to populate the globe , along with their evil , mutant counterparts . one day ( and i say " one day " not to be trite , but because that's exactly how it happened - no advance notice ) , a fairy queen gives birth to twins , one good and one evil . the twins grow up to be powerful wizards , the good one embracing magic , and the bad one utilizing technology to attempt to expand his evil empire . we are given the notion that an ultimate battle must occur between the forces of magic and those of technology . as unoriginal as the premise is , i was still somewhat interested in how this story would play itself out . there's a lot you can do in an animated fantasy world , after all . i soon learned , however , that the fantasy was the expectation of a decent film . once the transition was made from still art to color animation , an entirely different feel takes precedence . rather than the epic saga promised by the narration , we get a goofy-looking world of a saturday morning cartoon . not just the look , mind you , but all the zany sounds like >honk< and >boing< when the characters go jumping around like . . . . well , like cartoon characters . when we see blackwolf , the evil twin wizard , he's pretty much what we expect . the good wizard , avatar , is nothing like he is depicted in the opening . rather than a sagely master , he's more like george burns , complete with stogie in foot . that's right , he holds it between his toes . he doesn't even look the like he did in the black and white drawings . how disappointing . papa smurf and santa claus are serious wisemen compared to this guy . i imagine yoda picks guys like avatar out from between his teeth on weekends . for years , blackwolf has lost his battles against the magical forces of good , since his armies of ogres and other mutants would get dispirited or distracted soon after battle is joined . however , blackwolf now has a secret weapon : nazis . yup , adolf hitler , the luftwaffe and the wehrmacht . okay , not the real things , but an archival film his minions dug up . projected into the sky for all to see , it inspires his own army while shocking the enemy into submission long enough for the ogres to hack them up . before you know it , there are dead elves everywhere . this is just as well . the characters are so bad that the viewer doesn't care about any of them . they're either silly , sappy , or both . the dialog gets much of the credit for this . an example is when avatar nonchalantly says , " well , looks like my brother and i begin our final battle . " not very formidable when he's also the guy who says , " this is the biggest bummer of a trip i've ever been on . " my favorite line was from a sideline fairy who is asked by her child why good can't fight back against the nazi-charged evil . her response is , " they have weapons and technology . we just have love . " suffice to say , the characters are strictly two-dimensional , and we therefore don't expect anything more than the obvious to happen . which it does . the only unexpected occurrence is the way the final battle between brothers is played out , which is anticlimactic and disappointing . please note that it is the action that is unexpected . that it is disappointing is not . the film couldn't settle on a particular mood . it seems to move from dark to light with the cuts from scene to scene and even angle to angle . scenes which are seemingly meant to contain deep meaning are ruined by acts of levity . the dramatics , which seem to occur at random , are overly staged and overly acted , detracting from any kind of value or even enjoyment which could otherwise be gleaned . ralph bakshi , the director , makes an obvious attempt to get a message across in this film : hitler and the nazis were bad . so who doesn't know this already ? well , maybe children . okay , so you might say that this is a movie for children . it's not . in the scenes where good fights evil , there's a lot of violence and gore that children should not be seeing if they're watching a cartoon . so is the film for adults ? if so , we probably don't need to be bashed over the head to get the point . why not have the bad guys be symbolic of the nazis instead of using old propaganda in a seriously disjointed attempt to show us something we already know ? wizards gives us a lot of footage of nazi tanks and airplanes , and hitler giving speeches . however , we don't see any reason why they should be considered bad . we see no atrocities being committed , not even any real battle footage . there is absolutely no connection made between the armies of evil and the third reich , and we're not even given a cursory explanation as to why this stuff is inspiring in the first place . this needed to be thought out much more thoroughly if a point were to be made , since subject matter such as this deserves better treatment . i'd like to assume that bakshi was trying to say that the same nationalist movement that drove the nazis could happen anywhere , at any time , and we must therefore be vigilant . however , i'm not sure if i want to give him that much credit . 
starring-david arquette , scott caan , oliver platt , rose mcgowan , diamond dallas page , bill goldberg , joe pantoliano and martin landau director-brain robbins canadian rating-14a released by warner brothers - 04/00 an 80-year old woman jumps enthusiastically on her couch , wearing tight-fitting leather , as she cheers on her favorite tv wrestler by calling his opponent a `pump-bitch' . two men messily eat fast food as their septic truck leaks raw sewage directly behind them . and roughly 17 people are booted in the crotch . welcome to `ready to rumble' . judging from the fact that potty-mouth adam sandler is the reigning box-office comedy champion , you realize -- albeit while shaking your head -- that yes , there is an audience for this sort of thing . ladies and gentlemen , i weep for society . mind you , when executed with style and comic ingenuity , jokes like an alarming bodily fluid mistaken for hair gel ( `there's something about mary' ) and a laxative-induced attack of explosive diarrhea ( `dumb and dumber' ) can be extremely funny . unfortunately , `ready to rumble' is not being helmed by the farrelly brothers , nor is it bolstered by a script that accommodates the viewer with anything even remotely clever or inspired . `ready to rumble' is built around the dedicated fan-base of professional wrestling . . . . which , in fact , sounded like a fine concept for a goofball comedy . but director brian robbins and screenwriter steven brill handcuff themselves , and limited to a stampede of asinine , humdrum bathroom humor , basically the only thing they manage is to evoke memories of pauly shore and `bio dome' . gordie boggs ( david arquette ) and sean dawkins ( scott caan ) take pride in being hardcore wcw wrestling fanatics . by day , they transport raw sewage . by night ( particularly on ‘nitro' monday ) , they pay homage to their personal hero and savior - jimmy king ( oliver platt ) , the undisputed leader of the professional wrestling community . with two tickets to an upcoming nitro performance , gordie and sean are psyched about witnessing the king defend his title first-hand . but unscrupulous boxing kingpin titus sinclair ( joe pantoliano , sporting long hair and cowboy boots ) has other plans . sinclair is plotting to have diamond dallas page ( playing himself ) pummel the king into the tarp , thereby dethroning the dignified wrestler and embarrassing him in front of a bewildered auditorium full of fans . gordie and sean are shocked , rioting madly while arguing `this isn't even a pay-per view event ! ! ' they take it upon themselves to track the king down and supply the encouragement essential for their fallen idol to make a come-back attempt . along the way , you can expect a lot of sh-- jokes as well . you may find something to like in `ready to rumble' if a ) you are a rasslin' aficionado yourself , or b ) you are a dedicated fan of the lowest of low-brow comedies . i welcome low-brow humor with open arms - that is , if its fresh and resourceful . `rumble' is nothing but a sloppy , frightfully unfunny swamp land of misbegotten retardation . the first half-hour is the ultimate test of patience . luckily , the simple-minded events pick up steam , particularly with the well-choreographed wrestling action . director robbins showed a knack for capturing the brutality and excitement of football in `varsity blues' , and when in the ring , he does professional work . but the violence is too excessive . having the fake soap opera of wcw wrestling turn into a bloody skirmish brings back unfortunate memories of owen hart's tragic accident just last year , especially with one character's dive during a cage match . this is not something you want a comedy to be reminiscent of . outside the wrestling action , the lewd jokes and puerile sight gags bring new meaning to the term ‘scattershot' , while the dialogue fluctuates in on the vulgarity scale of 1 to 10 , with brill's extensive vocabulary ranging from `diddly' to `boob' and so on . the final tally : i chuckled a few times , groaned a lot , and indulged in one spirited belly laugh involving martin landau as a geriatric wrestling coach who fights pretty impressively for 105 . casting-wise , `ready to rumble' is an odd duck . oliver platt as a champion wrestling figure ? he's perhaps a bit chunky , but fellow wrestlers acknowledge this in the ring by calling him `fatty' , which dampens the blow i suppose . rose mcgowan is fully disposable as a sultry wcw cheerleader ( `the nirto-est of the nitro girls , ' proclaims gordie ) , but extra pep is added with appearances by wrestlers goldberg , `macho man' randy savage and sting ( among others ) . wcw fans are sure to appreciate these . others . . . well , won't . i found merit in david arquette's bountiful energy as gordie , which brings me to my finishing . . . . ahhh . . . . `praise' for the film : in `ready to rumble' , i have discovered something even more annoying than arquette's `at&t' television commercials . now there's a low blow for you . 
what do you get when you rip-off good movies like woody allen's bananas and martin scorsese's after hours ? you'd think you'd get the best of both films . instead you get woo . falling in somewhere between def jam's how to be a player ( which was awful ) and booty call ( which was ok ) , woo is yet another in the embarassing genre of showing african-americans to be nothing more than sexual buffoons . the whole film plays out as a black version of after hours , as wild woman woo ( jada pinkett smith ) goes out on a blind date with straight-laced tim ( tommy davidson ) . mayhem follows them . for some unknown reason ( read : contrived screenplay ) davidson puts up with all of woo's antics for the entire night , which include her destroying his bathroom mirror , stealing things from his house , violently questioning him ( accusing and belittling him actually ) about previous girlfriends , causing a riot in an elegant restaurant , and other various infuriating things that any normal person wouldn't tolerate . but for the sake of this bad movie ? sure , why not ? there are a few chuckles in the film , the best being the scene swiped directly from bananas . in this case , davidson is running from thugs , gets into a subway car as the doors are closing , starts to taunt the thugs , then the doors open back up again . a good joke , but a stolen one . another chuckle is provided by billy dee williams' cameo as himself . movies like woo are seemingly released every three months or so , and not one of them has ever been a hit . woo won't be one either . so why was it made ? and more importantly , isn't there anyone else besides me who thinks these films are offensive ? everyone involved should really reconsider their careers at this point . [r] the jacksonville film journal -- film reviews by chuck dowling url : http : //users . southeast . net/~chuckd21/ email : chuckd21@leading . net © 1995-1998 of the jacksonville film journal . no reviews may be reprinted without permission . 
if there is one universal rule in hollywood , it is that all successful movies will have a horde of clones following close behind . such is the case with " i know what you did last summer " . a cheap , predictable , pathetic excuse for a slasher movie , it tries to follow in the footsteps of wes craven's highly entertaining " scream " with disasterous results . four teenagers celebrate their graduation from high school in typical teen age fashion . they drive to the beach , get drunk , and head back only to hit someone on the road . they then choose to dump the body in the sea , make a pact never to mention it again , and go on with their happy little lives . a year later , they begin receiving threats and are eventually attacked by someone who claims to know what they did the previous year . i'm going to keep the rest of this review very short , because i don't want to go off on a two hour rant about how awful this movie was . first , let me point out how completely devoid of anything resembling a scare this film was . second , if there is one thing i simply cannot stand it is long chase scenes which drag on for at least twenty minutes only to end in the exact way we knew they were going to before they started . third , and final , i'm not going to reveal who the killer is , but if i were to tell you , it would hardly be classified as a spoiler since the character is only introduced at that point . the only reason i gave this piece of garbage an extra half star is because of the performances of the two female leads . they both try valiantly to add something to this pitiful excuse for a horror movie , and i commend them for their effort . do yourself a favor and steer clear of this one . i give it a measly star and a half . * * * * * - one of the greatest movies ever , see it now . * * * * - great flick . try and catch this one . * * * - okay movie , hits and misses . * * - pretty bad . see it if you've got nothing better to do . * - one of the worst movies ever . see it only if you enjoy pain . e-mail with comments at : jabii@aol . com 
directed by troy miller . cast : joseph cross , michael keaton , kelly preston , mark addy , henry rollins , andrew lawrence . 1998 - 95 minutes . rated pg ( for sexual situations , mild profanity , and mature themes ) . reviewed december 13 , 1998 . by dustin putman  "  dustin putman's film reviews  " http : //members . aol . com/filmfan16/index . html " jack frost , " is one of those dumb , corny concoctions that attempts to be a heartwarming family film , but is too muddled in its own cliches and predictability to be the least bit touching . this does not come as a surprise , since the studio that made it is warner brothers , who is on a current streak of one bad film after the other . jack frost ( michael keaton ) is a struggling middle-aged rock musician who loves his wife , gabby ( kelly preston ) , and 11-year-old son , charlie ( joseph cross ) , but doesn't spend nearly enough time with them . when he receives a call from a music label that wants to hear him play , he has to cancel his planned family outing up in the mountains for christmas . halfway there , jack has second thoughts , but on his way back home , is in a car accident and dies . switch forward a year , christmas is approaching once again , and charlie and gabby are still having a difficult time coming to terms with jack's death . when charlie begins to play the harmonica his father gave him the night before he died , the snowman outside the house is taken over by jack's spirit . jack wants to spend some time with his son before the upcoming warm front melts him , but charlie desperately tries to prevent his melting demise . " frosty the snowman , " is a classic cartoon , and the idea of a snowman that is alive works splendidly when animated , but as a live-action film , it doesn't work at all . after a somewhat promising prologue in which the frost family is established , " jack frost , " quickly goes downhill , especially once the snowman comes into play . since jack has been deceased for a whole year , you would think there would be many questions to ask him , such as , " what happens after you die ? " or , " how does it feel to be a snowman ? " but instead , the film focuses on a snowball fight subplot and an inevitably oversentimental climax that could be telegraphed before i even sat down to watch the movie . the performances are respectable enough , but no one deserves to be punished by appearing in a silly film like this . michael keaton at least got off easy , since he disappears after the first twenty minutes , but what exactly does he think he is doing with his career here ? i have always liked kelly preston . she is clearly a talented , charismatic actress , but has never been given a good role in her life , usually having to settle for a one-dimensional supporting character , as in , 1997's , " nothing to lose , " and , " addicted to love . " joseph cross was probably the highlight in the cast , since he believably portrayed a boy suffering the loss of a parent . in one of the only subplots that actually works , due to its wittiness , henry rollins is highly amusing as a hockey coach who becomes terrified and paranoid after seeing the live snowman . this brief hint of cleverness is pushed to the side , however , by the tried-and-true main plot at hand , which is the sappy story of a father and son . since i knew what was going to happen by the time the conclusion came around , i had no choice but to sit there and listen to painfully insipid , cringe-inducing lines of dialogue . some of my favorites was an interaction between the son and father : " you da man , " says charlie . " no , i da snowman , " replies jack . or how about this little zinger , coming from a school bully that miraculously becomes friendly towards charlie and tries to help him out : " snowdad is better than no dad . " do people really get paid in hollywood for writing pieces of trash like this ? the snowman , created by john henson's creature shop , is more believable than the snowman from last year's unintentionally hilarious direct-to-video horror flick , also called , " jack frost , " but it still was difficult to tell if it was a person in a suit or computer effects . either way , it was an awful lot of work to go through , just to come up with a final product as featherbrained as this project . as a seasonal holiday picture , " jack frost , " is pretty much a clunker . a better christmas film from this year is , " i'll be home for christmas . " better yet , my suggestion would be to stay home and watch a quality film , such as , " it's a wonderful life , " " a christmas story , " or , " prancer . " " jack frost , " is an earnest , but severely misguided film , and children , as well as adults , deserve better . i doubt they would want to see a movie about the death of a parent , anyway . 
happy gilmore is one of those movies that you assume was intended as a comedy , but you don't laugh . it's one of the most disquieting films i've seen -- not because of what it showed , really , but because it assumed that everything it showed would automatically be found funny by its audience . take , for instance , the title character , as played by adam sandler . sandler is one of the most charmless people to ever step in front of a camera . like so many other " comic " actors today , he assumes that if people laugh when someone raises their voice to a roar , people will really fall apart laughing if he raises it to a pavement-splintering bellow . more is not better . happy gilmore is a kid with a hockey fetish and what some counselors would probably call " an anger control issue " . he can't play hockey to save his life , and this enrages him . constantly . then he discovers , quite by accident , that his bad hockey playing translates into great golf playing , and soon he's taking part in a tournament that promises to help pay for his grandmother's back taxes . how interesting is any of this ? not very . it's only made worse by the fact that the one gag in the movie is happy's temper tantrums . if this were a serious movie , it would be something along the lines of cobb : about a dangerous sociopath who is only redeemed by the fact that he can channel his aggression into a socially acceptable form . here , it's a lame clothesline to hang a bunch of extremely uncomfortable scenes masquerading as comedy . here's the thing : take these psycho-behavior scenes out of this movie , like the one where happy smashes a beer bottle and goes after his golf rival , and you'd have the pieces for a completely different story -- maybe one of those paul schrader films , like taxi driver or rolling thunder , about tormented loners who take out their anger on the world around them . but instead the same ingredients are used to make a comedy , and the result is ugly and unsavory . why is any of this supposed to be funny ? after the credits rolled , that was the only thing that stayed with me . that and adam sandler's shrill and unlikeable screen persona , who on the basis of this film i won't be interested in seeing ever again . 
a review by jeremiah " spassvogel " rickert i've always been a kevin kline fan , silverado , fish called wanda , pirates of penzance , and even his hamlet on pbs' great performances . the minute i saw the trailer for this film , i resolved to see it . besides the fact that kline starred , it looked like a hilarious film . i got sucker punched by the trailer to an extent , however , as i also thought , " wow , if there's this much funny stuff in the trailer , there must be a ton of laughs in the rest of the film . " ( oops ) i packed up the wife and headed to les cinemas del diablo ( my name for our local multi-multi-plex . ) the film began . . . . the film concerns an english/drama teacher at a suburban high school , named howard brackett . he loves poetry and great literary works , but his class is more interested in his famous former student , played by matt dillon . ( i'd put in his name , but my wife won't let me take notes during a movie and i've forgotten it . ) they continually interrupt his long poetic expositions with fawning questions about him . brackett has been engaged to another teacher ( played by joan cusack ) for three years , and has finally gotten up the gumption to marry her . the wedding , however , becomes the big question mark of the film as this famous student of his says during the live oscar broadcast that brackett is a homosexual . kline spends most of the first two-thirds of the film frantically trying to convince everyone that he isn't . the whole town begins to examine every detail of his life and begins to identifying all those things that confirm his sexual preference . his closest friends don't help matters , bringing nothing but barbara streisand laserdiscs to his stag party . there are some genuinely hilarous moments , one involving a tape geared towards helping men assert their masculinity . kline is hounded by a gay reporter played by tom selleck , who waxes poetic on the benefits of coming out , while at the same time doing his best to exploit the situation for his own sleazy tabloid machinations . the movie moves along fine and slowly builds to the climax of the wedding . kline stands at the altar and is asked to take his vows . . . if you want to be surprised , don't read , i am going to reveal the ending . . . . instead of saying " i do " in front of his parents and most of the town , and even some cameras , he says " i'm gay . " this is where the movie , in my opinion falls apart . most of the humor in the film had come from kline's insistence that he was straight , while at the same time , loving poetry and being a senstivie guy , dressing well , and occaisionally acting prissy . it reminded me of the " effeminate heterosexual " sketch from saturday night live . it was funny , it was sustainably funny , and kline's performance made it doubly so . however , after the wedding , the film drags on . they should have attempted to come to a quick conclusion , but it then gets into the serious side of what he's done . he reconciles with his parents and his friends , some of which had turned on him . there are several scenes which seemed like a waste of time , the scene with his mother and her friends , which was hilarious , seemed pointless , and the scene with tom selleck in the bar with joan seemed pointless . finally , even though i am not catholic , i found the scene with the priest to be condescending . the preist cannot believe that a man was engaged for three years and had not consumated the relationship , proclaiming to brackett in the third person , " he's gay . " it got a chuckle from the audience , but i was distracted by it , and began to tire of the film . by the time the wedding had come and gone , i found myself hoping it would be over soon . ( much like this review you are saying ) overall , if i have to quantify it , i say , rising action gets * * * * and climax and falling action gets * 1/2 out of * * * * * . see it in economy time . 
deep impact ( 1998 ) rated pg-13 for disaster related elements and brief language  starring : tea leoni , robert duvall , vanessa redgrave , elijah wood , morgan freeman . ---------------------------------------warning : spoilers are included in this review . . . but it doesn't really make much of a difference . deep impact begins the official summer movie season , and it also brings back memories of 1997 . remember when dante's peak came out in february ? a few months later , volcano was released . the first film was smart , exhilirating , and one of the best disaster films i had ever seen . the latter film was an incohesive mess that defied logic and wasted talent . well , it's deja vu all over again as two disaster films go head to head in competition . this time , unfortunately , the first comet flick is so bad that people may shy away from armageddon , the upcoming comet-disaster to be released the beginning of july . of course , the general reaction of the audience was oppposed to mine , and so i am in the minority , as i was when i stood on the side of dante's peak . but while watching deep impact , i began to wonder how anyone in their right mind could actually like this film . apparently many did , and it utterly baffles me . to be completely honest , i haven't had this little fun watching a disaster film in my entire life . volcano had implausibilities up the wazoo , but it was still rather fun to watch . deep impact doesn't just have implausibilities , it also contains cheap human drama , incredibly horrible special effects , and a poorly constructed plot . the only thing that gives it a half star above my bottom ranking is a slightly entertaining final fifteen minutes and some good actors making the most of their characters . deep impact begins in an unnamed year ( the year varies ; advanced technology sets it in the future , but fire in the sky is showing on a local movie theater , pushing it back to 1993 ) . a line of students is outside at night , peering through telescopes at the dark sky above . among these are leo biederman ( elijah wood ) and sarah hotchner ( leelee sobieski ) . leo unknowingly discovers a comet , and his teacher sends a photo of the unknown object to an astronomer , who then is able to determine the correct path of this distant comet in about a few seconds . he races off to mail the information , but is killed in a reckless car accident . a year passes , and nothing is heard about it again . we are then introduced to jenny lerner ( téa leoni ) , a reporter for msnbc . she gets handed a job to investigate a possible cover-up in the government involving senator alan rittenhouse ( james cromwell ) . she talks to a woman who mentions that rittenhouse was having an affair with a girl named ellie . after talking with rittenhouse , and unsatisfied with the information she gets , she decides to use the internet for help . luckily , she knows exactly how to spell the certain " ellie " that she is looking for ( they spell it ele in the film . . . that girl is pretty darn smart for guessing how it was spelled ) . before she can use the information , the government decides to push her car off the road . they take her in to meet the president of the united states , president beck ( morgan freeman ) . beck recommends that jenny keep the information secret for 48 hours so they can confirm it and then hold a press conference . naturally , she wants to be compensated , and they offer her a front row seat and the chance for the first question . and so , yada yada yada , they reveal the comet to the public and their plans : send a massive spacecraft out to destroy it before it can arrive . they announce a plan called " ark , " which is their only hope for survival . a computer will select 800 , 000 people at random . these people are the ones who will go into a large cave underground so that the impact of the comet won't kill off the entire human race . after two years , the dust will settle ( actually , it would take much , much longer--approximately ninety years , from what i understand ) and the humans could come back to the surface and start over . the rest of the plot is your standard disaster film procedures , but there is one subplot worth mentioning . jenny and her father , jason ( maximilian schell ) , have a very touching relationship that forms out of the impending doom . the final moment involving the two characters is heartfelt and emotional . it's a shame that nothing else is heartfelt . now , of course , we all know that the comet does impact the surface . the title alone suggests it , and the previews actually show it ! by doing this , absoltuely no tension can be drawn from any attempt to stop the comet because we all know that it won't work . director mimi leder came from her successful tries at direction with episodes of the hit television show " er . " her major film debut was the peacemaker , a pathetic and heartless action film . well , this time leder outdid herself , creating a film worse than that one . suggestion to ms . leder : please , stay away from the big screen , or at least the action genre . much of the blame can be placed on leder directly , because the pace is disastrously off . throughout the film we are given subtitles that tell us how much time has passed ( it goes from months to weeks to hours ) . it literally feels like this lapsed time is taking place in real-time--it's that boring . of course , leder isn't all to blame for it . screenwriters michael tolkin and bruce joel rubin have crafted a simplistic story that only gets worse with time . what starts out promising soon turns deadly ( for the audience anyway ) . chock full of cheesy one liners ( " you know , you are going to have more sex than anyone else in school ! " ) and stupid characters , you might think we were back in the 70s again . only one of the subplots is remotely interesting , while the rest are forgettable and boring . and the main plot is so outrageous that you can't figure out if this film is supposed to be an action , drama , or sci-fi . to put it simply : the special effects of this film are a hit and miss situation . that's right , 80% miss , and 20% hit . scenes above the earth are well done , and the orbiting ship is majestic . but the comet is a huge mistake , making it more laughable than frightening . the concept of even trying to land on a comet is preposterous enough , but that's forgiveable . what isn't forgiveable is actually having humans walk on the surface . give me a break , will ya ? and of course , the much hyped collision of comet and earth . well , it is far from spectacular , and it makes independence day look brilliant . the water rushing towards the land is effective , but once it hits the continent , the effects turn ridiculous . cgi water is used , and it looks so bad that i heard more laughs from the audience than shrieks . in fact , i may even recommend the film for those who want to see how bad effects can actually get these days . just when we think visual effects can't be improved , along comes a film to show that they really can and should be . one thing has struck a wrong note with me concerning mimi leder's direction , which also influences the actors . leder loves to show the actors' faces before and during moments of terror . this reminded me of another action director , renny harlin ( die hard 2 , cliffhanger ) . but harlin succeeds because he shows the faces of the victims in realistic situations . leder likes to flaunt people's fears via their faces , but instead of coming off as sympathetic , leder seems more of a sadist . one moment has an astronaut flying off into space . this should be enough to warrant a response from the audience , but leder wants to go farther and shows us the person's face while drifting into space . this is one of the cheapest ways to ellicit an emotional response from an audience , and i , for one , am not going to be fooled . on another note , leder's film only picks up its pace during the last fifteen minutes when the comet actually impacts . the pace does pick up , and some very emotional moments are shown . then again , when you watch people cry for their loved ones , it's obvious it will be emotional . it's mostly just a big trick to rope viewers into " feeling " for the characters , but it didn't work for me . but anyway , the actors do as much as they can with what they are given . téa leoni ( bad boys , tv's " the naked truth " ) is the best of the film , and she is given the meatiest role . her character is made stronger by leoni's presence , and we grow to care for her . robert duvall is energetic and fun to watch , but his character is turned into shreds by the plot . elijah wood also comes off rather successfully , but he still hasn't had many good roles ( wood , stick to drama ! you are too talented for this stuff ) . vanessa redgrave is barely acknowledgeable , and her performance is only enhanced by her strong presence on screen . maximilian schell is distracting , but he does provide some nice humor . morgan freeman has been infinitely better than this , and gives one of his most shallow performances to date ( which is quite remarkable for him ) . leelee sobieski could have been better , but i think she just suffered from a poorly written character . a special note should go to ron eldard and denise crosby . eldard is good in his role , but is limited by the plot . crosby is special to me personally because she was tasha yar from tv's " star trek : the next generation . " seeing her was one of the highlights of the film . overall , a very talented cast virtually wasted . deep impact is rated pg-13 for disaster related elements and brief language . this is one of the worst films of the year , and if it is any omen of things to come , this summer could be one of the worst ever . luckily , the x-files movie is coming up , and hopefully armageddon will be more successful . it's a shame that this film will do so successfully because it just isn't worth much . costing nearly $75 million , with special effects done by the illustrious ilm ( which is a huge shocker ) , and with a score composed by oscar-winner james horner ( titanic ) , one might have expected this to be more fun to witness and experience . well , it's not . when the comet does hit the earth , you almost wish it could just take this film along with it . 
deceiver is a plot twist in search of a movie . this overly constructed film succeeds in having many surprises , and , being true to its title , being deceptive . but there is little in the film that is worthy of deceit . braxton ( chris penn ) and kennesaw ( michael rooker ) are two cops investigating the brutal murder of a prostitute ( renee zellweger ) . their lone suspect is wayland ( tim roth ) , a wealthy young man whose phone number was found in the hooker's pocket . however , a routine lie detector test turns against the investigators , as the crafty wayland somehow turns the tables . braxton and kennesaw are forced to confront their own troubled lives . braxton is a gambling addict in deep to mook ( ellen burstyn ) , a local bookie . kennesaw is bitter about his marriage to a socialite ( rosanna arquette ) , believing his wife to be unfaithful . the plot is twisty and complex , with lots of lengthy flashbacks , and plenty of surprises . however , there are times when it is needlessly complex , and at least one instance the storytelling turns so muddled that the answers to important plot points actually get lost . take a look at l . a . confidential , or the film's more likely inspiration , the usual suspects for how a complex plot can properly be handled . the dialogue in deceiver is as overcrafted as the plot . for example , the film tells a few substories ( such as the tale of a woeful absinthe bender , or an alternative telling of how van gogh lost his ear ) , but they are so flat and so plastic that they come off as prefabricated and unbelievable . there's never the sense that these are real characters engaging in conversation . they appear to be nothing more than words on a screenplay . the characters , themselves , are rather pathetic and despicable . not one of them is an ounce sympathetic , and as a result , the labyrinthine plot is all for naught . what does it matter who is guilty of what and why ? writer-directors josh and jonas pate seem to desire to emulate the coen brothers' masterwork blood simple , or the wachowski brothers' less worthy bound . but , while they have got the plot twists down cold , they need to work on characterization and dialogue . 
some talented actresses are blessed with a demonstrated wide acting range while others , almost as gifted , have more limited types of parts for which they are suitable . as was amply evident after basic instinct , sharon stone can play sensual roles with great abandon . rejecting her natural abilities , she has spent the rest of her entire career trying with little success to play against type . gloria is her latest disaster . babe ruth didn't quit baseball after one season to play football in a quixotic quest to prove his athletic dexterity , and neither should stone reject what she does best . janeane garofalo , for example , is no less wonderful an actress because she could have never pulled off stone's part in basic instinct ; neither is stone any less talented because she couldn't do garofalo's comedic roles . gloria , directed by respected director sidney lumet and adapted by steve antin from the 1980 screenplay by john cassavetes , was not screened in advance for critics , almost always a sign that the studio isn't behind the picture . after seeing it in a nearly empty audience after it opened , it is clear why they held it from the press . it is a film more to be endured than enjoyed . as the story opens , an angry gloria ( stone ) is being released from prison after 3 years confinement . she's got a bad attitude and a big mouth . she also has a bad case of wavering and overblown new york accents , a disease suffered by much of the rest of the cast . an annoying child actor named jean-luke figueroa plays a soon-to-be orphan named nicky . just before his whole family is gunned down by hoods working for gloria's ex-boyfriend kevin ( jeremy northam ) , nicky's dad gives him a banana yellow floppy disk with secrets about kevin's operation and offers him a piece of fatherly advice . " be a man , " his father lectures him sternly . " don't trust nobody . not no broads . nobody . " most of the film's leaden dialog is delivered with the emotive power of the automated time and temperature announcements . add in the movie's almost non-existent background noise and the excruciatingly slow pacing , and you can hear the sounds of the lines falling to the ground like stones . lumet places his actors in the frames like fruit in a still life painting . they stand awkwardly mouthing the stiff sentences that pass for discourse . ( " say you're my baby , " kevin coos demandingly . " i'm not gonna , " gloria pouts back . ) the movie has a plethora of logical flaws and implausibilites . the kid rarely seems the least bit worried or scared , no matter how many people are after him with guns , trying to kill him . and in one key scene , the yellow floppy he holds is assumed to be the right disk without checking it and is further assumed never to have been copied . gloria , who keeps saying how she hates kids , takes nicky under her wing and protects him from kevin and the bad guys . think her maternal instincts will show up before the movie finally and predictably ends ? if you don't know the answer , you may be just the right viewer for this film . you have to say this for stone : she can keep a straight face . when explaining life to a 7-year-old kid , she says with utter seriousness , " you got a lot of love making to make ; you got a lot of boozing to do . " gloria runs 1 : 48 . it is rated r for profanity , violence and brief male nudity and would be acceptable for teenagers . email : steve . rhodes@internetreviews . com web : www . internetreviews . com 
written by : e . max frye ( based on the james hadley chase novel just another sucker ) starring : woody harrelson , elisabeth shue , gina gershon , chloe sevignysynopsis : two con artists find the perfect patsy in harry ( woody harrelson ) - - an inept former journalist who trips and bumps his head into a post , tries to slap a girl and gets poked in the eye , has ill-timed fits of coughing , and fails at everything he does . the story is told from harry's point of view . harry always carries around a shot of whiskey although he swears he doesn't drink . one day harry is approached by the con girl rhea ( elisabeth shue ) , who is similar to harry in that she carries around a cigarette but swears she doesn't smoke . seduced , harry agrees to participate in a money-making scheme involving faking the kidnapping of odette ( chloe sevigny ) , the teenage daughter of a rich man . turns out , it's all part of a needless , very puzzling , extremely elaborate and convoluted scheme ( it involves hiring special impersonators ) by two cons in order to fool harry , a hero who barely has the intellectual capacity of a wooden post . when the 'kidnapped' odette is found dead , the clues point to harry as the kidnapper/murderer , and the police are hot on harry's trail . harry suddenly realizes he has been framed while others have taken the ransom money . can he get out of this mess ? opinion : palmetto is a long , uninteresting film with all the wrong feel . hero harry is an inept bungler who trips up often and consistently overestimates his own intelligence . this farcical kind of character works best in an entertaining naked gun action comedy or dragnet spoof . but palmetto is played like a dark , serious , detective noir drama , and watching harry's bumbling confidence amounts to an irritating distraction . there's a lapse in concentration in the middle of the movie as the camera goes wild on breasts , buttocks , short skirts , colored painted nails , and women's legs . even when the focus is supposedly on harry and his dilema , you can always notice the side of elizabeth shue's breast forming a prominent foreground . towards the end , palmetto re-focuses on plot for the grand finale - - a confusing explanation involving impersonators , with woody harrelson handcuffed and suspended over a tub of acid as he hears the criminals' confession . if you can imagine 'shemp' from the three stooges playing the detective hero of an hbo 'lingerie suspense' thriller , that's how out of synch this movie feels . 
a hollywood production office--plush , swank , business-like . interior . day . writer jim kouf is pitching his idea . he draws an imaginary theater marquee in the air and announces proudly , " stakeout ii . it's perfect . think . it's six years later . we'll pick up the story where the first one left off . we'll get richard back , and emilio . and maybe even john would be willing to direct again . the thing'll write itself . " producers cathleen summers and lynn bigelow look skeptical . " hell yes . we'll stick rosie o'donnell in it . anything she * does * is funny . we'll blow up some real estate at the beginning and blow away some people at the end to satisfy the action fans . it'll be something new , yet something familiar . audiences loved the first one . it can't fail . " the producers seem sold . " just one thing , " says bigelow . " that title . it has to be punchier . how about . . . how about another stakeout ? " kouf agrees . 
outside providence ( m ) . ( miramax/village roadshow ) director : michael corrente stars : shawn hatosy , alec bladwin , amy smart , tommy bone , jonathan brandis , jon abrahams , adam la vorgna , gabriel mann , jack ferver , jesse leach , kristen shorten , alex toma , george wendt , tim crowe , george martin , richard jenkins , mike cerrone , robert turano . set in pawtucket , rhode island , in 1974 , outside providence is a sensitive but largely uninspiring coming of age tale about a teenage slacker from the wrong side of the tracks who eventually finds wisdom . somewhat surprisingly , this sensitive coming of age tale comes from bobby and peter farrelly , the film making siblings better known for their deliberately dumb and low brow sense of humour that shaped the clever and hilarious there's something about mary and dumb and dumber . outside providence centres around 17 year old tim dunphy ( shawn hatosy , recently seen in the faculty , etc ) , affectionately known as " dildo " by his gruff , embittered , widowed working class father ( alec baldwin ) . tim protects his wheelchair-bound younger brother jackie ( tommy bone ) , and hangs out with his slacker mates ( including an almost unrecognisable jonathan brandis , best known for his role in seaquest ) . his father plays cards and drinks beers with his close mates , while they discuss such world shattering events as watergate and whether or not rock hudson is gay . following a minor traffic accident in which he rear ends a police car while driving without a licence and engulfed in a fugue of drug smoke , tim is promptly packed off to cornwall , an exclusive preparatory academy . a misfit and a rebel , he struggles against the strict rules and regulations of the college , and clashes with his humourless dormitory head . much of the film also focuses on his developing relationship with the beautiful jane ( amy smart , from varsity blues , etc ) , who attends the nearby girl's school . outside providence is based on peter farrelly's own semi-autobiographical novel , although the material lacks anything of real substance or interest to say . the brothers put their predilection for crass toilet humour and hilarious sight gags on hold , for the duration . they have handed over directorial chores to co-writer michael corrente ( american buffalo , etc ) , who brings a touch of restraint and sensitivity to the material . lacking eye catching gags about zippers , hair gel , flatulence and dead dogs , outside providence is a rather straightforward and bland tale that ultimately lacks broad appeal . it's difficult to feel any sense of empathy towards the characters and their exploits . the performances from the young , largely unknown cast are solid . hatosy makes the most of his role as the likeable rogue , but he occasionally struggles with the uninteresting material . cast largely against type , baldwin delivers a restrained but insightful and sensitive performance as tim's gruff but ultimately understanding father , and he brings more complexity to the role than was originally on paper . outside providence is strongly reminiscent of richard linklater's 1993 slacker generation comedy dazed and confused , although it lacks the same wicked , anarchic edge . the film also lacks anything of real substance or interest to say . director corrente fails to imbue this disappointing blend of comedy and drama with any real sense of nostalgia , apart from the superb soundtrack of early '70's hits that will strike a chord with audiences old enough to remember those halcyon days . 
quest for camelot reviewed by jamie peckrating :  warner bros . / 1 : 23 / 1998 / g ( nothing offensive , other than lack of creativity ) cast : jessalyn gilsig ; andrea corr ; cary elwes ; bryan white ; gary oldman ; eric idle ; don rickles ; jane seymour ; celine dion ; pierce brosnan ; steve perry ; bronson pinchot ; jaleel white ; gabriel byrne ; sir john gielgud ; frank welker director : frederick du chau screenplay : kirk de micco ; jacqueline feather ; william schifrin ; david seidler  " quest for camelot " is warner bros . ' first feature-length , fully-animated attempt to steal clout from disney's cartoon empire , but the mouse has no reason to be worried . the only other recent challenger to their throne was last fall's promising , if flawed , 20th century fox production " anastasia , " but disney's " hercules , " with its lively cast and colorful palate , had her beat hands-down when it came time to crown 1997's best piece of animation . this year , it's no contest , as " quest for camelot " is pretty much dead on arrival . even the magic kingdom at its most mediocre -- that'd be " pocahontas " for those of you keeping score -- isn't nearly as dull as this . the story revolves around the adventures of free-spirited kayley ( voiced by jessalyn gilsig ) , the early-teen daughter of a belated knight from king arthur's round table . kayley's only dream is to follow in her father's footsteps , and she gets her chance when evil warlord ruber ( gary oldman ) , an ex-round table member-gone-bad , steals arthur's magical sword excalibur and accidentally loses it in a dangerous , booby-trapped forest . with the help of hunky , blind timberland-dweller garrett ( carey elwes ) and a two-headed dragon ( eric idle and don rickles ) that's always arguing with itself , kayley just might be able to break the medieval sexist mold and prove her worth as a fighter on arthur's side . " quest for camelot " is missing pure showmanship , an essential element if it's ever expected to climb to the high ranks of disney . there's nothing here that differentiates " quest " from something you'd see on any given saturday morning cartoon -- subpar animation , instantly forgettable songs , poorly-integrated computerized footage . ( compare kayley and garrett's run-in with the angry ogre to herc's battle with the hydra . i rest my case . ) even the characters stink -- none of them are remotely interesting , so much that the film becomes a race to see which one can out-bland the others . in the end , it's a tie -- they all win . that dragon's comedy shtick is awfully cloying , but at least it shows signs of a pulse . at least fans of the early-'90s tgif television line-up will be thrilled to find jaleel " urkel " white and bronson " balki " pinchot sharing the same footage . a few scenes are nicely realized ( though i'm at a loss to recall enough to be specific ) , and the actors providing the voice talent are enthusiastic ( though most are paired up with singers who don't sound a thing like them for their big musical moments -- jane seymour and celine dion ? ? ? ) . but one must strain through too much of this mess to find the good . aside from the fact that children will probably be as bored watching this as adults , " quest for camelot " 's most grievous error is its complete lack of personality . and personality , we learn from this mess , goes a very long way . © 1998 jamie peck e-mail : jpeck1@gl . umbc . edu visit the reel deal online : http : //www . gl . umbc . edu/~jpeck1/ " suggestions , please , for the fourth movie in the series . how about 'look who's talking back , ' in which the audience gets its turn ? " -- roger ebert on " look who's talking now " 
capsule : trashy , insanely stupid keenan ivory wayans vehicle . the title is exactly the obverse of what it should be . most wanted is a stupid and incompetent movie that ineptly mixes-and-matches several other genres , and come up with cold porridge . we get political conspiracy , the death row secret team , a journalist looking for a hot story , and god knows what else . jon voight in a general's outfit , too , but the movie is inept on so many levels that i was snickering at the sight of him by the twenty-minute mark . the movie makes its foolishness plain right away . sgt . james dunn ( wayans ) , court-martialed for a bit of gulf war righteousness that would not have even made it to court-martial in any other movie , is sentenced to die . he's yanked off death row at the behest of lt . col . grant casey ( voight ) , who wants to assemble a top-secret special ops squad . since dunn is legally dead , he makes a perfect candidate . unfortunately , the first mission he's on turns out to be a covert assassination of the first lady , and he's framed for the murder . however , there's a videotape of the whole thing , and so off he goes after it . all of this is over- and under-scored by a conspiracy plot that's both implausible and painfully convoluted . we also get yet another confirmation of the character-economy law -- the one person who just seems to be standing around with his thumb in his ear , isn't . i shy at having to discuss a film this painfully bad in detail , but i'll try . let's see . among the ridiculous scenes : a moment where dunn confronts the woman with the tape , then moves closer to her , murmuring , " man , i haven't had a piece of * that * in years . . . " and then reaches for a pizza box behind her . groan , groan . even worse is a chase scene -- is that the right word ? -- where everyone and his brother recognizes dunn on the street and starts following him ( much to the dismay of traffic all across the city ) . i wondered if we were looking at an outtake from it's a mad , mad , mad , mad world . there is * one * good thing in the movie . exactly one -- no more , no less . it is paul sorvino's performance as a cia man ( although they give him an opening scene where he's feeding the ducks , and they have him mouth dialogue that's an utter embarrasement to an actor as good as him ) . sorvino has a scene which so far outshines the rest of the movie , in fact , they could have built a whole new story around it . it turns out one of his men is a traitor , and when he learns this , he gives the man a talking-to that has real truth in it , and which almost makes the movie worth sticking it out for to hear . almost . 
rating :  touchstone / 1 : 44 / 1999 / r ( brutal combat , monotony ) cast : antonio banderas ; diane venora ; omar sharif ; vladimir kulich ; dennis storhøi ; maria bonnevie ; mischa hausserman ; sven wollter ; john desantis ; asbjørn riis director : john mctiernan screenplay : william wisher ; warren lewis when a pair of films from the same director gets released just three weeks apart , it could mean one of two things : that the recently overworked individual is due for a well-deserved rest , or that either of these movies has been sitting in a studio safe for a while and the timing is merely a coincidence . the latter's the case with john mctiernan and " the thirteenth warrior , " which finally hits theatres a year and counting after its original spring '98 opening - and fast on the heels of mctiernan's " the thomas crown affair " remake , a flick that got good reviews . you don't have to believe superstitions to wager a guess that " thirteenth " won't be so lucky . reportedly shelved following skirmishes between mctiernan and producer michael crichton , whose " eaters of the dead " novel provides " warrior " 's source ( and its initial title ) , this messy melange of culture-clash drama and brutal warfare feels empty and sluggish - sorta like " braveheart " without any of the passion . but the bloodshed certainly remains : there's enough carnage on display here to satisfy those in search of purely visceral thrills , though please note that the admittedly pungent battle sequences containing all this death and dismemberment alternate with talky passages interminable in their dullness . these circa-10th century clashes involve a roving band of cannibalistic creatures capable of decapitating opponents with their bare hands and a dozen norse soldiers out to stop them from terrorizing the viking countryside . the good guys are loud , crude , often unintelligible and - judging from their highly icky hygiene habits -- pretty smelly to boot , which makes them perfect foils for the dignified arab ambassador ( antonio banderas ) who tags along quite reluctantly . they're also so hard to tell apart that it hardly matters when a few of them meet violent demises . you'll wince , you'll groan , you'll grouse , " haven't we seen this guy killed twice before ? " banderas stands confused amidst the chaos , partaking mostly from a distance as savages in darth maul facepaint and draped in the latest animal-skin fashion run amok . he's not the hero - his soulful eyes and lean build don't exactly herald a champion of shwarzenegger proportions - and " the thirteenth warrior " wisely doesn't pretend he is , allowing his foreign and physically imposing co-stars to step into the spotlight when the going gets rough . let the characters interaction sans swords and shields , however , and there's still a struggle - for the audience to follow or even care about the story . it isn't the end until audiences have witnessed a half-baked romance , murky political intrigue , veteran actor omar sharif ( " funny girl " ) dropping by in a cameo role and a climactic " indiana jones and the temple of doom " -esque chase through the villains' underground lair . all this clutter receives stunning visual treatment courtesy of cinematographer peter menzies jr . , but the collaboration between " die hard " -helmer mctiernan and " jurrasic park " -creator crichton should have yielded more than sumptuous sights , graphic action and unintentionally telling moments . heard during " the thirteenth warrior " 's final scene : a dog whimpering . how appropriate .  © 1999 jamie peck e-mail : jpeck1@gl . umbc . edu visit the reel deal online : http : //www . gl . umbc . edu/~jpeck1/ " it presents as comedy things that are not amusing . if you think this movie is funny , that tells me things about you i don't want to know . " -roger ebert on " very bad things " 
" be gentle , " urges natasha henstridge to matthew perry in " the whole nine yards . " " i haven't made love in five years . " " neither have i , " rebuts perry . " i'm married ! " if jonathan lynn's latest comedy relied simply on jokes of that caliber--and it certainly tries--then it'd be an innocuous if rather obvious little film . instead , its failings go much deeper . first off , who hasn't had enough of the tough wiseguy intimidates the timid wise guy genre ? if you want to make a pretty penny or two in hollywood nowadays simply write a " comedy " which pairs a robert de niro/james caan/bruce willis type with a billy crystal/hugh grant/matthew perry type and wait for the royalties to roll in . who's next ? jack nicholson and martin short ? it certainly doesn't have to be funny . " the whole nine yards " is not a particularly funny film , but it is borderline offensive . offensive in the way it continues a trend of poking fun at career criminals who wouldn't think twice about pushing your mother-in-law off the brooklyn bridge with her feet encased in concrete . that might sound like a funny sight gag , but the problem is these films have long since lost sight of the fact that taking a human life isn't all that funny to begin with . when the corpse is placed in a car , doused with gasoline , set ablaze and referred to as " barbecue , " it makes you wonder when all this playing killing for laughs is going to end . " the whole nine yards " is also offensive in so much as its three central female characters are portrayed as nothing more than sex objects . rosanna arquette plays a slutty , chain-smoking french canadian who's married to matthew perry's none-too-successful dentist . it's an unflattering role made all the more so by the unflattering outfits--and unflattering situations--into which arquette is thrust . then there's natasha henstridge ( " species " i and ii ) who plays the well-to-do wife of contract killer bruce willis . she gets involved with perry's character when he comes to chicago hoping to negotiate a finder's fee with mob boss yanni gogolack ( kevin pollack , transposing his vs with his ws ) after willis' jimmy the tulip tudeski moves in next door . henstridge and perry's characters hitting it off is about as likely as bruce and demi getting back together . perry might have the charm but he doesn't have the physical attributes of a traditional leading man , especially in close-up . most objectified of the bunch is amanda peet , who turns in a sexually-ripe performance as perry's dental assistant with , it transpires , questionable career goals . peet's gratuitous nude scene proves how low this movie will stoop to keep its audience from dropping off . when " my cousin vinny " is the highpoint of a directorial career including such forgettable films as " clue , " " greedy , " and " sgt . bilko , " you have to wonder if lynn chose the wrong career path . perry's pratfalling goofiness coupled with willis' likable hardness could have had some potential but with no script to work with , and a director who seems to be watching from the wings , their characters run out of gas quickly . 
starring jamie lee curtis , donald sutherland , billy baldwin " virus " is a monster movie without a monster . any movie with a hurdle that large to overcome had better be pretty damn good otherwise . sadly , " virus " does not deliver , on any level . the movie opens with the russian space station mir about to transmit something ( we never find out what ) to a big boat with lots of satellites on it . sudddenly , a wave of colorful lightning comes flying through space , and winds up destroying mir and using it to transmit itself to the aforementioned big boat . cut to seven days later , we meet donald sutherland and his band of seafaring vultures . see , they spend all their time sailing around looking for dead-in-the-water ships to rescue , and then collect the reward money . at least , i * think * that's what they do . along with many other things in the film , their reason for being out in the middle of the ocean isn't really explained . so , they stumble upon this big boat with lots of satellites on it , and decide to haul it back to russian waters . the only problem is , the crew starts disappearing one-by-one and turning into borg . yes , borg . complete with the red laser beam in place of an eye . apparently , this alien lifeform can only survive if inside something electrical . so , it creates make-shift machines and uses humans for " spare parts " . blah , blah , blah . i could go on forever describing the ludicrous so-called plot , but i won't . suffice it to say the most original thing about this movie is having donald sutherland play an irish man ( ! ) . everything else in this movie has been taken from other ( better ) movies . for example , many of the machines resemble those found in the little-seen japanese movie , " tetsuo-the iron man " . and the plot is right out of " aliens " . the funny thing is , i was actually expecting to enjoy this movie . i have a soft spot for cheesy monster movies , like last years under-appreciated " deep rising " . but " virus " , as i mentioned earlier , doesn't even have a monster . it just has a big pile of circuits and wires and expects the audience to fear this ridiculous looking contraption . " virus " is the type of movie that really makes you wonder what the screenwriter was thinking about when he wrote it . besides the lame " monster " , it's chock full of dialogue that no real person would ever say , and situations that no real person would ever allow themselves to get into . for example , there is a scene late in the movie in which one of the characters actually attempts to * negotiate * with the alien ! now , i don't know about you , but if i came upon a lifeform that viewed mankind as a virus to be eliminated , i doubt that i would attempt to reason with it . that makes about as much sense as a baby squirrel calmly asking a fierce predator to spare his life . finally , " virus " isn't scary . the least the filmmakers could have done was to make the movie just a little scary . as it is , it's about as frightening as a box of cookies . skip " virus " . if it's a cool monster movie you want , rent the far superior ( and the granddaddy of this genre ) " aliens " . 
i've never written a review for a movie i haven't watched all the way through , but i had to make an exception with powder . i was about forty-five minutes into this one at a friend's house when he and his brother got into a huge shouting match that would have ended in violence had we not left the house . so i never got to finish the movie and i'm sure as hell not going to pay three more bucks to watch half of a bad movie . but i can at least get a partial review out of it , because i saw enough to know this one wasn't worth finishing in the first place . the movie centers around a freaky teenager who's spent his entire life living in the cellar of his grandparents' house . when grandpa dies ( taking his department store down with him ) , social worker mary steenburgen has to take powder ( first and middle names ? gold bond ) to a state home , where we find out he's a different from the other kids . actually , we find out he's different when we first see him , because he's the most pale individual we've ever seen and moreover he has no body hair whatsoever . when powder is born in the opening minutes of the movie , the father takes one look at him and says " he's not my son . " obviously . all i want to know is where the pillsbury dough boy was nine months ago . so the white-faced freak leaves his neverland ranch for the state home and faces the ridicule of other kids . that is , until they try to haze him during his first cafeteria lunch by making him " wear " his spoon ( " you can either wear it on your nose or up your ass . " decisions , decisions . . . ) and he uses telepathic powers to draw all the silverware in the room into a giant pile in the middle of the table . so if his father is the pillsbury dough boy , his mother must be sissy spacek's carrie character . and you have to factor in two more things from the subsequent scenes , as we find out powder has some sort of super-intelligence ( " your i . q . test went straight off the chart ! " ) and attracts electrical power . this first shows up as powder visits the world of high school ( if he's such a genius already , why would he need a high school education ? ) and sits through a demonstration in jeff goldblum's science class . goldblum plugs in a " jacob's ladder " device that shows current running up two wires and immediately the current flows across the room and into powder's chest . but goldblum just stands there for about thirty seconds watching , instead of just unplugging the damn thing . i guess he was too busy contemplating why he was appearing in his third bad movie in a row ( following hideaway and nine months ) . that's about all i saw before the big fight began and , let me tell you , that was twice as interesting as the movie itself . but like i said , i saw enough to know this would be one of those terrible melodramas about the isolation of people who have superior abilities and how hard it is for those people to assimilate themselves into mainstream civilization . none of these movies ever handle the subject properly , instead introducing the feeble beauty and the beast copout of having a beautiful woman fall in love with the guy's personality , overlooking his personal appearance . i already had the female character picked out ( the girl who was sitting next to him in the back of the room during the electrocution scene ) , but i guess i'll never know for sure what happened . 
mr . nice guy is the latest jackie chan film , so you should know what to expect . a weak plot , terrible dialogue , very little acting ability , but some jaw-dropping action sequences that nearly make the rest of it worthwhile . however , mr . nice guy lacks the sparkle of jackie's best efforts , and its weaknesses are more glaring than ever . jackie chan plays , who else , jackie . this time out , he's a famous chef who hosts an australian cooking show . not that it ever makes a difference in the plot . there are only two scenes of him cooking . for the rest of the film , somehow he mutates into jackie chan , supercop . it never does explain why his character has such superb martial arts skills . . . perhaps he was in the same cooking class as steven seagal in under siege ? a tv newswoman , diana ( gabrielle fitzpatrick ) , covertly tapes a drug deal involving kingpin giancarlo ( richard norton ) and a local gang of toughs , the demons . although she only has one camcorder , somehow the result is full of close-ups and multiple angles . . . hmmm , shades of broadcast news ? ? ? anyway , the goons discover diana , and will do anything to recover the tape . here lies another crucial flaw in the story : doesn't anyone realize you can copy a tape ? oh well , no one ever said jackie chan movies had to make sense . as luck would have it , diana runs across jackie , and , wouldn't you know it , jackie accidentally ends up with the tape . this leads to countless chase and/or fight scenes which look like they could have been lifted from rumble in the bronx or nearly any other jackie chan movie . in a move apparently designed to woo american ( and other english-speaking ) audiences , the film uses english as its primary language . however , that doesn't mean an end to the atrocious dubbing that has afflicted jackie's recent americanized releases . strangely , many of the characters speaking english are overdubbed with english , and poorly too . whether this is just a very bad case of looping , an effort to minimize accents , or a simple case of nostalgia , it does achieve the same level of distraction present in all of jackie's dubbed films . the plot in mr . nice guy is negligible , merely an excuse to have jackie on the run from various goons . but even though plots have always been second to the action in jackie's films , it seems odd that the filmmakers have stuck us with this tired retread . look , if you have jackie chan playing a chef , why not use that to your advantage ? watching jackie doing his stuff in a kitchen , beating the bad guys with foodstuffs sounds like the perfect setup for innumerable comic stunts . the action is a mixed bag here . there's really only one no holds barred fight scenes that have become the trademark of jackie's films . it takes place in the arbitrary location of a construction site , apparently for the sole reason that there are lots of nifty things lying around that can be useful ala jackie chan . the action in the film is neither jackie's best nor worst , but you long for some more inspiration in the scenes . the film's gratuitous use of slow motion is distracting . once or twice , it may be useful to highlight a spectacular stunt sequence . but to slo-mo jackie running ? either this is a nod to the six-million dollar man , or a pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that jackie may be slowing down . if you've seen all of jackie's films and are in need of another fix , go ahead and see mr . nice guy . however , if you're just in the mood for some good action , you'd be better off hitting the video store for some of his better work , such as supercop . 
1990s would remembered as the era of binary movie events in hollywood - two movies dealing with the same subject , or , to be precise , same " high concept " . in summer 1994 , that " high concept " was " mad bomber action thriller " . in few weeks , " thrillride of the summer " actionfest speed was followed by rather action thriller blown away , so disappointing that most of the people these days associate the title with the 1992 thriller in which nicole eggert did few nude scenes . the movie begins in the prison in northern ireland , where gaerity ( tommy lee jones ) , ira terrorist with the great talent to make lethal explosive devices from almost any material , escapes from prison . he comes to boston , where he accidentally notices jimmy dove ( jeff bridges ) , dedicated bomb disposal expert within boston police . few people except gaerity know the dove's violent past , when he used to be ira terrorist before becoming sick with violence , betraying gaerity and emigrating to america where he changed the name and started using his experience for good purpose . gaerity holds dove personally responsible for his captivity and begins the campaign of bombing terror , directed specifically at dove's colleagues , friends and relatives . dove , who is just going to retire and start family , now must confront the mad bomber . while speed doesn't even try to bother with plot and characters , using them only as an excuse for long and spectacular action scenes , blown away tries to be more conventional and provide the action with some back story . and that is the main reason why it is inferior to speed . badly written plot and badly written characters are sometimes worse than no plot and no characters at all . screenplay by john bateer and john rice , barely touches the complicated issues of northern ireland , using the tragedy only as the cheap backstory for even cheaper drama . the plot is , of course , full of implausibilities . the main one is the fact that movie fails to explain how the single individual , no matter how brilliant he is , can produce thousands of deadly devices and hold entire city at bay . those questions , same as in the case of speed , could be forgotten while the action goes on , but the pauses between action scenes are filled with cliched and predictable situation that should provide some background to the characters . because of them , movie seems a little bit too long , and boring at times . the most annoying element of the film , however , is tommy lee jones in the role of mad bomber . his acting is so over-the-top that potentially fascinating villain turns into pathetic caricature of himself . this role is in painful contrast with the strong performance given by that same actor in fugitive . the film have few bright points , though . some of the action scenes are fine , which should be credited to director stephen hopkins ( predator ii , judgement night ) . and forrest whitaker really shines in minor role of dove's colleague . but , all in all , blown away is a film that was justifiably shadowed by its more famous , yet hardly unforgettable competitor . 
i'm spoiled . long before i had ever read a single michael crichton novel , i read stanislaw lem , the polish science-fiction writer who has far more to say in one book than crichton has had to say in all of his . the book in question was solaris , a novel about a planet that appears to be a life form unto itself . crichton probably didn't plagarize solaris to write sphere , but it's simply an infinitely inferior book compared to lem's novel . sphere , the movie from said novel , suffers from all the same drawbacks . worse , there has already been a movie made of solaris , by the russian filmmaker andrei tarkovsky , which is haunting and chilling in ways that this film , directed passively by barry levinson as a holding action before wag the dog , cannot even begin to conceive of . the plot : a ways back , a psychologist by the name of norma hoffman ( played by * dustin * hoffman ) , put together a government report on what to do if e . t . comes calling . he named several colleagues of his as members of a " contact team " -- almost jokingly , it seems , but the government gets the last laugh when the team is activated for a mission to the south pacific . sure enough , down on the ocean floor , there are the remains of a spaceship that crashed there -- almost 300 years ago . ( there is one funny moment straight from the book about the maker of the ship's electronics that i will not spoil here . ) what they find is by turns intriguing and idiotic . a pattern gets set up : we get the hint of something that may be an explanation , and then we're forced to discard it and start from absolute scratch . this is annoying . when we finally do understand what the sam hill is going on , it doesn't make any sense -- and the conclusion the movie tries to draw from it is just plain limp . the effects are decent , but they are no more than a light show to support a movie that really isn't about much of anything . i kept harkening back to the abyss , which generated horrible suspense with nothing more than a broken umbilical cable -- or the exploding rivets of das boot . nothing like that holds the attention here . the actors try . they do not get far . samuel jackson is probably the best of the bunch , since he can pretty much survive anything through a show of attitude . sharon stone , who is a better actor than people realize ( see last dance and casino , and the upcoming the mighty ! ) , is totally lost . and dustin hoffman himself does a reprise of the same territory he did with outbreak . no wonder they're content to just drift : the material they're given doesn't afford them a chance to really make their performances matter . so . when do we get a tarkovsky revival ? 
" not far from here there's a fence . on the other side of the fence is freedom . that gorilla will never try to get to it . " starring anthony hopkins , cuba gooding jr . , donald sutherland , maura tierney . rated r . instinct is the kind of movie that inexperienced moviegoers will undoubtedly label as " powerful " or " touching " . i have a name for it myself : " gross " . this is the sort of film where somebody stands up to a bully , the bully looks at the " rebel " threateningly , about to hurt him , and then everyone else whom the bully has heretofore controlled stands up too . how that scene is still present in so many movies today appalls me : aren't present day moviegoers beyond being " inspired " by something like that ? this is one example ( there are actually some more in instinct alone ) of filmmakers insulting the audience's intelligence . instinct's plot is brimming with potential : world-renowned anthropologist ethan powell ( anthony hopkins ) disappeared for two years whilst doing research in the jungles of africa . he was found and is coming back to the united states a convicted killer ; he murdered to african policemen who were allegedly trying to capture him . after committing a few more brutal acts of violence in the airport , the authorities stick him in a prison's " psychotics ward " . assigned to do an evaluation on powell is a bright ( or so we are told ) young psychiatrist theo caulder ( cuba gooding jr . ) . caulder starts out doing the evaluation merely for the purpose of furthering his career . of course ( and no mainstream filmmaker would ever have it any other way ) he starts really caring for powell and he becomes fixed on helping powell prove that he is not a psychotic and that he should not be in prison . and then there's the inevitable " heartless meanie " character , in the form of donald sutherland who plays caulder's mentor . he cares for caulder but does everything he can to discourage him from helping powell . let's get one thing straight : dr . theo caulder is the most blatantly incompetent psychiatrist i have ever seen , on screen or off . any good shrink will listen to what his patient has to say no matter the subject because any good shrink will learn a great deal about his patient that way . not good old theo . no , he asks purposefully pointed questions and when powell dares to venture to another subject caulder says " we need to talk about this right now . " this is a flaw only in the sense that it detracts from instinct's already dubious credibility ; unfortunately it's also the least of its problems . director jon turteltaub , who made the delightful john travolta vehicle phenomenon as well as the surprisingly above-par cool runnings decided to make this movie so shamelessly sentimental that , contrary to what this movie's promotion would have you believe , it has much more in common with patch adams than with the silence of the lambs . it's not the kind of sentimentality that can almost bring tears to your eyes ( what dreams may come aptly demonstrated that ) but the kind that brings vomit up your esophagus ( excuse the graphic depiction ) . it aims to " inspire " rather than to touch hearts . as yoda would say , inspire it does not . it is the ultimate sign of futility when a screenwriter ( the very experienced gerald di pego ) has to resort to literally telling the audience a movie's story . indeed , somewhere in the beginning of instinct , one of the characters actually reads aloud the film's plot to another character . this , like the instance i mentioned in the first paragraph of this review , is a horrid insult to our intelligence . i am forced to wonder whether turteltaub and di pego did not think that we could figure out what instinct is about simply from regular conversation . i think that anthony hopkins is one of the greatest screen actors , and he chews the scenery in this movie , brilliant as ever . oscar winner cuba gooding jr . on the other hand is dreadful . his performance is at least part of what makes his character seem so incapable of being a shrink . i liked the guy in jerry maguire as well as in as good as it gets but here he fails to project any shred of credibility or real feeling . i love animals , and instinct's prominent save the gorillas/live in harmony with nature theme is certainly something i could sympathize with . however this movie's execution is completely unacceptable . tone down the violence and this will be a chick flick . ©1999 eugene novikov sent via deja . com http : //www . deja . com/ share what you know . learn what you don't . 
okay , let's get thing straight , right up front . if you have been led to believe from the trailers that the story of us is a romantic comedy , you are in for a huge shock . this is a mean , bad , melodramatic horror story about two bickering people . there is little comedy to be had in the entire thing . which is a surprise . this is the man who brought us the masterful comedy when harry met sally . and here we are , with people on couches , talking to the camera about their relationship . same premise , right ? ohhhhhhh noooooo . the story of us can be summed up quite simply : bruce willis and michelle pfeiffer * hate * each other . they spend two hours yelling , cursing , crying , and pouting . then maybe they get back together . the end . great film ? uh , no . proof that people like rob reiner have too much power . when you find yourself spending the whole film trying to read the wine labels in the scenes , you know you're watching something that's going to be remembered as one of the worst films of the year . even the music is annoying – the same acoustic guitar-based eric clapton song is played at least six times . 
susan granger's review of " the watcher " ( universal ) just what we need : another lurid , trashy serial killer saga . this time , keanu reeves plays an elusive homicidal maniac who engages in a gruesome ticking-clock cat-and-mouse game with james spader , a burnt-out fbi agent who has suffered a traumatic nervous breakdown after too many years on the job with the lapd . to taunt spader , who has relocated to chicago , reeves packs up his trusty piano wire and moves too . before long , he starts mailing photographs of the lonely , unsuspecting young women who are his intended windy city victims , challenging spader , along with the chicago police department , to stop him within 24 hours before he strikes again . in the midst of this murderous frenzy , there's spader's psychologist , played by marisa tomei , who is even less convincing as a medical professional than jennifer lopez in " the cell . " writers david elliot , clay ayers and darcy meyers , along with first-time director joe charbanic ( helmer of music videos for reeves' band dogstar ) , dwell on the warped thrill of the methodology and the chase , revealing , early on , exactly whodunit since the killer says he and the cop " need each other to give meaning to our lives . " plus , as reeves explains , " we're all stacked right on top of each other , but we don't notice each other any more . " after that , it's all sound effects and tricky camera-work , along with a muddled , discordant soundtrack . james spader's acting technique can be described as 'wooden deadpan' while keanu reeves maintains his perpetually monotone 'dude' persona which sometimes works , sometimes doesn't . chris ellis , as spader's self-important colleague , is the only cast member who manages to be convincing . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " the watcher " is an appallingly awful , amateurish 2 . the real torture is watching it . 
little more than an expensive , flashy , and painfully drawn-out season finale , the x files : fight the future has little chance to draw any new fans to the tv show , if this is the best that can be done . the movie opens with agents mulder ( duchovny ) and scully ( anderson ) finding themselves on a new assignment after the closing of the x-files . of course , through a bizarre coincidence , their very first assignment leads them to uncover a conspiracy involving the hiding of bodies of some would-be aliens . the plot turns alternately confusing and ridiculous after that . it's surprising that a tv show which leaves so much to the imagination does so little for it in feature film version . at two hours , x files is really pretty boring . i found myself falling asleep in the especially dull first half , only to be revived later by one thing after another that * just didn't make any sense ! * for example , if the bad guys went to so much trouble to * blow up a building * in order to hide four bodies , why were the bodies recovered in perfect condition ? why does the road the agents follow on gut instinct alone lead directly to the bad guys ? why did a bee wait 24 hours in scully's coat before stinging her ? why does the syndicate want to destroy the world - and if it has the power ( imminently displayed in the film ) , then why don't they just do it ! ? then again , if a vaccine to this destruction exists ( again , displayed in the film ) , then why don't the good guys just release * that * into the world ? well , you won't find any answers to questions like these in the film . in fact , the movie goes a long way toward undoing the mysteries that the tv show has built up over the last five years . if this is a portent for the way things are going to go next season , i'm not sure i'm interested . still , i am a fan , and there's enough juice to sustain a fan's interest for awhile . it ain't much , but watching scully and mulder inch closer romantically , and seeing some cool special effects is worth the price of admission . 
beloved ( m ) . ( touchstone/buena vista international ) director : jonathan demme stars : oprah winfrey , danny glover , thandie newton , kimberly elise , lisa gay hamilton , irma p hall , albert hall , beah richards , kessia kordelle , jude ciccolella , jason robards , tracey walter running time : 172 minutes . in hindsight , maybe it wasn't such a good idea for oprah winfrey to give up her day job . america's queen of daytime television talk shows has quit the small screen to establish a new career in movies with beloved , her first feature film since the memorable the colour purple 14 years ago . based on toni morrison's acclaimed 1987 novel , beloved has been something of a labour of love for winfrey , who has nurtured the project for over a decade . however , this disappointing film should have been much more powerful , especially given the time and effort spent on refining and developing it . the film tells of the hardships confronting former slaves as they try to come to terms with their freedom and the costly legacy of their recent blood soaked past . this is rich territory we have explored before , most notably in the epic tv series roots . beloved is an unsatisfactory and occasionally unfathomable mix of history , family drama , horror , mysticism , and unexplained magic that fails to leave such a lasting impression . set in the mid-1870's , the film centres around sethe ( winfrey ) , a former slave haunted by her past and the soul destroying sacrifices she had to make to ensure her own survival . sethe lives in the old family house on the outskirts of cincinnati and is slowly coming to terms with her independence . she is shunned by most of the townsfolk , for reasons that we only slowly learn about . the scars of the past also affect her daughter denver ( kimberly elise , from set it off , etc ) , who is reluctant to leave the house . the healing process begins with the arrival of two very different people . paul d ( danny glover ) is a former slave and family friend , who re-enters sethe's life after 18 years . he brings happiness and love back into sethe's life , until even her unassuaged guilt proves too much . the other catalyst is beloved ( thandie newton , from flirting , etc ) , a scarred and twisted young woman of mysterious origins , whose presence in the house becomes both threatening and unnerving . this is the first film from oscar winning director jonathan demme ( the silence of the lambs , etc ) since 1993's philadelphia . although he handles the material with restraint , except for a couple of notable exceptions , his direction seems to lack a strong focus . it's almost as if he lacks the same depth of passion and commitment to the story as winfrey and most of the production crew . three writers , including richard lagravenese ( the bridges of madison county , etc ) and adam brooks ( practical magic , etc ) have shaped this multi-layered story , but there are still a number of problems with the narrative structure . despite its lengthy running time , there is a suggestion that many characters and scenes were sacrificed on the cutting room floor . veterans jason robards and tracey walter ( who both appeared in demme's philadelphia ) are wasted in small , wordless roles . brief , sepia toned flashbacks provides glimpses of some of the horrors endured by the slaves in america's south before the civil war . tak fujimoto's cinematography is superb , and rachel portman's score , which draws heavily on afro-american chants , is also evocative . winfrey runs the gamut of emotions here , and her complex performance provides the film with much of its emotional depth . glover is understated in a role that never really goes anywhere . newton is superb , and delivers an emotionally and physically demanding performance as the childlike beloved . despite its rich source material and its fine production credentials , beloved is a huge disappointment , and doesn't really endear itself to audiences . 
directed by : betty thomas written by : susannah grant cast : sandra bullock , domenic west , elizabeth perkins , steve buscemi mpaa : rated pg-13 for mature thematic elements involving substance abuse , language and some sensuality . runtime : usa : 103 " alcohol and drugs = bad . not alcohol and drugs = good . got it ? " just when you though you've seen enough of brave young women dealing with their personal problems on screen , be that insanity or alcoholism , hollywood releases yet another one of those 'deep , emotional stories about finding yourself' . . '28 days' is practically a visualization of the usual 'meaningful' true stories that people are so proudly retelling at aa-meetings . gwennie ( sandra bullock ) is a young woman who drowned her problems in alcohol . for her life was a big party , with no beginning and no end . this behavior has of course estranged her from her only sister and from life itself . her existence is filled with endless parties and comic episodes . such as when she got drunk with boyfriend jasper ( dominic west ) , borrowed her sister's ( elizabeth perkins ) wedding limo and crashed it into someone's house . this time she had to pay with a 28 day stay in court-ordered rehab . here she must realize that the only thing that can save her is her is redemption , willpower and commitment . most important she must realize her place and direction in life and understand that her life is not just a big party . the film itself feels like a rehab program , whining and moaning about things that have been said and written a million times . it is a classic cautionary tale . an echo . a big , fat and expensive cliché . a shadow of last year's 'girl , interrupted' , which likewise followed in the footsteps of great masterpieces like 'the cuckoo's nest' and 'trainspotting' . director betty thomas has stuffed her film with so many failures and errors , that it is impossible to sum them all up in one review . for some paranoid reason she decided to make her film a drama/comedy . jokes and funny characters almost deliberately delude you from the really important and complex issues : alienation , despair , terror , confusion , loneliness . and what awesome power and strength of character it actually takes to overcome all that and become clean . isn't that what the filmmakers wanted to show in the first place ? even the transition process itself seems like a walk in the park . betty thomas' idea of hell is a cozy , homey place where happy alcoholics and cheerful drug addicts are not allowed to smoke , drink or watch tv after 11 . it is simply too light , simplified and unnecessary sweet to be taken seriously . but the worst thing about it is that it actually thinks that it is saying something of significance . that it actually tries to educate the audience with its extremely predictable and primitive story . " all you need to do is just say no " , says dr . cornell ( steve buscemi ) as if was the revelation of the century . and that's how simple it is ! in fact i would rather watch 'lost in space' once again , than return to '28 days' . as for acting , it's acceptable , but hardly anything else . for sandra bullock it's an opportunity to demonstrate that she is capable of more than 'speed' . she handles her part with a surprising professionalism and ease that certainly saves the film from being a complete flop . dominic west shines as the source of gwenie's devilish temptations , but elizabeth perkins' and steve buscemi's great talents are wasted on unnoticeable and shallow characters . although intellectually 'girl , interrupted' was a greater achievement , '28 days' is superior in its visual aspect . there are some nice flash back sequences and occasionally impressive pacing , but the overall technical aspect of this film is on the ground floor . the most important thing is that we've seen it before and it was a lot better . 'clean and sober' , 'only when i laugh' , 'when a man loves a woman' , 'leaving las vegas' and many other stronger films were made about the same issues . so what's the point ? in other words '28 days' doesn't contribute to the moviemaking business on any level . if you're caught in a snowstorm or bolts of lightning fall from the sky and you're standing in front of the movie theatre , you might as well go in and watch '28 days' . under all other circumstances stay away , because this film equals $8 and 103 minutes lost . 
'stepmom' has the worst screenplay i've ever seen for subject matter contained within its genre . contrived , pretentious , corn ball , and shallow are just a few adjectives that would be accurate in describing it . releasing it during the holidays and using two cute kids in marketing it is shameful as this is not a family film . don't misunderstand . it is about family but the bad taste it leaves in the mouth is unacceptable for children . it starts out by telling you that two women who interact with the same man---one the ex wife , and one his current lover , will naturally hate each other at first but will come to accept and even like each other later on . i've known families and have seen it within my own family and circle of friends that once somebody hates another person , it's permanent . julia roberts is a photographer in love with lawyer ed harris ( in a completely wasted role ) . harris' ex-wife ( susan sarandon ) lives alone and the couple have an older daughter and a younger son . the kids hate dad's new main squeeze and despite her attempt to like and please them , they stick it to her every chance they get . every time sarandon and roberts see each other , they are like oil and water . one thinks the other is a b * * * * while the other sees her rival as inexperienced and unable to cope with family . caught in the middle of all of this , naturally , are the children . one of the kids has a laugh that is so irritating that it will make you shriek to the point of wanting to throw stuff at the movie screen . this film is like a rock that has been thrown into a pond . it sinks straight to the bottom . it goes nowhere in a credible fashion in a running time of more than two hours . the performances in 'stepmom' are somewhat admirable but it's too bad the actors didn't have the wisdom to realize that by making the most of a bad script can't make for a good movie . 'stepmom' has the worst poker face i've ever seen . it's obvious and doesn't know how to cover-up its sugar coated shortcomings and therefore it fails . chris columbus ( 'home alone' , 'mrs . doubtfire' ) directs this film without a clue as to how you go about the usual input of a director's own idea of how a film is shaped to decide its final outcome . upon reading a script , a director can make a fairly good film from a superficial screenplay and therefore a film can be redeemed at least part of the way . the screenplay by gigi levangie , jessie nelson , steven rogers , karen leigh hopkins and ron bass ( five people ? ) has enough laughably bad dialogue to insult the intelligence of even the most casual movie fan who only sees about five or six movies per year . as studios continue to take away more and more of a director's artistic licence , movie audiences will find less and less to appreciate , especially film buffs . with standards being lowered , box office figures continue to rise , not because audiences are pleased with the results of a final cut and keep coming back but because movie theatres are being built with bigger and better technology to distract us away from the movie and into the theatre's coffee shop , restaurant or arcade which sometimes are more entertaining . 
director : roland emmerich writer : dean devlin and roland emmerich starring : james spader , kurt russel , jaye davidon , french stewart to put it bluntly , ed wood would have been proud of this . a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor , hokey drama , zero logic and a crap screenplay . also , a beautifully anti-climactic ending . not to say it didn't look intriguing when i saw the previews . so much for truth in advertising . roland emmerich , who's later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this , co-writed and directed this inane sci-fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens . in a useless opening sequence , men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it . it wouldn't be till present day ( '94 ) till they would actually figure it out . they're decipherer ? a slightly-neurotic scientist ( nice twist ) , dr . dan jackson ( james spader , doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who's life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word . why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ? so there is a hokey ending ! duh ! he figures it out in about a minute . yea . and then they get a suicidal colonel or something , " jack " o'neill ( kurt russel , with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat-top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) . why a suicidal colonel ? for the ending ! you'll get the hang of this . they open the stargate , a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad . after an overdone special effects thing , they're . . . inside a goddam pyramid . so they went to egypt , right ? wrong . they're on another planet that was filmed in egypt . they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra , the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson , with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma ) , and there are fights , explosions and a kiss between two people . yea . also melodrama , stupidity , hokey scenes and a bizarre language . an anti-climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut , asswhole ! " - the quintessential line , lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo-pseudo-pseudo-character development . by the end , you just wanna go home and watch , i don't know , the " outer limits " or something . the script's terrible . the special effects are okay , but nothing great . the story's so weak that it's almost opaque . the whole experience just isn't worth it unless you're so bored that you'd consider watching a " full house " marathon . . . or this . i'd pick this , obviously , but still , it's just not fun at all . and i can't wait for it to premier on mst3k . 
release date : december 25 , 1998 starring : elijah wood , piper laurie , josh hartnett , laura harris , robert patrick , clea duvall , usher raymond , salma hayek directed by : robert rodriguez distributed by : miramax films mpaa rating : r ( strong violence , language , brief nudity ) url : http : //www . execpc . com/~kinnopio/reviews/1998/faculty . htm georges polti once wrote a paper called " the thirty-six dramatic situations , " in which he asserted the fact that all drama could be defined by no more than thirty-six different situations . this may be the modern restatement of the biblical prophecy from ecclesiastes , " there's nothing new under the sun . " the faculty , the latest movie by from dusk till dawn director robert rodriguez , certainly proves this in typical hollywood fashion . there's not a measureable fraction of original material in this unworthy outing . drawing elements from both the puppet masters and invasion of the body snatchers , screenwriter kevin williamson ( of scream 2 credit ) gives us a horror tale set in middle america ( ohio ) one eventful fall . making use of a cast of unusually stock characters , williamson designs an alien invasion that will not be done independence day-style but rather " through the back door . " parasitic aliens take over the faculty of a run-down high school and soon have infested most of the student body , leaving it up to the ensemble of principal characters to win the day . the lack of gusto is the movie's major stumbling block . even though the genre has seen movies that have a lack for quality such as this , they've been saved by an energetic approach . this casts more than a shadow of a doubt on williamson's ability , who enjoyed success with the wes craven-directed scream but couldn't pull anything solid in for this outing or i know what you did last summer . although he designs the faculty with more of a sci-fi bent than his typical slasher picture , it still comes down to the same results : throw the stock characters in a steel cage match and see who comes out alive . on that level , the main roles are played by virtual unknowns . only the recognizeable elijah wood ( deep impact ) is at the front ; other than that , the screen veterans are saved for the minor roles of the alien teachers . perhaps williamson has it in mind to champion these up-and-comers to the fame that their scream and last summer counterparts achieved ; but to do that , they'd all need to star in their own wb television show about the horrors of puberty a la " dawson's creek . " needless to say the acting is far from top notch , nor does necessity ask that it should be . there is a moment or two of genuine horror , but unfortunately williamson and rodriguez did not take the story far enough in the sci-fi direction to make any use of it . in sum , the faculty was just one long shot that did not pay off . 
america's sweethearts ( 2001 ) julia roberts , billy crystal , catherine zeta-jones , john cusack , hank azaria , stanley tucci , christopher walken , seth green . screenplay by billy crystal & peter tolan . directed by joe roth . 100 minutes . rated pg-13 , 2 stars ( out of five stars ) review by ed johnson-ott , nuvo newsweekly www . nuvo . net archive reviews at http : //reviews . imdb . com/reviewsby ? edward + johnson-ott to receive reviews by e-mail at no charge , send subscription requests to ejohnsonott@prodigy . net or e-mail ejohnsonott-subscribe@onelist . com with the word " subscribe " in the subject line . " america's sweethearts " has an intriguing premise and a great cast , but it isn't nearly as edgy or funny as it should be . almost all the problems with the project can be traced back to co-script writer billy crystal , who shows the same lack of discipline with the screenplay that he typically displays while co-hosting " comic relief " charity shows with robin williams and whoopi goldberg ( two other paragons of self-indulgence ) . crystal ignores a simple , but crucial , rule : for a screwball comedy to work , the characters must be placed into a rigid social setting , because only in that context will their unorthodox antics be humorous . " america's sweethearts " takes place at a press junket , where decorum must be maintained in front of the reporters . it's a promising set-up , but the screenplay quickly blows off the rules , thus dissipating the tension of the situation . by the end of the film , all the lead performers participate in a huge fight with a room full of journalists looking on , but their outbursts are only mildly amusing because the structure has been destroyed . john cusack and catherine zeta-jones play eddie thomas and gwen harrison , a beloved acting duo whose marriage hit the skids when gwen began seeing hector ( hank azaria ) , a spanish actor with an ego almost as pronounced as his lisp . of the last nine films eddie and gwen made together , six crossed the $100 million mark , but the prospects for their final effort , a space opus titled " time over time , " are far from rosy . while eddie has spent many months in a new age rest clinic fretting over the breakup , gwen's solo films have tanked . to make matter worse , the director of the movie ( christopher walken ) , a " visionary " who purchased the unabomber's cabin and had it moved to his backyard , is withholding the film from the studio , insisting that the first screening be held at the junket . desperate to win over the press , the studio elects to hire lee ( billy crystal ) , a recently fired publicist , to salvage the situation . lee hopes to turn lemons into lemonade by convincing eddie and gwen to pretend to be on the road to reconciliation . he enlists the help of kiki ( julia roberts ) , gwen's sister , personal assistant and whipping girl . what lee doesn't know is that kiki is in love with eddie , a fact that could temper her effectiveness . press junkets are a haven for control freaks . studios fly journalists in from around the world and put them up in a plush hotel , with food and drink always at hand . generally , on the evening of their arrival , writers are bussed to see the featured film , then ferreted straight back to the hotel . the next day , writers go to the studio suites and assemble in groups of five or six for roundtable interviews . every 30 minutes or so , a producer , director , writer or actor is brought into the room for a few minutes of questions , with a publicist hovering in the corner to keep an eye on things . the atmosphere is one of cordial oppression – writers are free to ask what they want , but understand that if the studio dislikes a question , they may not be invited to future junkets . representatives from tv stations face even more restrictions . they get roughly five minutes to interview each member of the cast and crew , with the studio filming the exchanges . the " reporters " are notorious for tossing softball questions as they suck up to the stars , but to play it safe , the studios stand ready to erase the tapes if anything unpleasant occurs . placing two spoiled actors in a setting where image is everything is inspired , but the screenplay undermines the conceit . the junket is moved from the handsome , but highly confining , four seasons hotel to a plush resort near las vegas . for most of the film , the movie stars run around the sprawling grounds , completely safe from the eyes of the press . when they do deal with journalists , the " it is imperative that you be on your best behavior in front of the reporters " premise is de-clawed . gwen and eddie insult each other while the tv cameras roll , they scream at each other in a restaurant filled with the media and , at the screening of the movie , everyone connected with the film goes nuts , all without any repercussions . lee certainly isn't bothered by any of the infantile outbursts ; in fact , he makes arrangements for footage of even more inappropriate behavior to be delivered to the tabloids . is the studio angry about his handling of the combative actors ? hell no – they feel lee is a genius for garnering so much publicity for the movie . all of which underscores how billy crystal and co-writer peter tolan screwed up their own premise : the comedy in " america's sweethearts " is based on barely-in-control people trying to contain themselves in the presence of reporters , except that it doesn't matter because any publicity is good publicity . and thus the very set-up for the film implodes , leaving smoke and dust in place of laughter . so what about the cast ? julia roberts , at her best playing the underdog , is utterly charming here , although i could have lived without flashbacks that exist solely as an excuse to show her in a fat suit ( and not a very convincing one , by the way ) . catherine zeta-jones makes a believable brat and john cusack fleshes out his obsessed character enough to make him vaguely sympathetic . by casting himself as the publicist , billy crystal allows himself to do roughly the same thing he does on " comic relief " - stay on the sidelines of the action while tossing off cornball jokes and snarky remarks . in supporting roles , hank azaria wears out his welcome fast with broad gestures and a spanish accent that speedy gonzales would have deemed " too broad . " seth green is amusing as a toadie , stanley tucci is very good as a ruthless studio head and christopher walken plays the eccentric director with suitable flair , though he has little to work with . come to think of it , " little to work with " is the operative phrase for this movie . as a hollywood satire , " america's sweethearts " is toothless . as a romance , it is at best a minor pleasure . such a good cast , such a waste of their efforts . had it not been taken long ago , a better title for the film would have been " much ado about nothing . " 
shining in such classics as willy wonka and the chocolate factory and young frankenstein , gene wilder is easily a big pull for renting a comedy movie . there's just something different ( and funny ) about his voice , his face , and his physical humor . that's how start the revolution without me grabbed me off the comedy shelf , and i'm here to help you through not letting that happen to you . philippe ( wilder ) and pierre ( sutherland ) are rich french gentlemen . they have to make some type of agreement on a treaty and are traveling to france to do just that . when they dock , they do battle with a group of homeless pirates ( or something of the sort ) that claude ( wilder again ) and charles ( sutherland again ) are a part of . claude and philippe were separated at birth , the same with pierre and charles . so , naturally , the two get mixed up and are mistaken for the other two . when claude is taken to the king's palace and asked by the king's servant the kill the queen , the two have to escape and are sent into a madcap run around the house ( ? ) avoiding a maniac , a nymphomaniac , ( ? ) and the rest of the king's servants . they somehow start a war with the homeless pirates again that philippe and pierre are now ( unwillingly ) a part of , and they go to battle . i think that i laughed exactly twice in start the revolution without me . the film obviously has some problems , the main one being that wilder ( and the script ) go way over-the-top with the stupid quota on this one . it takes the fact that the twins are mixed up as the film's 100 minute joke . it also doesn't really help seeing what donald sutherland looked like when he was younger either . ( i actually do feel very sorry for him . ) but the worst thing is that the film breaks an alltime rule . any film with orson welles is either good or funny . horribly broken here as he appears for commentry before the film and as part of the film's extremely strange ending . ( that amazingly ends like some film with hair gel and a dog . ) this is a member of the film's that you could see if you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself club ( ftycsiyeipoyc is what i call it , and i do review so many of them . ) so start the revolution without me gets * star . the young-uns : the film contains some sexual references and the end has lots of gun battle . also , some young children may be confused by what is going on . good age : 7 & up 
i'm going to keep this one fairly short , folks . in fact , i'm not even going to attempt a plot summary because there isn't any plot in " black and white " . james toback , previously responsible for releasing the atrocious " two girls and a guy " on unsuspecting audiences back in 1997 , has created a true piece of garbage here . this is the kind of movie that screams for an nc-17 rating , being filled with fairly explicit sex scenes , constant violence , and more foul language than you hear in any quentin tarantino film . the mpaa rating system is supposed to keep kids from seeing a movie like this , but the theater i saw it in was filled with young high school students . i know it's naive to think that kids won't see a movie like this no matter what kind of rating it has , yet i can't help but think an nc-17 rating would have prevented at least a few kids from attending . first i'll try to cover what i liked about this movie , which shouldn't take too long . there are one or two slightly comical moments , though i can't seem to remember what they involved . that about sums up what i liked about this movie . i don't often award one or five star ratings , but i was very tempted to give only one to this piece of filth . i knew i was in trouble as soon as the film started with a semi-pornographic scene involving two of the main characters ( bijou phillips , power ) and one minor character in a threesome in the middle of the woods . i suppose the purpose of this scene was to convey how messed up these kids are , but it struck me as being present only for shock value . in fact , there are several sex scenes sprinkled throughout " black and white " which enhance the so-called story in no way . i will hand one thing to toback , he pulled in quite a cast . ben stiller , robert downey jr . , brooke shields , claudia schiffer , and the great joe pantoliano all make appearances in this god forsaken movie . stiller ( " there's something about mary " ) plays a gambler ( a somewhat autobiographical decision by toback i think ) who appears very few times and never quite fits in with the rest of the movie . robert downey jr . ( the horrendous " two girls and a guy " ) plays a gay man , who i believe was intended to be humorous but was simply vulgar instead . brooke shields ( " the blue lagoon " ) and claudia schiffer both show up in very minor roles , which distract the audience rather than add anything to the movie . last , but certainly not least , is joe pantoliano ( " the matrix " , " bound " ) , who is completely wasted as a father of two of the young , stupid characters . showing up in a hilariously pointless cameo is mike tyson himself . allow me to now point out the half dozen or so items which make this a horrendous movie . one , half the dialogue is completely unintelligble . the characters banter back and forth , swearing every other word and saying things which no one over the age of fifteen could possibly understand . two , there is no plot to speak of . there are a few subplots involving things like sports gambling and coping with ones identity , but none of these side stories are ever developed . three , i think this was supposed to be a profound look at racism and life in an inner city , but it succeeds only at insulting members of both races . fourth , there is no direction whatsoever . the movie jumps aimlessly from person to person and situation to situation without any idea where it is going . lastly , the film's ending left me with a sick feeling in my stomach . i normally don't give away plot points , but the movie's ending seems to imply that family can triumph over anything by doing things like pulling together to lie and cover up murders . " black and white " runs the longest 98 minutes you'll ever experience . i recommend it to absolutely no one and give it one and a half out of five stars . 
you know you're in big trouble when halfway through a movie you ask yourself , " what would be better ? sitting through the rest of this garbage or receiving a scratch to the retina ? " ultimately , the question is moot , since both are examples of ocular mayhem . the impulse as you sit through dungeons & dragons is to close your eyes , thereby shielding yourself from those atrocious computer-generated zooming up and down gaudily-colored castles and cloud-capped palaces . unfortunately , the sound design is so brutal with those sharp rings as swords clash , glitter dust swirls , and magic spells go whoosh that sleep is not a viable option . consider just this small aspect of the film : why is it that the main characters are dressed like tolkein's rangers but sound like the real world , some gaudy hybrid of conan the barbarian and star wars : episode i ? indeed , it's nearly impossible to look at the young empress savina ( thora birch , american beauty ) without thinking about natalie portman's headdress . say what you will about the george lucas film , portman did manage to appear regal . birch , on the other hand , comes off as a bubble-headed valley girl whose glib talk of equality for everyone would fit comfortably on the stage of a high school beauty contest . in our opening tracking shot across the sea , while dragons fly underfoot , we hear a ponderous voice-over throwing out strange names and places . we haven't been introduced to anyone yet , and i defy the viewer to make sense of it . what we do get is this : the mages are attempting to overthrow the empire of izmer , while the commoners struggle for equal rights . profion ( former academy award winner jeremy irons ) seeks the scepter to control the power of the golden dragons , but we also learn of an equally powerful rod which unites the red dragons . are you with me so far ? there's a quiz afterwards . it's around this time that we meet the two young thieves , ridley ( justin whalin ) and his silly black sidekick , step 'n' fetchit ( marlon wayans , requiem for a dream ) . actually , the wayans character is called snails , who will sacrifice anything , even his life if need be , to save massah . spike lee would have a field day with wayans' bug-eyed performance . of course , wayans is bringing it on himself -- he's clearly set up as the white man's burden and is handled as such . his final scene nails the coffin shut on my case . ridley and snails sneak into the inner sanctum of a wizard who has some sort of secret scroll ( another prop ) that the bad guys are after . as the good guys set off on their adventure , they team up with a young magician ( zoe mclellan ) who never actually uses her magic -- she's too busy waiting for the boys to rescue her . since jeremy irons only wants to pick up his paycheck for this film , he sends the sinister damodar ( bruce payne ) in hot pursuit . together , the thieves , the young magician , and a few other trusty sidekicks run through a series of hoops , with the crazy kids wandering through forests and towns , thieves' mazes , and enemy castles . to keep things entertaining , they never let up on their sarcastic repartee , slapping each other high-fives . meanwhile , snails ponders the immortal question , " massah , why do you always get to save the girl while i go after the dwarf ? " riddle me that , batman ! the sorry excuse for a plot builds up to an elaborate , if incomprehensible , dragon war . buildings are smashed , swords are drawn , and the sky runs red with blood ( actually , computer generated clouds that might have been swell in tomb raider but won't be fooling anyone here ) . jeremy irons gets to stand at the top of a tower cackling , contorting his face , and , ultimately , destroying his career with such aplomb that i wonder when he'll work in this town again . is there anything good which can be said about dungeons & dragons ? fans of the role-playing game will be distressed as they see their beloved world contorted into a travesty . those who loved the saturday morning cartoon will wonder why the filmmakers didn't simply use that cute , kid-friendly story as source material . everyone else out there is on their own . just pretend this review is a large iron gate where , written large , are the words abandon hope , all ye who enter here . postscript : there is one good thing i can say about the film , which perhaps will be of little interest to anyone who never saw the wonderful british sci-fi show , doctor who . my boyhood hero , tom baker , who played the good doctor throughout the '70s , makes a cameo appearance in d&d as the lord of the elves . it made me feel good to know that he is still getting work . 
( warner brothers ) running time : 134 minutes ( 2 hours 14 minutes ) starring dustin hoffman , sharon stone , samuel l . jackson directed by barry levinson with his successful books and movies , michael crichton is doing well . with early successes with westworld ( 1973 ) and coma ( 1978 ) , and recent films such as jurassic park ( 1993 ) , his films have been entertaining . however , he seems to taken a wrong turn somewhere with sphere . this $100 million mess by good director barry levison ( disclosure ) is dull , long winded , and a huge disappointment . considering the huge budget , the all star cast , and a story by crichton , sphere is majorly disappointing . the film opens with norman goodman ( hoffman ) , a psychologist who thinks he is visiting an airplane crash to console the survivors . however , when he arrives , he his told by supervisor barnes ( peter coyote ) that he is actually investigating an spacecraft . along with goodman is mathematician harry adams ( jackson ) , biologist beth halperin ( stone ) and ted fielding ( liev schrieber . ) they investigate the spaceship , find a massive sphere inside , meet an alien intelligence called jerry , and basically weird crap happens . unfortunately , something went wrong along the way with sphere . the film starts off entertaining enough , but throughout this very long movie , it just gets sillier and sillier . the film jaunts along from scene to scene , never fully explaining what is going on . the actors and directing don't help , either . hoffman is on autopilot ( and almost seems embarrassed ) throughout the movie , churning out dull lines , and probably wondering what the hell he is doing in this movie . stone is useless , displaying no emotion , and fails to convince the audience that she has any feelings for hoffman . the only person who seems to be having fun in this movie is jackson , who's funny as the mathematician who slowly goes crazy and entering the sphere . but he's hardly in it , and by the end of the film he is just as dull as hoffman and stone . the same goes for peter coyote , who hams it up as the officer , but is then killed off halfway through . the director , barry levinson , who directed the better crichton adaptation disclosure ( 1994 ) messes up with the drama and the action . the drama scenes are , quite frankly , boring , and the action scenes suffer from overkill , with levison throwing the camera all over the place ( much like the godawful speed 2 , 1997 ) the writing doesn't help much , either . although crichton is great with plots , he's terrible with dialogue , and practically every line in sphere is a dud . the speech is too simple , i was hoping it would be a bit more intelligent . practically every line is just stating the obvious . none of it is smart . also , where the hell did the budget go ? the sphere itself is impressive , and there's a few nice special effect shots , but where the $100 million went is anyone's guess . there's a giant squid attack in the picture , but not once does the audience see the squid , even though the film has a massive budget . i assume the picture was trying to build up tension by not showing the squid , and if handled correctly it probably would . but the whole scene is done badly , and i was just hoping we could see the stupid squid . finally , the film has no idea what genre to be . levison can't handle his own plot . it leaps from hokey sci-fi , to horror , and finally the shining/event horizon psychological thriller . and , of course , the film is very much like the abyss ( 1988 ) , although in it's defense , crichton did write sphere before the abyss was released ( and is far superior to this rubbish . ) it's not all that bad though . the plot is all right , there's a few jump scenes ( although nothing very scary ) and there's the occasionally interesting bit . but overall , sphere is a big waste of some fine talent , a lot of money , and a potentially good movie . not really worth seeing . overall rating= review by david wilcock 
millennium starts with an incredibly fake model of a boeing 747 skipping the tops of clouds , bumping all over the place . we go to the cockpit , where the crew is drawling atc clearances , and the captain , for some reason , so senile that he's taking orders from his first officer . inexplicably , the airplane has a mid-air with a dc-10 . on the way down , the flight engineer's sent to the back . he returns as promptly , shouting " the passengers are all dead ! " and thus is the crux of the story . kris kristofferson plays the chief investigator for the national transportation safety board ( ntsb ) . you know he knows his stuff : he looks unkempt , walks like he has more aches and pains than james gardner , and growls out the smallest line . when he smiles , it looks like his face is going to collapse from the effort . clearly an expert . as he investigates the crash , he discovers various oddities : watches that run backwards , for example . and a " thing " that manages to stun him . spoilers are at the end of this article . the above makes the plot sound pretty interesting , right ? wrong * . this is a * horrible * movie . the pits . pure , un- pretentious , regurgitated crap . the acting sucks . the direction sucks . the production values are non-existent . the special effects are laughable . the dialog is lousy , fake , and contrived . technically , the producers clearly haven't the foggiest idea of how the ntsb works ( kristofferson to press conference : " we'll have our findings for you in a couple of days , just hold your questions " ) . the thing which eventually gets kristofferson in hot water with his bosses in washington is sop for the " real " ntsb . cheryl ladd looks like a high-school girl who's just discovered makeup . suffice it to say that this movie isn't worth seeing . five minutes into it , i seriously debated running out and negotiating a ticket-swap with " the package . " this movie is pure trash . a zero rating ( out of four ) . an utterly forgettable movie , one which i am embarrassed to even admit having spent the time watching . but even worse , since about a quarter of the movie is run * twice * , in the form of an alternative-future flashback . so we get to see the same , horrible acting and implausible situations for * 1/2 the running time of the movie * . in other words , yes , folks , we finally have an sf flick this summer that's worse ( * much * * much * worse ) than star trek v ( makes stv look like academy award material , folks ) . 
my inner flag was at half-mast last year when nick at nite pulled " dragnet " reruns off the air . sure , i'd seen them all at least once , but i could always count on at least a few inadvertent laughs from ultra-serious jack webb when there was nothing else on tv . even though " dragnet " is out of circulation at the moment , we webb anti-fans still have the d . i . , a 50's propaganda piece for the military that is almost as hilarious as the famous " blue boy " episode of " dragnet . " for anyone like me who got laughs out of webb's rapid-fire speeches and straight-faced seriousness , think of the d . i . as what would happen if sgt . joe friday ever enlisted , because he plays exactly the same character here , a no-nonsense old fart who looks with disdain at the younger generation and loves to give long- winded , melodramatic speeches on any topic . in this election year , i'm more convinced than ever that webb and bob dole were separated at birth . the movie opens in characteristic fashion as one recruit after another knocks on webb's office door and enters . he gives each one a different series of cranky criticisms before the credits come up . the " produced and directed by jack webb " card pretty much goes without saying . this is his movie all the way , and after the first twenty minutes of him chewing out his recruits for no reason , i was wondering if there would even be a plot . i certainly would have been entertained by an hour and a half of trademark webb rants , but the d . i . gives us more -- much more . webb's mission is to make a man out of private owens , the local screw-up . the captain gives webb three days to convert owens into marine material or , the captain will " personally cut the lace off his panties and ship him out myself . " ( whether the " lace panties " part refers to webb or owens remains unanswered . ) this , of course , gives webb an excuse to focus all his crotchety energy on making owens' life a living hell . for those of you who haven't been indoctrinated into the pleasures of webb watching , here's a reprint of a typical monologue of his . i can't duplicate his hilarious delivery on paper , but the words should at least partially convey what i'm talking about . . . " now you listen to me , youngster . someday you'll wake up fighting on a beach and you'll pray to god somebody doesn't get killed because of your foolishness . . . i've got a headline for you : every time you make one of those little mistakes of yours , you're gonna turn around and i'll be standing right there . " i couldn't write down all the reprintable dialogue from the d . i . ( nearly all of it belongs in the bad movie hall of fame ) , but i tried to include some of the more noteworthy lines , like one from the scene where webb unwinds from a hard day's work by going to the local bar ( where he orders a tomato juice ) . he meets a woman who , coincidentally , also orders tomato juice but walks away from a typically-stimulating conversation with webb to flirt with his arch-rival , another marine d . i . webb marches over to the table , gets up in her face and says , " just what kind of a dame do you think you are ? " bogart he ain't . the other d . i . gets one of the few memorable non-webb lines when he confesses to the girl , " he's a damn good d . i . . . . i guess i'm just a little jealous . " join the club , we're all jealous of jack webb's way with women , which is showcased even more amusingly in a later scene , as webb finds his way to the woman's place of employment , a lingerie store , and stands around looking incredibly flustered at the negligees on display . " you expect me to talk to you . . . in _here_ ? ! " he exclaims , no doubt intimidated by the barrage of bras . the woman goes off to help a customer , leaving webb to fend for himself once again in this palace of estrogen . a little girl spots him in the store and demands , " what are you doing in here . . . you're a man , aren't you ? " he doesn't reply , but you know he's thinking in his head , " what an odd species of human -- so small . must be one of those children everyone's been talking about . " this poor girl , scarred for life by her early encounter with jack webb , would later swear off the male gender entirely , just one of the many lesbian conversions he's responsible for . the movie doesn't focus too closely on webb's romance , it also continues the owens subplot with probably the most memorable scene in the entire movie , where webb forces his platoon to spend the entire night searching the ground for a flea owens killed during one of their drills . after two privates hatch a scheme to present webb with the wrong dead flea , webb asks owens , " was that flea you killed a male or female ? " owens replies , " a male , sir . " webb yells to the platoon , " this ain't the one ! " that such a scene ( along with the rest of the movie ) was intended to be taken seriously defies comment . but we know it was all presented with the utmost seriousness when a title card at the end thanks the marines not only for their cooperation in the making of the d . i . , but for iwo jima , guadalcanal and every other major battle of the first half of the 20th century . webb held the military in such high esteem that all the soldiers in the movie ( with the exception of owens ) were played by actual marines . someone wanting to parody this movie couldn't do a more comical job than webb did . it makes it all the more ironic ( like raeeyain on your wedding day ) that the man had no sense of humor himself . there's a scene in the movie where the guys are on their break time discussing something and one of them breaks into laughter . webb bursts in the room and shouts , " what did i tell you about laughing ? ! " to which the private replies , " sir , only nine-year-old girls laugh , sir ! " and let me tell you , i was as happy as a nine-year- old girl while watching this movie . 
sydney lumet is the director whose work happens to be of varied quality . he is praised for some of the most important films of the previous decades , like twelve angry men , serpico or the verdict . but , in the same time , almost any of such pearls is followed by stinkers that hamper lumet's reputation . a stranger among us , 1992 rip-off of peter weir's witness , belongs to the latter category . the heroine of this movie is emily eden ( melanie griffith ) , tough lady cop who sometimes shows too much enthusiasm in battling bad guys on the streets of new york . during one of such actions , her partner nick ( jamey sheridan ) got hurt and as a result , she becomes depressed . in order to help her recover , bosses give her rather easy task of locating missing jeweller who belonged to hassidic jew community . emily starts investigation and soon realises that the case involves murder . concluding that the perpetrator belongs to community , she decides to go undercover . that isn't easy , because her modern manners are colliding with traditionalist ways . things get even more complicated when she develops feelings for young cabalistic scholar ariel ( eric thal ) . using peter weir's formula isn't the greatest flaw of this film . even the lame and unispiring crime mystery subplot works to the certain extent . but the worst insult to viewer's audience is terrible miscasting of melanie griffith . the author of this review never liked this actress very much , but she was at least tolerable in some of her roles . role of emily eden , unfortunately , isn't one of them . first of all , she can't pass for tough nypd street fighter , and her attempt to pass for orthodox jewish woman isn't much better . screenplay by robert j . avrech makes things even worse with some formulaic red herring subplots ( scene involving two italian gangsters was almost too painful to watch ) . but , on the other hand , other actors are more convincing ( lee richardson as an old rabbi , thal as ariel and charming mia sara as his intended bride ) , and the photography by andrzej bartkowiak very effectively creates atmosphere of warmth when the scenes take place in hassidic community . also , the film might educate viewers about hassidic culture . that is the only thing that prevents it from turning into total waste of time . 
that's exactly how long the movie felt to me . there weren't even nine laughs in nine months . it's a terrible mess of a movie starring a terrible mess of a man , mr . hugh grant , a huge dork . it's not the whole oral-sex/prostitution thing ( referring to grant , not me ) that bugs me , it's the fact that grant is annoying . not just adam sandler-annoying , we're talking jim carrey-annoying . since when do eye flutters and nervous smiles pass for acting ? but , on the other hand , since when do really bad slapstick ( a fistfight in the delivery room culminating in grant's head in joan cusack's lap--a scene he paid $60 to have included in the movie ) and obscene double entendres ( robin williams , the obstetrician , tells grant's pregnant girlfriend she has " a big pussy , " referring of course to the size of the cat hairs on her coat , but nonetheless , grant paid $60 to have the exchange included in the movie ) pass for comedy ? nine months is a predictable cookie-cutter movie with no originality in humor or plot . hugh grant plays a successful child psychiatrist . why a child psychologist ? so the scriptwriters could inject the following unfunny exchange : 
i admit it . i thought arnold schwarzenegger had a knack for comedy when he made twins and true lies . watching him in jingle all the way , i wondered why anyone ever thought he could carry such a lame movie targeted at susceptible kids . it was one thing to scare the crap out of kids with the pg-13 kindergarten cop , but parents who let small children see this movie will have to explain themes of violence , alcohol consumption , burglary , racism and child molestation . and you know they'll burst out in tears when arnold punches one of santa's elves . he later decks a reindeer . hey , man , why don't you just kick the easter bunny in the nuts while you're at it ? jingle all the way is formula crap that follows the if someone falls on his ass , it must be funny school of thought . arnold , sinbad and phil hartman crash to the ground more times in this movie than a special olympics hockey team , and the movie dredges up more cliche and less believability with each successive scene . what can you expect from a movie whose entire premise is that two parents can't find a rare toy on christmas eve , and will do anything to get one ? arnold is , of course , one of the parents , a crack salesman who is never there for his son . he races from the office to his son's karate game , only to find out he missed it . and his kid distrusts him because he's never around . ( gee , we haven't seen that in a movie before . ) arnold the absentee father becomes convinced that the only way to buy back his son's affection is to get him a turboman doll , which his wife ( rita wilson , who will never be the breadwinner of the hanks household choosing roles like this ) told him to get weeks ago . so arnold sets out to find a turboman , which turns out to be more rare than the tickle me elmo was when jingle all the way came out . let me back up for a minute here -- arnold's kid is totally obsessed with this turboman character , which is unhealthy beyond belief . watches the show , eats the cereal , sleeps on the freakin' turboman sheets . i'd try to discourage any further obsession myself , lest any kid seeing this movie think it's a wonderful thing to con your dad into racing out to buy you any toy you want . but nooooo , the climax of jingle all the way has arnold dressed up as turboman in a parade , exonerating himself of all wrongdoing in the eyes of wife and son , who don't recognize him until the last minute . this is a sad movie all the way through , but it only gets worse after the opening scenes of arnold and mailman sinbad stampeding through a store , racing off to the mall and hooking up with a santa ( jim belushi ) who runs a bootleg toy factory . most painful to watch is a scene at a radio station , where sinbad holds off the cops with a letter bomb after beating up the deejay ( an embarrassed martin mull ) who said he was giving away a turboman doll . capitalism has produced some pretty evil things ( chia pets ) , but this ode to excess and violent consumerism is one of the most shameful . never mind the subplot with perfect neighbor phil hartman trying to seduce wilson while arnold is off shopping ( " your cookies are incredible " ) , it's the main plot of the movie that sends the message that it's okay to do whatever it takes to get your hands on what you want . maybe that's what christmas is like at the schwarzenegger house , but not at mine . visit the movie critic at large homepage at http : //www . missouri . edu/~c667778/movies . html close to 1 , 000 reviews with a comedic flair . . . 
cast - ben affleck , gary sinise , charlize theron , dennis farina , james frain , donal logue , danny trejo , clarence williams iii , issac hayes . directed by - john frankenheimer written by - ehren kruger produced by - marty katz , chris moore , bob weinstein ( rating )  motion picture association of america - r ( restricted ) , rated r for strong violence , language and sexuality . running length - 105 minutes distributor - dimension films if this person were alive today , the inventor of the gun might be troubled by the lack of use of them at the proper time in 'reindeer games' . while there really are no good guys in this film , how many times have we seen the hollywood cliche of the villains holding someone at gun point while the audience is frustrated that the silly and simple action of pulling the trigger doesn't come at the right time . even when we don't want to see someone get shot in the picture because he or she is the hero , it still smacks of a lack of credibility . the only time i found this acceptable was in the old 'batman' t . v . series , where the villains wouldn't or couldn't shoot straight and the dynamic duo was always put into some kind of campy trap from which they always managed to escaped . to roughly quote 1976's 'network' , " no matter how much trouble the hero is in , just look at your watch and you'll know when all will be resolved " . by rights , ben affleck should have died about five times throughout the course of 'reindeer games' and while i'm not giving away the fact as to whether he lives or dies in the film , the keyword for this film is " duh " ! affleck plays rudy , a convict on the verge of release where , when released , he will meet with a young woman who will help him get his life back on track , supposedly . he's never met her and she's never met him . they met through letters written . but wait ! this is only a smoke screen . rudy passes himself off as his cell mate , a man who was killed in a prison riot who was supposed to meet this woman . while finding the company of women irresistible after getting released , rudy gets more than he bargained for when his new main squeeze ashley ( charlize theron ) , has a supposed brother named gabriel ( gary sinise ) who wants rudy to help him knock over a casino . it seems that rudy's cell mate wrote ashley that he used to work at this casino , run on a native american reservation in michigan , near detroit , and gabriel , thinking this is him , wants instructions on the casino's construction , pattern of security and other tidbits of information that will make the casino heist successful . of course , rudy can only bluff his way through the scam since he isn't the right or real person intended for this crime . the film is so full of plot holes , you could drive a transport truck through its openings and believe me , they try this also ! at one point rudy tries to explain that he isn't the right man and a hand written letter is produced by gabriel so to establish if this is really the right guy , why didn't they just take a sample of rudy's hand writing to see if it's the same guy . rudy also has several chances to contact the police but we see that admitting to the police that he is being held by criminals would be a violation of his parole , therefore landing him back in the slammer . even if this is beyond his control ? several confrontations between the characters are also laughable and the film is full of smug humour and novice plot twists that don't seem exciting , plausible or even remotely entertaining and something is also wrong when the leading man can't get any support from the audience . director john frankenheimer ( 'the manchurian candidate' , 'birdman of alcatraz' 'grand prix' , 'black sunday' and more recently 'ronin' , directs this film with his usual look of perplexity . the trouble is , that while crafting his vision for this film , he overlooked the flaws in the screenplay by ehren kruger who wrote 1999's 'arlington road' , a crackling thriller about terrorism and 'reindeer games' doesn't even look like it's written by the same guy . perhaps the desire to be completely different threw kruger off course and he faltered badly with this film . several other mishaps that make the film somewhat aloof involve rudy trying to make an escape from the casino and getting caught in the wilderness . we see that he has a knack for hot wiring cars . there are plenty around in this scene . why not just hi-jack one and make a run for it . oh , the irony of it . geeeeeesh ! characters played by dennis farina , james frain , donal logue , danny trejo , clarence williams iii , and issac hayes are given no real focus and some of them have major time on screen and this is only an added and unwanted annoyance . john frankenheimer has tried his hand at hack second rate pictures before such as '52 pick-up' , 'the holcroft covenant' and 'year of the gun' and had little or no success with them . he is a director capable of so much more but falls into the rut of making movies like 'reindeer games' and for a man whose been in the business for 50 years , you'd think he'd know better . it isn't evident here . perhaps a better name for this film would have been 'silly games' . 
 directed by greg arraki starring james duval , rachel true , kathleen robertson , ryan phillippe , sarah lassez , christina applegate gregg araki's the doom generation was possibly the very worst film ever made . so why did i see his latest teen bisexual angst opus ? first of all , some of the reviews were fairly positive . also , the cast , consisting of cameos from dozens of washed up ex tv stars ( including christopher knight , eve plumb , shannen doherty , and david leisure ) was promising . last of all , i wanted to give arraki one more chance . i mean , the guy can't be that untalented , can he ? the answer to that question is three letters long . nowhere follows the character dark on his wild and odd journey through los angeles . since arraki doesn't know how to make anything coherent , it's hard to describe the plot . let's just say that dark spends the bulk of the movie whining that his girlfriend won't make a commitment to him and jealous because she sleeps around with other guys and girls . the only remotely compelling storyline involves sarah lassez as a teen who has a chance encounter with a famous tv star . he turns out to be a nice guy who doesn't care for fame and wishes he could walk down the street without being mobbed by fans . this story has a shocking twist and a tragic end that i did not see coming . it is the first time i ever felt any compassion for a character created by arraki , and this can be attributed to the appealing performance of lassez . i thought maybe arraki was improving in his craft . he works better with the camera this time around , especially in the early scenes . halfway through the film , i didn't necessarily find myself enjoying the film , but it seemed like a considerable improvement on the doom generation . then as the movie went on , arraki loses all sensibility and introduces us to exploding heads , twisted sex games , and alien abductions . it's sad , because he almost actually had some decent material here , but he ruined it with his usual in your face " i'm such a renegade maverick filmmaker , look what i can do " attitude . the performances are generally better than in the doom generation , which isn't saying much . at least we don't have to suffer jonathan " i am the most hideous man in america " schaech . we are , however treated to another round of james " i'm more wooden than keanu " duval . sarah lassez gives the best performance in the film , and kathleen robertson ( formerly of 90210 and now arraki's wife ) and rachel true are talented actresses caught up in this mess . of the tv star cameos , john ritter is the most interesting as a deranged right wing tv evangelist . if i prefer nowhere to the doom generation , it is only in the way that i would prefer being assassinated than receive constant physical torture . maybe greg arraki doesn't want you to like his characters . maybe he wants to laugh and make fun of those of us who try to care about them . maybe he just wanted to piss me off . if so , he was successful . 
for more reviews and movie screensavers , visit http : //www . joblo . com/based on the 1960s tv series that i had never seen or heard of before this movie ( be happy , i won't bore you with any lame and unnecessary comparisons ) , this film allows will smith to take a third stab at the independence day weekend box-office , after scoring huge successes with men in black ( 7/10 ) , directed by the same man who controlled this one , and independence day ( 6/10 ) . can you say . . . the third times not a charm ? plot : james west and artemus gordon are chosen by the president to find the man responsible for the kidnapping of the nation's top scientists , and threatening to take over the united states within a week . critique : i did not laugh once during this entire picture . when you consider that this film is a part-comedy , that's not a very good sign . i also did not tense up or particularly enjoy any of its unenergetic action sequences which provided me with little more than a few minutes time to think back to the lovely salma hayek scenes . when you consider that the other " part " of this film is geared as an action/adventure , i would say that this another negative sign . and when you consider that the first hour of the film was boring and a little slow , the story-line tired , reminiscent of swiss cheese and uninvolving , and the special effects interesting but worth very little inside a plot filled with lame one-liners , weak characterizations and an anti-climactic end , you pretty much have the gist of my impression of this " big " summer blockbuster . it blows . or as they say in french , " eet blows " . could it be that the script was crappy because it took four people to write it ? maybe . could it be that most of the special effects don't show up until the last half hour , and even then , we don't see anything that its trailers hadn't already given away ? perhaps . or could it be that we have come to expect so much more from will smith and hollywood big-budget movies , that we cannot help but evaluate them on a scale onto their own ? naaaaaaah ! a bad movie is a bad movie . on a positive note , i could honestly say that i did very much enjoy the lovely performance by the adorable salma hayek , who seemed underused ( in my humble opinion ) , and lit up every bubbly scene that she was hardly in . branagh was also fun as the scenery-munching , over-the-top bad guy , but that's pretty much where the entertainment-buck stopped . smith and kline were static at best , the plot full of holes , and the score insignificant and derivative of a dozen others . i would strongly advise anyone not to see this movie . then again , there is that one scene with the lovely salma hayek tied up in a cage . . . huh . . . oh yeah , but the rest of the movie sucked . little known facts about this film and its stars : will smith has starred in two of the ten all-time top grossing films worldwide : 1997's summer blockbuster men in black ( 7/10 ) , for which he also recorded the grammy-winning title song , and 1996's independence day ( 6/10 ) . he once turned down a scholarship to mit to pursue his singing career . kevin kline is a graduate of the juilliard school of drama , and has been married to the cute-as-a-button actress phoebe cates since 1989 . they have two kids together , greta simone and owen . one of the buildings that gets blown up in this film has " kasdan " written on it . lawrence kasdan is a director known to have worked with kevin on five of his movies , including the big chill , silverado , i love you to death , grand canyon and french kiss . salma hayek gave up a successful career as a major television star in latin america and moved to the united states to start over , even though she spoke no english . she made her feature film debut as an actress with a small role in allison anders' mi vida loca ( no , not the rickie martin video ! ) and played her first starring role in robert rodriguez's desperado opposite antonio banderas . since then , she has made an appearance in each one of rodriguez's films . she stands 5'2 " , was born in southeast mexico , and the daughter of a lebanese father and a mexican mother . one of the actresses cast as branagh's lovely but lethal beauties includes bail ling , a stage and screen star in her native china who was last seen starring opposite dick gere in red corner ( 7/10 ) . another is dutch-born frederique van der wal , who is one of the world's most recognized supermodels , having graced the cover of cosmopolitan numerous times , as well as harper's bazaar , vogue and mademoiselle . 
the happy bastard's quick movie reviewthe concept of enjoying a stupid comedy is best realized as keeping it stupid , really . shift gears even once and the audience can be thrown miserably out of control . sadly , that is the case with kingpin , a film directed by the farrelly brothers , the duo that brought us there's something about mary and dumb and dumber . since the duo directed and didn't write the script , i can assume that's part of the problem . the story seems good enough : a pro bowler in the 1970's by the name of roy munson ( woody harrelson ) is sitting on top of the world . his popularity has gone through the roof and he's getting his career off the ground . then , however , he runs into ed mccracken ( bill murray ) , a rival bowler with hardly any real consideration for , well , anything . these two form an ill-timed relationship that involves risky betting , and , before roy sees it coming , ed's abandoned him and he's about to lose his hand in a bowling ball machine . forward seventeen years later , where roy has become quite the loser , complete with mechanical hand , torn-up car , and , of course , the occasional knocking up of the ugly-ass landlord to avoid paying rent for a while . however , he finds a glimmer of a hope upon a visit to a local bowling alley , where he runs into an amish kid named ishmael ( randy quaid ) , who has quite the bowling arm . with the kid's help , he figures he can be known again , particularly at the biggest bowling tournament rapidly approaching in reno , nevada . of course , the amish kid needs some coaxing , particularly when you consider , well , he's amish . this leads to some of the best comic scenes in the film , such as roy's process of removing horseshoes or milking the cow . finally , the duo get on the road and , along the way , pick up an additional helper- a beautiful hustler ( played by the gorgeous vanessa angel ) . the main problem i had with kingpin wasn't the fact it wasn't funny . in fact , it does have some rather hilarious scenes in it , such as the aformentioned above and roy's explanation of not having children ( something involving a cheese grater ? ) . but that's just it- scenes . there's a couple of really serious scenes that throw off the entire momentum of the movie , like the abuse angel takes from her hustler ex-boyfriend . i mean , was this really necessary ? couldn't have this been handled just a bit wackier ? i mean , this is a comedy , why throw ethics in ? particularly in a farrelly brothers vehicle , where hair gel can be easily mistaken ? that really ruined it , however , and that's too bad . the acting is top notch , especially from angel and murray , and the really funny scenes are worth noting . still , if you're going to think dumb , think dumb all the way through , ok ? at least the farrelly brothers got back on track with mary or i'd still be a little bit irked . 
rated pg-13 universal pictures starring hank azaria , janeane garofalo , william h . macy , kel mitchell , paul reubens , ben stiller , wes studi , greg kinnear , lena olin , geoffrey rush , tom waits , eddie izzard , claire forlani based on the comic book by bob burden written by neil cuthbert directed by kinka usher it could have been a summer hit ; perhaps the beginning of a much-needed franchise for universal pictures . the superheroes-without-superpowers storyline seemed to appeal to all of us underachieving americans . so where did " mystery men " go wrong ? in my opinion , at almost every turn . " mystery men " is the story of 7 self-made-heroes out to fight supervillain cassanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) in order to get back their real superhero , captain amazing ( greg kinnear ) . the film is supposed to be a mockery of comic-book action franchises , but the jokes just aren't funny at all . the only real high-notes in an " all-star " cast ( which includes paul reubens a . k . a pee wee herman ) are ben stiller and janeane garofalo , who each have the talent to make any line into a sardonic , cynical catchphrase . while the film's basic idea sounds like fun , " mystery men " is actually somewhat of a bore thanks to neil cuthbert's one-note script and kinka usher's wannabe-hip-and-stylish direction . even as a comedy sketch , there wouldn't be much to " mystery men " , so why torture us with a feature film ? " mystery men " also disappointed at the box office , so thankfully , no sequel is being planned . a capsule review by akiva gottlieb , the teenage movie critic akiva@excite . com teenagemoviecritic . 8m . com get free voicemail , fax and email at http : //voicemail . excite . com talk online at http : //voicechat . excite . com 
review by lars lindahl ( larsattacks@mail . com ) " double jeopardy " ( 1999 )  tommy lee jones chases an innocent victim around america who is trying to prove that she did not kill her spouse . the fugitive ? not quite…this is the plot for double jeopardy , another fugitive copycat without the action , excitement , and good acting that the original had . there are other slight differences besides one movie being bad and the other good ; this time tommy lee jones plays a parole officer not a us marshall , clever huh ? oh and the fugitive ashley judd was framed by her own husband ( bruce greenwood ) who needed to collect two million dollars in life insurance money not a one armed man . both movies are on video . make the wise choice and pick the fugitive . there are so many flaws in double jeopardy , it is laughable . while serving time in prison , libby parsons ( judd ) discovers that she can never be charged for committing the same crime twice . learning that her husband is still alive , she decides to serve her time in prison , find him , retrieve her son , and kill her husband if necessary . when the strict parole officer travis lehman ( jones ) stands in her way , libby decides to break the rules ( who knows why ? ) and continue her plan , despite the fact that if she gets caught , she's going back to jail . director bruce beresford spends way too much time trying to convince the audience that libby misses her son . every other scene , we are given a shot of libby staring and crying at his picture . in an action movie like this , valuable time wasted on these shots takes away more opportunities for libby to get up and do something . all that is needed in this type of movie is a short scene in which libby tells herself or a friend " i miss my son . " nothing more , nothing less . dr . kimble of the fugitive didn't look at one picture of his dead wife , his primary concern was to save himself . libby at times shows this same determination but not nearly enough . ashley judd and bruce greenwood both are excellent actors but if they continue to do movies like this , they will be typecast for the rest of their careers , kind of like their doomed co-star tommy lee jones . winning an oscar for the fugitive must have convinced jones that audiences will never get tired of his i-do-my-job-whether-they-are-innocent-or-guilty roles . people still pay to see his movies and he makes plenty of money so i guess he was right . though i don't think he will win another oscar again . the ultimate mistake in the script is what eventually becomes of libby parsons . even if she was excused for disobeying her parole officer , the number of other crimes she commits while on the run are too numerous to count . burglary , assault , grand theft auto are some of libby's slipups . the message of the movie is you can break all of the small laws as long as you're innocent of the major crime . hopefully criminals won't use double jeopardy as a reference in court for why they are innocent . that would just be plain stupid . 
great . here i am , writing a review of yet another cheesy , clichéd , ben affleck romantic comedy in which i will probably be flamed by affleck fans , paltrow fans , romantics , teens , and widows . yeah… widows . why ? because bounce is the latest in a string of contrived romantic comedies to feature a man falling for a widow whom he helped to make a widow . yeah… it's our old friends bob and harvey weinstein , and this time they're capitalizing on plane crashes , public relations companies , alcoholics , and stalkers all in the same wicked stroke . here we have buddy amaral ( affleck ) , just a good-old sweet talking ad rep who happens to give a free first class plane ticket to a guy named greg ( tony goldwyn ) in order to sleep with mimi ( natasha henstridge… really , who wouldn't go for that ) ? of course , the plane crashes , and , wouldn't you know it , he happens to rep the airlines . so he does what any person would : he drinks . cut to a year later , and buddy's out of rehab and decides to take step 8 ( contact those you have wronged and make amends ) a little too seriously , and he begins following the widowed abby ( gwyneth paltrow ) , the former wife of greg . finding out that she's a realtor , he fixes it so he rips his own business off to the tune of $100 , 000 , making herself a double commission to boot . grateful as she is , she buys a couple of dodgers tickets and the two head down the eventless path towards true bliss . if this plot thrills you , or makes you coo , " ah , how sweet , " then please go see bounce . now . i'm sure you'll enjoy the paint-by-numbers romance . but let's face it , this is not exactly a great flick . in fact , it's downright terrible . in fact , the idea of being romanced by an alcoholic stalker named buddy is a little more silence of the lambs than sliding doors . writer-director don roos's last project , the opposite of sex , was one of the most honest films about homosexual stereotypes in recent years . and i'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he was trying to address issues of honesty and grieving , but this time he crashes and burns like the plush 747 o'hare red-eye that makes a fiery farewell . the performances are weak , the script couldn't hold up a toddler , and the emotional value is slightly above that of a couple of valium . sorry , gwen and ben , but even that oh-so-cute non-romance we read about at checkout lines daily can't salvage this wreck . 
what's the worst that could happen ? a film review by david n . butterworth copyright 2001 david n . butterworth if you've been following william fichtner's career ( and there's absolutely no reason why you should have ) , you might have noticed that he's played some rather similar roles over the years . like sully in " the perfect storm " --tough , gruff , and a little bit scary . or law in " albino alligator " --tough , gruff , and little bit scarier . or colonel william sharp in " armageddon , " or dwayne engelman in " strange days , " or even his brief appearance towards the beginning of " pearl harbor , " as the abusive father of danny--here is an actor who gravitates towards tough , gruff , hard-hitting roles . which is why his performance in " what's the worst that could happen ? " is such a shock , such a delight . in the film , fichtner plays a blonde haired , meticulously dressed , overtly effeminate , dog-loving detective . as alex tardio , fichtner's performance borders on caricature but goes beyond it . it borders on offensive but doesn't really manage it . and it borders on clichéd stereotype but doesn't quite succumb to that definition either . in a role so diametrically opposed to what the actor has played before we should have seen it coming , fichtner isn't perfect--you can see him struggling a little at times , concentrating a little too hard on the look as he swishes his hand through the air , or nuzzles a coiffed canine up close and personal--but he's pretty damned good , and silly , and without question the best thing in the film . in fact , had it not been for fitchner's sudden and bizarre appearance , and his jarring screen presence thereafter , i would have walked out , for " what's the worst that could happen ? " is mesmerizing in its awfulness , a poorly written , haphazardly edited , and totally unfunny ( yes , it stars martin lawrence and danny devito so how could that be possible ? ) moviegoing experience . fichtner's performance doesn't exactly save the film , and it's not like i'm recommending " what's the worst that could happen ? " solely on the strength of the actor's dramatic turnaround , but his contributions do raise the film's rating from no stars to one-and-a-half . thumbs up to fichtner then , and thumbs down--way , way , down--to everyone else involved in this sorry mess , a movie so dull and pedestrian and nonsensical it doesn't even warrant discussion . 
in the james bond film " diamonds are forever , " tiffany case asks 007 whether he prefers brunettes to redheads . bond's response is that it doesn't really matter , as long as collars and cuffs match . well , collars and cuffs don't match in " the real blonde . " what might have sounded good on paper ends up as a largely unfunny , meandering comedy on screen . the film , supposedly a satire of the superficiality of soap operas and the modeling business , is wafer thin . it plays like an " ally mcbeal " episode dragged out to the nth degree , replete with a few unnecessary " fantasy " sequences . writer/director tom dicillo manages the material as if poking fun at daytime dramas is a fresh idea . it isn't . the only surprise here is that the talented dicillo could make familiar terrain so dreary . matthew modine plays joe , a struggling actor waiting tables in order to pay the rent . he's 35 with no agent and no credits since he's too proud to take on roles in commercials or soap operas . " that's not really acting " he tells his girlfriend of six years , mary ( catherine keener ) , with whom he bickers constantly about sex . but they need the money , so joe finally agrees to take a part in a madonna video . but it's not really madonna starring in the video but a lookalike ( played by elizabeth berkley , still trying to jump-start her career after " showgirls " ) . this points out how artificial this whole business is , one supposes . dicillo has referred to " the real blonde " as " off-kilter , but an interesting combination of all sorts of stuff . . . " the film , which wanders all over the place without getting anywhere , is remarkably * on * -kilter and , with perhaps the single exception of the always-likable modine ( who's not afraid to stand around in a very unattractive bathing suit surrounded by hunks ) , the entire cast is vague and uninteresting . catherine keener , who's appeared in dicillo's previous three films ( including the brilliant " living in oblivion " ) , is at her most annoying in " the real blonde . " look at her closely ; she really can't act at all . her reactions are all wrong , almost always out of sync with her co-stars . she reacts too soon , or too late , to lines and situations . she moves her eyes , or her mouth , far too much . she frowns , she yells , she babbles--she blows chunks . maxwell caulfield plays joe's actor/waiter buddy bob , the one obsessed with dating a " natural " blonde . bob's personality ( not to mention caulfield's acting ability ) parallels that of the character he plays on the soap opera " passion crest " --stiff and uninteresting . maybe that's the point . daryl hannah is dim and uninteresting as the real blonde of the title , a soap dish who beds bob both on- and off-camera . hannah looks about fifty in this movie ( she's only 37 ) . why is that ? almost all the women in the film wear tops that show their nipples . why is that ! ? marlo thomas plays an uninteresting fashion photographer . kathleen turner plays an uninteresting talent agent . buck henry plays an uninteresting shrink . christopher lloyd plays an uninteresting caterer . and so on . the best parts of the " the real blonde " are the beginning and the end , brief scenes of an elderly woman losing and then finding her dog . there's more depth and sincerity in a single close-up of her expressive face than in the entire film . while this contrast is supposedly meant to highlight the shallowness of the other characters' lives , the only thing that makes shallow and superficial interesting is if it's funny . 
the back of the video box for arachnophobia is deceiving . it markets itself as a horror movie with a comedic side and it's anything but that . what begins as a cool idea for a horror movie ( out in the tropical rainforest ) trying to find old species of spiders and other creepy crawlies ( ok , i admit that word is extremely hokey . ) but once the film gets off to it's interesting start , and the story is set up , it's all down hill from there . ross ( daniels in one of his non-comedic roles ) and molly ( jane kozak ) have just moved to a lovely small town in california from san francisco . but he's frightened when his wife shows him a huge spider web in their barn because he's an arachnophobic , someone who is afraid of spiders . he's destined to become the local doctor when the town's current doctor retires , but when he decides not to throw in the towel yet , his job is insecure . when a throws a party for everyone in the town and someone is killed shortly thereafter he begins to wonder . naturally the spiders take over , killing and sucking the blood of all of the surrounding areas from their house . a spider from south america and a domestic house spider have bred a whole new deadly species who's headquarters is in ross's barn . it takes them more than three fourths of the movie to figure this out , but the movie shows you the solution in minutes . while having it's creepy moments , arachnophobia isn't that scary . hollywood has once again easily taken something that's almost harmless and turned it into the evil villain . everyone in the film realizes that they are in a cheesy movie and they pretty much play it to the limit . the film isn't funny at all ( but the video package won't tell you that . ) if you enjoy a film that will have you checking your bed , shower , or other household appliances for weeks , rent arachnophobia which gets  stars . the young-uns : the film contains some brief graphic spider bites and related goo and gore . it also contains some language . good age : 10 & up , if they can handle spiders a review by frankie paiva the 12 year-old movie reviewer e-mail at swpstke@aol . com visit my website at : http : //expage . com/page/teenagemoviecritic 
_reach_the_rock_ ( r )  ) " an intimate , character-driven drama about a troubled youth at a crossroads in his life , " read the press notes for _reach_the_rock_ . i'm not really sure what film that statement is describing because those words bear little resemblance to the slow , completely uninvolving bore i saw--at least , it certainly does not describe what goes on for most of the film . alessandro nivola plays robin fleming , a troubled , directionless 21-year-old who has a penchant for breaking storefront windows in a small town . police sergeant phil quinn ( william sadler ) takes him in , and what ensues for the first 70 minutes is a tedious series of sneak-outs and sneak-ins where robin slips out of his jail cell , breaks a window , then returns , all without quinn ever noticing . also added to the pointless proceedings is some would-be humorous shenanigans involving quinn's dimwitted deputy ernie attempting to engage in clandestine patrol car sex with his girlfriend donna ( karen sillas ) . with a half hour ( if even that long ) remaining , director william ryan and writer john hughes ( yes , john hughes of '80s youth films and _home_alone_ ) finally approach something close to a point . turns out robin still pines for his high school sweetheart lise ( brooke langton ) , who has long gone on with her life , and hughes's main concern at long last reveals itself as a tired " live in the present and for the future " message . most moviegoers , however , will likely be asleep by that time . wide awake , however , is the cast , who individually tackle their showcase dramatic scenes with energy and skill--thus revealing the _real_ purpose behind this listless enterprise : to serve as a series of acting exercises . such a glorified workshop may have its rewards for the actors , but it leaves audiences with a booby prize . ( opens october 16 ) 
susan granger's review of " america's sweethearts " ( columbia/sony ) what a waste of a talented cast ! billy crystal and co-writer peter tolan have concocted a sly , provocative premise and , as the opening credits roll , it's obvious that they're attempting an old-fashioned romantic comedy . the story involves a veteran publicist ( billy crystal ) who is summoned to orchestrate a press junket in las vegas when an arrogant director ( christopher walken ) holds a megabuck movie hostage in his editing room , refusing to show it to anyone . he figures that by giving the journalists juicy hints of a possible reconciliation between the film's once-married-but-now-estranged stars , gwen and eddie ( catherine zeta-jones , john cusack ) , they'll be so distracted that they won't remember they didn't see the movie or it wasn't what they expected . ( and crystal thought of this long before a sony exec concocted the phony critic/david manning quote scandal ! ) for help , he turns to gwen's personal assistant/sister ( julia roberts ) . but the laughs are few and far-between . crystal's glib , cynical flack isn't wickedly funny enough with a few amusing one-liners . after six months under the care of a depak chopra-like guru ( alan arkin ) , cusack's character's too emotionally fragile , lacking the necessary charisma . zeta-jones's vain , narcissistic diva is undeveloped and one-dimensional . only hank azaria , as zeta-jones's much-macho spanish lover , and stanley tucci , as a studio exec , and roberts manage to whip up any farcical froth . basically , we don't like these ego-driven , stereotypical characters , let alone root for them to unwind their romantic entanglements , and joe roth's direction is predictable , formulaic and telegraphic . on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " america's sweethearts " is a contrived , shallow 4 . as a screwball satire , it's strictly superficial . 
writers/directors : harry elfont and deborah kaplan starring : ethan embry , jennifer love hewitt , peter facinelli , lauren ambrose , charlie korsmo , seth green , michelle brookhurst , erik palladino , melissa joan hart , breckin meyer , donald adeosun faison , jerry o'connell , jenna elfman the most interesting part of " can't hardly wait " just happens to be not only the most human , but for many of us , the one part that many of us can easily relate to . that is the character of denise ( lauren ambrose ) , the film's sole sarcastic member who mocks everything that goes on in the film , and at one point sits down on a couch and looks totally bored . the film wisely holds over this moment , nicely showing her alienation in the midst of a large high school party . . . almost too nicely . for some members of the audience ( read : me ) , this is basically a mirror of what's going on with them watching this film . we sit there wondering why we've even bothered to see a film about a long high school party we probably never felt the desire to go to in the first place . i would actually highly recommend this film if it satirized all of this . after all , this film is filled with a bunch of pathetic stereotypes much of which i went to high school with . everyone's here : the jock , the homecoming queen , the nerd ( and his dominions of trekkies and x-philes ) , the alienated wannabe writer , the school spirit girl , the pothead ( s ) , the wigger , etc , etc , etc , and weirdly enough this film shows them as superficial , lame , and basically as a bunch of losers . except for denise , who rolls her eyes at everything , and easily becomes the most likable character even before she speaks ( her yearbook entry , something which is done for each main character , quotes oscar wilde - definite pointers there ) . unfortunately , the writers and directors take several major misteps on the way to making this into an admirable and even likable film . the film , as i said , portrays most of its characters as superficial and just totally ignorant to everything . however , instead of sticking with this , perhaps even going a bit further with it , they let this lie , and actually make these characters into our heroes . we follow several of them , all a bunch of moronic stereotypes with only a shread of humanity and realism , and tries to tell boring and overly melodramatic tales about them as if we actually cared and/or identified with them . and if we did , we certainly don't want to revisit that state of being . here's a quick low-down : it's graduation , and we follow a bunch of seniors on the last night , otherwise known as the " american grafitti " or , to a lesser extent , the " dazed and confused " cliche . the formal just followed them as they drove aimlessly ; the latter did a little bit of that and featured a big outdoor keg party . " can't hardly wait " just opts for a big indoor keg party , and a little bit of aimless driving , albeit of the i'm-whining-because-i-can't-get-a-girl-i-want brand . we follow many people around , but mostly we trail preston ( ethan embry , of " that thing you do ! " ) , the alienated writer , who's been pining over the homcoming queen , amanda ( the totally overrated jennifer love hewitt ) , for the entirety of high school because he thinks they shared a moment their freshman year over a freaking pop tart . now that she's broken up with her football player boyfriend , mike ( peter facinelli ) , he decides to go to the party with a note he's written declaring his " love " for her in the hopes he'll build up the guts to give it to her . . . even though he's leaving for a multi-week intensive writing program hosted by none other than kurt vonnegut ( okay : the ingenius vonnegut or some icky noxema spokesperson ? ) . since that plot is incredibly lame and a track record of what goes on with it wouldn't be able to carry a commercial let alone a feature film , and because it's a party , there are some more main characters , such as : william ( charlie korsmo , finally surfacing after " dick tracy " ) , the nerd ( and his dominions ) who has come up with a ridiculous plan to publically sabotage mike , who's humiliated him for years , but gets too caught up in drinking to do it ; kenny ( seth green ) , the wigger , who has decided that this party will be where he will finally get laid ( uh huh ) ; and denise , the only exceptional character , who unfortunately gets stuck in a bathroom ( don't ask ) with kenny where the two characters let down their characters and are allowed to follow the laws of plot cliches from point a to point b with nary a bit of characterization involved after awhile . ugh . the main comparison this film is getting to another film is actually not " american grafitti " or " dazed and confused , " two films that embraced and ultimately made humans out of many of its high schoolers ( not to mention were extremely entertaining ) , but to john hughes films of the 80s , most notably " sixteen candles . " the big difference in the two is that that film managed to not only embrace but even satirize its main characters , and did so equally and in an entertaining fashion . this film forgets to satirize its characters , and ultimately tells a story about a bunch of uninteresting stereotypes . . . and then says that it's all okay . we can't take this film seriously , nor can we take this as fun , so really what good is it ? but i will tell you some things i did like : i liked the direction , except for a couple too-over-the-top features , like way-too-glossy jump cuts ( it's like an oxymoron ) and other obscurities . generally , though , elfont and kaplan do have graceful camera movement , and even manage to capture an altman-esque feel to their film from time to time ( a thing with a note , though , is too hokey to really be admirable ) . i actually did like seth green , for once in about a decade ( when he played a very young woody allen in " radio days " ) - his desintegration of his wigger character was almost believable . . . almost . and , of course , lauren ambrose is wonderful as denise , the one character we could have used some more of , even though it would have changed the entirety of the film . however , the character of denise really doesn't work with the film , when really thought about . she's far too witty and realized ( at least for the first half ) to belong in this film , and whenever she appears , she automatically gives everything a delightfully satirical tone . she's not just the cynic or the intellectual ; she's just a very interesting character who provides entertainment even if it further damages other already damaged characters . she may ruin the film more , but at least when she's on screen we can sit up and think to ourselves " well , at least we'll be entertained . " a couple other things that just don't work : mike's character , who suffers an epiphany throughout the film but in the end acts as though he has forgotten everything : too much the sacrificial lamb for the film in general ; the aimless , bitchy driving by preston to try and get over his inability to shack up with amanda - give me a break ; and perhaps the one thing that just doesn't work at all : jenna eflman's uncredited cameo as an angel - just didn't work , but nice try . basically the worst thing about this film , the real reason i'm giving this such a low rating , is because it refuses to give us any fully realized characters and then insists we follow around complete stereotypes from other movies doing things that are inane and unlike anything we'd do . we don't feel for these characters because for most of us , we aren't stereotypes going through the motions to worn subplots . the acid test for high school movies is : does it at all capture the feel of what it's portraying ? the answer for this film is no . nice try , though . 
when you've run out of old tv shows to turn into movies , i guess you try video games . why did i go to see mortal kombat : annihilation ? the quest to seek an answer to this query may prove a better movie that the one i just saw . this film was a bunch of fighting , yelling , special effects , and bad acting set to an oppressive techno music soundtrack . the plot is fairly simple : a portal has opened between our world and the " outworld " , allowing evil forces commanded by shao kahn ( brian thompson ) to wreak havoc and attempt to destroy humanity . the good guys , led by sorcerer rayden ( james remar ) and human mortal liu kang ( robin shou ) , must take the fight to outworld , where the fate of both worlds will be determined . here's the catch : they must reunite princess katana ( talia soto ) , who's on the good side , with her resurrected mother queen sindel ( musetta vander ) , who's on the bad side , for their love for each other will close the portal and ensure humanity's safety for another generation . how this is supposed to work , i still have no idea , but i liked katana's line , " i knew love would keep us together , " since that captain and tennille song ran through my head and i got a good laugh . there are some seriously stupid things in this movie . take , for example , a transportation system which utilizes the " inner winds " , generated by earth's magma flows . you get in this metal ball which transports you through underground tunnels really fast . how fast ? as katana says , " you will be moving so fast , it will be as if you are not moving at all . " what ? later , sonya blade ( sandra hess ) goes to find jax ( lynn " red " williams , otherwise known as " saber " on tv's american gladiators ) at a medical research facility on the island of oahu . how do we know this is where she went ? there's a sign on the facility's perimeter fence that reads : medical research facility - oahu , hawaii . remember , this is not a caption , but an actual sign . i guess the location is on there for all those medical researchers who keep forgetting where they are . there's a lot of major flipping action , too . the first encounter between good and evil shows kahn and rayden swiftly arching though the air toward one another . do they land and immediately get into the fighting ? does one of them land first and catch the other off guard ? do they collide in mid-air ? no , apparently they flip toward each other so they can talk without having to yell from far away . why did they need those metal balls to travel ? everyone could have just flipped from point a to point b . i have to admit , the fight scenes are pretty good , although you can tell they are heavily enhanced by digital effects and fly wires , allowing the characters to surpass the limits of the human body and the laws of physics . the movie's thrills are derived from these scenes and most of the audience responses are on the visceral level when someone gets trashed really badly . " ouch " was the most common expletive heard when i screened this one . you could tell that the filmmakers knew in advance that fights , not plot , would be the main draw , since dialog is apparently in the film just to get from one fight to the next . it seems that's all there is in this movie . maybe it is . as i had mentioned , the acting is bad . there's not one solid performance in the film , although williams as jax was pretty funny . after a fight between sonya and one of the bad guys degenerates into female mud wrestling , jax says , " you look good in mud . no , really , you do . " remar plays rayden with an inconsistency which makes it hard to take his character seriously , and shou is relatively emotionless as liu kang . brian thompson , who has played good guys , bad guys , and even an alien on tv's the x-files , but always some muscle-bound behemoth , is your average evil demi-god , but it's more the script's fault than his own that he doesn't have anything original to say . the one really impressive thing about this movie is that there is not one swear word in the whole hour and a half . another thing which should be noted is that for all its punching and kicking , blood only appears in one scene . all in all , mortal kombat : annihilation is loud , violent , shallow , and marketed toward kids . hey , just like the video game ! 
martin lawrence is not funny . for the proof just turn to his newest film , what's the worst that could happen ? -- the answer to its own question if ever there has been one . i don't know how martin lawrence -- the former 1987 star search winner with an arrest record that would make tommy lee envious -- has been able to survive with all of the bad , bad films he has starred in during the past 6 years . [two words : bad boys . -ed . ] big momma's house , blue streak , life , and a thin line between love and hate are all forgettable movies which can be found in quantity on the clearance table at your local video store . but survive he has , and in worst , lawrence is a mediocre eddie murphy stuck playing another jewel thief in another run-of-the-mill studio comedy . worst revolves around a ridiculous cat-and-mouse game between a thief named kevin caffery ( lawrence ) who gets caught burglarizing media conglomerate ceo max fairbanks ( danny devito ) , who in turn steals kevin's lucky ring given to him by his girlfriend . kevin then vows to get the ring back at any cost -- thus setting up numerous comedic situations to follow that play out like a homogenized sitcom . the cast is rounded out with an annoying latino sidekick ( john leguizamo ) , a one-dimensional girlfriend ( carmen ejogo ) who spends half the movie whining about kevin's numerous exploits in retrieving the ring , a super-fly white guy hacker who uses more apple products than jeff goldblum to hack into max's e-mail and surveillance system , and kevin's sharp-tongued mentor ( bernie mac ) -- who deserves much better roles than bit parts in martin lawrence comedies . the comedy plays out like a henny youngman joke . kevin and his cronies break into max's miami penthouse dressed up like arabic princes and steal pac contributions intended for shady senate sub-committee members . kevin calls max on his cell phone -- he answers it during a senate sub-committee hearing ! -- and max then curses at kevin via the television cameras as the sign-language interpreter makes enough obscene gestures to would make the diceman blush . whoa ho ! sam weisman's ( george of the jungle ) direction is lopsided and uninteresting , and the film's pacing is worse than betty white running the boston marathon . the jokes are cheap , predictable , and come solely at the expense of others . every race and lifestyle -- gay , black , german , arabic , and white , to name but a few -- are used as easy targets . danny devito walks through his role as max fairbanks as a mini-gordon gekko crossed with his louie de palma character from taxi . the biggest insult comes in the guise of underrated actor william fichtner -- playing a sexually ambiguous detective dressed up like a 1970's bowie doll who is trying to nail ( ahem ) max for all of his shady business deals . what's the worse that could happen ? . . . besides the release of this film ? sadly , blue streak 2 is in pre-production , for which lawrence will receive a $20 million dollar paycheck . now , that's bad . 
directed by bill froehlich . cast : scott jacoby , lori lethin , vince edwards , alex rocco , brendan hughes , philip mckeon , richard brestoff , al fann , panchito gomez , michael eric kramer , pepper martin , maureen mccormick , marvin mcintyre , remy o'neill , andy romano , george clooney . 1987 - 95 minutes . rated r ( for violence , gore , profanity , sex , nudity ) . reviewed november 10 , 1998 . " return to horror high , " wants to be a couple different types of movies at once . the film tells the story of a low-budget horror movie being filmed at the closed-down crippen high , a school where a group of serial murders took place five years before . but what the cast and crew don't know is that a real killer , maybe the same one that was never apprehended , is going into action again . on one level , " return to horror high " is a slasher movie , and it is at this level that it works the best on . watching the film , which was made in 1987 , i couldn't help but take notice that the killer's costume was almost identital to that of the ghostface in , " scream , " and " scream 2 . " on another level , the film wants to be a slapstick comedy , and there are many hints of this throughout . unfortunately , most of these jokes fall flat . and the last thing the film wants to be is a " behind-the-scenes " look at an exploitation film being made . the only problem is that , while much of it is supposed to be from the movie itself being made , no cameras are shown filming it , thus making it far more confusing than it had to be . and to top it all off , the " twist " ending makes very little to no sense whatsoever , and so we are basically left with feeling as if we wasted our time . there are story developments that are beyond ludicrous , and plot holes you could drive a winnebago through . if you see the film , or have seen it , you'll know what i mean . the premise of " return to horror high , " is admittedly pretty crafty , and i liked the atmosphere of the school , which is where the whole thing takes place . but director froehlich , judging from this movie , is an incompetent director , except for being able to film the seldom suspeneful scene . well , come to think of it , there is only one scene that is actually scary , and it has to do with two actors being locked in a room as the killer tries to break in . but other than that two-minute distraction , " return to horror high , " is certainly no great shake . note : look for george clooney in a supporting role as one of the actors on the film . and strangely enough , he is the first character to get the ax . . . literally . - copyright 1999 by dustin putman http : //hometown . aol . com/filmfan16/index . html 
review by scott hunt visit me at movie hunt http : //netdirect . net/~hunt/index . html ) cast : danny devito , bette midler , casey affleck , jamie lee curtis , neve campbell , william fichtner director : nick gomez writer : peter steinfeld ever watch a very young child try and tell a joke that is beyond his , or her , sophistication ? it's full of stops and starts and usually , the punch line is ruined . i felt the same way watching drowning mona . skip a stone across water and you approximate the depth of this attempt at an ensemble comedy . there are some slightly successful attempts at humor , but they only serve as window dressing . there is a running gag about the town , verplanck , n . y . , being a test town for the then new yugo . everyone drives a yugo , differentiating their cars with personalized license plates . even the police chief drives one . there is a certain sublimeness to the image of a lights and siren decked out yugo skittering its way through the town streets . there also is a running gag about one of the characters , jeff , missing a hand and how it occurred . it pokes gentle fun at the notion of urban legends . it turns out the truth is more horrifying than any legend . there are some sight gags that pop up as well , such as mona's tombstone , which reads " demoted " , instead of devoted . still , the core of the story maintains the flatness of a still pond . the lynchpin of the film falls on the redundant and sporadic scenes involving mona ( midler ) . each scene with her is the same : scream at someone , hit someone , then scream some more . there's no uniqueness or modulation to her or explanation for her meanness . anyone off the street could have played the role , such as it is . the other characters are walking cardboard cutouts . each one is defined by one trait and no further attempt is made at deeper characterization . there is a burly , female car mechanic , so of course , there is a forced lesbianism gag . mona's son , jeff ( marcus thomas ) is a simpleton , hence you can predict his dialogue before it even plods its way from his mouth . chief of police rash ( devito ) likes broadway musicals and loves his daughter . there's nothing more to him . elle , the chief's daughter ( campbell ) , is bland personified , a dutiful girl with no higher aspiration than to have a child and be married . mona's husband phil ( fichtner ) jeckle and hydes from shirking coward to reptilian letch . bob ( affleck ) , elle's betrothed , and business partner to jeff , is a mumbling , obvious dullard . there is no contrast to any of the characters . by having at least one character with some wit , or wits , to serve as counterpoint to the others , perhaps steinfeld's attempt at satirizing a small town infested with ambitionless people might have come off better . ostensibly a murder mystery , drowning mona gives you almost all the clues immediately , then lets you sit back and feel superior as you watch the cast of paper people fumble their way to finding the killer , who could be anyone due to mona's loving manner with everyone on town . even that aspect of the film fails , throwing in a convenient , ridiculous and unsatisfying wrap to things . it's been a while since i walked away from a movie theater in an angry mood . what makes it all the more remarkable is that i rarely remember a comedy making me so angry for wasting my time at it's ineptitude . 
it would be easy to miss the point of a film like 'hurlyburly' . that is if it had one . i've been a movie critic for 15 years and i don't think i've ever seen a more pointless film that rambles on and on and on like a broken record and when it's over , it's no closer to having said anything in its final 10 minutes than in its opening running time of the same length . set in hollywood hills , eddie and mickey ( sean penn and kevin spacey ) play room mates who are successful talent agency executives and are well on their way to becoming major hollywood players . they wallow in all the excesses of classic tinsel town life . snorting cocaine , picking up drifting hookers and bringing them home for wild sex , indulging themselves in the extremes of alcohol . and when it's all said and done , it's real but you won't care one bit . also along for the socially unredeeming ride is phil ( chazz palminteri ) . phil is an ex-con who always wears a leather jacket and tries to pass himself off as the gq end of the movie business . nothing more than a hollywood wannabe , phil wants to be a stuntman and goes on endless cattle calls only to be passed over each time he auditions . quick tempered and having had many different children with many different women , phil is perhaps the most amoral of the bunch and his fate is of little consequence or surprise . others characters in the film are artie ( gary shandling ) . artie is a close friend of eddie and mickey's who pops by for the occasional boys night out and his character is perhaps the most pointless male in the film . the female characters are even more disappointing . meg ryan is bonnie , a stripper with a child who comes to party at the whim of a phone call . robin wright penn is darlene , an actress struggling to make it with more than just her talent and anna paquin is donna , a drifter and air head who looks for her next meal ticket and place to call home around every corner . 'hurlyburly' has a companion film in 1998 known as 'high art' . this film knew when to listen and when to keep quiet . it displayed the seedy side of big city life , the consequences of drug use , and low morals with polish and a sedated side to its personality . 'hurlyburly' is like a car wreck with no chance to breathe , an extremely high decibel level , and a screenplay by david rabe , based on his play , that tries too hard to look like a well written piece of art when it is nothing more than a two hour play on semantics with a calculating sense of the preposterous . director anthony drazan is a slave to the film's screenplay , adding no injection of his own vision and there is a scene in the final third of the film where eddie and darlene have sex and upon leaving the bed , the long arm of a boom mic is visible in a mirror for about thirty seconds ! this really is professional film making ? ! how a cast like this could be coaxed into such a mess is a mystery . despite their energy and convincing styles , i suspect that they wanted to make a film with long takes , limited editing and a chance to put any actor's true test of talent ( the stage ) on celluloid in a filmed stage play that is as desirable to watch as falling into a bottomless pit . 
member of the 'internet movie critics association' http : //www . geocities . com/hollywood/studio/5713/index . html i'll make a prediction right now . kurt russell , whom i admire as an actor in a lot of movies , will win the razzie award for worst actor of 1998 in 'soldier' . i read somewhere that russell utters a total of only 68 words in the entire film and to me he spends the rest of the movie looking like a mindless version of frankenstein's monster , one of the living dead and a cyborg all rolled into one . russell gave an excellent performance in 1979's 'elvis' , a television classic that brought him an emmy nomination as best actor . some of his best work can be found in movies such as 'breakdown' , 'unlawful entry' , 'backdraft' and 'tequila sunrise' . but as an action hero ? russell is too talented for that . his portrayal of the ordinary guy in a lot of films makes his presence work but 'soldier' is junk . an unsavory mix of several science fiction films scaled down into one mess . beginning in 1996 , russell is taken from the maternity ward of the hospital he's born at by a secret military attaché that trains him from the cradle to be an unbeatable , unstoppable and pure fighting machine . we see his progression as a soldier at various ages until his training ends at the beginning of manhood when he turns 17 . several more years pass and russell is now around 40 and a new breed of soldier is created and their colonel ( jason issacs ) is arrogantly pleased that his men , he feels , are superior to the men lead by a rather sedate captain ( gary busey ) who is russell's commanding officer . issacs challenges busey to select his best men to take down his most effective new breed of soldier ( jason scott lee ) . russell is one of the men selected and during the hand to hand combat exercise , russell is presumed dead along with a couple of other men but not before he can take out one of the new soldier's eye and scar part of his face . the bodies of the now " obsolete " soldiers are disposed of on a desolate planet but russell turns out not to be dead and upon landing with a large batch of space junk , meets the inhabitants of the desolate waste planet and tries to lead them in the oncoming invasion to be carried out by the deranged colonel responsible for his current fate . the people are taken a back to russell's deadly form of fighting power since their way of life is relatively peaceful and the climax is pay back and revenge in a most ordinary way . director paul anderson ( 'event horizon' ) has made an real turkey of a movie that cries out as the definition of 'empty' if you were to look it up in the dictionary . the film's obligatory violence is meaningless and to a larger extent , no focus is given to create any interesting characters as a contrast to russell's character . what made 1984's 'the terminator' work was the fact that the characters portrayed by linda hamilton and michael biehn were truly human and were a good character contrast to arnold's mechanical elements . trashy and exploiting , 'soldier' will have you asking " what's the point ? " when you leave the theatre . not bad for the testosterone crowd but for the rest of us , this film is an example of too much money spent on a film that's been done a million times before . 
paramount / 2 : 02 / 1997 / r ( violence , language , nudie pics ) cast : dennis quaid ; danny glover ; jared leto ; r . lee ermey ; ted levine ; william fichtner director : jeb stuart screenplay : jeb stuart this season needs another serial killer movie like kathie lee gifford needs more public devastation . but lo and behold , here comes " switchback , " and fast on the heels of such stalker fare as " kiss the girls " and " i know what you did last summer . " but " switchback " is an undoubtedly weak genre entry , as the material it covers is old and tired , and the filmmakers rarely sustain enough energy to make any of the proceedings interesting . " switchback " opens with the murder of a babysitter and the abduction of the young child she's watching . we learn late in the game that the kid belongs to fbi agent frank lacrosse ( dennis quaid ) , and that the kidnapper/killer is a nameless fiend that lacrosse has been tracking across the country for quite a while . he is promptly removed from the case , but this conflict of interest doesn't keep him from offering pursuit . lacrosse's most recent trek takes him to a blood-soaked hotel room in amarillo , texas , where the local sheriff ( r . lee ermey ) is torn between his re-election campaign and helping his new ally catch his man . in a related aside , former railway worker bob goodall ( danny glover ) is cruising through the snowbound west in his pinup-plastered ( even on the seatbelts ) el dorado . along the way , he picks up -- and subsequently saves the life of -- hitchhiking loner lane dixon ( jared leto ) . this tangent isn't a random one , as bob or lane will end up either holding a piece of the puzzle or turn out to be the killer himself . or is the villain in fact lacrosse , only pretending to be after the cold-hearted murderer he knows so much about . in a sense , that's half of the basic problem with " switchback . " for its first hour , the movie presents evidence that any of these three men could be the perpetrator , so we're given little insight into who they are , likely for fear that we'll learn too much too fast and therefore be able to make the proper deduction . but " switchback " then decides to explicitly reveal the killer's identity at its midpoint , and the following contradictory